They're back and feisty as ever. Let's dive in...
RAMONA
Ramona throws an "end of summer" party on a yacht in the Hamptons and invites all the girls sans Kelly and Bethany. Jill and the Countess (since she was able to keep her title after her divorce from the Count) walk to the yacht. Ramona comes out to greet them in her bikini and welcomes them to the yacht. Ramona actually looks fantastic. Jill - in her moo moo - is a little catty about Ramona and tells us that someone Ramona's age should NOT be wearing a bikini. I kind of agree, but Ramona looks fantastic for her age. I'm loving Ramona's new haircut, too. Ramona is quirky as ever and tells them that she gained 5 lbs and she feels renewed.
Alex walks up and Ramona tells us that she just decided to invite her and have a fresh start with Alex. Ramona tells her that she feels like she looks like an older version of Cameron Diaz. I agree with the Countess - she doesn't look anything like Cameron Diaz...I think she looks prettier. In fact, Cameron Diaz would be lucky to look as good at Ramona when she's her age.
Jill is just catty as ever today. Ramona takes out her new jewelry to show everyone. Yes, it's a little tacky to hock your jewelry at a friendly party, but whatever. Jill thinks Ramona should have given everyone a gift rather than try to sell her jewelry to everyone. Then she tells another friend of Ramona's that Ramona is cheap. This prompts the friend to tell Jill that at dinner the night before, Ramona asked for a separate check. Conclusion: Ramona is cheap.
Bethenny comes up in the conversation and Ramona tells us that she didn't invite her to the party because Jill had mentioned that she was having problems with Bethenny and Ramona didn't want any drama. Jill tells the Countess and Ramona that she's very sad about what's happened with her friendship with Bethenny. She says that she's no longer friends with Bethenny, but they aren't enemies. Jills tells them that in her last message to Jill, Bethenny told Jill to get a hobby - which apparently is the worst thing you can say to a friend. Jill says that she did get a hobby and was not to hang out with Bethenny anymore. Jill feels like their friendship was all about what Jill could do for Bethenny.
I actually don't think that's the case. I think Bethenny was lonely and single and a little depressed about getting older and wanting to find someone and have children. Jill quickly became Bethenny's best friend and, although there isn't much of an age difference, a mother-figure if you will. Jill is twice married with a teenage daughter. Bethenny was her single, lonely friend. Then, Bethenny's career started taking off and she met an amazing guy. Bethenny and Jill were friends of convenience. Maybe that's more true for Bethenny than it is for Jill. So when Bethenny found that guy who swept her off her feet, she was all about him and the career. There wasn't any time left for Jill and their friendship changed. Bethenny got busy and Jill wasn't ready to be replaced by a guy. It happens...it sucks, but it happens. I think they probably both contributed to the demise of their friendship. It's both of their "fault".
BETHENNY
Bethenny is on a rooftop in NYC doing a nude photo shoot for PETA'S "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" campaign. She sends Jason one of the nude pics. She has a smokin' body. She looks great.
RAMONA
The Countess tells Ramona that her husband said something upsetting to her the last time they hung out. Ramona asks if they can talk about it later and, at first, the Countess agrees. But then she decides that she can't wait it out and they talk about it. Apparently, Mario said "Countless" under his breath when someone called her over. Luann was very upset by the comment and felt that it was very hurtful, especially since her divorce was JUST finalized. Ramona is really reluctant to talk about it and correctly points out that it was her HUSBAND who made the comment. She agrees that it was not nice, but she says he was being playful and that it's not her responsibility. Mario is his own person and Luann should really take it up with him. I agree with Ramona. Luann tells Ramona that she doesn't feel comfortable attending Ramona's Labor Day party because she's upset by the comment and Ramona tells her not to come then. Good point. I think Luann just wanted Ramona to grovel and apologize profusely and tell Luann what a schmuck Mario is. Ramona is so not that woman. Luann keeps going and Ramona just says that she's being sensitive. Ramona tells Luann that if she has a problem with Mario, she should talk to him NOT Ramona. I agree.
Luann tells Ramona that Mario owes her an apology. Ramona just keeps telling her to talk to Mario about it, not her. Luann tells us that it could have been resolved simply if Ramona had just said "I'm sorry, Luann. I'll talk to Mario." Yes, but it's not Ramona's problem!!! Luann is really annoying. She's so entitled. Jill - my other not so favorite person already this season - joins in and says that Mario has been rude to her in the past, too. Ramona feels attacked - rightly so - and tells them that she doesn't want to hear it and gets up says: "Don't ruin my day. Not the time or the place. You're being rude. You're not following your own rules, Countess. Classless." She goes downstairs and cries to her friends. I get it. Ramona invited them onto a yacht for the day and they get on her about her husband. SO lame.
