The City, Season Two, (Season Premiere), Episode 14

"SLEEPING WITH THE FRENEMY"

Last time on The City:

• Whitney moved to NYC and worked at DVF.
• Olivia, Whitney's co-worker at DVF, is a self-absorbed, entitled socialite.
• Olivia took credit for a look Whitney pulled together for ELLE Magazine.
• Whitney broke up with her BF.

Now:

• Whitney is working for Kelly Cutrone (LOVE HER! I know, she's a bitch, but I love it!) part time and designing her own fashion line with Kelly's help.
• Olivia made quite an impression on ELLE, albeit deceitful.
• Whitney is single and moved into a new apartment.

People's Revolution. Someone named Roxy Ollen (sp?) came in to meet with Kelly Cutrone (!!). Apparently, she's someone from Whitney's past who wears entirely too much make-up. She's pretty, but in that too made up, 'I look older than I am' kind of way. They small talk about it being cold in NY. Kelly: "LA has weather. We have life." LOVE HER! Anyhow, Roxy worked for Rachel Zoe and clearly hated it. Roxy needs to work for someone organized and focused...yikes, didn't anyone tell her anything about Kelly Cutrone? She left LA because she's the only one there who wears black (What?) and she doesn't put up with bullsh*t and she doesn't get along with girls (RED FLAG!). So Kelly asks/says that Roxy and Whitney are friends. Roxy responds that they went to high school together...hmmm, not a yes. Then she says that it's "shocking" that Whitney is in fashion because in high school she was a 'plain Jane' and wore yellow and was not into fashion or at least she didn't dress like she was. ZING! Kelly picks up on all of this and asks if Roxy and Whitney are "friends" and if they get along. HA! Roxy says that they've always gotten along...BUT "if she's constantly smiling, it might get to me, but". Translation: In high school, Roxy wore black, slept around and was all about being "cool". Whitney, on the other hand, was smart, quiet, and not as cool as Roxy - at least in Roxy's opinion. Basically, these two knew who the other was, but they were NOT friends.

Olivia is meeting with Joe Zee, Creative Director at Elle Magazine. I guess he was really impressed with the look Olivia - really, Whitney - put together for the Elle Cover while she was at DVF. Now, a position has opened at Elle for an Accessories Editor and Joe offers it to Olivia and she takes it. Joe invites Erin Caplan, Director of Public Relations at Elle, to meet Olivia since Olivia will be working for Erin. Erin is awesome, I can already tell. She sees right through Olivia's pretentious bullshit. She asks Olivia if she ever worked for a magazine and Olivia says she worked at some magazine in college. Erin totally laughs and says "interesting". Awkward! Olivia just says she has to leave and exits. Then it's time for the Olivia feedback session. Erin straight up says "I think she thinks she's a little more qualified than she actually is." Nail. Head. Awesome. Erin says that going from PR to Accessories Editor is a huge leap and she doesn't think Olivia will be able to handle it. For some unknown reason, Joe totally comes to Olivia's defense and says that he thinks she has a good eye. Erin jumps in and asks how he knows she has a good eye, since all she said was that she worked for some magazine in college. HA! Love it. Basically Erin's worried about Olivia's privileged attitude...for good reason! Joe basically tells Erin to give it a try and Erin grudgingly agrees.

Sanctuary T. Whitney and Roxy meet up and hug like they're old friends re-connecting instead of the high school acquaintances who really have nothing in common that they really are. Whitney totally lies to Roxy and says that Kelly Cutrone is "fun to work for". WTF? Roxy has to know that she's full of shit. This scene is so hard to watch because it just demonstrates how naive and easily manipulated Whitney can be. It's painfully obvious that this Roxy chick heard that some Whitney girl she went to high school with is on TV and in the fashion industry. So, given that she was way cooler than Whitney in high school, she calls Whitney and pretends that she's her friend and gets an interview with Kelly Cutrone out of her. Whitney is so nice that she sets this Roxy chick up with Kelly. Of course, it helps that Roxy worked for Rachel Zoe, although who knows what happened there. Now, Roxy is manipulating Whitney into letting her "crash on her couch" until she finds a place, i.e. let Whitney pay the rent while Roxy freeloads on her couch the entire season. Roxy is bad news. Proceed with caution, Whitney!!

Elle Magazine. Erin gives Olivia her first assignment. Elle will have a "look for less" type segment on the Today show and she needs Olivia to put together two themes: Pool Party for under $25 TOTAL and Officewear for under $75 TOTAL. Each of those budgets includes the clothes, accessories, shoes, etc. for the theme. So Olivia grabs an intern and they're off to find the looks.

