The Hills, Season 6, Episode 1

"Put on a Happy Face"

She-Pratt and Lo meet for lunch. She-Pratt came straight from an AA meeting which she immediately starts bitching about. Easy fix, She-Pratt: Stop driving DRUNK. Lo asks her if she can still go out. She-Pratt assures her that she's not "grounded" so Lo tells her about "the guys" going to Miami for the Super Bowl. They asked "the girls" to come, too. Lo, Kristin and Ceiling Eyes (Audrina) are all going. She-Pratt wonders why Kristin is invited - and I am, too, quite frankly - and Lo says "She's our friend". She-Pratt and I are wondering when the hell that happened. Lo clarifies that Kristin is "trying" to be their friend. As we will see shortly...she's not trying very hard.

She-Pratt says that she hasn't seen Sponge Bob or Real Doll (Heidi) in a long time and Lo says that she has heard some things about Real Doll. Specifically, she's heard that Real Doll has a new face, "eyebrow lift, ears pinned back, nose job, chin job, boob job, butt job." HAHA...butt job. That's awesome. I love Lo. Apparently, She-Pratt didn't get the memo.

The Pratt's House

Sponge Bob doesn't think it's a good idea for Real Doll to get on a plane so soon after surgery. He also thinks that seeing her mom will upset her and she doesn't need the stress right now. Real Doll is standing firm and WILL go to Colorado. She hasn't seen her mom since the wedding and now is the time. Sponge Bob wants to go with her, but she won't even hear it. I'm with her on that one. No one needs Sponge Bob in Colorado...except the people in LA who might run into him. Heh.

I love how the cameras are not letting us see her face. The cat is out of the bag. We've all seen People magazine. It's not a "surprise" anymore.

Miami, Florida

The girls and boys are on the beach. Ceiling Eyes and Brody are jet skiing the water and She-Pratt is concerned that they will hook up. She feels like everyone - meaning, Kristin - is getting along and if Brody and Ceiling Eyes hook up, it will ruin everything. Well, if that's the case, then maybe you guys shouldn't be hanging out with Kristin. She's not your friend.

Crested Butte, Colorado

Real Doll arrives home with Holly to face her mom. They show pictures around the house of Real Doll when she was Heidi and it's so sad. She was so cute. They go in and sit on the couch and her poor mom is barely able to hold back the tears. She asks Real Doll how she is doing. Real Doll says that she's feeling a lot better. Heidi's mom asks why she's talking so softly and Real Doll says that her jaw is healing so she can't really talk. The whole time, Holly is just shaking her head. It must be so surreal. I'm SO anti plastic surgery, so it would be hard for me to hold back. I just think anyone who has plastic surgery should have therapy first because there is something not quite right with you if you need to surgically alter your looks in order to be "happy". Also, I almost died having a necessary surgical procedure so I would never ELECT to have surgery. Dumb.

Her mom asks what Real Doll had done and she gives her the list. Her mom incredulously asks "You wanted them bigger???" referring to her boobs. Real Doll says yes, but they couldn't fit the bigger ones. GOOD LORD. If this was my daughter, I would cry, too. UGH. I hope I raise secure daughters who aren't so superficial. Her mom says that Real Doll risked her life to have all this crap done and Real Doll - showing her true ignorance - says that people have brain surgery all the time....because necessary brain surgery is TOTALLY the same thing as electing to transform your face/body to look like a porn star. DUMB. Her mother basically says she's stupid for the same reason. Then Real Doll asks her mom if she looks good. Bad question. What is "good"? Her mom says that she can't really say that she preferred Real Doll when she was Heidi because there's nothing Real Doll can do about....but, that's how she feels. I agree. She may be more "conventionally attractive" and look like a model, but she looks WAY older than she is and she had more personality when she was Heidi. Now she's totally plastic.

Her mom says that when Real Doll left home, she had more confidence than anyone she knew. Real Doll reminds her mom that she used to put water balloons in her bra and always wanted bigger boobs. Stupid. Real Doll says that she wants to look like Barbie. I think Real Doll is the next cat lady. Real Doll starts crying about how she's been through so much. PLEASE. There are people starving to death and dealing with horrible diseases. You married an asshole and ruined her friendship with your best friend. Give me a fucking break. Pardon my French, but this girl is ridiculous. She keeps crying and finally says that she knows her mom is disappointed and upset, but this is what she chose and she can't take it back. That's the only thing she has said that I agree with. She can't take it back, so her mom just has to accept it. It would take EVERYTHING in me to accept Real Doll as my daughter.

Miami Beach, Florida

The girls are taking shots in the hotel room and the boys show up. PARTY!! They head out to the clubs and continue to get wasted. It's getting late and Ceiling Eyes thinks Brody is going to hook up with her so she tells She-Pratt and Lo that she wants to go NOW. They try to get Kristin to leave with them, but she's not ready to leave. So, the three girls and Brody get up and leave. When they're gone, Kristin tells Brody's friend "DRAMA, drama, drama, drama." I don't really know why she says that unless she's letting them know that she's about to create some.

The next morning, the four girls are re-hashing the night's events. I guess She-Pratt and Lo went to the room after the club and Brody and Ceiling Eyes hit another bar. Kristin tells them that she didn't get home until 5AM. Ceiling Eyes defends her and says that Miami is different than LA because they party all night in Miami. She has a point. It's like Vegas. I get it. Lo and She-Pratt are being a little judgmental. They decide that tonight, they will stay in because last night was too crazy to repeat. They ALL decide to be mellow and hang at the hotel tonight. Hmmm.

Crested Butte, Colorado

Real Doll is having dinner with her parents, Holly and her bro. They toast to "The New Heidi". Heh. Her stepdad asks her what it feels like to be this new person that she wanted to be. Heh. Real Doll says that she's much happier and totally satisfied with the results (except, of course, that she had to settle for the small DD-cup boobs). Her stepdad says that her face looks more structured and like she's "frozen" or ... Real Doll says "plastic?" and her stepdad says that he wouldn't use that word. I think it's funny that he won't say "plastic" but he had no problem calling her "frozen". HAHA. Holly chimes in and says that she used to envy Real Doll's confidence and now she's this insecure, pathetic shell of her former self. (Well, not in those words exactly, but you get the point). Real Doll says that she wanted to be happier and she couldn't fix it without being ok with how she looked on the outside. Her mom tells Real Doll that she would have liked to see her get help PSYCHOLOGICALLY before doing the surgery. Yes, that would have been the smart thing to do. Real Doll whines that it is to live in LA. Um, I lived there for EIGHT YEARS and I NEVER wanted to look like Barbie.

Real Doll and her mom start talking about how maybe she shouldn't live in LA if this is what it's doing to her. Real Doll says she doesn't want to fight about this. Her mom says that she's just having a mature conversation with a "brilliant, articulate woman". Um, who the hell is she talking to? I thought she was talking to Real Doll. My bad.

Real Doll goes to take a bite of her mashed up burger and she can barely chew it because her jaw is all fucked up. Her mom asks if she wants her to put it in a blender for her. HAHAHA. Real Doll excuses herself to cry. Dumb.

Miami Beach, Florida

She-Pratt, Lo and Ceiling Eyes are pissed because Kristin ditched them to go out. She-Pratt says that Kristin is pissed because Ceiling Eyes and Brody were flirting. Then Lo speculates that Kristin is on drugs and She-Pratt says she can't be around that right now. Cut to...Kristin and her bestie, "Stacie the Bartender" (when the hell did she get there??). They are getting WASTED again and partying like rock stars. Kristin is laughing that Lo, She-Pratt and Ceiling Eyes are texting her. She continues to drink and go nuts with Stacie the Bartender.

