"You Can Dish it, but You Can't Take It"
Last time: Lynne got evicted!
LYNNE
We pick up where we left off and Raquel gets served the eviction notice. She thinks it's a joke and doesn't understand because she's "so hungover". Nice. Raquel calls her mom - while flipping off the camera crew (classy) - and Lynne is SHOCKED by the news. Lynne tells us that she wishes she had received the eviction notice and not her two daughters. She's fighting back tears as she says this. Can I just say, Lynne looks WEIRD. I don't know if it's the surgery, but she looks like she's on something - more so than usual. It's creepy. Her face is just weird-looking. You can see the tears and hear the emotion in her voice, but her face looks like a deer in headlights - no expression.
Lynne meets Frank at the park because she doesn't want to discuss this in front of the girls. She tells Frank that she's really pissed. Again, her voice sounds angry, but her face just looks loopy. Franks starts to tell Lynne, but she won't shut up. She just keeps saying that the girls are upset and she's pissed. Frank tells us that he was in way over his head with the house from the beginning and he screwed up. He's trying to explain to Lynne and she just keeps talking over him. He tells her that he didn't pay the deposit on time and that's the problem. Lynne "says" she's "angry" because Frank lied and told her that there wasn't a deposit on this house. Oops. There was - $10K. Yikes. If that's first and last month's rent, their rent is $5K/mo. OR if that's just one month's rent, then it's $10K/mo.
Lynne tells Frank that he should have told her about the money owed and she would have made it happen. Franks tells her that they have been living beyond their means for a long time. Lynne is the most inarticulate person on this show. Seriously. I get what she's saying to Frank and I understand that she's pissed, but she is struggling with the words. She was like that with Gretchen, too. It's hard to watch because I'm so embarrassed for her even though I think she's right.
Lynne tells Frank that she can handle the truth, but Frank says that she doesn't want to listen to the truth. Frank says he's under a lot of pressure to keep them living in these expensive houses and Lynne lies and says she doesn't care about money. YEAH RIGHT. Frank tells her that they need to cut back on their spending. Lynne tells him that she's not going to be the victim. WTF? What is she talking about?? Frank: "You live in this microcosm. It's not even real." Lynne is upset that he embarrassed her and the girls and she doesn't think she'll ever get over this and walks away.
VICKI
Vicki comes home from a business trip and Briana greets her with her new haircut. They sit and talk. Briana tells Vicki about her doctor appointment. They did an ultrasound on her thyroid and her whole neck is covered in nodules. The doctor said he's going to biopsy the biggest nodules. Briana is scared and telling Vicki all the details. Vicki is really worried. Vicki has had tumors on her neck, too, beginning when she was 5 years old. She's definitely worried. It's really sad and hard. Briana tells her about her next appointment and Vicki says that she has some big work commitments that day. Briana whines to us that she might have cancer and all her mom can think about is work. That's not true. Vicki insists that regardless of work, she WILL BE at the next appointment. Vicki is a great mother.
LYNNE
The night they were served, Lynne took the girls to her mom's house and Frank stayed at a hotel. Should he really be spending more money right now? Shouldn't he at least stay in the house since Lynne and the girls are gone? Lynne tells us that Tamra planned this trip to SF for all the girls and she's not sure she should go with all the crap going on right now. She tells us she needs moral support and ends up at Tamra's house. Well, Tamra can definitely relate to your situation, Lynne, but she's not the most stable housewife.
Lynne gives Tamra the recap and Tamra can't believe Lynne is getting evicted. Lynne tells her that she's not talking to Frank right now. I don't get it. Isn't Bravo paying them SOMETHING to be on the show??? If all The Hills bitches get $100K per episode, these ladies have to be getting at LEAST $20K, right? I digress.
Tamra tells Lynne not to be mad at Frank and tries to explain that he probably didn't want her to stress out about money. Tamra's right. They need to be there for each other right now, not fighting with each other. Lynne needs to get past her embarrassment and be supportive. I get it. She's pissed that he lied and that she's in this mess and that she and her kids were humiliated. But Frank is humiliated, too. If she hadn't been spending his money so freely for the past 20 years, they wouldn't be in this mess.
Tamra tells Lynne that she doesn't want to be divorced. Tamra's been there and she tells Lynne that she needs to stick it out. She also tells her to come to SF. They've already paid for their plane tickets and the rooms are taken care of, so Lynne should just get away for the weekend. I agree. Lynne needs a break and SF is the best place for that.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen and Alexis have dinner on Balboa Island at "Billy's at the Beach" restaurant. Alexis tells Gretchen that she's going to get a "skinny girl" to drink. It's basically a margarita with soda water instead of sour mix. Alexis is such a stereotype right now. She's a total cliche for women in the OC.
They start talking about Vicki and Alexis tells Gretchen that she actually likes Vicki, but she felt offended by her at Lynne's dinner party. First, the snoring at the table during Alexis's boring story was rude. And second, when Vicki said that her husband works - it was offensive because the implication was that the other husbands/people didn't work. I agree with the first one, but the second one is stupid. She was just pointing out that Donn works and can't get a weekend off at a moment's notice. She never said that Donn works and no one else does. If people were offended by that, that is their own insecurity. It's just so much easier to vilify Vicki than to accept insecurity.
Gretchen takes this opportunity to tells Alexis and us that she works and has been really working her ass off on her make up line. Whatever, Gretchen.
