Last time, Gretchen is starting a make up line, Lynne gets drunk and fights with Gretchen and Tamra and Simon are boring.
TAMRA
Tamra says that Simon doesn't really feel like she loves him. SO, she decides to get a tattoo of his name on her ring finger. Kiss.of.death. Come on, Tamra. Don't you know that as soon as you get some guy's name (or girl's name if that's the case) tattooed on your body, you BREAK UP. It always happens. She's with her son, Ryan, who has a ton of tattoos. I didn't think she'd go through with it, but she did it. Bad idea. OMG. Tamra just tells us that she's heard that as soon as you get a guy's name tattooed on your body, you get divorced or break up and she hopes it's not the kiss of death. HAHAHA!! It is!! That's why you've heard that, sweetie. AND, that's why you only get your kids' names tattooed on your body (if you must tattoo a name on yourself) - they will ALWAYS be your kid!! Dumb.
LYNNE
Lynne tells us that she doesn't know what happened at the cooking class event at Alexis's. Lynne tells us that everything is all good now and that they all made up because "that's how we roll here in the O.C." Whatever. She calls Alexis to invite her to her house for a dinner party. Alexis and Jim are going to Palm Dessert but they'll be back early so they can make her party.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen goes to see Vicki at work to get some financial advice since she's decided to launch her own make-up business and she knows Vicki knows a lot about starting a business and finance. So, to be clear, Gretchen is going to Vicki for ADVICE. Gretchen tells Vicki that she decided to come to her because, of all the housewives, Vicki actually WORKS!! Vicki laughs and makes the comment that she's the only housewife with a job and Gretchen tells her to be nice. Um, how is that MEAN? I don't get it. It's a fact, not a judgment. If the other housewives feel ashamed or embarrassed that they don't work, then that's their problem. But Vicki stating the obvious is not mean. Dumb.
Anyhow, Gretchen pulls out some samples from her make up line, Gretchen Christine Beaute (pronouced, Beau-TAY). So dumb. Vicki tells Gretchen that make-up seems like a super competitive business to get into right now - particularly since we're in a recession. Gretchen tells Vicki that she wants to concentrate on internet sales right now and then go into retail shops. Vicki tells her that she worries about Gretchen putting a lot of money out there without getting any back. She's giving FINANCIAL ADVICE!! So, she asks Gretchen if she got some money when Jeff died. Gretchen says that she didn't get any money from Jeff, so Vicki asks if Slade is helping her. Gretchen is visibly uncomfortable and says that he helps her a little bit, but that he's struggling, too. Vicki asks if Slade has a job and she lies and says that he does. I think he's Gretchen's "manager". Dumb. Gretchen takes this line of questioning personally and sees it as an attack by Vicki. Gretchen CAME to VICKI to ask for her professional advice regarding the business. Vicki wants to know if Gretchen has other sources of income before she just gives her advice. You can't advise someone without knowing all the facts. UGH. Gretchen is so annoying. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure Vicki was also curious about all those answers, too, but it makes sense to ask them to see if it makes sense for Gretchen to pursue something if she has no money!!
Vicki tells us that she thinks Slade uses people and that he's using Gretchen.
ALEXIS
Jim and Alexis head to Palm Desert for their weekend get-a-way. They are going to the Desert Springs Marriot in Palm Desert. Apparently that's the place where they met each other. They are having the dumbest conversation in the car. She tells him that she can only lay out one day because she only brought one bikini. Jim doesn't understand why she would only bring one bikini for the whole weekend and Alexis explains that she didn't think they'd be laying out more than one day. So Jim says that he'll buy her another bikini. Um, why can't she use the same bikini two days in a row?? I'm confused. The rest of the country seems to manage to do this. Why can't Alexis? This is the dumbest thing ever. If she's worried that it will still be wet, I'm sure Jim can pay someone to wash and dry it for her.
They are staying in the Presidential Suite. Wait a minute. HOLD THE PHONE!!!! These uber Christian posers have each been married before??? WTF?? Wow. That's awesome. I guess Alexis's divorce was kind of nasty. These guys are a piece of work. They are two of the most superficial and materialistic people on that show. I love that her ex-husband says that the only thing that has changed is her nose and she has bigger boobs. HAHA. Alexis tells us that she met Jim while she was relaxing after her first divorce and he swept her off her feet...with an American Express Black Card.
Jim had been single for 10 years and he was looking for sexy elegance and that's what he found in Alexis. They are paying $2900/night for that room. Ridiculous.
He is so gross. Jim tells her what to order and she totally trusts him so she lets him choose for her. She is so dumb.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen tells us that she's getting a booth together for the Women's Environment Expo for her make-up line. She's at some warehouse asking someone to help her put a booth together. She wants it to look very old Hollywood. It turns out to put a production together costs a lot of MONEY!!
