Nine girls remain, who will be eliminated tonight?! Let's find out...
Chris greets the ladies and tells them there will be a one on one date, a group date and a two on one date!! This week the ladies are packing their bags and taking a road trip in two HUGE RVs. Chris says that they will not be coming back to this house. The RVs will be their new homes!!
In RV #!, we have Tenley, Ali, Jessie, Kathryn and Ella. In RV #2, we have Vienna, Corrie, Ashleigh, and Gia.
They are now on PCH headed up the California coast. Jake is headed up the coast on his motorcycle. Jake has set up camp in the middle of a vineyard...I'm not sure where exactly. The RVs arrive at the vineyard. I think they're in Santa Ynez. Jake asks Vienna if she likes camping and she giggles and lies that she likes to camp. He hands Gia a date card for the one on one date. It's her!! Vienna tells us that Jake's a country boy who likes the outdoors and Gia is a New Yorker so she doesn't think it'll turn out well. Oh, Vienna, you will soon discover that when you fall for someone, it doesn't matter if one of you likes to camp and the other likes the city. My parents have been married for 37 years and my dad HATES camping and my mother LOVES it. Not that I think Jake will end up with Gia, because he won't. But, Vienna is wrong about the reason.
Gia is all dressed up for her first date in her stilletos. Vienna keeps telling us that it'll never work. Gia and Jake go through the winery and then play hide and seek in the vineyard. Cheesy. He picks her up and she's all wrapped around him. I think she's nice, but she's not my favorite. Gia tells Jake that she was a total nerd in high school and used to get her bookbag stolen and her shoes stolen. Jake says that he was called "Dateless guy" in high school because he never had the confidence to ask girls out. They decide to play spin the bottle. First time is cheek, second time is lips, third time is all the way. Obvo, they totally make out. Gia says that it felt perfect and totally right. Of course it did - the two of you finished a bottle of wine. You were a little buzzed. All kisses are good when you're a little buzzed.
Jake builds a fire by his tent. She tells him it's the most romantic date she's ever been on. Jake asks her what she would envision if they stay together. Gia says that she would want a long engagement and that she would come to Texas. She says she wants to have kids before she's 30, but she wants to be married for 3 years before having kids. Right, she's 23. Then Jake asks how many kids she wants and she says she wants 2 kids and she wants to adopt a baby girl from China. UGH. Even her life choices are trendy. Jeez. Jake says that he's never thought about adoption, but he'd consider it. Oh, wait, she's not finished completing the stereotype of the model/entertainer. She wants a pot-bellied pig, too. Dumb.
The other girls see the fire at Jake's campsite and they decide to "holla" at Jake. Gia thinks it's coyotes. Then she realizes it's the girls. Ashleigh comes out with another date card. It's the group date card: Jessie, Ashleigh, Ali, Tenley, Vienna, and Corrie. So, the two on one date is Ella and Kathryn. Bummer. I don't really think he's going to end up with either one of them so I don't really care who he chooses.
Jake and Gia are roasting marshmallows and kissing by the campfire. I'm jealous! I love roasting marshmallows!! Gia tells us that she's making herself vulnerable and wearing her heart on her sleeve and she's worried that he'll break her heart. He will. He's not going to pick you. But that's ok, because what you're feeling is not real. Jake gets up and brings her the rose. Gia is talking to us and in the background is the MUZAC version of "On the Wings of Love". CHEE-SY.
Next day, the RVs continue up the coast. Today's stop is Pismo Beach!! Vienna says that she's excited to see Jake but she's not excited about sharing the date with the other girls. Because, he's her "boyfriend" and she doesn't want the other girls around. WOW...delusional.
They pull up on the beach and meet up with Jake. Jake tells them to prepare to get extremely dirty!! Dune buggies!!! The girls were fighting over who was going to drive the dune buggies and who would ride shotgun. Ali outsmarts them by telling Jake that she'll ride shotgun with him and he agrees. Vienna is pissed and I think the other girls are annoyed that they didn't think of it.
They head out to the dunes and he wants to see who can drive and get into it. Corrie really took to driving, but Jessie is a little timid. NOW, it's time for some sand surfing. Jake says that he's having so much fun with Tenley and says that he's automatically drawn to her. She really is a good match for Jake. I like Ali more, but I actually think Tenley is the better fit.
Now they have a picnic in the sand. Jake invites everyone to roll down the hill and Corrie is the only one who "took the bait." The other girls are finding her way more aggressive than usual...not in a good way. They say it judgmentally, but seriously, that's how you play the game. Take advantage of all your opportunities. Any of those girls could have gone rolling down the hill with him. She's the only one who stepped up.
My best friend, Rachel, would LOVE this episode. She went to Cal Poly and still goes to visit Pismo and San Luis Obispo. The group arrives at the Madonna Inn. I've heard so much about this place. I really would LOVE to go there. The girls are in their room and shower and get ready for dinner with Jake. The arrive at dinner and all say hi to Jake.
Ashleigh steals some alone time with Jake. Ashleigh and Jake sneak away for some alone time. They go into the "Romance" room. All the rooms at the Madonna Inn are themed. Very cool. Ashleigh says that she's noticed that some of the other girls really come onto Jake and she thinks that comes off as desperate. She's totally all over him. No joke. Jake tells us that Ashleigh is smoking hot, but he's just not feeling any chemistry. So, it's awkward. They come back to the table and Jake asks to talk to Vienna alone and she says that she'd rather be the last one he talks to. Weird and, again, awkward. So, Jake asks Ali instead. Ali comes out with him and they go into the "Austrian Suite".
Ali tells Jake that it's hard for her to be affectionate when the other girls are around because each girl thinks her relationship with Jake is the best one. He's trying to give everyone a fair shot, but he feels like he likes who he likes.
Out on the beach, Gia finds the last date card. Kathryn is upset by the two on one date. She's not ready to leave because she doesn't feel like she's had enough time. Ella says that this is not a game for her.
Tenley and Jake are in the Madonna Suite. SO COOL. I seriously want to go there. Jake asks Tenley what happened with her marriage. She tells him that she was married to a police officer and she found out he was cheating on her through phone records. Jake asks if she's dated anyone since her husband. Tenley says no and asks if that makes Jake nervous. Jake says it doesn't at all and that he's totally comfortable with her and they start making out. I think he should pick Tenley. I'm still rooting for Ali, too, but I think Tenley is a better match.
Jake comes to the table and FINALLY takes Vienna for her one on one time. He said it was the last one, so I'm guessing he took Jessie for a one on one and they didn't show it. Vienna says that she wanted to be the last one because she wanted to be the last girl he kisses before he goes to bed at night. Psycho. Jake tells Vienna that - from his perspective - he sees that Vienna kind of eggs the other girls on and brings it on herself. She promises to be careful with what she says.
Jake goes back to the table and says that he wants to give the rose to someone who he feels he ignored in the beginning. And, he gives the rose to .... TENLEY. I don't think he ever ignored her, but I think it was the right choice. They have the best connection out of all the others.
The RVs continue up the coast. Kathryn and Ella are freaking out...understandably. They are all headed to Big Sur. Another great place!! Love Big Sur. I think I stayed where they are staying. Jake arrives to pick up Ella and Kathryn. They are having dinner. AWKWARD. Ella asks what Jake is looking for. He says family values and where they root their faith. He asks Ella the same question. Ella says that her son is the most important person in her life. Kathryn tries to interject, but Ella keeps talking. Kathryn really feels like the third wheel on this date. To add fuel to the fire, Jake takes Ella out for some alone time. Ella tells Jake that she wants him to see her as more than just a mom. Jake tells Ella that if he's not absolutely sure, he doesn't want to keep her from Ethan. I think Jake thinks she's an amazing women, but she's not the one for him.
He takes Kathryn out for alone time. It does not start out good. Kathryn clearly had a little too much wine. She asks him why he never pays any attention to her when other girls are around. He says that he doesn't think he does that and she says that he sat inside at dinner and stared at Ella the whole time. He says that he didn't mean to do that. She tells him that she feels that there's something holding him back. He says that it's because she's so beautiful and so he's cautious. They keep talking, but she's kind of dumb. Or at least she comes off that way.
The girls are all discussing the girls on the date back at the campsite. No one has any idea who he'll pick to stay.
Jake takes Ella outside to talk. He tells her that she's such an amazing person and "the whole package", BUT he's developing stronger feelings for some of the other women. Ella tells him to be wise in who he eventually chooses. She was very gracious. He comes back in and tells Kathryn that he let Ella go home. Then he tells her that she's a great girl and she's going to meet a guy who will sweep her off her feet. But, he's just not that guy. She doesn't leave as graciously. She tells him she doesn't understand and thought they had a good conversation. Jake walks her out. He says he's sorry it didn't work out, but she says that he's making a mistake.
The other girls are freaking out that they both left. Tenley is crying which I think is a little dramatic and unnecessary. Then again, so is Jake. He took the rose out to the fire, stared into the fire for a minute and then threw the rose into the fire. DRAMA.
The rest of the girls are on their way up the coast. The girls are all speculating who will go home. They all think it'll be Vienna. They arrive at a lovely mansion. I'm not sure where they are exactly.
It's rose ceremony night. Jake comes out to toast with them. Corrie takes Jake outside to talk. She feels like she hasn't bonded as much as the other girls have. She asks him if he's nervous around her and he says no. He tells her to open up more for him. They hug. Jake is not convinced that she's going to open up as much as he needs her to.
Ali and Jake spend some alone time. She tells him that she's totally fallen for him and tells him how honorable he is for sending those two women home. They make out and he totally likes her. Ali has a lot of yellow dresses. But she looks fantastic in yellow, so I'm ok with that.