Next morning, She-Pratt, Lo and Ceiling Eyes walk into Kristin's room and wake her up. They have to go to the airport at 4pm so they wanted to make sure she was awake. I'm guessing it's about 3:30pm. Jeez. Two drunk hos, who are in bed with Kristin, get up quickly and get the hell out of there. I don't even think Kristin knew who they were. HA. Kristin gets up and puts on her sunglasses and starts packing up her stuff. Lo, She-Pratt and Ceiling Eyes comment about how trashed the room is and that it stinks. Gross. While Kristin gets ready, the three of them go to the next room and start talking shit about Kristin. Kristin comes out and asks if they are seriously just standing there talking shit about her. She's got a point. She may be coked out and hung over, but she's not deaf. The three musketeers stutter and say that they are worried about her. Kristin acts all defensive and Lo tells her that people are talking and saying that she's on drugs. Kristin rolls her eyes and they all start arguing. Kristin even calls She-Pratt out for saying anything considering she's on DUI #2. Good point. Lo ends it and says that they are leaving at 4pm for the airport with or without her.

Without going into any detail, I will say that I have known many people who have had problems with coke, speed, meth, etc. and Kristin definitely fits the mold. I think she's depressed and should seek professional help to deal with that or she'll be Real Doll #2 soon! That is the LAST thing the world needs.

Crested Butte, Colorado

Real Doll says good-bye to the family. Her stepdad says he's sorry it was so hard. Her mom takes her and Holly to the airport. They hug and my heart just goes out to her mom. I can't imagine how hard it is to see your child so broken and fragile.

Sad...

Until next time!!

Amazing Race 16 - Episode 10

Four teams remain. Who will be eliminated next???

The teams are now departing Singapore. The Twins are the first team to depart at 4:47 PM.

FIRST CLUE: Teams must fly to Shanghai, China. When they arrive, they must travel by taxi to Zhujiajiao, which is the "Venice" of China. Once they arrive, a boat will take them to their next clue.

Models take off second and Caite is freaking out that she's the last girl standing. Shut up! Cowboys are third and Cops take off last. They are all at the airport looking for a flight. Caite is telling everyone about her U-Turn. Jordan interviews that the U-Turn was totally personal because Caite just didn't like the lesbians. The Cowboys are very strong competitors and they question her decision to U-Turn the weakest team.

All teams make their way on the same flight to Shanghai, China. All the teams hop in cabs and head to Zhujiajiao. The Models and Cowboys make it first. In effort to show solidarity to his girlfriend/teammate, Brent says "I feel like I'm in like, Sicily. Actually, Brent, I think Venice is the Italian city of which you are thinking. Dumb.

HAHAHA! The Cowboys have the cutest interview. Jet says that Zhujiajiao was very tranquil and Cord gives him shit for using the word "tranquil". Awesome. I like these two. My favorites to win the whole thing are the Twins and The Cowboys.

The Cops and Twins are lost with their cab drivers. Models arrive and get the next clue.

ROADBLOCK: One team member must master the art of making noodles by hand. After watching a demonstration, teams must use a large mass of dough and turn it into 1 Kilo of noodles. When they finish, Ping Ping - the world's shortest man - will give them their next clue.

Caite is doing the task for the Models and Jet is doing it for the Cowboys. Everyone is totally in awe of Ping Ping. The Cops and Twins are STILL LOST. Jeez. They FINALLY arrive at the boats and head to the Roadblock. Jordan and Louie are making the noodles. Jet finishes the roadblock and gets the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must make their way back to Shanghai to the fashion district where they will find their next clue.

The Cowboys head out. Flour is the key to the noodles not sticking together. Louie finally gets that and starts to use more flour. The Cowboys are on their way to Shanghai. They arrive and get the next clue. (btw - they are so far ahead. The Models should feel REALLY STUPID for not U-Turning the Cowboys when they had the chance.)

NEXT CLUE: Teams must go into the fashion house. Once inside, teams will pick a model who will hand them a sketch of a specific design. They must find all the right pieces of clothing and hand them to the model. If teams have correctly matched the sketch, they will receive their next clue.

Jet "Oh no. Not more fine arts." HA. The Models finally finish and head to Shanghai. Jordan is getting frustrated with the noodles. Cowboys are still looking for the clothes. They are hysterical!! Cops finish and head to Shanghai. Dan is the best brother EVER. He walks up to Jordan and hugs him and tells him to relax and that he knows it's hard and he's doing his best. I love them. I want them to get ahead and make it to the top three.

The Cowboys' model comes back and it's not the right design. They find another shirt and they get it right so they get the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must now make their way to Hongkou football Stadium where they'll find their next clue.

The Models arrive and choose a model. They look for their clothes. Cops arrive next and look for the fashion house. Jordan FINALLY finishes and they head to the fashion district.

ROADBLOCK: For the first time ever, teams will face TWO Roadblocks in one leg of the race. The catch is that the person who sat out the first time, MUST do this one. Using only a small picture for reference, teams must assemble a giant puzzle that has been cut into 96 separate cards. If assembled correctly, it will reveal a seat number where they can find their next clue.

Cord (Cowboys) gets to work. The Models finish their designer task and they head to the football stadium. Cops finally find the fashion house located RIGHT NEXT TO THE CLUE BOX. Dumb.
The Twins arrive and head inside. The Cops screwed up their design. Cord is still working on his puzzle as the Models arrive and Brent starts putting the puzzle together. Cops try again...and they are WRONG. Twins are wrong, too. They realize that the models just need to switch stockings. Cops need gray, Twins need black. Cops get it right and head to the stadium. Twins are right and head to the stadium.

Brent is kicking some arse with his puzzle. The Cops arrive and Mike is doing the puzzle. Dan is doing the puzzle for the Twins. The wind is not their friend today. Their pieces went flying all over. Yikes. Bummer.

OH, after putting the puzzle together, you have to take up to the stands so they are passed out in the right order to see the message. Cord runs to Section 20, Row 16, Seat 33 and retrieves the clue. That's so cool.

PIT STOP: Teams must now take the subway to the Shanghai Science and Technology Museum, the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.

Brent finishes his picture and now he must give the pieces to the stands. He goes to Section 3, Row 10, Seat 6. They are off to the Pit Stop.

COME ON, DAN!

The COWBOYS are Team #1 to the Pit Stop. They win a luxury trip to Alaska.

The MODELS are Team #2 to the Pit Stop.

Dan finishes and gets his clue. He heads to Section 8, Row 2, Seat 5 and gets the next clue. They head to the Pit Stop. Mike is still struggling.

The TWINS are Team #3 to the Pit Stop.

Mike finishes and gets the clue and they race to the Pit Stop.

The COPS are the last team to arrive at the Pit Stop and ... they are NOT ELIMINATED. It's a non-elimination race. Phil totally psyches the out. He says "I'm sorry to tell you, you are out ... out in the cold, but still in the race!!" HA!

See you next week.

Real Housewives of New York - Season 3 - Episode 8

"Let's See That Ring"

JILL

Jill's veterinarian comes over to see Ginger, Jill's chihuahua. Ginger hasn't been feeling well so she needed the vet to come over. Ginger panics when she's at the vet, so Jill decided to have the vet come to her. Ginger poops all over the place and Jill totally freaks out and poor Derren (Jill's assistant) is running around helping clean it up. I hope that guy gets paid well. Some of the poop gets on the nurse's shoes, so Jill puts his shoe in the sink and washes his shoe. Apparently all that drama was for nothing because Ginger is fine. OY!