Whitney's Apartment. Roxy walks in and immediately starts making snide remarks about Whitney's place. "It's SO Whitney" "It screams WHITNEY" "I've never seen so many colors" and then she saw something that Whitney had put around a potted orchid - which admittedly looked kind of dumb and unnecessary - and said "Is that Bedazzled? Did you Bedazzle your pot?? OMG, you bedazzled your orchid." Then, they went to the roof and Roxy's perked up and started party planning. Whitney warned her that she had already received a written notice for having her music too loud in her apartment, so she can't really have parties. Roxy gets Whitney to agree to have a party, but Whitney asserts that it can only be 10 people...no more. Foreshadowing.

Elle Magazine. Olivia and intern Bryn return from their thrifty shopping spree and Erin comes in only to realize that it wasn't as thrifty as it needed to be. Basically, it sucked. Erin specifically told them to bring outfits in different sizes for each theme. Olivia brought one size for each outfit and she didn't stay in the budget. She also picked outfits for college-aged girls, not for women over 25. Erin explains that she needs to be able to go on the Today show and tell women that this office outfit is under $75 and she can't do that with what they brought. Olivia responds by telling Erin that they spent a lot of time looking and this was all they could find and if Erin doesn't like it she can "go and do it yourself." Erin is stunned by Olivia's attitude and tells her that it's unacceptable and no one has ever talked to her that way. Olivia is such an idiot in this scene. I think she realizes it and walks out of the room into what looks like a hallway. As she's walking out she's saying that it's "ridiculous" and Erin is saying "shocking" because she's not surprised that Olivia wouldn't be able to handle criticism. They both go into the hallway and continue to fight while intern Bryn just looks totally confused and - I shit you not - she actually looks like she's posing with pouty lips.

People's Revolution. Kelly and Whitney are chatting. Whitney tells Kelly that Roxy is staying with her. Kelly is awesome and laughs. She knows that Roxy is using Whitney and sees the writing on the wall. Then they start talking about Roxy working there and Kelly says that Roxy is a "starter kit"...which, I assume means that she doesn't have relevant experience. But, Kelly likes that she's direct. Whitney says that "Roxy is a good kid" over and over. What?? Did she used to babysit her or something? So random. Kelly is smart and she knows that ratings will soar with this crazy train working at People's Revolution, so she tells Whitney to offer her the job. As she's leaving, Kelly says "I just hope at the end of this, everything that you do for all of your friends, that they treat you as nice as you treat them." GO KELLY!! Seriously, she is awesome...yes, she's probably horrible to work for, but she's honest and she really does care about Whitney.

Meanwhile, at Whitney's Apartment, Roxy is having an all out rager. There are about 50 people in the apartment and everyone is partying and getting loud. At one point, Roxy asks some random to send out a "mass text" because there aren't enough guys. Whitney's "friends" from Season 1 - the waif-y chick with the d-bag bf who cheated on her all the time and the girl who Whitney stayed with...Erin, I think - are standing around wondering who all the people are. Finally, Whitney shows up and she's shocked. She asked Roxy what the hell is going on and Roxy says "You said we could invite some people over". Yeah, like 10, not 50!! Anyhow, Whitney says that she has some good news and offers Roxy the job, so, of course, Roxy says they need to drink and celebrate!! Dumb. Finally, the cops show up and Whitney makes Roxy throw everyone out, which she does.

Today Show Set. Erin and Olivia are at the Today Show preparing for the Elle segment. The models come out wearing the outfits. Clearly, Erin did a little more work on all of them except for the Pool Party one. That look is a gray swimsuit, with a gray, black and white wrap around the waist and gray flip flops. No color...just gray. At the end of the segment, Erin is talking to Anne Slowey, Fashion News Director at Elle about the segment. Erin says she was happy with all the looks but that if she'd had more time she would've worked on the Pool Party theme a little more. Anne agrees and says that she needs to look beyond what looks good on her and see what could look good on everyone else. Anne then asks who put that look together and Erin says Olivia. Pan to Olivia who is in ALL GRAY. So Anne says "She's in head to toe no color so obviously she's just thinking of what looks good on her which does not a good editor make." Olivia hears this and leaves. She needs to be taken down a notch and I'm hoping this season is filled with more of that.

Ok, tune in next week!

The Hills, Season 5 (Season Premiere), Episode 511

"It's On, Bitch."

Last time on...The Hills.

• The Wedding
• Audrina and JB broke up...for good
• Lauren wasn't going to the wedding, but then did.
• Kristin showed up and announced that she needed a man.

Here we go...