Jessie takes Jake outside for alone time. Jessie tells Jake that Vienna is not the girl for him. He asks why and she tells him that Vienna is self-centered and spoiled and always has something to say about everything. She tells him that Vienna talks about all the cars she's crashed and that her daddy just write checks to her. And Jessie doesn't think Jake wants to be her new "Daddy".
Vienna takes Jake outside for some alone time next. She tells Jake that she's worried and nervous. She tells him that she feels like all the girls are saying stuff about her and he asks if she's really worried about what all the other girls are saying. She says that she's always joking but the girls think she's serious and that's why they are saying things (back-pedal, back-pedal). Sure. He tells her that he likes to form his own opinions and with that, they go inside. Back in the house, Ali says that if Vienna gets a rose, she's going to have a strong conversation with Jake.
Rose Ceremony time!! Tenley and Gia already have roses. So, only four roses to hand out. 6 women will remain. Roses go to:
Tenley - I think she's the best match for him.
Gia - Annoying. I don't think she'll last.
Ali - Yup. I think these are the top three. She's so pretty. I love her.
Corrie - Still boring, but maybe she'll come out of her shell more.
Jake stops at this point and asks for a minute. He walks out to find Chris and ask him for advice. He asks Chris if he needs to give out two more roses. The girls are all freaking out inside. They have no idea what's going on. Chris tells Jake that if he knows for a fact that there are two women in the room that he KNOWS are not going to be his wife, then Chris will take a rose away. Jake says YES. So, only one more rose. And it goes to ...
VIENNA!!! WTF?? I guess Ali is going to have a little chat with Jake.
Jessie leaves with her dignity. She wishes him luck and says that she didn't step up her game and that's why she's going home. Ashleigh says good-bye. He tells her there just wasn't any chemistry. They hug and she leaves. She's crying because she can't believe he picked Vienna over her.
Ali is PISSED. She keeps saying that if Jake likes Vienna, then she's not the one for him.
Jake tells the girls that the next stop is SAN FRANCISCO!! WOO HOO! I'm totally bummed I didn't know they were here.
See you next week...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Real Housewives OC, Season Five - Episode 9
Last time Gretchen and Lynne had it out about the Alexa thing, Vicki had a sleepover and no one slept over, and Ryan and Simon made up.
TAMRA
Tamra meets Alexis to play some tennis. Alexis tells us that Tamra was ridiculous in her wedges and little tennis skirt. HA. They decide to play and have fun. Are they playing with PINK tennis balls? Yes, yes they are. They finish playing and sit on a bench. Alexis asks Tamra if she's going to Gretchen's tupperware party. Tamra says that she doesn't think she's going to go. Alexis asks why and Tamra asks her if she really wants to know. Alexis says yes, so Tamra tells her that Gretchen has a really nasty, vulgar blog on her website about Tamra and Simon. Alexis is incredulous. [Btw - I just read the blog and it's not vulgar. It basically is Gretchen's side of the story regarding all the allegations from the last reunion show. It's stupid and ridiculous and not nice, but not vulgar.] Tamra says that she asked Gretchen to remove the blog, but she refused. Alexis says that she's in shock. Alexis says she understands because the two of them are supposed to be burying the hatchet but Gretchen refuses to remove the blog.
GRETCHEN
Slade is making some appetizers for Gretchen's tupperware party. She decided it would be very kitchy to have a tupperware party. Lynne arrives and tells us that she and Gretchen hit a rough patch with the Alexa thing, but they have moved past it. Vicki isn't coming because she has to work. Gretchen says that Tamra told her she'd go to the party, but then she heard through Alexis and Lynne that she wasn't coming. Tamra tells us "HELL NO would I go to Gretchen's tupperware party." Alexis shows up...with her HUSBAND. WHY THE HELL WOULD JIM WANT TO GO TO A FRICKIN' TUPPERWARE PARTY. JEEZ.
Gretchen tells us there's a surprise and all of a sudden, KAY SEDIA, the Tupperware Sales Person comes downstairs. It's a guy! (Wait, Frank is there, too? It must have been a coed party. Still, what guy wants to go to a Tupperware party? Dumb.) Kay is a drag queen. Oh I get it - Kay Sedia - Quesadilla! LOVE IT. Kay is a RIOT!
Gretchen is refilling drinks and she hears Alexis shouting at Mel (Gretchen's friend): "Yeah, that's my husband. Be respectful. All I know is everytime I'm around you and him, you are all about him. He's my husband. He's married. He's taken." Mel: "Ok, because I have a one year old and a fiance." Jim is telling Alexis to calm down. It's so funny to me. NO ONE WANTS YOUR TROLL-LOOKING HUSBAND, ALEXIS. Mel tells her that she's having a good night with her friends and doesn't know what Alexis's problem is. Alexis tells Mel that she saw her all over her husband. "He's my husband and you need to back off." Mel: "You need to be more confident about your husband." Mel tells her that she had one glass of wine at the table and Alexis comes and starts yelling at her. Jim is just enjoying this little ridiculous display on his behalf. SO DUMB. Alexis looks like a total idiot. I'll say it again: NO ONE WANTS YOUR TROLL-LOOKING HUSBAND, ALEXIS.
Alexis and Mel go off to the side and Mel tells Alexis that she just had a conversation with Jim and Alexis was like "Hell no, bitch." Alexis tells her that she did not do that because she doesn't talk that way. Mel: "Dude, are you kidding me? That's your man. I know that." Jim tells us that he's pretty naive when a girl is hitting on him so he doesn't really get it. Um...NO GIRL is EVER hitting on you, Jim. It's not that you're naive. It's that it has never happened. Dumb.
Mel tells Alexis that she got a glass of wine and Jim came up to her and introduced himself and said that he was Alexis's husband. Then at the hors d'ouvre table, Alexis came up and started yelling at her. Mel says that it hurt her feelings. While Mel is explaining what happened, Alexis is interrupting and telling her to stop talking and to let her talk. STFU Alexis. Listen to the girl, first. Stupid. Alexis tells Mel that she would never "lean" on someone else's husband and Mel was "leaning" on Jim. Jim finally tells Slade that it isn't ending so they are going to leave. Slade breaks it up and walks Mel away and Alexis and Jim leave. Jeez. Alexis, you are CRAZY.
Back in the party, Gretchen asks another friend if it's disrespectful to talk to someone else's husband. Alexis and Gretchen's friend, Sarah, explains that the WAY that Mel was talking to Jim was offensive to Alexis. Sarah, you are as dumb as your friend, Alexis. Seriously, people. Have you SEEN Jim? Why the hysteria? Alexis, you should be flattered that other women want to even talk to him and aren't sitting and laughing at you for being married to a troll.
Jim is lecturing Alexis outside. Jim: "Ok, here's the deal. This is a tequila party. And what does tequila do to people? It makes them irrational. So leave it alone and let it be." Alexis tries to defend her actions and Jim says: "End of conversation. Conversation is over." Period. Done and done.
OMG OMG OMG!! I LOVE GRETCHEN'S FRIEND - who Bravo does not identify by name. She yells out "Can I just say something? He is NOT ATTRACTIVE! He is NOT ATTRACTIVE!! No one is hitting on her husband." HAHAHA!! CHEERS!!
LYNNE
Tamra and her family all come over to Lynne's and Lynne tells us that Tamra has become one of her best friends. Lynne tells Tamra that she had a rough day yesterday with Alexa. Frank and Lynne tell Simon and Tamra that Alexa has been difficult because she's not following the rules and often talks over them when they are trying to talk to her. Tamra brings up the "lunch" with Gretchen and Alexa. So Lynne tells Tamra that Gretchen called and asked to take Alexa shopping and talk to her. Tamra asks if Lynne felt like Gretchen was stepping on her toes. Lynne says that she doesn't want her daughter taking advice from Gretchen. Tamra agrees and says that she doesn't want her daughter listening to someone who...then she turns around and sees her daughters listening intensely to the conversation and Tamra just says "Well, I don't want my daughters taking advice from Gretchen."
Raquel and Alexa are laying out at the beach. Alexa says that she wants to go in the water and Raquel says that she doesn't. Alexa tells her she's being lame. Raquel just says that she doesn't want to go in the water and Alexa says that she never wants to do anything with her. Alexa tells us that she and Raquel used to be super close and now Raquel doesn't want to do anything with her. Alexa tries to confront Raquel about how things have been and how Alexa feels like Raquel just blows her off. It goes badly. Raquel gets defensive and denies everything and the subject gets dropped.
Lynne calls Alexa on her cell phone and tells her "Yeah, you have to stay in tonight." Alexa responds incredulously: "WHAT?" Lynne: "You're not allowed to leave the house tonight." Alexa doesn't understand what she did and Lynne explains that she came home way after her curfew the night before so she can't go out tonight. Alexa says ok and hangs up. Alexa tells us that she went out anyway because she knows she's not going to get in trouble. She says they've never grounded her so she's going out. Um, I think when your mom said you can't go out because you were late the night before, she was grounding you. BUT, I see Alexa's point. You can't START disciplining your kids and teaching them to respect you when they turn 17. It's gotta start earlier than that.
An hour after Alexa took off with her friends, Lynne and Frank come to find her gone. Lynne tells Frank that Alexa was not supposed to leave the house but she did.
Lynne calls Alexa and asks where she is. Alexa said she went to "Javier's" to get food and Lynne says that she brought food home for her. Alexa says "I already left. Bye." and hangs up. Lynne says that she thinks she and Frank should make a trip to Javier's and Frank says that there's only so much chasing around you can do. Ahhh. I see. The problem is Frank. He wants to be Alexa's friend and wants to give her freedom and Lynne knows that what she needs is discipline, but she has no one to back her up and help her follow through.
VICKI
Vicki heads out to the office and she looks great! She's not working from home anymore. She says that she's the only housewife who's out there working hard and her house isn't in foreclosure and she's happy with Donn and things are going well. She has a point. She goes in the office and calls a staff meeting. She asks how hard they've been working and they all say "Really hard". So Vicki surprises them with a Botox and Tanning party at WORK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WTF? I love you, Vicki, but not everyone is as superficial and plastic as you are. Well, maybe in the OC, they are.