ALEX

Alex and Bethenny are having lunch at Alex's house. She asks Bethenny to help her make the dressing for the salad. Bethenny starts making the dressing and tells Alex that she got engaged. Bethenny is so happy. I'm really excited for her. She decides not to tell Alex about the pregnancy. She's keeping that unwraps for now. Alex is a good friend. She feels honored that Bethenny decides to share this with her and that she's the first person she has told.

RAMONA

Sonja and Ramona are having lunch. They reminisce about when they met and used to hang out. They start gossiping and Ramona asks what Sonja thinks of Kelly. Sonja says that she's met Kelly in St. Bart's a MILLION times before, but when they were re-introduced, Kelly acted like she never met her before. Ramona confirms that Kelly is famous for that...not remembering people who she has met before. Kelly is VBI (very busy and important) and can't be bothered to remember people. Although, Ramona says that she probably would remember Sonja's ex husband. It's the MEN that Kelly remembers. HA! EXCEPT for Max. I think Kelly is embarrassed that Max went out with her and Sonja because she thinks she's far superior than Sonja. UGH. Kelly is so annoying. I can't stand people who don't remember meeting me when I've met them MANY times.

RAMONA

Ramona is at lunch with Avery and tells her that she wants to renew her wedding vows. AND she wants Avery to be her maid of honor. Avery says that she'll think about it. She's SO funny. Avery is embarrassed that they are renewing their vows. She thinks they are crazy. HAHA! I love Avery.

LUANN

Now we've come to the most annoying segment of the episode - even more than Jill's chihuahua vet drama. Luann is looking for her apartment in the city. Kelly is there and love downtown is trying to get Luann to find a place downtown. It's funny because I totally get where Kelly is coming from. Luann is single and needs a fun neighborhood. But Luann has a giant stick up her ass and doesn't like to see people walking on the street "who don't make an effort". You know, people who wear sweatshirts in public and don't wear make up. THE NERVE!! Luann would hate me...but, I would hate her, too, so it's all good. Anyhow, Luann entertains the idea of finding a place downtown and she is completely horrified by the available apartments in and above her price range. I'm astonished at how expensive some of the places are, but I still think they are great apartments. Luann is truly insulted that the rental agent had the nerve to show her a bedroom with a view of a brick wall. AND that the view in the living room is of OTHER BUILDINGS!! The audacity of this guy. Really. Luann is horrible.

JILL

Jill, her sister, Lisa, and her mom are all on Jill's bed looking through pictures to include in their book. The blatant, obnoxious promotion of this damn book is truly embarrassing. They are shameless. If you check out Jill's blog on bravo.com, it's full of shameless plugs about that damn book. ANNOYING.

SONJA

Luann, Sonja and Kelly are having dinner. Sonja says that she's considered taking Adderall because she wants to lose weight but Sagittarius people shouldn't take Adderall. Kelly thinks Ramona needs to be on Adderall. Sonja is crazy!! She's one of those woman who likes to boast about having sex. Sonja brings up Max and Kelly goes into defensive mode. She tells Sonja that she doesn't get her obsession with Max. Oh Kelly. You guys dated the same GUY. It's not that big of a deal. I know that knowing Max dated Sonja is totally humiliating to you, but get over it. Then Kelly tells Sonja that she wants to get married, but Sonja just wants to have fun. Luann says this is news to her. Luann had NO IDEA that Kelly was husband hunting. Quite frankly, neither did I.

Kelly goes on to tell the girls that she wants a beer-drinking, sports bar guy who also likes to go to the Opera. A "renaissance" man, if you will. Luann doesn't think that guy exists because you either have to be an uptight snob or a beer drinking slob. There isn't a man alive who could like to drink beer, watch sports and occasionally enjoy taking his girlfriend/wife to the Opera or Symphony. Luann is dumb.

Sonja says she just wants to meet a man who doesn't cheat. Then she asks Kelly if her husband cheated. Kelly is STUPID. She takes the question as an indication that Sonja's ex cheated on her and that's why she asked. No, dumbass. I think she KNOWS Luann's husband cheated on her, so that's why she brought up the whole cheating thing. Kelly asked a dumb question so Sonja asked if her husband cheated. DUMB. They finally get a table and stop having this ridiculous conversation.

KELLY

Kelly is hosting a party for GOTHAM magazine for its "100 bachelors in NYC" issue. Kelly is nervous that the girls will embarrass her. Ramona shows up and acts like nothing happens. Kelly doesn't understand what's going on. AND Kelly is wearing a doily. No joke. You can practically see her ass. No joke. Jill shows up in her fur vest because she wants to be like Kelly. God knows why. Luann shows up and Ramona introduces her to one of the "most eligible bachelors". Mario shows up and Luann decides to be totally obnoxious and try to have it out with Mario IN ITALIAN. She doesn't want to air her dirty laundry in public in ENGLISH, so she does it in Italian to be pretentious and rude (because everyone is watching and no one knows what's going on). Mario STILL doesn't apologize (GO MARIO!!) so Luann lets it go and says it's water under the bridge. HAHA.

Alex, Simon, Bethenny and Jason show up. Alex's dress is also super SHORT. You can see her ass cheeks. No joke. All the girls are laughing and talking about the short dresses and Jill and Luann bolt out of there. It's totally ridiculous. Jill is a freakin' DRAMA QUEEN. Bethenny tells Ramona that she's engaged and all the ladies hug and congratulate her. Not Jill and Luann, though. They are too dramatic to stick around.

Jill and Luann are talking to that most eligible bachelor guy and Jill decides to take a dig at Sonja. Maybe Jill doesn't know that her ex is JP Morgan's grandson. I'm sure if she knew, she would be licking her ass instead of insulting her to this guy. She tells the guy that if he sticks his tongue down Sonja's throat, she'll let him sit with her. While this might be true, it's so mean. What's Sonja done to you, Jill? You just lost one friend, I'm not sure you want to keep alienating yourself.

Kelly comes up to Jill and Luann and tells them that they just ditched her. In the middle of saying this, some guy walks by and in her high pitched Kelly voice, she waves and says "Hi, Scott!" in the middle of her sentence and then continues talking. I...I...I don't even know what to say to that. Jill calls her out and laughs, but Kelly - oblivious - keeps talking. She tells them that Bethenny is engaged and Jill says that she's happy for Bethenny. Jason, Bethenny's fiance, walks by and Kelly grabs him, hugs him and congratulates him. Jill is pissed and doesn't know why Kelly would do that. Um, because Kelly doesn't have a CLUE!! Jason is very cordial to all the ladies and they congratulate him.

The Countess walks over and congratulates Bethenny. Then Luann asks why Bethenny attacked her that day. Bethenny just apologizes and says that she's sorry. It was enough for Luann and the air is cleared. Jill says she is leaving but she wants to wait for Bobby. Simon tells her she should go over and congratulate Bethenny. Jill dismisses Simon as Bobby walks up to them. Jill is afraid she will look bad if she doesn't say anything to Jill. Bethenny and Jason decide to leave and as they are walking out, Jill catches her and congratulates her on the engagement. Bethenny is upset and tries to smile, but she's over it. Jill says that this is all a misunderstanding. No it wasn't. Jill is super fake and gushes over the ring. Bethenny is completely over Jill. FINALLY. Bethenny has been trying too hard to repair the relationship. Jill is a bitch and drama queen. Not to mention Narcissistic and insecure. I'm glad Bethenny is finally over it.

