We're down to the final four: Tenley, Ali, Gia and Vienna. Seriously? Is Vienna STILL around? I've heard rumblings that Vienna wins the whole thing. Dumb. I don't love Jake, so I'm not that invested in the success of his relationship. But, for a guy who claims to be seeking true love, I don't understand why he would choose to keep - and maybe even propose to - Vienna. She's not for you, Jake. You will bore her to tears and she will move on.
Let's get this party started. Hometown dates!!
First: GIA, NYC
They run and hug each other. It's so funny to see the people on the street look at them like they are CRAZY. Gia decides to show him NYC by boat. This guy is so frickin' cheesy. Jake asks Gia about her previous relationships and it appears she's attracted to d-bags. One of her exes cheated on her with all of her "friends." It doesn't appear like she is good at choosing boyfriends OR friends. Yikes. Anyhow, Jake deduces that Gia has been hurt - which totally draws him in. Weird.
Jake and Gia arrive at a restaurant to meet Gia's mom, Donna, her stepdad, Tony, her stepbrother, Erick and her half brother, Dylan. Gia's mom is beautiful. They all look so young...except for Tony. He's the only one who looks age appropriate. Gia's stepbrother, Erick, looks like he has the same hairstylist as Pauly D.
Hold up...I actually take it back, her mother, Donna, looks her age and not as beautiful as I initially thought. She just dyes her hair, so she looks young at first glance, but the more you look at her, the more you see her age. Donna is crying and telling Jake how she worries about Gia. Hmmm...Donna's accent suggests that, perhaps they live near the Jersey Shore and Erick may have come up with that hairdo all on his own.
Donna decides to get some alone time. Choose your words carefully, Jake. She looks like she has "friends" or "family", you know, Soprano style. He's talking up Gia and saying how wonderful he thinks she is. Gia and Erick are talking outside and he tells her he doesn't want to see her hurt again and she tells him that she's willing to take that risk with Jake. Erick is cracking me up with the bushy-ass eyebrows, the horn-rimmed glasses and the blonde Pauly D hairdo. HAHA. Donna looks like she's speaking code to Jake. She keeps asking him if he's going to "protect" Gia.
Jake is talking to Erick and tells him that he's very protective. Jake does NOT fit into this family. He's not nearly "guido" enough. After dinner, they sit on the stoop in front of her apartment. They kiss and Jake gushes to us about how much he loves Gia and how beautiful she is. I think they'd make a good couple. She's really pretty and dumb and a little boring. He's kind of cute and boring. It could work.
Next: ALI, Williamstown, MA
As soon as Jake arrives, he runs out of the limo and hugs Ali. CHEESY. Jeez. He's so giddy. He really likes Ali. It's very obvious. I feel like Ali is this cool, San Francisco, marketing girl and Jake is this cheesy, REALLY SHORT dork from Texas. Under no other circumstances would Ali even consider giving this guy the time of day. Seriously. She would NEVER date this guy if she met him in the Marina or anywhere else in SF. She's just way too cool for him. She's got too much personality and charisma for him. He is a D-U-D.
They walk through her little town to her grandma's house. Her grandma has passed away, but Ali was very close to her, so she wanted to share some memories with Jake. They walk through the inside of her grandma's house.
They finally arrive at her mom's house. Jake meets her mom, Elizabeth, her older sister, Raya, and her little brother Mike. Wow, Ali got the cute genes in that family. Ali's mom tells Jake that she never watched the Bachelorette so she had no idea who he was, so she went on the internets to read up about him. She was impressed by his cheesiness.
Ali's mom and Jake go outside to talk. She asks Jake if family is important to him and he tells her that it's most important. He asks her for her blessing if he decides to propose to Ali and she gives it to him. Interesting...I don't think he asked Donna or Tony for their blessing if he proposes to Gia. Maybe he did, I don't remember. Ali's mom tells us that her mother's intuition tells her that Ali will end up with a ring on her finger. Sorry, Elizabeth, I disagree. But, we'll see!
Next: TENLEY, Newberg, OR
Now, Tenley is who Jake SHOULD end up with. She's sweet, cheesy, boring and just perfect for Jake. They both talk about how important their families are to them. Jake tells us that he's a mama's boy and that he always runs things past his folks before he makes decisions. Great.