Jill and Luann are whining to Alex that Ramona should have apologized and said she would talk to Mario. Dumb. Ramona is pissed that they gang up on her. She cries ... which could be the result of alcohol. Then she tells us that her verbally abusive father passed away 5 months ago and she felt this relief because she was finally released of the meanspiritedness. Ramona says she doesn't want to deal with it with these girls. She shakes it off and decides to have a good time. Luann, Jill and Alex come downstairs and Ramona has them all do shots of tequila. Nice.
BETHENNY
Bethenny and Julie, Bethenny's assistant, are talking about the day. Bethenny tells Julie to clear out her email inbox and just keep the business related emails. Julie asks her what to do about all the Jill emails. Julie mentions a "Turks and Caicos" email that Jill sent. Bethenny explains that she was offered a week trip in Turks and Caicos. She decided to take Jason to see if this relationship was real and that's where they really fell in love. Apparently Jill was pissed that Bethenny didn't invite her instead. Bethenny explains that Jill can't be her "plus one" to everything and that she's included Jill plenty of times, but now there's a new, very special person in Bethenny's life. Bethenny felt that Jill was very needy this summer and very grabby and Bethenny doesn't like that. To be fair, Jill's husband, Bobby, was going through treatment for thyroid cancer, so I get why Jill would be needy and want support from her friends. I think it was bad timing. Bethenny got a life right when Jill needed her lonely, single friend. Bethenny felt like Jill was always all about Jill. Bethenny tells Julie that she finally called her and left a message saying that she's always thanked Jill for everything and that she needs to get a hobby. I get it. From Bethenny's perspective, it doesn't actually sound that mean. But Bethenny acknowledges that the worst thing she said was "get a hobby."
Jason comes over with a set of golf clubs. Bethenny says "as nauseating as it sounds, Jason and I have been doing each other's 'things'. So I've been golfing." Bethenny seems really happy. Julie shows him the PETA pictures. Jason is clearly more conservative than Bethenny. He's a little uncomfortable with her posing naked. Then he tells her not to send those pics to his work email. Yikes. That was a serious faux pas.
JILL
Jill and the Countess meet up with Kelly for lunch. It's a hot, sunny day and Jill is not happy about sitting outside since she's wearing a long sleeved shirt and pants. Kelly is wearing a frickin' sweater. Stupid. Jill says that Kelly reached out to her over the summer because she was having a rough time with all the drama about her beating up the boyfriend. Ha. Since Jill has no other friends, she decided to give Kelly a chance.
Kelly wants to know what's going on with them so Luann starts. She tells Kelly that Jill has been staying with her because Jill and Bobby sold their house in the Hamptons. Then she tells Kelly about the Mario "countless" incident and Kelly acts all empathetic. I guess when you go through a humiliating and very public incident (like beating up your boyfriend), it humbles you and enables you to see that judging people is not so nice.
Luann wants to know if Kelly is still dating Max. Kelly explains that he's not the right guy because she doesn't want Mr. Right Now, she wants Mr. Right. Jill tells the girls that she's had a really tough summer. Bobby had thyroid cancer and was battling that all summer. Ahhhh. Now we see the real reason that Jill is angry with Bethenny. Jill tells us that Bethenny never came to the hospital to see Bobby. She sent flowers ... but so did Jill's mailman. Ok, here's the thing. If my best friend's husband was in the hospital battling cancer, I would be there in a heartbeat. But that's just how I am. Also, my best friends have been best friends for at LEAST 10 years. Not one year. When you become fast friends like Jill and Bethenny did, it doesn't last and it's not as deep for both people. As soon as Bethenny found the love of her life, she ditched Jill. That doesn't happen when you have really true best friends. Now Jill has latched onto the Countess because Luann is single, lonely and needy right now. Hmmm ... sound familiar? She's like Bethenny last summer.
Jill completely misrepresents the fight with Bethenny and tells Kelly that big things would happen to Bethenny and Jill would find out in the tabloids. So when she'd confront Bethenny and ask why she didn't tell Jill, Bethenny told her "Because you need a hobby." Not exactly how it went, but whatever.
BETHENNY
Bethenny and Jason are in Montauk. I've always wanted to go there. Bethenny says that Jill has been acting really weird and Jason asks why that is. Bethenny explains that last summer it was easy because it was all about Jill ... and Bobby and Ally and Jill's mom, Gloria. Bethenny was staying with them so she was just along for the ride. Jason says that it sounds like last summer Jill was taking care of her and now Bethenny has flown the nest. I think that sounds exactly right. Last summer, Bethenny needed Jill and now she doesn't. It sounds bad, but it's completely understandable. Bethenny brings up a good point. Last year Ramona said that Jill likes the "underdog" and Bethenny is the underdog. It makes Jill feel better to be with someone who is struggling or not doing as well as she is. Bethenny thought it was ridiculous at the time, but now that she's thought more about it, she really hopes that wasn't the case. I totally think it was the case. Who is Jill friends with this summer? LUANN. Another underdog. Luann is an emotional mess and struggling and single and sad. Perfect for Jill to swoop in and be the heroine for the time being. But soon, Luann will fly the nest and find someone and not "need" Jill anymore. Jill needs to find friends who are doing well and emotionally stable.