LYNNE
Someone leaves a message for Lynne - it sounds like Raquel. The voicemail says "Alexa's curfew is 11 p.m. so she'll be home at 11." It's 11:15 pm and still no Alexa. Frank tells Lynne that she doesn't think she's doing anything bad. Frank says that he thinks they need to ease up on Alexa and Lynne says that they've been easing up too much on her. Finally, at 11:42pm, Alexa comes home. They call her upstairs and ask her where she was. She tells them that she was at her friend, Matt's birthday party. Lynne is PISSED. Alexa is in a tank top, sweat pants and Uggs. Some party. Frank tells Alexa that it's not ok for her to just walk out of the house and not tell them where she's going. Alexa interviews that she stays out late because she likes to party.
Alexa says that it's been hard lately because she's dealing with some personal stuff that she doesn't want "people" to know. I'm guessing "people" means the public. She tells Lynne that they've both been busy so she's not blaming Lynne, but when Lynne has free time, Alexa feels like her mind is somewhere else. Alexa says that she tries to communicate with them, but sometimes they put all the blame on her and don't take any responsibility. Alexa interviews that she knows her parents too well and knows they don't understand discipline. So she just talks about how hard it is to talk to them and they will forget that she was super late. Nice. She's right. They tell her that they worry about her and just want her to be safe. Alexa interviews that sometimes she wants to try to find that limit where they will say "NO! You can't do that." But so far, she hasn't hit that limit, so she'll just keep partying!!
VICKI
Michael is in Vegas with some friends. He goes to a poker room to start playing. He doesn't think other players take him seriously. He's annoying.
ALEXIS
Slade, Gretchen, Jim and Alexis are in a limo on their way to spend a day at the races. Gretchen just wanted to make sure there weren't hard feelings about the Tupperware party. They arrive at the Del Mar races. Gretchen and Alexis have huge hats on ("Take those ridiculous things off!" - Name the movie!) They go into a room and sit in a booth. Gretchen tells Alexis she is having so much more fun than last year. Gretchen brings up the blog and why she needs to have it up. Alexis just listens. She tells us that she understands both Gretchen and Tamra's perspectives and she's not taking a side. Alexis tells Gretchen that both of the stories sound right. And she says one person isn't more right. Jim chimes in and reminds Alexis of "our rule" - "We go by our experiences with a person." Alexis agrees and Jim says that they don't know the facts so they can't say who is right and who is wrong. Alexis says that she has the right say her point of view and from her point of view she thinks they both have right points and they both have wrong points.
LYNNE
Vanessa Van Petten - the Youthologist - from the first episode this season is back to help Frank and Lynne with Alexa. Lynne sees that Vanessa has helped motivate Raquel with her artwork and it's been working. Alexa is not at home but she knew she was supposed to be there for the meeting with Vanessa. Lynne calls her and Alexa says she's at her friend, Crystal's house. Lynne tells her to come home and Alexa says she'll be home later so Lynne passes the phone to Vanessa. Vanessa asks Alexa to come home now and Alexa says "okay." Vanessa asks if Alexa has been coming to them more since the last meeting. Frank says that she did for a few days, but now she's leaving without telling anyone where she's going. Frank says he thinks it's that teenage rebellion thing. These parents are way too laid back. DISCIPLINE, people!! Alexa will end up in rehab if you don't start ASAP.
Alexa shows up. Lynne tries to ask where she's been and wants to know what's going on. Alexa rolls her eyes and says nothing and then sits with Raquel. Frank interviews that Alexa came home and had no accountability for not being there on time and it's very frustrating to him. It's totally disrespectful, but no one in that house has ever taught her to treat her parents with respect. Alexa starts crying that Lynne just attacked her as soon as she walked in the door. So Vanessa takes her downstairs to get ready for a minute. Now Lynne feels like the bad guy. THAT'S OK. You're the parent, not the friend!!!
Alexa and Vanessa talk downstairs. Vanessa tells Alexa that her parents are frustrated because they don't know where she is or who she is with. They want to be close to her but they are worried about Alexa being safe. Alexa says she doesn't buy that. Vanessa says that they are finally trying to set some boundaries. And Alexa says that's not fair because Raquel never had boundaries. Yes, but Raquel ended up in REHAB! She tells Vanessa that her whole life she's had this free ride and now, all of a sudden, they are trying to put their foot down. They should have done it a long time ago, not now. Vanessa asks if she would be willing to tell that to her parents. She agrees.
They go back up to Lynne and Frank. Vanessa tells everyone that she knows today was a little bit rough and encourages them to talk to each other. Lynne says that Alexa is not doing what they need her to do. They need to know where she is and they need her home at a certain time. Lynne explains that her mind wanders and she worries when Alexa isn't home and she doesn't know where she is. Alexa says that they never set these boundaries with Raquel when she was 17 and now she feels like she's being punished for doing something wrong. Frank trusts Alexa isn't doing anything bad, they just worry about her and want her to be safe. As Frank is saying all of this to Alexa, she's texting on her phone. I would have grabbed that phone right out of her hand. SO DISRESPECTFUL. Alexa says that this is just coming out of left field and that it has to be a negotiation. Lynne reminds her that they are the parents and they tell her what to do. Alexa laughs and says that she doesn't want to talk about this anymore and starts crying that they are making her seem like the bad kid.
Raquel interviews that she's kind of embarrassed that Alexa is having a fit and crying. She says that Alexa is a drama queen. Alexa gets up and says she's done talking to them about this. DRAMA.
Alexa says she's leaving. Lynne asks who is picking her up and she says "her friends". Lynne asks which friends and Alexa just walks out. See, I would not be calmly sitting on the couch if that happened. I would be taking away privileges. The phone would be the first to go. Not ok. How can they just quietly sit there?
Until next time...
TAMRA
Tamra meets Alexis to play some tennis. Alexis tells us that Tamra was ridiculous in her wedges and little tennis skirt. HA. They decide to play and have fun. Are they playing with PINK tennis balls? Yes, yes they are. They finish playing and sit on a bench. Alexis asks Tamra if she's going to Gretchen's tupperware party. Tamra says that she doesn't think she's going to go. Alexis asks why and Tamra asks her if she really wants to know. Alexis says yes, so Tamra tells her that Gretchen has a really nasty, vulgar blog on her website about Tamra and Simon. Alexis is incredulous. [Btw - I just read the blog and it's not vulgar. It basically is Gretchen's side of the story regarding all the allegations from the last reunion show. It's stupid and ridiculous and not nice, but not vulgar.] Tamra says that she asked Gretchen to remove the blog, but she refused. Alexis says that she's in shock. Alexis says she understands because the two of them are supposed to be burying the hatchet but Gretchen refuses to remove the blog.
GRETCHEN
Slade is making some appetizers for Gretchen's tupperware party. She decided it would be very kitchy to have a tupperware party. Lynne arrives and tells us that she and Gretchen hit a rough patch with the Alexa thing, but they have moved past it. Vicki isn't coming because she has to work. Gretchen says that Tamra told her she'd go to the party, but then she heard through Alexis and Lynne that she wasn't coming. Tamra tells us "HELL NO would I go to Gretchen's tupperware party." Alexis shows up...with her HUSBAND. WHY THE HELL WOULD JIM WANT TO GO TO A FRICKIN' TUPPERWARE PARTY. JEEZ.
Gretchen tells us there's a surprise and all of a sudden, KAY SEDIA, the Tupperware Sales Person comes downstairs. It's a guy! (Wait, Frank is there, too? It must have been a coed party. Still, what guy wants to go to a Tupperware party? Dumb.) Kay is a drag queen. Oh I get it - Kay Sedia - Quesadilla! LOVE IT. Kay is a RIOT!
Gretchen is refilling drinks and she hears Alexis shouting at Mel (Gretchen's friend): "Yeah, that's my husband. Be respectful. All I know is everytime I'm around you and him, you are all about him. He's my husband. He's married. He's taken." Mel: "Ok, because I have a one year old and a fiance." Jim is telling Alexis to calm down. It's so funny to me. NO ONE WANTS YOUR TROLL-LOOKING HUSBAND, ALEXIS. Mel tells her that she's having a good night with her friends and doesn't know what Alexis's problem is. Alexis tells Mel that she saw her all over her husband. "He's my husband and you need to back off." Mel: "You need to be more confident about your husband." Mel tells her that she had one glass of wine at the table and Alexis comes and starts yelling at her. Jim is just enjoying this little ridiculous display on his behalf. SO DUMB. Alexis looks like a total idiot. I'll say it again: NO ONE WANTS YOUR TROLL-LOOKING HUSBAND, ALEXIS.
Alexis and Mel go off to the side and Mel tells Alexis that she just had a conversation with Jim and Alexis was like "Hell no, bitch." Alexis tells her that she did not do that because she doesn't talk that way. Mel: "Dude, are you kidding me? That's your man. I know that." Jim tells us that he's pretty naive when a girl is hitting on him so he doesn't really get it. Um...NO GIRL is EVER hitting on you, Jim. It's not that you're naive. It's that it has never happened. Dumb.
Mel tells Alexis that she got a glass of wine and Jim came up to her and introduced himself and said that he was Alexis's husband. Then at the hors d'ouvre table, Alexis came up and started yelling at her. Mel says that it hurt her feelings. While Mel is explaining what happened, Alexis is interrupting and telling her to stop talking and to let her talk. STFU Alexis. Listen to the girl, first. Stupid. Alexis tells Mel that she would never "lean" on someone else's husband and Mel was "leaning" on Jim. Jim finally tells Slade that it isn't ending so they are going to leave. Slade breaks it up and walks Mel away and Alexis and Jim leave. Jeez. Alexis, you are CRAZY.