OMG. In the scenes for what's coming up for the rest of the season, the Countess sings a her new hit song. I'm speechless. I'm pretty sure selling out and humiliating yourself on TV is NOT in her book. HAHAHA!

Real Housewives of New York - Season 3 - Episode 7

"New Girl, Old Money"

LUANN

Luann is visiting the newest housewife, Sonja Morgan - ex-wife of John Morgan, heir to the JP Morgan fortune. According to Luann, they are friends and run in the same circles. (insert eye roll here). In the first few minutes, I've got this woman pegged. She is a cougar in every sense of the word. The thing is, she is SO NOT PRETTY. She may have a good body, BUT HER FACE!!! She's a total butter-face. NOT ATTRACTIVE. I'm sure her bank account is how she gets her men. In fact, Luann spots a photograph of Max, the guy Kelly "dated" last season. HA! It's not surprising that Sonja and Luann are friends considering all the stories coming out about Luann's crazy sex life.

SONJA

Yup, I was right. She was married for many years which means she must get a pretty fantastic spousal support payment, not to mention child support for their 9 year old. I estimate that she gets about $60K/month...at least. Not to mention all the property she must have gotten. Ridiculous. She's also addicted to cosmetic surgery. Not surprising.

Luann asks for clothes for donation for the cocktail party she's hosting. Sonja offers her home as a location for the cocktail party. Her housekeeper throws a bunch of Sonja's old clothes in the "elevator" of her townhouse - which is located next door to Martin Scorcese's, btw - and she and Luann go through it all.

JILL

Jill and Bobby are having a slice in NYC. They discuss the "incident" at Ramona's. Jill tells us that she just gave the letter from Bethenny to Bobby but hadn't talked to him about it. OMG. Bethenny was totally right. You cannot win with Jill. She just looks for failure. Bobby says that the letter was really nice and he tells Jill that it's hard to throw away a friendship and that Bethenny admits that she may have missed something this summer and apologized to Bobby. Jill's response: "She didn't write ME a letter." OMG!!! Are you serious, lady?? Bethenny has tried to talk to you and has called and reached out. She wrote Bobby a letter because you BITCHED so much that she didn't call Bobby directly. Now, it's not enough because she didn't write you a letter, too?? Holy Shit, Jill. It's a no win situation for Bethenny. I think Bethenny should just say "good riddance" to Jill and move on. Who needs this drama queen?

Bobby tries to encourage Jill to bury the hatchet. He tells her to do the right thing and it'll come back to her. He's a good man.

BETHENNY

Bethenny is a spokesperson for Pepperidge Farm and they have these street carts that sell sandwiches that Bethenny created. So today, she is there giving out sandwiches. Alex comes by to support Bethenny and they talk. Bethenny tells Alex that she went to LA and her dad refused to see her. That sucks. Bethenny is trying to deal with it and understand that her dad was just not ready to see her. She changes the subject to ask about the Brooklyn Fashion show and Alex tells her it's this coming weekend. So Bethenny tells Alex that she talked to Jill. She tells her that she apologized and gave Jill a note for Bobby until Luann came in and ended it. Bethenny just wants to move on and be happy.

LUANN

Luann and Jill meet up at the park - of course, Luann arrives in a rickshaw because she can't be bothered to walk. Oh Jill, that dress is NOT flattering. I know Jill is tiny in real life, but that poofy short skirt makes her look like she has the widest hips in the world. Jill tells Luann that she's doing some sort of cleanse to forgive anyone who has ever wronged her in her life. Luann gets scared and immediately wants to know if this means Bethenny. Jill says that it's about forgiveness so that she's not holding on to these negative feelings anymore.

Luann tells Jill about a guy she likes. He's kind of young and French. Apparently he's dark-skinned, Jewish and slender. I'm dying to see what he looks like.

RAMONA

Ramona has planned a special evening for her and Mario. Avery is gone for the evening, so she planned something special. They are so great together. Even though she can be super abrasive and I'm still not over all the mean things she said to Bethenny last week, I think she and Mario have such a great marriage and are a great couple. He's younger and kind of playboy looking guy, but he loves that Ramona is a total nut-job and they are clearly still into each other. I love it. Ramona tells Mario that she thinks they should renew their vows. They've been married 16 years and she wants to renew the commitment. He agrees and they go have sex. Gross.

ALEX

It's Brooklyn Fashion Weekend time!! Alex, Kelly and RAMONA are going to walk the runway! Ramona loaned her jewelry to the show. She's backstage and practicing her walk. Jill shows up and she is HORRIFIED at how LOW RENT Brooklyn Fashion Weekend is. I agree that having the meet and greet next to a huge heap of trash is probably not such a good idea, but Jill could've been a little nicer and not so critical. I mean, support your friend. Jill tells us that Luann would have pulled up and then driven away. She wouldn't have been caught dead at that event.

Kelly tells Jill that she was very upset by the email from Jill. Here we go...back to high school. Jill says to Kelly "You told me that you were not friends with Bethenny." Kelly says that she's not friends with Bethenny. Then Jill brings up some stupid "tweet" from Kelly to Bethenny telling her that she's happy for her and wishes her luck. That just pissed Jill off. Kelly spouts some bullshit about PR 101 and PR 102. PR 101 is: "Any press is good press." PR 102 is "Deflation." If you no longer want bad press on you, you compliment the other person and it deflates the situation and people will leave you alone. I see her point. I just think she's an idiot, so it's hard to give her credit.

Ramona walks up and Jill immediately criticizes the necklace that Ramona is wearing and tells her that it doesn't go with the dress. Ramona tells us that she thought Jill was there to support them, but she's jealous that she's not in the show. AND the show begins...

Jill says that the chairs are uncomfortable, she's overdressed and she criticizes every piece that comes down the runway. Who invited her?? Kelly looks like a frickin' football player. HAHA. She agrees with me! HA. She says that the straight across strapless makes her shoulders look like a linebacker. It DOES!! Alex looks great. Jill, of course, has to be negative and criticize. Ramona comes out and has the bulging eyes. Jill says that she looked like an idiot. Who invited Jill? Seriously. Next time, leave her at home. She had NOTHING nice to say.

She bolted out of there with her daughter as soon as it was over. If there aren't any celebrities or "important people" for Jill to be seen with or talk to, it's simply not worth her time. Forget supporting your friends. Talk about no manners.

BETHENNY

Bethenny takes a pregnancy test and discovers that she is PREGNANT! Bethenny is calling Jason like crazy and he's not answering. It's totally cute and funny. Then the automated voice comes on saying "if you'd like to leave a message...." and Bethenny says "this woman is ruining my life right now." HAHA. My sister has that SAME automated woman on her phone and it drives me NUTS! I feel your pain, Bethenny.

She decides to call her best friend, Stephanie, and tell her the news. Stephanie is AWESOME. She's just like Bethenny. Bethenny is freaking out about what the lines/colors mean on the test and Stephanie - in a total monotone voice - says "Your pregnant. Congratulations." LOVE IT!!