JILL
Back at lunch, Kelly tells the girls that everything is dismissed regarding the domestic violence situation. Kelly had to do some community service and it was a great experience for her. Kelly asks Luann if she's ok with getting divorced. Luann SAYS that she's not alone because she has lots of good friends and she's keeping busy and trying to move on. Luann is not sold on Kelly, but she's giving her a chance.
BETHENNY
Bethenny and Jason are doing yoga on the beach. I don't get yoga. I've done Bikram Yoga and I like that, but regular yoga...I just don't get it.
Jason drops Bethenny off at a bar to meet Luann for drinks. He's driving a "Skinny Girl" car -- hee hee. Bethenny tells him he looks great and very masculine. HA. Bethenny says that she agreed to meet up with Luann for drinks, but she's annoyed because Luann insisted that they meet by her house and not somewhere in between. As a result, it took Bethenny 1.5 hours to get to the bar, so she's a little late. They go back and forth. I actually feel like Bethenny should have just sucked it up and not complained. But, I have to respect her for letting Luann know that it was totally inconvenient to come all that way for A DRINK!
Subject changes and Luann starts right in. She asks Bethenny if she INVITED her for drinks or is Bethenny going to say it's fine and then complain afterward that Luann did pay up. Oh good LORD, Luann. Why are you starting like THIS? It was super awkward and just kind of rude. Luann brings up the surfing incident last year when Bethenny snarked to Ramona "How come I'm the poor one who has to pay for everything all the time?" Luann says that it hurt her feelings because Bethenny INVITED her to go surfing. OMG. This is so ridiculous. Bethenny, just get up and leave and don't associate with this woman anymore. Luann is so f-ing self-important. Get over yourself.
Bethenny wants to clarify so she asks if she (Bethenny) ever suggests they do something together, then Bethenny has to pay? Luann says that "in my world" if you invite someone to do something, then you're INVITING them and should pay. Bethenny says that she suggested that they go surfing, but never INVITED her. I mean, seriously, if Luann wants to get picky about it, semantics are important. This is so ridiculous. Bethenny says that she's going to need a drink if they are going to continue this conversation and orders a drink.
Luann says that she needs to be clear: "I can't be friendly with you if you're going to be making snarky comments about me." Has she met Bethenny?? That's what she does. And she's hysterical. Luann needs to get the stick out of her ass. Bethenny says to us "I'm thinking, YOUR house doesn't have ONE INCH that isn't glass and I'm going to take a rock and throw it through every window right now." HA. Bethenny tells Luann that she's so tired of the pleasantries and appropriateness and the "Countessness". Luann says that it's not about "Countessness", it's about respect. She doesn't know how she can be friends with Bethenny if she's going to turn around and say something mean about her.
Bethenny tells Luann that they aren't really good friends anyway. Luann says that's because she went through a really hard time this summer and Bethenny wasn't there for her. Bethenny says that she sent her a basket when she heard about the divorce. Luann says that she didn't want a gift basket, she wanted a hug. Then she asks Bethenny why she asked her to drinks. Bethenny says that she liked the old Luann who was fun and cool and laid back, but then Luann changed and started judging everyone and acting like a hypocrite. They bicker about that and then Luann says that she wants to be Bethenny's friend and asks if Bethenny can be her friend without saying mean things behind her back. Bethenny says that she won't be making comments BEHIND her back anymore. Luann tries to call a truce and Bethenny says that she needs a minute.
They change the subject and Bethenny asks Luann if she's dating. Luann says that she's been on dates, but that it's hard after 16 years of marriage to go back out there. And it's hard to find someone like Alex, the Count. Then Luann asks Bethenny about her life and if she's getting married. Bethenny says that she thinks Jason is the one and that she's really focusing on work right now. Luann laughs and says that she saw the Skinny Girl car when she got dropped off. She asks if Bethenny drives that car around. Bethenny says she has never had a car before, so she bought this one. She also tells Luann that people wear Hermes and Gucci, so she can drive a Skinny Girl car. Luann says that no one is PAYING her to wear a Hermes belt, though. Bethenny (to us): "Exactly, you dumb drag queen. They're not paying you, that's the point. I mean, seriously." Bethenny tells Luann that she didn't come to drinks to be fake. Luann says that she's not fake and Bethenny calls her out and says that she has been in the past.
They end up hugging it out. But Bethenny tells us that she feels ashamed for agreeing to be friends with Luann because she felt like it was fake.
This season is going to be good...
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