Back in the party, Gretchen asks another friend if it's disrespectful to talk to someone else's husband. Alexis and Gretchen's friend, Sarah, explains that the WAY that Mel was talking to Jim was offensive to Alexis. Sarah, you are as dumb as your friend, Alexis. Seriously, people. Have you SEEN Jim? Why the hysteria? Alexis, you should be flattered that other women want to even talk to him and aren't sitting and laughing at you for being married to a troll.
Jim is lecturing Alexis outside. Jim: "Ok, here's the deal. This is a tequila party. And what does tequila do to people? It makes them irrational. So leave it alone and let it be." Alexis tries to defend her actions and Jim says: "End of conversation. Conversation is over." Period. Done and done.
OMG OMG OMG!! I LOVE GRETCHEN'S FRIEND - who Bravo does not identify by name. She yells out "Can I just say something? He is NOT ATTRACTIVE! He is NOT ATTRACTIVE!! No one is hitting on her husband." HAHAHA!! CHEERS!!
LYNNE
Tamra and her family all come over to Lynne's and Lynne tells us that Tamra has become one of her best friends. Lynne tells Tamra that she had a rough day yesterday with Alexa. Frank and Lynne tell Simon and Tamra that Alexa has been difficult because she's not following the rules and often talks over them when they are trying to talk to her. Tamra brings up the "lunch" with Gretchen and Alexa. So Lynne tells Tamra that Gretchen called and asked to take Alexa shopping and talk to her. Tamra asks if Lynne felt like Gretchen was stepping on her toes. Lynne says that she doesn't want her daughter taking advice from Gretchen. Tamra agrees and says that she doesn't want her daughter listening to someone who...then she turns around and sees her daughters listening intensely to the conversation and Tamra just says "Well, I don't want my daughters taking advice from Gretchen."
Raquel and Alexa are laying out at the beach. Alexa says that she wants to go in the water and Raquel says that she doesn't. Alexa tells her she's being lame. Raquel just says that she doesn't want to go in the water and Alexa says that she never wants to do anything with her. Alexa tells us that she and Raquel used to be super close and now Raquel doesn't want to do anything with her. Alexa tries to confront Raquel about how things have been and how Alexa feels like Raquel just blows her off. It goes badly. Raquel gets defensive and denies everything and the subject gets dropped.
Lynne calls Alexa on her cell phone and tells her "Yeah, you have to stay in tonight." Alexa responds incredulously: "WHAT?" Lynne: "You're not allowed to leave the house tonight." Alexa doesn't understand what she did and Lynne explains that she came home way after her curfew the night before so she can't go out tonight. Alexa says ok and hangs up. Alexa tells us that she went out anyway because she knows she's not going to get in trouble. She says they've never grounded her so she's going out. Um, I think when your mom said you can't go out because you were late the night before, she was grounding you. BUT, I see Alexa's point. You can't START disciplining your kids and teaching them to respect you when they turn 17. It's gotta start earlier than that.
An hour after Alexa took off with her friends, Lynne and Frank come to find her gone. Lynne tells Frank that Alexa was not supposed to leave the house but she did.
Lynne calls Alexa and asks where she is. Alexa said she went to "Javier's" to get food and Lynne says that she brought food home for her. Alexa says "I already left. Bye." and hangs up. Lynne says that she thinks she and Frank should make a trip to Javier's and Frank says that there's only so much chasing around you can do. Ahhh. I see. The problem is Frank. He wants to be Alexa's friend and wants to give her freedom and Lynne knows that what she needs is discipline, but she has no one to back her up and help her follow through.
VICKI
Vicki heads out to the office and she looks great! She's not working from home anymore. She says that she's the only housewife who's out there working hard and her house isn't in foreclosure and she's happy with Donn and things are going well. She has a point. She goes in the office and calls a staff meeting. She asks how hard they've been working and they all say "Really hard". So Vicki surprises them with a Botox and Tanning party at WORK. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WTF? I love you, Vicki, but not everyone is as superficial and plastic as you are. Well, maybe in the OC, they are.
LYNNE
Someone leaves a message for Lynne - it sounds like Raquel. The voicemail says "Alexa's curfew is 11 p.m. so she'll be home at 11." It's 11:15 pm and still no Alexa. Frank tells Lynne that she doesn't think she's doing anything bad. Frank says that he thinks they need to ease up on Alexa and Lynne says that they've been easing up too much on her. Finally, at 11:42pm, Alexa comes home. They call her upstairs and ask her where she was. She tells them that she was at her friend, Matt's birthday party. Lynne is PISSED. Alexa is in a tank top, sweat pants and Uggs. Some party. Frank tells Alexa that it's not ok for her to just walk out of the house and not tell them where she's going. Alexa interviews that she stays out late because she likes to party.
Alexa says that it's been hard lately because she's dealing with some personal stuff that she doesn't want "people" to know. I'm guessing "people" means the public. She tells Lynne that they've both been busy so she's not blaming Lynne, but when Lynne has free time, Alexa feels like her mind is somewhere else. Alexa says that she tries to communicate with them, but sometimes they put all the blame on her and don't take any responsibility. Alexa interviews that she knows her parents too well and knows they don't understand discipline. So she just talks about how hard it is to talk to them and they will forget that she was super late. Nice. She's right. They tell her that they worry about her and just want her to be safe. Alexa interviews that sometimes she wants to try to find that limit where they will say "NO! You can't do that." But so far, she hasn't hit that limit, so she'll just keep partying!!
VICKI
Michael is in Vegas with some friends. He goes to a poker room to start playing. He doesn't think other players take him seriously. He's annoying.
ALEXIS
Slade, Gretchen, Jim and Alexis are in a limo on their way to spend a day at the races. Gretchen just wanted to make sure there weren't hard feelings about the Tupperware party. They arrive at the Del Mar races. Gretchen and Alexis have huge hats on ("Take those ridiculous things off!" - Name the movie!) They go into a room and sit in a booth. Gretchen tells Alexis she is having so much more fun than last year. Gretchen brings up the blog and why she needs to have it up. Alexis just listens. She tells us that she understands both Gretchen and Tamra's perspectives and she's not taking a side. Alexis tells Gretchen that both of the stories sound right. And she says one person isn't more right. Jim chimes in and reminds Alexis of "our rule" - "We go by our experiences with a person." Alexis agrees and Jim says that they don't know the facts so they can't say who is right and who is wrong. Alexis says that she has the right say her point of view and from her point of view she thinks they both have right points and they both have wrong points.
LYNNE
Vanessa Van Petten - the Youthologist - from the first episode this season is back to help Frank and Lynne with Alexa. Lynne sees that Vanessa has helped motivate Raquel with her artwork and it's been working. Alexa is not at home but she knew she was supposed to be there for the meeting with Vanessa. Lynne calls her and Alexa says she's at her friend, Crystal's house. Lynne tells her to come home and Alexa says she'll be home later so Lynne passes the phone to Vanessa. Vanessa asks Alexa to come home now and Alexa says "okay." Vanessa asks if Alexa has been coming to them more since the last meeting. Frank says that she did for a few days, but now she's leaving without telling anyone where she's going. Frank says he thinks it's that teenage rebellion thing. These parents are way too laid back. DISCIPLINE, people!! Alexa will end up in rehab if you don't start ASAP.
Alexa shows up. Lynne tries to ask where she's been and wants to know what's going on. Alexa rolls her eyes and says nothing and then sits with Raquel. Frank interviews that Alexa came home and had no accountability for not being there on time and it's very frustrating to him. It's totally disrespectful, but no one in that house has ever taught her to treat her parents with respect. Alexa starts crying that Lynne just attacked her as soon as she walked in the door. So Vanessa takes her downstairs to get ready for a minute. Now Lynne feels like the bad guy. THAT'S OK. You're the parent, not the friend!!!
Alexa and Vanessa talk downstairs. Vanessa tells Alexa that her parents are frustrated because they don't know where she is or who she is with. They want to be close to her but they are worried about Alexa being safe. Alexa says she doesn't buy that. Vanessa says that they are finally trying to set some boundaries. And Alexa says that's not fair because Raquel never had boundaries. Yes, but Raquel ended up in REHAB! She tells Vanessa that her whole life she's had this free ride and now, all of a sudden, they are trying to put their foot down. They should have done it a long time ago, not now. Vanessa asks if she would be willing to tell that to her parents. She agrees.
They go back up to Lynne and Frank. Vanessa tells everyone that she knows today was a little bit rough and encourages them to talk to each other. Lynne says that Alexa is not doing what they need her to do. They need to know where she is and they need her home at a certain time. Lynne explains that her mind wanders and she worries when Alexa isn't home and she doesn't know where she is. Alexa says that they never set these boundaries with Raquel when she was 17 and now she feels like she's being punished for doing something wrong. Frank trusts Alexa isn't doing anything bad, they just worry about her and want her to be safe. As Frank is saying all of this to Alexa, she's texting on her phone. I would have grabbed that phone right out of her hand. SO DISRESPECTFUL. Alexa says that this is just coming out of left field and that it has to be a negotiation. Lynne reminds her that they are the parents and they tell her what to do. Alexa laughs and says that she doesn't want to talk about this anymore and starts crying that they are making her seem like the bad kid.
Raquel interviews that she's kind of embarrassed that Alexa is having a fit and crying. She says that Alexa is a drama queen. Alexa gets up and says she's done talking to them about this. DRAMA.
Alexa says she's leaving. Lynne asks who is picking her up and she says "her friends". Lynne asks which friends and Alexa just walks out. See, I would not be calmly sitting on the couch if that happened. I would be taking away privileges. The phone would be the first to go. Not ok. How can they just quietly sit there?
Until next time...
Jersey Shore, Season 1, REUNION SHOW!