JILL

Jill is hosting an event for Kodak for the relaunch of its website. Luann brings Sonja Morgan with her to meet Jill. Kelly shows up and says hello. And, Ramona shows up and starts in. FILTER, Ramona, FILTER. She reminds Jill that she's a business woman and asks Jill why she would pair up with Kodak since it is so antiquated as a company. Jill is stunned. But, Ramona has a point. Kodak is pretty antiquated. It did seem like an odd pairing. But Ramona, why would you say this AT THE PARTY??? Jill says that they are re-vamping the business. So then Ramona calls Jill out for not coming up to them after the fashion show and telling her that she did a good job. Jill says that she was running late and had to get out of there. Kelly walks over and can't believe Ramona called Jill out. Jill said she didn't mean to snub her. Then she tells Ramona that she needs to leave. She asked Ramona to be there to support her and all she did was insult her. Um, Jill, just because you didn't do it to Ramona's face doesn't mean that you were a big supporter of the fashion show. I mean, Jill was rude and critical the entire time...from the moment she stepped out of the car until she flew out of there at the end. HYPOCRITE!

After Jill walked off, Luann and Kelly come over and reprimand Ramona. They tell her how inappropriate she was to bring up the Kodak thing at the party and that Jill is excited and she shouldn't have ruined her night, blah, blah, blah. Ramona tries to defend herself and then tells Kelly that she doesn't understand because she's not a business person. Kelly and Luann just walk away.

Sonja walks into the party and meets up with Kelly and Luann. Jill's first impression is that she thinks Sonja is really pretty. Um, is Jill blind?? Kelly announces that she needs to go to a dinner so she has to leave, per usual. Luann says "It's not with Max, is it?" and then looks at Sonja and says "You know Max." They all chuckle and then Sonja says that she discovered Max. Clueless Kelly didn't know who they were talking about until she said the last name. Wow. Sonja is crazy.

They meet back up with Jill and they start talking about Ramona. Sonja says that she's known Ramona for 20 years. Well, that explains the crazy. I'm sure that before Ramona met Mario, she and Sonja were the biggest drunkest, party girls in NYC.

Ramona runs into Sonja and they catch up and plan a lunch date. Ramona and Kelly start fighting in the middle of Jill's presentation. Ramona finally says "I don't want to talk to you. You have no brain." Then Ramona leaves. Jill tells us that she never thought Ramona would betray her like that and try to sabotage her endorsement deal. Um, it's not always about you, Jill. I think it was about Kelly and Ramona. UGH.

See you next week.

Real Housewives of New York - Season 3 - Episode 6

"The Ambush"

BETHENNY

Bethenny and Ramona go for a walk along the Brooklyn Bridge. Ramona hates Brooklyn, so she asks Simon and Alex to meet them on the other side of the bridge. :) Bethenny tells Ramona about her phone call with Jill. She tells Ramona that she just wants to know why this got so out of control. Now Ramona decides to lay into her for no reason. First she tells Bethenny that she thinks she (Bethenny) is a fame monger and planted the story in the newspaper. She goes on to say that she wants to help Bethenny and that she thinks Bethenny is very self-serving. Um...how is this "helping" Bethenny? Bethenny says that Ramona isn't exactly warm and fuzzy either. Ramona shoots back by saying that at least she has friends and Bethenny has NO friends. She only has Jason and she'll "probably mess that up, too." Wow. That is SO MEAN. Ramona, shame on you. That's so below the belt. Besides, with friends like Jill and Luann, who needs enemies. So careful, Ramona. Besides, one of Ramona's "friends" was talking sh*t about Ramona to Jill on the yacht in the first episode. So, tread lightly, Ramona.

Ramona tries to neutralize the damage she's just done. She says she didn't mean to upset Bethenny and apologizes. She was just being honest with Bethenny. Wow. That was so hurtful. I'm officially no longer Team Ramona. That was seriously cruel. I call BULLSHIT that she didn't mean to hurt Bethenny. She can't possibly be that clueless. Jill thinks "Get a Hobby" is the worst thing anyone has ever said to her? She should take a stroll with Ramona. Jeez. I don't know why Bethenny continues to talk to her. Bethenny says that Jill wants to "win" this fight, but Bethenny doesn't think there are any winners here. Bethenny is right. Basically, Bethenny got a life and Jill got jealous and decided to take revenge on her by making this huge production out of the fight. It's so ridiculous and high school.

Bethenny had a lot going on last summer. She was on a 6 month book tour, she had to write a second book in 4 months and start a 3rd book. She met someone and was trying to work on that relationship. Plus, her dad - who she has virtually no relationship with - is dying which is something that's super hard to deal with. Bethenny just wanted her and Jill to work through everything and become friends again but that's not going to happen. Ramona interviews that she could not wait for the end of the bridge to come so she could get into Brooklyn. STFU, Ramona! Talk about self-serving.

They finally arrive in Brooklyn and Alex and Simon met them with coffees. Bethenny says that she's on the Ramona-Coaster. One minute, Ramona is crazy/psycho and the next she's taking pictures and eating lunch. Jeez.

KELLY

Kelly is trying to ask randoms how they take trends out of magazines and wear them. She's essentially BEGGING people to talk to her. It's a little pathetic that NO ONE wants to talk to her. Maybe she should tell them that her ex-husband is the most famous photographer in the world. She finds some people and asks them if they're wearing underwear. WTF? What does that have to do with trends? Dumb. She runs into Peter Butler, who is also a really famous photographer (but not like her ex-husband) and she asks him her questions. She decides to take his picture, but she's such an idiot, she doesn't know how to use her own frickin' camera!!! Kelly tells us AGAIN, that she was married to one of the most famous photographers in the UNIVERSE....oops, I said world before. My bad. And, she doesn't know how to use a stupid digital camera. DUMBASS.

LUANN

Luann comes into the city to meet with her friend Henry Buhl who owns a high end thrift store. She has some clothes to donate and wants to have a cocktail party where people come and bring their designer duds to donate. She takes off and heads to Jill's where she is crashing. She's laying in the guestroom reading and Jill comes in to join her. Jill is so funny. She gets all fancy in pajamas since the "countess" is staying at her house. They discuss the cocktail party. Jill tells Luann that she got a Diamond Sak's card which is their highest card. Obnoxious. The dog totally farts on the bed and it stinks. Jill tells Luann that Kelly and Bethenny made up. Jill is upset and doesn't get how they could be friends. WHY DO YOU CARE, JILL???? People have to choose, now? SO dumb. GET OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL!!! Kelly forgave Bethenny. Some people can forgive.

ALEX

For all her kookiness, Alex is actually a good friend and listener. I have to give her that. Bethenny comes to meet her to cast the models for the Brooklyn Fashion show. Bethenny gets there before Kelly and Ramona so she talks to Alex about what is going on with her. Bethenny tells Alex that she's going to LA after the casting. She tells Alex about her dad and she can barely talk. She's totally emotional and upset. Alex thinks that Bethenny is doing the right thing by going to see her dad. Alex really is a great friend.

OH.MY.GOD. Kelly walks in with yet ANOTHER fur vest. Enough with the fur vests!! Kelly comes in preaching about how horrible it is to be a model and be judged every day. Oh, poor models. Ramona and Alex's Day Gay show up and the casting begins. Bethenny says that they are doing the "poor man's America's Next Top Model". HA! Ramona tells Bethenny that Jill is going to her house next week, so she's just throwing it out there that Bethenny should stop by.

ALEX

Jill felt guilty about how upset Alex got about the kid comment, so she comes to Brooklyn to visit with Alex and the boys. Alex asks Jill to get involved with Brooklyn Fashion Weekend. She tells Jill that she and Kelly are walking in the show. Jill then asks about Luann, because she used to be a model. Jill asks if Bethenny is invited. Alex spills the beans about Bethenny going through some really hard times right now, but doesn't want to give details. Jill doesn't care.