She-Pratt, Audrina and Lo meet at TART for lunch for some scripted gossip. Apparently, the Pratts are throwing themselves a "welcome back from our honeymoon" party. That is so something they would do. Lo dishes that Kristin has a house in Malibu this summer and is coming to the party (DRAMA!!). They divulge some facts about Kristin that we may have forgotten, never knew, or didn't care about. First, Kristin is a maneater, boy magnet, boyfriend stealer... you get the idea. She doesn't care what you think and she's not afraid to get in your face. Apparently she slapped LC in front of some club. AND, she's Brody's ex-girlfriend and it was totally serious because he "doesn't have girlfriends" (which is dumb because he has one now) and he "bought her a dog". Who knew? Note to self: Dog = Girlfriend. Conclusion: They aren't sure they are going to be Kristin's friend but they will give her the benefit of the doubt. I wonder how long that will last...

The Pratt's are now driving a black Porsche Cayenne and having a deep conversation about Tequila. According to Heidi, married people don't drink tequila. Sponge Bob clarifies that it's Platinum Patron, which apparently is the married people exception. Heidi moves on to the party they're throwing and talks about how wonderful it is that everyone can FINALLY come to one of their parties - Brody, Kristin, Stephanie, Jayde, Audrina, etc. (clearly a dig at LC now that she's moved onward and upward). Again, message to viewers, KRISTIN IS SINGLE! Sponge Bob plants the seed that Audrina will be pissed because JB - catch that he is - is gonna get "SWOOPED" by Kristin. Gross.

Now we're at Brody's condo where Brody is annoyed that Jayde is taking too long to get ready. And Jayde is super high maintenance. She comes out wearing a bikini with two bikinis in one hand and about 5 dresses in the other. She can't figure out what to wear. Brody's response is similar to what mine would be in this situation. "Just wear that bikini, put on one of those dresses and let's go!" LOVE IT. Jayde gets all drama and says she doesn't want to go because Brody's ex will be there. (Btw - Brody is no longer "LC's friend". He's "Kristin's ex". HA!) Brody totally downplays his "relationship" with Kristin. Apparently, giving her a dog did not indicate the seriousness that Lo previously thought. Interesting. Brody is confused that Jayde would not want to meet his ex. "Why not?" Dumbass. Don't get me wrong, I don't like Jayde, but Brody is kind of an idiot on this point. Why would anyone WANT to meet their current bf/gf's ex? Brody blows it off and Jayde calls him "shady". Scene.

The 'We're Back From Our Honeymoon' party is at the London hotel in West Hollywood. There's a dramatic set up with Kristin getting in her black BMW and putting on her sunglasses and driving to the hotel. The usual players are at the party: Brody, Frankie, Pratts, She-Pratt, Lo, Audrina, Jayde, JB, random guys. Kristin pulls up ALONE and parks, but then walks into the party with two random friends. It's unclear where they came from...maybe they're extras? (Lo is now "Audrina's friend" and JB is "Audrina's ex-boyfriend" and apparently just going by "Justin" these days...I'm still referring to him as JB). So Kristin walks in and She-Pratt says "Jayde is NOT going to want to see Kristin". I guess Jayde is over the whole 'Brody/Audrina/sex scandel' from last season while she was with Brody and will now focus on Kristin being Brody's ex from several years ago. Weird. Kristin and JB hug and exchange pleasantries while the Mean Girls look on and create drama. They claim that she b-lined for JB, but it didn't really look like that. Audrina is now talking about the "girl code" which states that Kristin "shouldn't even go there". Although it's unclear that Kristin has "gone" anywhere. Oh and Audrina, Kettle...Pot...Black!! I guess the "Girl Code" was enacted AFTER she slept with Brody while he was with Jayde. Oh good Lord!!! Stacie the Bartender is at this party??? WTF!?! Seriously? I don't even know what to say.

She-Pratt walks over to JB to ask if he said hi to Audrina. He says that he and Audrina are cool and She-Pratt disagrees. Kristin jumps in with a "Stephanie, he's cool. I think he can handle it. He's a big boy." Stephanie responds that JB needs to "respect Audrina, bottom line." (I'm still unclear how he was disrespecting her, but somehow I don't think that matters). Stephanie and Kristin go back and forth about respecting Audrina or something equally dumb and irrelevant. Then, Audrina comes in and yells "Why are you talking about me right now?" They recount the stupid discussion to Audrina and then Kristin says that She-Pratt and Audrina are coming at her like "piranhas". This leads to finger-pointing and yelling and then they split up and Kristin yells "It's on, Bitch!" "You f'ed with the wrong girl, dude." "You just f'ed yourself." She-Pratt tells Heidi and Audrina that Kristin is bad news and that she will "stab us all in the back and won't care." This is such a dumb scene and so set up. I can't believe I watch this show.

