"Put on a Happy Face"
She-Pratt and Lo meet for lunch. She-Pratt came straight from an AA meeting which she immediately starts bitching about. Easy fix, She-Pratt: Stop driving DRUNK. Lo asks her if she can still go out. She-Pratt assures her that she's not "grounded" so Lo tells her about "the guys" going to Miami for the Super Bowl. They asked "the girls" to come, too. Lo, Kristin and Ceiling Eyes (Audrina) are all going. She-Pratt wonders why Kristin is invited - and I am, too, quite frankly - and Lo says "She's our friend". She-Pratt and I are wondering when the hell that happened. Lo clarifies that Kristin is "trying" to be their friend. As we will see shortly...she's not trying very hard.
She-Pratt says that she hasn't seen Sponge Bob or Real Doll (Heidi) in a long time and Lo says that she has heard some things about Real Doll. Specifically, she's heard that Real Doll has a new face, "eyebrow lift, ears pinned back, nose job, chin job, boob job, butt job." HAHA...butt job. That's awesome. I love Lo. Apparently, She-Pratt didn't get the memo.
The Pratt's House
Sponge Bob doesn't think it's a good idea for Real Doll to get on a plane so soon after surgery. He also thinks that seeing her mom will upset her and she doesn't need the stress right now. Real Doll is standing firm and WILL go to Colorado. She hasn't seen her mom since the wedding and now is the time. Sponge Bob wants to go with her, but she won't even hear it. I'm with her on that one. No one needs Sponge Bob in Colorado...except the people in LA who might run into him. Heh.
I love how the cameras are not letting us see her face. The cat is out of the bag. We've all seen People magazine. It's not a "surprise" anymore.
Miami, Florida
The girls and boys are on the beach. Ceiling Eyes and Brody are jet skiing the water and She-Pratt is concerned that they will hook up. She feels like everyone - meaning, Kristin - is getting along and if Brody and Ceiling Eyes hook up, it will ruin everything. Well, if that's the case, then maybe you guys shouldn't be hanging out with Kristin. She's not your friend.
Crested Butte, Colorado
Real Doll arrives home with Holly to face her mom. They show pictures around the house of Real Doll when she was Heidi and it's so sad. She was so cute. They go in and sit on the couch and her poor mom is barely able to hold back the tears. She asks Real Doll how she is doing. Real Doll says that she's feeling a lot better. Heidi's mom asks why she's talking so softly and Real Doll says that her jaw is healing so she can't really talk. The whole time, Holly is just shaking her head. It must be so surreal. I'm SO anti plastic surgery, so it would be hard for me to hold back. I just think anyone who has plastic surgery should have therapy first because there is something not quite right with you if you need to surgically alter your looks in order to be "happy". Also, I almost died having a necessary surgical procedure so I would never ELECT to have surgery. Dumb.
Her mom asks what Real Doll had done and she gives her the list. Her mom incredulously asks "You wanted them bigger???" referring to her boobs. Real Doll says yes, but they couldn't fit the bigger ones. GOOD LORD. If this was my daughter, I would cry, too. UGH. I hope I raise secure daughters who aren't so superficial. Her mom says that Real Doll risked her life to have all this crap done and Real Doll - showing her true ignorance - says that people have brain surgery all the time....because necessary brain surgery is TOTALLY the same thing as electing to transform your face/body to look like a porn star. DUMB. Her mother basically says she's stupid for the same reason. Then Real Doll asks her mom if she looks good. Bad question. What is "good"? Her mom says that she can't really say that she preferred Real Doll when she was Heidi because there's nothing Real Doll can do about....but, that's how she feels. I agree. She may be more "conventionally attractive" and look like a model, but she looks WAY older than she is and she had more personality when she was Heidi. Now she's totally plastic.
Her mom says that when Real Doll left home, she had more confidence than anyone she knew. Real Doll reminds her mom that she used to put water balloons in her bra and always wanted bigger boobs. Stupid. Real Doll says that she wants to look like Barbie. I think Real Doll is the next cat lady. Real Doll starts crying about how she's been through so much. PLEASE. There are people starving to death and dealing with horrible diseases. You married an asshole and ruined her friendship with your best friend. Give me a fucking break. Pardon my French, but this girl is ridiculous. She keeps crying and finally says that she knows her mom is disappointed and upset, but this is what she chose and she can't take it back. That's the only thing she has said that I agree with. She can't take it back, so her mom just has to accept it. It would take EVERYTHING in me to accept Real Doll as my daughter.