RAMONA

Luann and Jill arrive at Ramona's house. Luann is collecting clothes for her cocktail party. Ramona brings out a bag of salvation army level clothes to donate. Luann tells her that it's more high end so Ramona finds some gowns. Bethenny arrives at Ramona's house and Ramona tells Bethenny to stay calm. Jill feels totally ambushed. Luann is angry. I think Luann is terrified that Jill will make up with Bethenny and dump Luann. They sit down and talk. Jill is being so dramatic. Jill wants to bring up the past and Bethenny wants to move forward. Jill refuses and brings up Bobby's cancer AGAIN. Bethenny says that Jill is always keeping score and picking at everybody. It's hard to win with Jill. I think Bethenny has a point. Bethenny tells Jill that she has to accept SOME responsibility. Bethenny is accepting responsibility, but Jill thinks she has done NOTHING wrong. Meanwhile, Luann thinks this is super upsetting. STFU, Luann. Bethenny says that she would never do anything to hurt Jill and that Jill could have reached out to Bethenny instead of waiting for her to fail. True. Jill says she can't do this and LUANN comes in and says that they have to go. Who the F are you, Luann? UGH. Ramona should have done this without Luann. Luann is way too invested in this fight. She never wants them to make up because it would ruin her friendship with Jill. UGH.

It's totally clear that Jill doesn't like to be around Bethenny because Bethenny will call her out on her shit. Jill doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy and if she's not around Bethenny, she can control the conversation. She's mad at Ramona for orchestrating this little confrontation and Luann is right there backing her up. These people are so sad to me. Who has new best friends every year?? Seriously? I've had about 3 best friends for at least 10 years and one of them has been my best friend for 20 years!! Who the hell are these people?? Ugh. Pathetic.

Jill and Luann are mad at Ramona for staging this attack. Jill breaks down and starts crying. Ramona doesn't understand why Jill is so upset because Jill did the same thing with Bethenny and Kelly last year. SHUT THE F*CK UP, LUANN. Just stop talking. Luann takes her out of there. Ramona doesn't understand why Jill is not letting things go with Bethenny. I don't think Ramona is the bad guy in this situation.

See you next time.

Amazing Race 16 - Episode 9

Baseball went home last week. 5 teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?

The Cowboys are the first to depart at 10:02 AM.

FIRST CLUE: Teams must now make their way to Singapore where they will head to the Victoria Concert Hall and Theater and search for Allen Wu (host of Amazing Race Asia), who will give them their next clue.

Everyone departs and the Models are hoping someone gets to the U-Turn first and U-Turn the sh*t out of the Lesbians. I don't know why they want to pick on Team Lez. Not cool.

The Cops, the Twins and the Models are on a bus that Cops and Models reveal that they see Team Lez as their biggest threat and they are going to U-Turn them if they make it. Jordan sees right through it and knows that they just don't like Team Lez. Cops and Models keep saying it's because they're rude and they are world travelers, but they are just HOMOPHOBIC.

All teams are on buses to Kuala Lumpur where they will take a train to Singapore. They all board the train and in Singapore, they run to get cabs to take them to Victoria Concert Hall. The Cops, Team Lez and Twins arrive at Victoria Concert Hall and start looking for Allen Wu. Jordan spots him out front and Twins receive the next clue.

FAST FORWARD: Teams must ride the Singapore Flyer (largest ferris wheel in the world!) until their capsule is at the very top. At that point, teams must exit their capsule and climb along a metal beam to the next capsule. When they complete this, they will be rewarded with a fast forward to the next Pit Stop.

Twins decide to go for it. Models and Cowboys arrive at Victoria Concert Hall. Cops find Allen Wu and get the next clue. They have the option of trying the Fast Forward, but since someone is already on the way, it makes sense to go on with the next clue.

DETOUR: "Pounding the Drums" or "Pounding the Pavement". In Pounding the Drums, teams make their way to a park called "Speakers Corner" where they will learn a complex routine on the drums. Once they got it, they will have to go on stage and perform. When they get it right, they will get the next clue. In Pounding the Pavement, teams make their way to a pedestrian mall where they must pick up supplies and boxes of ice cream. They they will have to set up a booth and sell 25 ice cream sandwiches before they can get the next clue.

Cowboys don't even try to do the fast forward and head to Pounding the Drums. Models and Team Lez finally find Allen Wu and decide to do Pounding the Drums as well. Team Lez is in last place. Cops, Cowboys, Models and Team Lez are all Pounding the Drums. Cops decide they have no rhythm so they decide to go for the Fast Forward.

Twins are at the Singapore Flyer and Jordan is realizing that they have to climb from one capsule to the other at 541 ft. Jordan discovers he has an intense fear of heights. Cops arrive and aren't sure if the Twins are there. They take the elevator up and realize that they are there so they take off to sell ice cream. Twins get to the top and Jordan goes across first. He's shaking like crazy. Scary!! Dan goes next and he quickly makes it across and they COMPLETE THE FAST FORWARD and get the next clue.

PIT STOP: Twins can now head to the Marina Barrage, the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. WOO!

Cops get their supplies and ice cream and set up shop. The Cowboys go on stage and try the routine. They mess up and go back and practice. The Models are up next. They nail it and get the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must now figure out that they are looking for Istana Park located at the intersection of Panang and Orchard roads. There, they will find their next clue.

Carol (Team Lez) is bitching that she wants to do the other task because she doesn't think she'll ever get the routine down. But Brandy says they are staying. Twins arrive at the Marina Barrage.

TWINS are Team #1. They both win a motor bike, which the boys say they will never use because their mom would never allow it. HAH!

Models arrive at Istana Park and decide to U-Turn Team Lez. The Models did it because Team Lez has been "awful" to them. Um, so have the Twins! Team Lez hasn't said anything to Caite's face, just like Jordan of the Twins. In fact, Jordan was the one who reminded Team Lez who Caite was!! It's not their fault you're an idiot Caite. Oh well, Team Lez gets U-Turned and Models get the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must now make their way to an old shipyard where they will receive their next clue.

The Cops are selling ice cream sandwiches and they just need to sell 10 more. Just then, their cab driver shows up and buys 10 SANDWICHES. The Cops get the next clue and head to Istana Park. Team Lez finishes the drum task before the Cowboys and head to Istana Park. They arrive to discover that the Models have U-Turned them. They are pissed. Team Lez say that Caite is an idiot...which is true. Carol thinks that they did it because Brandy is prettier than Caite. They think they were stupid since Team Lez isn't even the strongest team. The other teams have all come in 1st at some point and Team Lez hasn't. Carol says she can't make sense of it and Brandy says "Stupid is as stupid does." HA! "It's Brent and Caite Gump!" HAHAHA. I get that Team Lez is being mean, but it's true and if I got U-Turned, I'd probably do the same thing. So they head out to sell some ice cream.

Cops arrive and get the next clue. They see that Models have U-Turned Team Lez and take credit for training the Models well. Oh jeez. Models arrive at the shipyard and get the next clue.

ROADBLOCK: Teams must now count the links in an enormous anchor chain. Once the team member comes up with the correct number (521), they will receive their next clue.

Brent takes this one and starts counting. To complicate matters, the shipyard is super loud! Team Lez starts selling ice cream sandwiches. The Cops are on their way to the shipyard and tell us that they convinced everyone that Team Lez was the biggest threat. Well, it worked with the Models.

Cowboys get to Istana Park, get the clue and head to the shipyard. Team Lez FINALLY finishes selling sandwiches and head to the shipyard. Cops arrive at the shipyard and Mike gets his pitch counter that he can click as he moves from link to link. It will certainly help him count. Cowboys arrive and Jet is counting. Models finish and get their next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must make their way to Sentosa, an adventure park, and make their way to the zipline ride where they will get their next clue.