Everyone is back for the Reunion show. Even Angelina is there.
First question: What do you miss most about the Jersey Shore? Snickers misses partying with all the roommates. The Situation informs us that it's cold in the Wintertime in Jersey, so when Summer rolls around, everyone wants to have fun!
So, you live by the beach, why tan at a salon? The Situation and JWOW explain that the beach will give you tan lines and you're all oily and there's sand. But a tanning bed lets you tan without all of that.
Pauly D, what's up with the guido backlash? Pauly D explains that he doesn't represent all Italians, he only represents himself. That's all he can do.
Is "guido" offensive? NO.
THE SITUATION - In the Hot Seat
He appointed himself "man of the house" because he cooked and cleaned and took care of everyone. Ronnie yells out that he didn't get that memo. The Situation tells him to keep quiet and then says that everyone could see that Ronnie has no personality. "Some people got it and some people don't...and Ronnie don't." JWOW says that out of everyone in the house, Ronnie was the most down to earth and nicest and Ronnie pulls up his shirt and says "And you don't need a 'situation' for that brother." HAHA.
Vinny says The Situation cooked and cleaned and did everything his mother does, so he was the "Woman of the house." Nice. The Situation just laughs it all off. The Situation says he's not a hater and that was a "good one". HAHA.
There's a montage of The Situation and his women. The Situation defends himself and his skanky choices by saying that a starving person will eat anything. It's the same thing. Um...ok. The Situation says that he'll never go hungry in Seaside. And Ronnie says "not with the chicks he brings home." Zing!
The Situation says that Mrs. Situation would have to have a pretty face, take care of her body, an awesome personality, very giving and caring, and someone who can cook. The hostess says that it sounds a lot like Sammi, but it actually sounds nothing like her.
PAULY D - In the Hot Seat
For being such a pimp guido, Pauly D didn't really get much action at the Shore, except for in the beginning with JWOW!! Pauly D says that's because he only wants to hook up with hot chicks and JWOW is a hot chick... "that's why she's J-WOW."
Pauly D talks about Danielle "the Stalker". He says he didn't want to wear the T-Shirt that says "I love Jewish Girls" because he's Italian and he's "Not trying to rep any Jews. No offense." What? So, Pauly D tells us that Danielle is crazy!! Apparently, when he was back in Rhode Island, he was DJing at some club and Danielle found out through facebook or something. He's DJing and doin' his thing and he looks up and there's DANIELLE!!! He says that she drove 4 hours to Rhode Island to see him even though he wasn't taking her calls or anything anymore. "You guys called it. Stage 5 clinger!" HAHA.
NEXT UP: JWOW In the Hot Seat
JWOW says that she never hooked up or grinded on Pauly D. The Situation stands up and says "What show were you on?" Seriously, she totally hooked up with Pauly D. Then Pauly D says "We were making love in the club." HA! So what's JWOW's definition of cheating? She says making out and getting in bed with a guy.
Sammi says that it's none of her business what JWOW does in her relationships, but every time she would see JWOW in a club, she was with a guy. JWOW: "I don't get in nobody's business and it's a damn shame when other people get in mine...If people want to spend their time at a club staring at what I'm doing, then obviously they don't have a life." ZING!
VINNY In the Hot Seat
Vinny tells us that he still talks to Melissa - The Situation's sister. And he says that he still lives at home: "Where am I gonna go?" He's a proud mama's boy.
ANGELINA in the Hot Seat
Angelina says that she wasn't cock-blocking, but she felt like The Situation didn't respect the girls in the house because he kept bringing trash home. The Situation: "If she wasn't getting any, then nobody was". Zing! Angelina denies it and reveals that he and Angelina hooked up in the beginning. Angelina says she regrets not staying, but she had a boyfriend. She shrugs off the fact that her boyfriend was MARRIED. Ridiculous.
RONNIE & SAMMI in the Hot Seat
They are still together and happy. There's a montage of their arguments and fights. Ronnie says they don't fight at all anymore. The hostess ASKS JWOW what she thinks of all the fighting and JWOW says that she just doesn't understand getting mad because your boyfriend is TALKING to another girl. She doesn't get that. Sammi tells her that it's just like she says, JWOW sticks to her own business and this is their business.
They are about to show "Never Before Seen Footage" and The Situation says that Ronnie is excited to see this footage. Ronnie says to play it. Sammi looks like she's going to cry and she totally does. It's very weird. She totally tears up and walks off the stage. Ronnie runs after her. DRAMA.
The other roommates are speculating about what the footage could be. HAHA. Sammi says she just had an emotional breakdown, but she's all good. Roll the footage:
Sammi is in bed and The Situation is sitting on it and talking with her:
Sammi: "Don't say anything to anybody, Mike. I'm trusting you right now."
The Situation interviews "You know if I have a better bond with your girl than you do. That's not my fault, that's your fault."
Sammi: "I was flirting with the cop. He was hot. I like to do what I want."
The Situation: "You're the prettiest girl in the house and I would love to find me a girlfriend cause I'm like sweet like that. I just haven't found the right girl. You know I'm sweet. Shut up!"
Sammi: "I do. I do. I think you're a great guy."
The Situation: "I am. You can just tell."
Sammi: "I don't like this guy drama. That's why I'm single cause I don't deal with it."
The Situation: "Do I really want this or do I really want...? Can I see myself...? Is this person really worth my time? And if they're not...there's so many people out there. And I'm going through them pretty quick." HAHAHA.
The Situation interviews "The relationship we have, the bond that we have is probably better than what she has with Ronnie."
The Situation gets up to leave and says "This is not going to look good when Ronnie comes up." They kiss on the cheek and say good-night.
Sammi: "Who said he's coming up?"
The Situation: "I don't know. I thought he was."
They laugh...end scene.
Back at the reunion...Ronnie is upset. Ok, I don't think the scene was bad AT ALL. It was in the beginning and who gives a shit if she was flirting with a stupid cop. BUT, because Sammi gives Ronnie SO MUCH F-ing GRIEF over every little thing he does, I can completely understand.
Ronnie says that he didn't know anything about that and that he sees that Sam likes to leave out certain bits of information when he and Sammi talk. Ronnie says it makes no difference to him because "I cut girls quicker than barbers do." He says that Sammi can be on that list if she wants to. Sammi says she has nothing to say because that clip was from the VERY beginning of the summer. Ronnie is PISSED. He tells her that she can go to the bathroom and cry right now if she wants. OUCH. He's really overreacting. I get it if he wants an excuse to get out of the relationship, but otherwise, he's just being dramatic. This happened so long ago. Ronnie explains that he's so angry because he took A LOT OF BULLSHIT from Sammi about his friendship with JWOW. But there was no connection with JWOW, he never hooked up with JWOW or flirted with JWOW or never held hands with JWOW and he took so much shit from Sammi. Yet, Sammi can be friends with The Situation? That's bullshit. Very true. I see his point. Ronnie: "So who's the asshole? ME."
Ronnie tells Sammi that she's a "fucking liar." She disagrees and says that Ronnie knew all about the cop situation. Ronnie says "Yeah, now I see about The Situation." Sammi says that there's nothing between her and The Situation and they didn't do anything. The Situation says that he'll stick up for Sammi and tells Ronnie that there was nothing there, but he sees why Ronnie is upset.
Sammi asks if he's willing to ruin what they have over this. Ronnie says that SHE ruined it. She says it was nothing and he says "until it's done to you." She says that Ronnie never did anything to her. Ronnie says "Exactly. No secret footage, no bonus clips. Nothing." Is he threatened by the relationship with Sammi and The Situation. NO. The Situation and Pauly D both answer for Ronnie and tell the hostess that Ronnie is mad because he has ALWAYS been straight up with Sammi and he cares so much for her that he would never lie.
Sammi asks Ronnie if the clip was really that bad. He cuts her off and says that she always says that and then imitates her "was it that bad?" He tells her to put herself in his position. JWOW never sat on his bed talking to him about Sammi, he never hooked up with anyone in the house. "Put yourself in my position and then come talk to me." Good point.
Angelina says that they break up and get back together all the time, so she thinks they'll be back together right away. Sammi says that it's really over this time and "It's Done." Ronnie says "I guess it's done, then." Drama.
Sammi: "I mean if he's gonna ruin something that's so good over that, then that's his problem."
When the show goes to break Ronnie, goes back to sit with the cast and Sammi goes off-stage to the bathroom.
When we come back, Sammi is back with the rest of the cast. HA!
SNOOKI - In the Hot Seat
Snickers, Snooki whatever. She's got lots of nicknames. The Situation and Snickers have totally hooked up since the last night at the shore house, but they're not dishing details. She could do worse...
Everyone hated the stupid duck phone and Snickers really misses the shore. She says the guy who hit her in the face never apologized to her personally and she's over it.
Now we get a montage of the FIST PUMP!! Pauly D says that you fight the beat every night you go out. Ronnie is the best dancer and The Situation is the worst and Vinny is the best Fist Pumper. Oh jeez.
We'll miss you guys!!
First question: What do you miss most about the Jersey Shore? Snickers misses partying with all the roommates. The Situation informs us that it's cold in the Wintertime in Jersey, so when Summer rolls around, everyone wants to have fun!
So, you live by the beach, why tan at a salon? The Situation and JWOW explain that the beach will give you tan lines and you're all oily and there's sand. But a tanning bed lets you tan without all of that.
Pauly D, what's up with the guido backlash? Pauly D explains that he doesn't represent all Italians, he only represents himself. That's all he can do.
Is "guido" offensive? NO.
THE SITUATION - In the Hot Seat
He appointed himself "man of the house" because he cooked and cleaned and took care of everyone. Ronnie yells out that he didn't get that memo. The Situation tells him to keep quiet and then says that everyone could see that Ronnie has no personality. "Some people got it and some people don't...and Ronnie don't." JWOW says that out of everyone in the house, Ronnie was the most down to earth and nicest and Ronnie pulls up his shirt and says "And you don't need a 'situation' for that brother." HAHA.