Next they go to Tenley's first dance studio where she took classes and where she now teaches. She also choreographed a little dance for him that she performs. OMG. These two are perfect for each other. I can't even begin to explain the ridiculousness of that "routine". She basically spun around a hundred times. I could have choreographed that and danced it for that matter. Seriously? Jake tells us it was "amazing", but the look on his face while she was dancing says otherwise. Dumb. Now the two of them are dancing together. Please pick Tenley at the end. She's PERFECT for you, Jake. Don't screw this up.
Tenley's family is really the cutest family ever. Her mom and dad are very cute and sweet. Her sister looks just like her, but taller and a little younger. Tenley tells us that the last time she saw her mom, she told her that her ex-husband was out of the picture. Yikes...so I'm guessing the divorce is a new thing. No wonder Jake wants to make sure she's over the ex.
Robert, Tenley's dad, takes Jake upstairs to talk. Robert wants to make sure that Jake is going to take care of Tenley's heart. Apparently she just got divorced in 2009. Yikes. Robert is so soft-spoken and sweet. He goes back down and talks to Tenley. They are talking about Robert's talk and Robert totally starts crying. Oh good LORD.
Tenley's mom talks to Jake now. Jake asks her if Tenley is ready to move on and date someone new. She tells Jake that she sees that Tenley is a different person from when she last saw her. She's in a better place, but of course, she's going to have emotional setbacks. But, she's ready.
Jake takes Robert outside and asks for his blessing if he decides to ask Tenley to marry him. Robert agrees. Ugh.
Last (and least): VIENNA, Sanford, FL
She is so annoying. She's so confident in an irritating way. Just how she's been saying that Jake is her boyfriend and that Jake's going to pick her in the end. It's totally obnoxious. She's so young and really immature. They go on a boat down the river. She's 23. How could she possibly have "done everything I want to do"?? Really? I think that's not true and, if it is, it is really sad and a little pathetic.
They arrive at her house and we meet her dad, Vinnie, and her stupid little yappy dog, Chloe, Vinnie's wife, Lisa, and a couple of younger siblings. I can't tell if Lisa is Vienna's mom or not. I see similarities in the two, but I don't know. Vienna and her dad are totally crying and hugging. Weird. I'm so confused. I thought that Vienna was some princess whose daddy spoils her rotten. They don't look that well off. It's all very confusing and suspicious.
Vienna and her dad are talking outside. They really have a creepy father-daughter relationship. It's not normal. Vinnie goes to talk to Jake. Vinnie tells Jake that he expects his daughter to feel and be treated like a princess. Annoying. Vinnie also tells him that he's a good judge of character and he can tell that Jake is the real deal. Dumb.
The family is all having dinner. Jake tells them that he really appreciates her honesty. He also tells the family about the trouble Vienna has had with the other girls in the house. Her mom, Lisa, tells Jake that Vienna has had that kind of trouble her whole life and that she's always been honest. RED FLAG!!! SHE DOESN'T GET ALONG WITH GIRLS. That is a total red flag. Same thing when you meet a guy who has no guy friends -- RED FLAG. Of course, Jake doesn't see it as a red flag...because he's an idiot! Jake says that her parents were not surprised to hear that she's having problems with the other girls and he finds that refreshing. Stupid.
BACK IN LA.
Jake has a tough decision tonight at the rose ceremony...maybe not. Ali knocks on his door and she's not happy. She sits down and tells Jake that her boss called and she needs to go back to work...NOW. So her choice is: Stay and maybe get chosen and get fired or go home and keep your job. She's crying and asks Jake to help her. She wants him to tell her that he's going to chose her in the end and beg her to stay. He can't do that, Ali. C'MON!!! As Jake advises, life is about minimizing regrets. So, would you regret leaving Jake knowing that he likes you a lot, but also knowing that he can't promise you anything right now? OR would you regret taking a HUGE risk and sticking around and losing your job? I mean, what will minimize the most regrets. How will you feel if you stay and he doesn't pick you and you have to go home to NO JOB?? And, how will you feel if you leave and never know if he may have picked you, but still have a job? Tough call. I'm not sure what I would do. Although, I would hope that I would be intuitive enough to see that Jake is NOT for me and I'd take off and keep the job. Actually, in this economy, I'd probably keep the job, particularly if I LOVED it as much as Ali says that she does.
Rose ceremony!! Jake is trying to figure out who to send home. Ali looks at the other girls and asks Chris to talk to him. She goes to talk to Jake and, after many tears, she decides that she has to leave. It's too big a risk to stay. She gets in the limo and starts crying that she hopes she made the right decision.
Seriously, Ali, he's not going to pick you. Just let him go. There are plenty of available, good-looking men in SF who are better for you.
Until next time...
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