Next day? She-Pratt and Audrina meet at SOI 56 for coffee and to rehash the events at the party. Audrina claims that because of Kristin's "psychobitch" behavior at the party, she does not like her. Sure, THAT'S what did it. Audrina says that Jayde doesn't need to worry about her and Brody, she needs to worry about Kristin trying to get Brody. She-Pratts exaggerates that "every single girlfriend in LA needs to worry about their boyfriends". She-Pratt invites Audrina to a birthday lunch at some Mexican restaurant for Frankie that Brody and Taylor (new random friend) are throwing. Sure, Frankie - the token brown guy - has a party at a Mexican restaurant. F-ing racists. Anyhow, Audrina says she's not going because Kristin will be there. DRAMA.

The Pratts are looking at a house in Brentwood. REALLY??? Jeez, I'm in the wrong profession. Anyhow, it's totally adorable. It looks like a cottage...hardwood floors, spacious, cute backyard, pool. Heidi LOVES it. The agent mentions a room in the back that could be a 'nursery' and Heidi's eggs start SCREAMING. Sponge Bob is so clearly on the opposite page regarding kids. Heidi says she wants to see the "nursery" and Sponge says " What? That's an empty room with nothing it". HAHA!! Classic. She's ridiculous about how much she wants kids and he's so against it. These two are going to last ... I can feel it.

Pinches Tacos, Frankie's racist birthday lunch. (I LOVE the name of this place!)

Kristin shows up ... late. All the usual suspects are there, except Audrina, of course. OH and including Stacie the Bartender...again, WTF?? Kristin asks JB if he's single and he says that he is. He also assures her that he and Audrina were NEVER fully together...they always had an open relationship. Really? Hmmm...maybe he should re-watch Season 4. They all hang out for awhile and then decide to go across the street to "watch the Laker game". Lo and Stephanie go home, but the rest of the gang heads to the fanciest place to watch a game...XIV, a Michael Minna Restaurant?? Really? Who are these people? Anyhow, they are watching "the game" and Kristin is trying really hard to pretend that she is a die-hard Laker fan and really into this game. JB sits next to her and they flirt, but Kristin is focused on the game so he goes to sit with his friend. Frankie does some match-making and has Kristin move next to JB. She's still faux interested in the game, so she acts like she can't miss a moment. dumb. More flirting ensues and Kristin wants to know how Audrina will feel about the two of them going on a date. JB says that "she shouldn't get mad" because he's an idiot, but then tells Kristin "don't be going on this date out of spite" which demonstrates that he may not be as stupid as he lets on. Who am I kidding? Of course he is...someone probably told him to say that.

So the next scene is the Pratts arriving at a "House for Rent". It's super modern, lots of large picture windows, hard lines, dark gray concrete. Heidi calls it a "Hollywood party house" and says that she thought they talked about a classic house with a white picket fence in the suburbs and that this house is cold and modern and the "last thing she wanted". She also refers to it as a "Porno Pad"! HA! Sponge Bob, being the selfish, d-bag husband that he is, informs her that he already put a deposit down. To her credit, Heidi gets upset that he didn't talk to her about it first and that these are the types of decisions they should be making together. To her discredit, she lets him off the hook and they move in. Weak.

Audrina's house. She-Pratt, Lo and Audrina drink wine and re-cap the latest events. She-Pratt tells Audrina that at Frankie's party (at Pinches Tacos...LOVE IT!) Kristin and JB were totally flirting and that they probably went home together. Audrina is visibly upset and starts to tear up. SERIOUSLY???? It's FREAKIN' JUSTIN BOBBY!!!! Gross, dirty, and I'm sure, smelly JUSTIN BOBBY!!! I simply do not understand.

Oooh!! I love the song... Adele's "Hometown". Love her! Sorry, I got distracted. OK, Kristin and Justin go on their date at STK in LA. At first, it appears that Kristin actually has feelings and will back off. She tells JB that she almost didn't come because of the Audrina factor. She tells JB that Audrina is clearly still in love with him and explains that she understands exactly how she feels. She says that she's been in Audrina's shoes before. Now, I did say "appears" that she has feelings. Not long after that, the flirting picks up where it left off at Frankie's birthday. She informs JB that she "has the best bed" and JB says "we gotta break that thing in someday" to which she replies "that's what I was thinking." GROSS.

That's it. Tune in next week for more....