Vinny says The Situation cooked and cleaned and did everything his mother does, so he was the "Woman of the house." Nice. The Situation just laughs it all off. The Situation says he's not a hater and that was a "good one". HAHA.
There's a montage of The Situation and his women. The Situation defends himself and his skanky choices by saying that a starving person will eat anything. It's the same thing. Um...ok. The Situation says that he'll never go hungry in Seaside. And Ronnie says "not with the chicks he brings home." Zing!
The Situation says that Mrs. Situation would have to have a pretty face, take care of her body, an awesome personality, very giving and caring, and someone who can cook. The hostess says that it sounds a lot like Sammi, but it actually sounds nothing like her.
PAULY D - In the Hot Seat
For being such a pimp guido, Pauly D didn't really get much action at the Shore, except for in the beginning with JWOW!! Pauly D says that's because he only wants to hook up with hot chicks and JWOW is a hot chick... "that's why she's J-WOW."
Pauly D talks about Danielle "the Stalker". He says he didn't want to wear the T-Shirt that says "I love Jewish Girls" because he's Italian and he's "Not trying to rep any Jews. No offense." What? So, Pauly D tells us that Danielle is crazy!! Apparently, when he was back in Rhode Island, he was DJing at some club and Danielle found out through facebook or something. He's DJing and doin' his thing and he looks up and there's DANIELLE!!! He says that she drove 4 hours to Rhode Island to see him even though he wasn't taking her calls or anything anymore. "You guys called it. Stage 5 clinger!" HAHA.
NEXT UP: JWOW In the Hot Seat
JWOW says that she never hooked up or grinded on Pauly D. The Situation stands up and says "What show were you on?" Seriously, she totally hooked up with Pauly D. Then Pauly D says "We were making love in the club." HA! So what's JWOW's definition of cheating? She says making out and getting in bed with a guy.
Sammi says that it's none of her business what JWOW does in her relationships, but every time she would see JWOW in a club, she was with a guy. JWOW: "I don't get in nobody's business and it's a damn shame when other people get in mine...If people want to spend their time at a club staring at what I'm doing, then obviously they don't have a life." ZING!
VINNY In the Hot Seat
Vinny tells us that he still talks to Melissa - The Situation's sister. And he says that he still lives at home: "Where am I gonna go?" He's a proud mama's boy.
ANGELINA in the Hot Seat
Angelina says that she wasn't cock-blocking, but she felt like The Situation didn't respect the girls in the house because he kept bringing trash home. The Situation: "If she wasn't getting any, then nobody was". Zing! Angelina denies it and reveals that he and Angelina hooked up in the beginning. Angelina says she regrets not staying, but she had a boyfriend. She shrugs off the fact that her boyfriend was MARRIED. Ridiculous.
RONNIE & SAMMI in the Hot Seat
They are still together and happy. There's a montage of their arguments and fights. Ronnie says they don't fight at all anymore. The hostess ASKS JWOW what she thinks of all the fighting and JWOW says that she just doesn't understand getting mad because your boyfriend is TALKING to another girl. She doesn't get that. Sammi tells her that it's just like she says, JWOW sticks to her own business and this is their business.
They are about to show "Never Before Seen Footage" and The Situation says that Ronnie is excited to see this footage. Ronnie says to play it. Sammi looks like she's going to cry and she totally does. It's very weird. She totally tears up and walks off the stage. Ronnie runs after her. DRAMA.
The other roommates are speculating about what the footage could be. HAHA. Sammi says she just had an emotional breakdown, but she's all good. Roll the footage:
Sammi is in bed and The Situation is sitting on it and talking with her:
Sammi: "Don't say anything to anybody, Mike. I'm trusting you right now."
The Situation interviews "You know if I have a better bond with your girl than you do. That's not my fault, that's your fault."
Sammi: "I was flirting with the cop. He was hot. I like to do what I want."
The Situation: "You're the prettiest girl in the house and I would love to find me a girlfriend cause I'm like sweet like that. I just haven't found the right girl. You know I'm sweet. Shut up!"
Sammi: "I do. I do. I think you're a great guy."
The Situation: "I am. You can just tell."
Sammi: "I don't like this guy drama. That's why I'm single cause I don't deal with it."
The Situation: "Do I really want this or do I really want...? Can I see myself...? Is this person really worth my time? And if they're not...there's so many people out there. And I'm going through them pretty quick." HAHAHA.
The Situation interviews "The relationship we have, the bond that we have is probably better than what she has with Ronnie."
The Situation gets up to leave and says "This is not going to look good when Ronnie comes up." They kiss on the cheek and say good-night.
Sammi: "Who said he's coming up?"
The Situation: "I don't know. I thought he was."
They laugh...end scene.
Back at the reunion...Ronnie is upset. Ok, I don't think the scene was bad AT ALL. It was in the beginning and who gives a shit if she was flirting with a stupid cop. BUT, because Sammi gives Ronnie SO MUCH F-ing GRIEF over every little thing he does, I can completely understand.
Ronnie says that he didn't know anything about that and that he sees that Sam likes to leave out certain bits of information when he and Sammi talk. Ronnie says it makes no difference to him because "I cut girls quicker than barbers do." He says that Sammi can be on that list if she wants to. Sammi says she has nothing to say because that clip was from the VERY beginning of the summer. Ronnie is PISSED. He tells her that she can go to the bathroom and cry right now if she wants. OUCH. He's really overreacting. I get it if he wants an excuse to get out of the relationship, but otherwise, he's just being dramatic. This happened so long ago. Ronnie explains that he's so angry because he took A LOT OF BULLSHIT from Sammi about his friendship with JWOW. But there was no connection with JWOW, he never hooked up with JWOW or flirted with JWOW or never held hands with JWOW and he took so much shit from Sammi. Yet, Sammi can be friends with The Situation? That's bullshit. Very true. I see his point. Ronnie: "So who's the asshole? ME."
Ronnie tells Sammi that she's a "fucking liar." She disagrees and says that Ronnie knew all about the cop situation. Ronnie says "Yeah, now I see about The Situation." Sammi says that there's nothing between her and The Situation and they didn't do anything. The Situation says that he'll stick up for Sammi and tells Ronnie that there was nothing there, but he sees why Ronnie is upset.
Sammi asks if he's willing to ruin what they have over this. Ronnie says that SHE ruined it. She says it was nothing and he says "until it's done to you." She says that Ronnie never did anything to her. Ronnie says "Exactly. No secret footage, no bonus clips. Nothing." Is he threatened by the relationship with Sammi and The Situation. NO. The Situation and Pauly D both answer for Ronnie and tell the hostess that Ronnie is mad because he has ALWAYS been straight up with Sammi and he cares so much for her that he would never lie.
Sammi asks Ronnie if the clip was really that bad. He cuts her off and says that she always says that and then imitates her "was it that bad?" He tells her to put herself in his position. JWOW never sat on his bed talking to him about Sammi, he never hooked up with anyone in the house. "Put yourself in my position and then come talk to me." Good point.
Angelina says that they break up and get back together all the time, so she thinks they'll be back together right away. Sammi says that it's really over this time and "It's Done." Ronnie says "I guess it's done, then." Drama.
Sammi: "I mean if he's gonna ruin something that's so good over that, then that's his problem."
When the show goes to break Ronnie, goes back to sit with the cast and Sammi goes off-stage to the bathroom.
When we come back, Sammi is back with the rest of the cast. HA!
SNOOKI - In the Hot Seat
Snickers, Snooki whatever. She's got lots of nicknames. The Situation and Snickers have totally hooked up since the last night at the shore house, but they're not dishing details. She could do worse...
Everyone hated the stupid duck phone and Snickers really misses the shore. She says the guy who hit her in the face never apologized to her personally and she's over it.
Now we get a montage of the FIST PUMP!! Pauly D says that you fight the beat every night you go out. Ronnie is the best dancer and The Situation is the worst and Vinny is the best Fist Pumper. Oh jeez.
We'll miss you guys!!
Jersey Shore, Season 1, Season Finale
Last time the roommates went to Atlantic City, everyone hated on The Situation, Pauly D got a stalker and Ronnie got arrested.
The roommates - sans Ronnie - arrive at the house. Snickers is asking Sammi what she wants to do about Ronnie. She asks if she should call 911 and Sammi says "No, I think that's emergency or something." You THINK? Jeez. Snickers decides to call the local police department.
Vinny goes upstairs and tells Pauly D and the stalker (WTF?) that Ronnie got arrested. Um, why is Pauly D with the stalker? I forgot that they left the club together. Pauly D, if she's a stalker and you guys have only kissed, imagine how much worse it will be when you finally have sex with her. She will NEVER leave you alone.
Snickers talks to the police and they tell her that Ronnie's bail will be set at 6:30AM. Until then, he will be locked up. Sammi is dramatic and, again, manages to make this about her. She tells us that she has slept with Ronnie every night since she got to the shore and this is the first night she will be by herself. Hey Princess, I bet it's much worse for Ronnie. Plus, it's 3:30AM, so you only need to sleep for 3 HOURS by yourself. Dumb.
Well, it turned out to be longer than 3 hours because no one in that house could be bothered to get up at 6:30 to check on Ronnie. Instead, they practically sleep through his phone call at 9AM! The phone is quacking and everyone is sound asleep. FINALLY, Sammi picks up the phone and tells him she will pick him up.
Sammi arrives at Ocean County Jail to pick up Ronnie. At least his Ed Hardy shirt isn't glowing in the daylight - but it is still sparkly. Sammi takes him home and hugs him when they get out of the car. I bet he smells RIPE...you know, a little like jail, alcohol and AXE body spray. The Situation walks in and starts laughing because he doesn't know what to say. I get that - what do you say to someone who just gets out of jail? He and Sammi get in bed and nap. BUT not without her letting him know that she did not like him going to jail and that she had to sleep alone.