VICKI
Briana and Vicki head to Briana's doctor appointment. So scary. I haven't had a biopsy, but I can imagine that waiting for the results is super stressful and scary. I hope she's ok. Think whatever you want about Vicki, Briana is a great girl and no one deserves cancer.
ALEXIS
She talks to Jim about SF. She says that she's concerned because Jim doesn't want to go. Jim says that it's not that he doesn't want to go, it's that he has unavoidable work conflicts and can't go. BUT - because he's a controlling troll - he says that he trusts the girls she's going with so it's ok for her to go alone. Gross. It will be the SECOND time in 6 years that they've been apart. OMG. Get over yourselves, you co-dependent freaks! I MUST comment on her outfit. She doesn't work AT ALL and she's at home, but she's wearing a white, collared, button down blouse, SHORT black shorts and black suede boots with FRINGE. She looks ridiculous. Now, some of you may think I'm being all judgmental and offensive because I say she doesn't work at all because being a stay at home mom IS WORK. I agree with you. Staying at home and raising kids is probably the hardest job out there. BUT SHE DOESN'T DO THAT. She has TWO FULL TIME NANNIES!!!! She's not raising any kids. Rant.over.
VICKI
Vicki says that she was the victim of a Hatefest at Lynne's party. She says Alexis is self-centered and Tamra didn't have Vicki's back. Vicki decides to go to SF anyway. She's bringing Briana with her because she feels Briana could use the vacation and maybe Briana will keep the peace with everyone.
The ladies arrive and board the plane. Vicki tells us that she was surprised that Jim wasn't there, but that she felt like he may pop up at some point. Then she says "smelly dork." LOVE IT!!! I totally want to fly Virgin America First Class. It looks awesome. They are staying at the Hotel Vitale on the Embarcadero. It is literally across the street from my old office. I've been to the restaurant in that hotel - Americano's - about 50 times. It's good, not great. I cannot believe they were here and I missed it. They are out on the roof and you can see my old building in the background. Love it.
I'm so jealous. They have dinner at Hubert Keller's restaurant, Fleur de Lys. I've driven by that restaurant a million times, but I've never been. It's on the list of restaurants I want to try. That and Gary Danko. I bet none of those women realize how amazing that restaurant is and how famous Hubert Keller - who personally welcomes them to his restaurant - really is. He's amazing.
As I suspected, they don't know anything about the restaurant. Despite Hubert Keller's heavy French accent and the French name of the restaurant, Gretchen asks what kind of restaurant this is. Dumb. Meanwhile, Alexis is constantly on the phone with her "smelly dork". It's so rude. There's no urgent reason, she's just checking on Jim and the kids...repeatedly. Everyone - not just Vicki - is totally annoyed by the phone calls.
Vicki tells the girls about Briana's health scare. They are supportive but the mood is too somber, so Alexis tries to get Vicki to eat a blue cheese stuffed olive from Gretchen's martini. YUM!! I want one...and the martini, too! Lynne decides to tell the girls about her eviction drama. Vicki tells us what I've known since I started practicing family law, a lot of women have NO IDEA how much money they have, what they owe and for what. Ignorance is bliss until you get screwed (like Lynne) or you get divorced and realize you were living beyond your means. Lynne says that she and Frank have champagne taste on a beer budget...like many people right now.
Gretchen gets the pan seared Foie Gras and it look DE-LISH. Everything looks amazing. Alexis has never tasted Foie Gras so she asks Gretchen for a little taste. Alexis takes a bite and immediately SPITS IT OUT into her napkin. Gross. You are at a 5 STAR restaurant. Keep it together, ladies. See? You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. She's so "new money". No class, but a lot of diamonds. All the women at the table and probably a lot of the women in the OC are a lot like that. Never had money until they married well and now they have all the money in the world, but NO CLASS.
Vicki starts gagging because she has a gag reflex and she's just as dramatic as Alexis. I'd be curious to find out what birth order each of these women is. It would be an interesting study.
After dinner, the ladies head over to the Bubble Lounge to meet up with Briana. I like the Bubble Lounge. I haven't been there in a long time, but I love the place. It's very cool with yummy champagne!! They all toast to Briana's health and they are all very supportive for Vicki and Briana. Gretchen is drunk and totally loses it and starts crying for Briana and telling her she's sorry that Briana and Vicki have to deal with this. Vicki appreciates the compassion from Gretchen - it's called booze, Vicki.
Next day, they are all shopping in Union Square. They are shopping at the most expensive boutiques and Lynne finds a leather jacket for $1185. Now, if I just got evicted, I'm not sure I'd be "celebrating" by purchasing a jacket for almost $1200. Gretchen agrees. Lynne says that she just got paid, so she's gonna buy it. Ridiculous. And then you wonder why Frank doesn't want to share the finances with you. Dingbat!
Next they go to Waterbar for lunch. It's right on the Embarcadero almost across the street from their hotel. I like that place. I went to lunch there a few times and had a great dinner with a couple of friends one night. Delicious if you like seafood.
They all squeeze into a circular booth and have a fantastic view of the bay. Vicki is the rude one this time, checking work emails and making a work call. Alexis bitches to us about it, but it's so not the same. Calling your husband several times during dinner to say "hi" is different from WORKING. Dumb. Vicki apologizes and says that she's sorry if Alexis is offended by her "working", but she can't help it. Alexis says that she's never offended by Vicki working and thinks it's admirable that Vicki is so successful and works so hard. BUT, Alexis tells her that she WAS offended by what happened at Lynne's house. WHY? Why must you open that can of worms??? The trip was going so well.
We'll have to wait until next time to hear what Vicki has to say...
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