Models arrive at Sentosa and get the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must now do a zipline from a huge tower and soar 112 ft across one of Asia's longest ziplines. FUN!!

Models do the zipline, get the next clue and head to the Pit Stop. Team Lez is still seething with anger. Is Caite from Boston? I think she's from South Carolina or something. WTH does she keep saying "wicked cool" all the time?? It's so annoying.

Team Lez arrives at the shipyard and Carol decides to count. Cops and Cowboys both get 521 and head out to Sentosa. The Cops cab driver left without them, so they try to steal Team Lez's cab driver but he is loyal and won't take them.

MODELS are Team #2. BOO!!! Caite tells Phil that they U-Turned Team Lez because this whole time they've been really rude to her. Um, not to her face!! Dumb.

Team Lez finishes the shipyard task and head to Sentosa to zipline. Cowboys do the zipline and head to the Pit Stop. The Cops do the zipline next and head out to the Pit Stop. Team Lez arrives at Sentosa and do the zipline. They head to the Pit Stop.

COWBOYS are Team #3.

COPS are Team #4.

TEAM LEZ is the last team to arrive and are eliminated. They can't even begin to think of how rewarding this experience has been because they are so consumed with anger and the Models' stupidity. I hope they get over it eventually.

See you next time.

Amazing Race 16 - Episode 8

Last time it was a non-elimination round and the Cowboys were saved. Six teams remain. Let's find out who will be eliminated next!

Baseball is the first team to depart St. Pierre Island in the Seychelles at 7:22PM.

FIRST CLUE: Teams must now fly to Penang, Malaysia. When they land, they will make their way to the Snake Temple where they will find their next clue. First, the teams will board the 2:00AM charter ferry to the Seychelles Airport.

Baseball reminds us that they forgot their backpacks at the tortoise task, so they only have the clothes on their backs. They read the weather forecast for Malaysia and see that it will be very hot and humid, so they are relieved. Twins, Models, Cops, Team Lez and Cowboys all head out to the charter. The Cops and Models bond about their hatred for Carol and Team Lez. The Cops give some extra clothes to Baseball.

The teams land in Penang, Malaysia and head to the Snake Temple. Twins arrive first and get the next clue.

DETOUR: "Buddhist Tradition" or "Chinese Custom". In Buddhist Tradition, teams make their way to the Buddhist temple, carry 12 large incense sticks up a steep incline of 150 steps. At the top, teams must place the large incense into large burners and ignite the tips. When the ceremonial fire is lit, they'll receive their next clue. In Chinese Custom, teams make their way to a park and choose an enormous flag. Next, teams will have to balance the enormous flag on their forehead and walk 130 feet across the park. If they can make it across the park without dropping their flag, they will receive their next clue.

The teams are all scrambling for a taxi. Cowboys are the last ones to get a cab. Team Lez is the first team to Buddhist Tradition and start to lug their incense up the stairs. Models arrive at Buddhist Tradition next and get started. The Twins, Baseball and Cops are all stuck in major traffic, so Twins and Baseball decide to just run to Buddhist Tradition.

Cowboys arrive at Chinese Custom and are beginning to think they may have made a mistake. Cord makes it across easily across the park. Jet is having some trouble, but Cord is walking him through it. Jet finally makes it and they get the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must now make their way to the seaside village of Teluk Bahang and find the temple where they will get their next clue.

Cowboys head out anticipating the Speed Bump that awaits them somewhere on this leg of the race. Cops arrive - in their cab - at the Buddhist Tradition. Cowboys arrive at Teluk Bahang and receive their SPEED BUMP.

SPEED BUMP: The Cowboys must make their way into a tropical spice garden and find the woman crushing spices for tea. Using their sense of smell, they must determine which teapot is filled with tea made from the spice she is crushing. Then, they must deliver the correct teapot to a tea guru and if correct, they will be able to continue with the race.

The Cowboys find the spice garden and sniff the spice. They find a teapot and take it to the guru but they are WRONG!! They go back and select a different tea. They get a new teapot and it's...the right one!! They head back to the temple. They are now in FIRST PLACE! Baseball and Twins are still running and Baseball runs into their cab driver so they take the cab to the temple. Twins arrive at around the same time and they realize that they are not at the right place. So both teams run to Baseball's cab and the driver stays true to Baseball. They head out and Twins find another cab.

Cowboys are back at the clue box.

ROADBLOCK: Teams must smash coconuts until they find one with a bright color inside. Then using local materials and, at least, one piece of their colored coconut, teams must create a miniature Hindu offering that must float and present it to their guru in the water who will set it off to sea and give them their next clue.

Jet is doing the Roadblock. The Models and Team Lez light their incense and head out to Teluk Bahang. The Twins arrive at Buddhist Tradition and begin their task. Cops are finished and head out to Teluk Bahang - btw, Louie is dying! He is hacking up a lung. That guy is OUT OF SHAPE.

Baseball decides to do Chinese Custom instead since they are having no luck finding the Buddhist place. C'mon Baseball. I like these two a lot. I hope they make it quickly. Dammit. Allie realizes right away that she can't do it so they try to catch another cab and head to the Buddhist Tradition. I predict Baseball will go home. :(

Jet finds the colored coconut and builds his boat offering. He sends it off to sea and receives the next clue.

NEXT CLUE: Teams must now make their way to the historic section of the island and find the Pinang Peranakan Mansion, the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.

Carol does the Roadblock for Team Lez. Baseball finally arrives and they need to kick ass. Louie does the Roadblock for the Cops. Carol and Louie find their coconuts and start building their offering. Models FINALLY arrive - after being totally cocky about leaving the Buddhist place first - and Caite does the Roadblock for the Models.

The COWBOYS are TEAM #1 at the Pit Stop. WOOT!! They win a trip for two to Maui.

Carol sends her offering off to sea and Team Lez heads to the Pit Stop. Louie sends his offering to sea and Cops head to the Pit Stop. Twins finish and head to Teluk Behang. Caite finds the colored coconut and sends her offering out to sea. Models head to the Pit Stop.

TEAM LEZ is Team #2 at the Pit Stop.

Baseball finishes and head to Teluk Behang. COME ON, BASEBALL!! Twins are in a cab and the driver stops for GAS!!!

COPS are Team #3 at the Pit Stop.

Twins arrive in Teluk and Jordan does the Roadblock. Jordan messes up the offering and has to re-do it. He does it right and sends off his offering. Twins head to the Pit Stop. :( Baseball arrives and Allie does the Roadblock.

MODELS are Team #4 at the Pit Stop.

Allie sends off the offering and Baseball heads to the Pit Stop. Twins and Baseball are racing to the Pit Stop.

TWINS are Team #5 at the Pit Stop.

DAMMIT. BASEBALL is the last team to arrive and they are eliminated from the race. What a bummer. Those guys are great. I'm really sad.

See you next week!

Real Housewives of New York - Season 3 - Episode 5

"Hot Off the Press"

BETHENNY

Bethenny gets an email that she and Jill are in the Daily News and the article refers to them as "frenemies". Bethenny is insulted because they are too old to have frenemies...they aren't 26 anymore. JEESH. Well, I think you guys should stop acting like it then. This show is like a reality show about cliques in high school. Bethenny figures out - pretty easily - that Jill and Luann orchestrated the article. It gives shout-outs to Jill and Sak's Fifth Avenue and Ungaro - who Luann threw the party for last week. Hmmm.