The other boys are all downstairs trying to figure out what to do tonight. Last day of Summer!!! The Situation gets on the phone and starts to call girls to meet up with them. None of them answer, so the guys decide to do a "guys night out". Snickers says that she only wants to see Keith. He's the best guy she's met all summer so she wants to spend her last weekend at the shore with him.
JWOW and Snickers are talking about Snickers calling Cowboy Keith and asking him out on a date. Snickers calls and leaves him a message asking if he wants to hang out.
HAHA. JWOW, The Situation and another guy are hanging out on the boardwalk in front of the T-shirt shop. JWOW says she doesn't want her bf, Tom, to come to the shore because she sees all the "gorillas" on the beach. A "gorilla" is a juice-head, muscle-man, steroid guy. Apparently, this is attractive. JWOW comes home to get Snickers out. She tells her to get up and get ready because it's "Gorilla central out there. Juiceheads EVERYWHERE."
Snickers tells us that a juicehead is a "hot, Italian, tan guy ... typically muscle-y." Um, I think a juicehead is someone who is on steroids, Snickers. Now they are walking on the beach and Snickers is pissed because she doesn't see any guido juiceheads.
The rest of the roommates all head out to the beach. They realize that they haven't been on the beach all summer. The Situation starts creepin' right away. Vinny is making fun of him because most of the girls look like they are in high school.
Snickers leaves the beach to ask Keith out on a date. I don't know why she's so desperate to find a date. Who cares? You're at the shore. Enjoy it!! Keith answers and Snickers asks him what he's doing. She's gets a little demanding. She asks: "Are you coming to Seaside or not?" Keith says that he wasn't planning on it but he needs to ask his buddy Dave. Snickers tells him that she's not asking his friend, Dave, she's asking him. He says he's really flattered and that he'd like to see her, but he needs to ask his friend. I'm guessing he doesn't have a car and needs to get a ride to Seaside.
Snickers tells us that they were supposed to have this date together - but I think it was just in her head. I don't think Keith knew anything about this date. She gets pissy and tells Keith that he should just say no if he doesn't want to hang out. Keith tells her that he'd like to see her but he's not sure if he can. Then he says that he feels bad and doesn't want to screw up her plans. Snickers gets all batshit crazy on him:
Snickers: "Why did you make me like you for no reason if you won't even hang out with me?"
Keith: "Whoa. What do you mean? How did I make you like me?"
Snickers: "Are you serious? I look like an a**hole right now honestly."
Keith: "I apologize. Things don't always work out well."
Snicker: "Wow. I guess I wasted my time. 'Bye."
Um, Snickers, if you look like an a**hole, it's your own damn fault. Seriously. Keith actually sounds like a pretty nice - albeit totally dumb and clueless - guy. She just turned into Danielle, the Stalker, a little right then. Snickers decides to hit the boardwalk. She's walking by a party and decides to dance on the boardwalk by herself. No joke. She just literally started dancing by herself. She looks up and sees her ex-boyfriend and she's still in love with him. She asks him to come to her house and he says "NO." Snickers tells us that she "boned him for 8 months" and still has feelings for him and he couldn't even say hi to her. She storms off down the boardwalk.
Snickers is back at the house, applying more bronzer and whining/crying about seeing her ex. Snickers: "I f*****' hate guys. I should be a f*****' lesbian."
The boys go to Captain Hooks for "Bro's Night". This place is like a "Chuckie Cheese for dudes" - The Situation. It really is. Skeet ball, air hockey, arcade....The boys talk about keeping in touch and what they are going to do after the show. Cute.
Sammi and Ronnie go out to dinner at Connolly Station in Belmar. Ronnie is SO whipped. He is just in love with Sammi. He thinks she's so hot. They talk about moving forward beyond the Jersey Shore. I give it a month.
Back at the house Snickers is crying. The Situation tries to calm her down. He tells her that if a guy doesn't like her, it's his loss and there are so many more to replace him. The Situation tells her that he's not inviting any girls over tonight and it's just roommates. So he tells her to come hang out with them. The Situation says that they are like a family and he doesn't like to see Snickers crying because she's like his sister. Ok, if that's true, then the fact that they are going to hook up is totally disgusting.
Vinny tells Snickers to snap out of it. I think he's tired of her whining around the house. I'm with Vinnie - she is annoying. Snickers asks Pauly D if he had a date and he says no. She says that's really sad. Vinny tells them that he doesn't feel sorry for Pauly D at all because he's ridiculously, ridiculously good-looking. Pauly D tells Vinny that he has really good taste in men. HA!
Vinny finally "gets The Situation" back for the Haterade. He dresses a big, red, stuffed bulldog in a T-Shirt that says "The Situation's #1 Girl." HAH. The Situation comes into the room and starts cracking up.
Snickers and The Situation are the only ones who decide to go in the hot tub. No one else wanted to go up there. They are drinking and he takes off her top. Then they start making out. The Situation tells us that he had to get out because he didn't want to go too far because he thinks of her as a sister. AGAIN...EW.
The roomies are making the last dinner. The Situation is putting together his "sausage and peppers and potatoes", Ronnie's doing the grill, JWOW is making a salad. Pauly D tells us that they are having "a nice little bbq". I wish I could write his accent. I love it!! They are all recounting the summer and the fights with Angelina and then the fight with JWOW and The Sitch in Atlantic City.
They are all on the roof talking. They are so cute. They are totally an Italian family. I love it!
The next day, The Situation leaves first. You can tell that they are Italian because they all tell each other they love each other - even the guys. The rest leave one by one.
I can't wait until next summer!!!
The roommates - sans Ronnie - arrive at the house. Snickers is asking Sammi what she wants to do about Ronnie. She asks if she should call 911 and Sammi says "No, I think that's emergency or something." You THINK? Jeez. Snickers decides to call the local police department.
Vinny goes upstairs and tells Pauly D and the stalker (WTF?) that Ronnie got arrested. Um, why is Pauly D with the stalker? I forgot that they left the club together. Pauly D, if she's a stalker and you guys have only kissed, imagine how much worse it will be when you finally have sex with her. She will NEVER leave you alone.
Snickers talks to the police and they tell her that Ronnie's bail will be set at 6:30AM. Until then, he will be locked up. Sammi is dramatic and, again, manages to make this about her. She tells us that she has slept with Ronnie every night since she got to the shore and this is the first night she will be by herself. Hey Princess, I bet it's much worse for Ronnie. Plus, it's 3:30AM, so you only need to sleep for 3 HOURS by yourself. Dumb.
Well, it turned out to be longer than 3 hours because no one in that house could be bothered to get up at 6:30 to check on Ronnie. Instead, they practically sleep through his phone call at 9AM! The phone is quacking and everyone is sound asleep. FINALLY, Sammi picks up the phone and tells him she will pick him up.
Sammi arrives at Ocean County Jail to pick up Ronnie. At least his Ed Hardy shirt isn't glowing in the daylight - but it is still sparkly. Sammi takes him home and hugs him when they get out of the car. I bet he smells RIPE...you know, a little like jail, alcohol and AXE body spray. The Situation walks in and starts laughing because he doesn't know what to say. I get that - what do you say to someone who just gets out of jail? He and Sammi get in bed and nap. BUT not without her letting him know that she did not like him going to jail and that she had to sleep alone.
The other boys are all downstairs trying to figure out what to do tonight. Last day of Summer!!! The Situation gets on the phone and starts to call girls to meet up with them. None of them answer, so the guys decide to do a "guys night out". Snickers says that she only wants to see Keith. He's the best guy she's met all summer so she wants to spend her last weekend at the shore with him.
JWOW and Snickers are talking about Snickers calling Cowboy Keith and asking him out on a date. Snickers calls and leaves him a message asking if he wants to hang out.
HAHA. JWOW, The Situation and another guy are hanging out on the boardwalk in front of the T-shirt shop. JWOW says she doesn't want her bf, Tom, to come to the shore because she sees all the "gorillas" on the beach. A "gorilla" is a juice-head, muscle-man, steroid guy. Apparently, this is attractive. JWOW comes home to get Snickers out. She tells her to get up and get ready because it's "Gorilla central out there. Juiceheads EVERYWHERE."
Snickers tells us that a juicehead is a "hot, Italian, tan guy ... typically muscle-y." Um, I think a juicehead is someone who is on steroids, Snickers. Now they are walking on the beach and Snickers is pissed because she doesn't see any guido juiceheads.
The rest of the roommates all head out to the beach. They realize that they haven't been on the beach all summer. The Situation starts creepin' right away. Vinny is making fun of him because most of the girls look like they are in high school.
Snickers leaves the beach to ask Keith out on a date. I don't know why she's so desperate to find a date. Who cares? You're at the shore. Enjoy it!! Keith answers and Snickers asks him what he's doing. She's gets a little demanding. She asks: "Are you coming to Seaside or not?" Keith says that he wasn't planning on it but he needs to ask his buddy Dave. Snickers tells him that she's not asking his friend, Dave, she's asking him. He says he's really flattered and that he'd like to see her, but he needs to ask his friend. I'm guessing he doesn't have a car and needs to get a ride to Seaside.
Snickers tells us that they were supposed to have this date together - but I think it was just in her head. I don't think Keith knew anything about this date. She gets pissy and tells Keith that he should just say no if he doesn't want to hang out. Keith tells her that he'd like to see her but he's not sure if he can. Then he says that he feels bad and doesn't want to screw up her plans. Snickers gets all batshit crazy on him:
Snickers: "Why did you make me like you for no reason if you won't even hang out with me?"
Keith: "Whoa. What do you mean? How did I make you like me?"