Miami Beach, Florida
The girls are taking shots in the hotel room and the boys show up. PARTY!! They head out to the clubs and continue to get wasted. It's getting late and Ceiling Eyes thinks Brody is going to hook up with her so she tells She-Pratt and Lo that she wants to go NOW. They try to get Kristin to leave with them, but she's not ready to leave. So, the three girls and Brody get up and leave. When they're gone, Kristin tells Brody's friend "DRAMA, drama, drama, drama." I don't really know why she says that unless she's letting them know that she's about to create some.
The next morning, the four girls are re-hashing the night's events. I guess She-Pratt and Lo went to the room after the club and Brody and Ceiling Eyes hit another bar. Kristin tells them that she didn't get home until 5AM. Ceiling Eyes defends her and says that Miami is different than LA because they party all night in Miami. She has a point. It's like Vegas. I get it. Lo and She-Pratt are being a little judgmental. They decide that tonight, they will stay in because last night was too crazy to repeat. They ALL decide to be mellow and hang at the hotel tonight. Hmmm.
Crested Butte, Colorado
Real Doll is having dinner with her parents, Holly and her bro. They toast to "The New Heidi". Heh. Her stepdad asks her what it feels like to be this new person that she wanted to be. Heh. Real Doll says that she's much happier and totally satisfied with the results (except, of course, that she had to settle for the small DD-cup boobs). Her stepdad says that her face looks more structured and like she's "frozen" or ... Real Doll says "plastic?" and her stepdad says that he wouldn't use that word. I think it's funny that he won't say "plastic" but he had no problem calling her "frozen". HAHA. Holly chimes in and says that she used to envy Real Doll's confidence and now she's this insecure, pathetic shell of her former self. (Well, not in those words exactly, but you get the point). Real Doll says that she wanted to be happier and she couldn't fix it without being ok with how she looked on the outside. Her mom tells Real Doll that she would have liked to see her get help PSYCHOLOGICALLY before doing the surgery. Yes, that would have been the smart thing to do. Real Doll whines that it is to live in LA. Um, I lived there for EIGHT YEARS and I NEVER wanted to look like Barbie.
Real Doll and her mom start talking about how maybe she shouldn't live in LA if this is what it's doing to her. Real Doll says she doesn't want to fight about this. Her mom says that she's just having a mature conversation with a "brilliant, articulate woman". Um, who the hell is she talking to? I thought she was talking to Real Doll. My bad.
Real Doll goes to take a bite of her mashed up burger and she can barely chew it because her jaw is all fucked up. Her mom asks if she wants her to put it in a blender for her. HAHAHA. Real Doll excuses herself to cry. Dumb.
Miami Beach, Florida
She-Pratt, Lo and Ceiling Eyes are pissed because Kristin ditched them to go out. She-Pratt says that Kristin is pissed because Ceiling Eyes and Brody were flirting. Then Lo speculates that Kristin is on drugs and She-Pratt says she can't be around that right now. Cut to...Kristin and her bestie, "Stacie the Bartender" (when the hell did she get there??). They are getting WASTED again and partying like rock stars. Kristin is laughing that Lo, She-Pratt and Ceiling Eyes are texting her. She continues to drink and go nuts with Stacie the Bartender.
Next morning, She-Pratt, Lo and Ceiling Eyes walk into Kristin's room and wake her up. They have to go to the airport at 4pm so they wanted to make sure she was awake. I'm guessing it's about 3:30pm. Jeez. Two drunk hos, who are in bed with Kristin, get up quickly and get the hell out of there. I don't even think Kristin knew who they were. HA. Kristin gets up and puts on her sunglasses and starts packing up her stuff. Lo, She-Pratt and Ceiling Eyes comment about how trashed the room is and that it stinks. Gross. While Kristin gets ready, the three of them go to the next room and start talking shit about Kristin. Kristin comes out and asks if they are seriously just standing there talking shit about her. She's got a point. She may be coked out and hung over, but she's not deaf. The three musketeers stutter and say that they are worried about her. Kristin acts all defensive and Lo tells her that people are talking and saying that she's on drugs. Kristin rolls her eyes and they all start arguing. Kristin even calls She-Pratt out for saying anything considering she's on DUI #2. Good point. Lo ends it and says that they are leaving at 4pm for the airport with or without her.
Without going into any detail, I will say that I have known many people who have had problems with coke, speed, meth, etc. and Kristin definitely fits the mold. I think she's depressed and should seek professional help to deal with that or she'll be Real Doll #2 soon! That is the LAST thing the world needs.
Crested Butte, Colorado
Real Doll says good-bye to the family. Her stepdad says he's sorry it was so hard. Her mom takes her and Holly to the airport. They hug and my heart just goes out to her mom. I can't imagine how hard it is to see your child so broken and fragile.
Sad...
Until next time!!
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