Bethenny is especially pissed because Perez Hilton reached out to her saying that Jill was talking all kinds of smack about her. I love Perez, but I'm with Bethenny. I wouldn't want him to know ANYTHING about me.

KELLY

Kelly is being interviewed for the article accompanying her photos in Playboy. Kelly is such a dork. She told him she was nervous because he is SO GOOD LOOKING. He's alright, but not hot. Kelly is so weird. She is so flirty. OMG. In her interview with us, she looks like an oompa loompa. Holy tanning addiction! Then he asks if she's into yoga or meditation. She says she's more of a reader so he asks what she's read lately. She tells him that she reads what her kids are reading. Um, aren't they 5 and 8? He tells her that he read a great book by a Swedish author called "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". Kelly responds that she doesn't have any tattoos and then tells us that she needs to brush up on her foreign literature. She's so dumb. That's a super popular book and anyone who is a "reader" would have at least heard of it. My book club is reading it right now.

She is just flirty and laying it on THICK. This guy is kind of a nerd, so he's SUPER stoked that she called him "so good looking" and has been flirting with him the whole time. So he asks her out on a date and she is just giddy giddy giddy. I know that he wants to date her because he thinks she's hot and he's seen naked pictures of her. But she's SO DUMB. Men are disappointing.

LUANN

Victoria is sketching on the couch and Luann says that she can try to get Victoria a "staj" or what we Americans call an INTERNSHIP. Seriously? You can just say that you'll try to get her an internship, you need to say "staj" to show her and us that you are the most pretentious woman in NY? Mission accomplished. Then, Victoria asks how she would get to the city - since they live in the Hamptons now - and Luann says that she's still looking for an apartment in the city and hopefully, they'll have one by then. I'm sure she got a HUGE settlement in the divorce, so she has plenty of cash to buy a place in Manhattan. And the pretentiousness continues....She tells us that as much as she loves the Hamptons, she really needs to get something in the city, too. She needs a "piet a terre". UGH. She's so obnoxious.

Victoria asks her mom about her dating life and Luann tells us that it's simply too soon - and I'm sure inappropriate - to discuss her dating life with the children. Victoria tells her that "Papa has obviously moved on and I think you should, too." OUCH! Luann is glad to have Victoria's blessing. Although, I don't think it has mattered considering the rumors in NYC about Luann's sex life.

JILL

Ally - Jill's daughter - made friends with some of the people at Seventeen and has been asked to be in their issue about finding the perfect prom dress for your body type. I'm guessing Ally is the "curvy" body type. I really like Ally. She seems cool. They give her a dress and she goes off to get ready. Kelly shows up to give support to Ally in another FUR VEST! So ugly.

Jill felt all proud that Kelly was "with her" and all the Seventeen mag people were impressed. Dumb. Ally finishes the shoot and goes to get dressed. Kelly tells Jill about the HOT journalist and how nervous she got. OMG. He's really not hot. He's short and kind of nerdy, which I would LOVE. But Kelly wants rich and she says that he's smart. Jill says that smart is good because they will always have money. Oh jeez.

ALEX

Alex meets up with her "day gay" - Derek - and Alex is on the board of Brooklyn Fashion Weekend. So they are picking a designer for the event. Alex invited Bethenny, Ramona and Kelly to join them to get other perspectives about designers and fashion. The theme is "Manhattan goes to Brooklyn". Ramona is sitting next to Kelly and Kelly says "she says mean things to me and now she's acting like my best friend." So, naturally, Bethenny asks what mean things. Ramona tells them that she speaks without thinking and asks Kelly if she wants her to repeat what she said. Kelly says no and Ramona asks why she brought it up at all. Good point.

Bethenny apologizes to the girls because they are being put in the middle of this whole Jill/Bethenny debacle and the article in the Daily News. Alex asks Bethenny if she "planted it" and Bethenny flat out denies it and says it has Jill written all over it with the events and such. Ramona tells Bethenny not to attack when the person is not present - although she allowed Jill and Luann to attack Bethenny when Bethenny wasn't there. Ramona says she hates being put in the middle and tells us that she can't believe Jill would stoop that low.

Kelly gets mad that Bethenny is acting all innocent and tells Bethenny that Jill is doing exactly what Bethenny always does. Kelly says that Bethenny is super mean and does that kind of stuff to everyone else all the time. Wow. Way to honor that truce, Kelly. They fight back and forth and Ramona finally YELLS for them to STOP. Then Alex says enough is enough. She tells them that she invited them to talk about fashion for Brooklyn Fashion Week and if they want to fight, they can leave. You go, girl! They decide to act like adults and talk fashion.

They see some of the designs. Bethenny says she didn't see anything that she would wear. I concur. Although I rarely see things at fashion shows that I would wear.

RAMONA

Ramona is having lunch with her friend, Joni. She just keeps talking about her "renewal". The hair, her relationship with Mario, her life. She says that her father's death brought about this renewal. Ramona talks about her awful childhood with her dad. It's very sad and explains a lot about how she is who she is. Then she says she made peace with him two weeks before he died. She totally breaks down at the table. Very sad.

KELLY

Kelly tells her assistant about the "hot" journalist. But then, upon reflection, Kelly decides that she can't date "just anyone", so she's going to cancel. She reminds us that she was married to Gilles Bensimon who is is super famous and amazing and important. So, the next guy she dates seriously needs to be that caliber. I mean, duh, right? Don't date someone smart and nice. Date an ego maniac asshole. Why not?

OMG. Jill is in HIGH SCHOOL. Kelly gets an email from Jill saying that a little birdie told her that Kelly was all good with Bethenny now. Jill goes on to say that she thought Kelly cared and wishes her luck with Bethenny because she'll need it. Seriously??? OMG. Jill was one of my favorites last year, but she has seriously taken a turn for the worst. JILL NEEDS TO GET A HOBBY.

JILL

Luann comes over to Jill's condo to stay for the weekend. Luann brought her a wine glass that says "Go Big or Go Home" on it. Bethenny decides to call Jill to settle this fight. Jill answers and talks to her and puts it on speaker so Luann can hear. Bethenny asks if she's alone and Jill says no - even though Luann tells her to lie. Jill says that she has "friends" over, but doesn't specify Luann. They start talking and Bethenny says she just wants to talk about how this small argument got so huge and now includes so many people. Jill says that's not important and that she wishes Bethenny the best. Jill goes on to berate Bethenny for not even calling Bobby to ask him about his surgery, his battle with cancer, etc. So basically, Jill is pissed that Bethenny didn't do enough in her eyes. What Jill doesn't understand is that people deal with serious illness in different ways. I have friends who have parents who are very ill and they get offended when people don't ask about their parents. I also have friends who get offended when people DO ask about their parents. I think Jill is so incredibly self-absorbed.

Jill continues to berate Bethenny for not visiting Bobby and not calling him DIRECTLY. Then they fight more about how Bethenny was not a good friend and Bethenny yells how she was right about Jill needing a hobby and then Jill says "We are done. Have a nice day." and hangs up. Jill was only acting like that because she had an audience. What a bitch. Good riddance. That's what I say. Bethenny doesn't need a leech like Jill in her life. Let Luann have her.

I feel bad for Bethenny because she's so sad about it. But she's so much better off. Her life is fantastic right now and she's happy, she doesn't need Jill dragging her down and making her feel bad.

Now Jill and Luann are laughing and rehashing the conversation. HIGH SCHOOL I really hate those two...and, I might be way too invested in this show. I feel that I need to get a hobby because I really can't stand those women and I want to call Bethenny and tell her that she is so much better without them.

See you next week.