TAMRA
Tamra and Simon go Harley riding with some friends to Newport Beach for some lunch. They go to a bar/grill type place called "Mutt Lynch's". It must be really loud in there because Tamra is YELLING. She takes this opportunity to talk to Simon and she starts all wrong. She tells him that the other night when she said she was with her friend, Ricky, she lied. She tells him that she needs to let him know something. Simon is freaking out and asks her if this is the appropriate time. It's super awkward and seems like she's going to confess some affair or something. She shows him the tattoo and he was super shocked and speechless. He holds her hand and tells her that it's the first unselfish thing she's done in a long time. He's a little teary-eyed.
DINNER PARTY AT LYNNE'S HOUSE
Tamra and Simon arrive first and the four of them have a drink. They all start Vicki-bashing until Gretchen and Slade show up. Tamra is getting drunk. Vicki and Donn show up and so do Alexis and Jim. Tamra and Vicki go outside and Simon comes over and she tries to get them to make up. Vicki says she can get passed it. Then Simon says that he can get passed it ... if Vicki stays out of his marriage. Which gets them started again. Simon storms off. The problem is that Vicki doesn't seem to get it. I love Vicki, but she has the same problem I do. We think we know what's best for everyone else. But, we don't. Sometimes we might, but we need to let them figure it out for themselves. She needs to just learn to be a good listener and support Tamra when she's venting about Simon and not give her opinion. Trust me, I know it's super hard. But that's what she's got to do. Sooner or later, Tamra will figure out that Simon is a controlling asshole. And, since she just filed for divorce, I'm guessing she has.
Simon gets pissed and whines to Jim. Simon sees them still talking and goes outside and tells Vicki to butt out! Vicki keeps telling him that she could give a rat's ass about their marriage. Simon goes back inside and takes off when he sees Vicki and Tamra keep talking. Tamra finds out that Simon left and she walks outside. Simon tells Tamra that Vicki's marriage sucks and that Vicki is a piece of shit. Simon says that Vicki doesn't like that Tamra is married to him. Tamra hugs him and starts crying. He tells her to be on his side and that he's not controlling and let's her do whatever she wants. Um, except travel without you and now you're telling her not to be friends with Vicki. Hmmm. So, now Tamra has decided that Vicki is not a good friend and she only wants to be with Simon.
Dinner is served. They all sit around the table and Vicki and Simon end up sitting next to each other. Lynne and Frank tell the story of how they first met. It's very cute. They met at a yogurt shop and Lynne was looking hot with baby-oiled legs. Then Tamra tells the story of her and Simon and they met at a dance club...go figure. Now it's Alexis's turn. She gives EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of how she and Jim met, down to putting on sunscreen and what she was wearing from head to toe. Her story is twice as long as the others put together with entirely too much detail. So Vicki and Donn pretend to be asleep and start snoring at their end of the table. Everyone thinks it's funny until Alexis gets offended. In Alexis's defense, they were rude and it was not nice especially since she and Vicki are not close. BUT, in Vicki's defense, it wasn't just Vicki - it was Donn, too, and it was a really LONG, BORING, DETAILED story AND it was a joke!!
Someone asks if Vicki went to Greece with Donn. Vicki says that Donn wasn't invited and it was just Vicki, her mom and her daughter. Gretchen thinks that the "not invited" thing is weird and she doesn't understand why you would tell your spouse or significant other that he isn't invited. It's all semantics, Gretchen. Who the fuck cares? I may seem a little biased because I like Vicki, but seriously??? Who cares if she tells Donn he's not invited to things. He doesn't want to go anyway. It's not like she's hurting his feelings or putting him down. Get over it, people. Vicki goes to the restroom and when she returns they are talking about Florida and how Donn should have gone. Again, he reminds them that it was a girls' weekend and he wasn't invited. They ask Vicki why Donn wasn't invited and BOTH Donn and Vicki say that Donn has a job: "He works."
Well, apparently, everyone at the table is offended that Vicki told them that Donn works. Maybe it's because NO ONE ELSE AT THE TABLE WORKS!!! Gretchen tells us that she's been working her butt off trying to launch her make-up line. Whatever, Gretchen. If you're working so hard, how are you able to go to cooking parties at 1:30pm during the week? Seriously? The only reason everyone at that table is offended by the fact that Vicki and Donn work is because none of the others do - or at least, the wives don't.
Alexis says that she's offended that Vicki insinuated that she doesn't work. She says she has three small children and a husband that she takes exceptional care of. Hold up, wait a minute. YOU HAVE TWO FULL TIME NANNIES WHO TAKE CARE OF YOUR THREE SMALL CHILDREN. So don't even try to say that you "work" as a stay at home mom. That's BULLSHIT.
These people are dumb. I think Vicki should retire from the Real Housewives and let these losers do it on their own.
Vicki and Donn take off. Vicki says that every one of those bitches is fucked up. But, Vicki is human and it's upsetting to her that they are all talking shit about her back at Lynne's house. She's hurt. I'm sorry, but I didn't see Vicki being offensive. She just said that Donn couldn't go to Florida because he works. If people get offended by that, then that is their own issue, not Vicki's.
Next morning, Lynne and Frank get served with an eviction notice. YIKES!
Until next time...
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