Snickers: "Are you serious? I look like an a**hole right now honestly."
Keith: "I apologize. Things don't always work out well."
Snicker: "Wow. I guess I wasted my time. 'Bye."
Um, Snickers, if you look like an a**hole, it's your own damn fault. Seriously. Keith actually sounds like a pretty nice - albeit totally dumb and clueless - guy. She just turned into Danielle, the Stalker, a little right then. Snickers decides to hit the boardwalk. She's walking by a party and decides to dance on the boardwalk by herself. No joke. She just literally started dancing by herself. She looks up and sees her ex-boyfriend and she's still in love with him. She asks him to come to her house and he says "NO." Snickers tells us that she "boned him for 8 months" and still has feelings for him and he couldn't even say hi to her. She storms off down the boardwalk.
Snickers is back at the house, applying more bronzer and whining/crying about seeing her ex. Snickers: "I f*****' hate guys. I should be a f*****' lesbian."
The boys go to Captain Hooks for "Bro's Night". This place is like a "Chuckie Cheese for dudes" - The Situation. It really is. Skeet ball, air hockey, arcade....The boys talk about keeping in touch and what they are going to do after the show. Cute.
Sammi and Ronnie go out to dinner at Connolly Station in Belmar. Ronnie is SO whipped. He is just in love with Sammi. He thinks she's so hot. They talk about moving forward beyond the Jersey Shore. I give it a month.
Back at the house Snickers is crying. The Situation tries to calm her down. He tells her that if a guy doesn't like her, it's his loss and there are so many more to replace him. The Situation tells her that he's not inviting any girls over tonight and it's just roommates. So he tells her to come hang out with them. The Situation says that they are like a family and he doesn't like to see Snickers crying because she's like his sister. Ok, if that's true, then the fact that they are going to hook up is totally disgusting.
Vinny tells Snickers to snap out of it. I think he's tired of her whining around the house. I'm with Vinnie - she is annoying. Snickers asks Pauly D if he had a date and he says no. She says that's really sad. Vinny tells them that he doesn't feel sorry for Pauly D at all because he's ridiculously, ridiculously good-looking. Pauly D tells Vinny that he has really good taste in men. HA!
Vinny finally "gets The Situation" back for the Haterade. He dresses a big, red, stuffed bulldog in a T-Shirt that says "The Situation's #1 Girl." HAH. The Situation comes into the room and starts cracking up.
Snickers and The Situation are the only ones who decide to go in the hot tub. No one else wanted to go up there. They are drinking and he takes off her top. Then they start making out. The Situation tells us that he had to get out because he didn't want to go too far because he thinks of her as a sister. AGAIN...EW.
The roomies are making the last dinner. The Situation is putting together his "sausage and peppers and potatoes", Ronnie's doing the grill, JWOW is making a salad. Pauly D tells us that they are having "a nice little bbq". I wish I could write his accent. I love it!! They are all recounting the summer and the fights with Angelina and then the fight with JWOW and The Sitch in Atlantic City.
They are all on the roof talking. They are so cute. They are totally an Italian family. I love it!
The next day, The Situation leaves first. You can tell that they are Italian because they all tell each other they love each other - even the guys. The rest leave one by one.
I can't wait until next summer!!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The Bachelor, Season 14, Episode 3
12 girls remain!! Let's get this drama started...
This week: 2 one on one dates and one group date.
Chris brings a date card. Gia reads it: "Vienna, let's fall head over heels together. Jake." Michelle is nuts and thinks she should have gotten the date.
Vienna and Jake take off on Jake's motorcycle. Jake says that Vienna is intense, fun and a little out of his comfort zone. They are hanging out and a helicopter flies down to pick them up. Vienna says she's never been in a helicopter before but she's excited. I don't why she bugs me so much. I really cannot stand her.
Back at the house, the girls are all saying that they don't understand why Jake chose her.
Jake doesn't tell Vienna where they're going. They come around a bend and Jake is nervous because he knows he's taking her bungee jumping. When she realizes that's what it is, she totally freaks out. Apparently Jake is afraid of heights, too. So they are both conquering their fears. They are both freaking out about how high they are. Jake says he's not sure if he can do this and Vienna is comforting him and encouraging him. Jake says that Vienna has a natural way of calming him down. They jump and scream and hold onto each other. FUN!!! As they are hanging upside down, he kisses her. Ugh. He's really into her. Weird.
They go back to his place and sit in front of the fireplace and eat. He asks her what she's looking for in a guy. She says what anyone would say in that position: a best friend, someone who you can talk to, someone you can have fun with, someone you can share your life with. It's a generic question with a generic answer. What's she going to say? I want a fling? No. She wants to win. So dumb.
Back at the house, the girls get the group date card. Corrie reads the names of the girls going on the group date:
Corrie - boring
Elizabeth - nanny and a bitch
Ashleigh - tripper
Tenley - sweet. Second fave
Ali - FAVE
Michelle - crazy
Kathryn - Brittany Snow/Carrie Underwood and quiet as a mouse.
Jessie - Cute
Michelle is a PIECE OF WORK. First she's pissed because she didn't get a date with Jake - any date; group date or solo date. Now she's pissed because she got a group date instead of a solo date. UGH. She needs to go.
Everyone says that they will be surprised if Vienna comes back, but they just don't realize what a sucker Jake is. He's looking for someone so badly that he will find a reason for EVERY girl to fit what he wants.
Vienna and Jake are in the jacuzzi and Jake brings out the rose. UGH! Another week of Vienna. He's so gullible. He sees what he wants to see.
Vienna walks into the mansion with her rose and everyone is in shock. She starts off telling everyone that they were in tears together. She tells them about the bungee jump. Ashleigh tells us that she'd rather watch paint dry than hear Vienna talk about her date and it baffles her that Vienna is still here. It would baffle me, too, if I didn't know Jake was such a desperate man. Vienna keeps talking and then Ali asks how many kisses there were in a joking way and Vienna gets all "too cool for school" and says that she doesn't want to tell and gets up and goes upstairs. UGH. I really do NOT like Vienna. So obnoxious. Ali is totally confused and doesn't understand how Vienna got a rose and even came back. Jake is a cheeseball and will believe ANYTHING he hears because he DESPERATELY wants one of you ladies to be THE ONE.
Group Date!!
The girls on the date meet Jake at Universal City at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club. They all hug Jake. Jon Lovitz comes out to greet the girls. He tells them that they are going to BE the show.
Back at the house, the girls find out who gets a solo date. Vienna reads it: Ella gets the date!! WOOT! Vienna goes off about how amazing it is to have a solo date with Jake. UGH.
Jon Lovitz goes table to table to help the girls come up with their routines. Ashleigh starts crying because she's very nervous to go on stage. Jake comes over to her and Corrie. Ashleigh is just breaking down. It's nice to see her be real. Jon Lovitz tells the girls they have to perform for Jake and ... a live audience!! They are even more terrified.
Jon Lovitz comes out to the audience to introduce the girls. First up is ALI!! She tells everyone a joke that's "very elementary": Does anyone know why Tiger was looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!! Ha! Jessie is next and she asks if everyone has seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and says that her family will be in the sequel "My Family is So Fat You Can't Even Tell They're Greek." Heh.
Tenley is next and she does some weird contortionist move on the ground and puts her legs behind her head. Elizabeth does a totally raunchy routine. It's funny, but Jake is confused...because he's kind of an idiot. He says that Elizabeth went from no kissing to totally raunchy. No she didn't, Jake. She was always raunchy. She just totally played you and manipulated you into thinking that she didn't want to be kissed. Why are guys so dumb?
Kathryn is next and summons Jake to the stage and kisses him. She says there's no punchline she just wanted to see how his lips taste. Clever. Michelle is GLARING at the stage. This is like a horror film where the killer gets all angry right before they cut someone. All the other girls think Kathryn was funny and they are having a good time. Michelle looks homicidal.
Michelle is up next. She says that she noticed that the palm trees don't have coconuts on them and she wonders where they are. Then she taps her FLAT CHEST with the microphone and no one is laughing. Then she says that she says she's never been golfing, but notices she's on the green. She says she's just waiting for that "hole" to get her one on one. The audience thinks she's being totally crass and yell "BOOOOO" and don't laugh. Ali tells us that Michelle is a little "off" and there's something not quite right with her. Ya think?
Jon Lovitz announces Ashleigh's name and she says she's not ready to come down. So Corrie comes down instead. Corrie's routine is to impersonate the other girls in the house. She does Tenley and Kathryn. Then she does Vienna. She talks about how she only cares about herself and goes around topless and talks shit about everyone else in the house. Jake's smile disappears. He says that Corrie was funny but she spent the bulk of her performance "doing" Vienna and all the girls are laughing and cheering her on. Jake says that the girls are seeing a different side of Vienna and that worries him a little. It should worry you A LOT!
Ashleigh finally comes down. She does a series of Blonde jokes. They were funny!! I have a new found respect for Ashleigh. I think she's way too put together and too smart for Jake.
The girls are all on the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel. Hey! I've been there!! So cool. They are having champagne and Jake is being cheesy as usual. Tenley and Jake go somewhere to talk and she wants to talk to him about her past. Tenley tells him that she was a virgin until her wedding night and she had saved herself for and given herself to her ex-husband. He cheated on her and left her. She says that she wants to find love again and wants to love someone again. She's crying and she's sort of cheesy and sweet which is why I think she and Jake would be great together. Jake kisses her and it's super sweet and cute.
Ashleigh takes him away to talk to him. She tells us that she's worried that he wasted a rose on Vienna and she says that if Vienna is what he likes, then he won't like Ashleigh. Ashleigh tells Jake that when she returned from her date, the girls were livid and all said that if Jake likes Vienna then he won't like me. Jake asks her what is it about Vienna that he's not seeing. So Ashleigh tells him that the skit Corrie did brought up a lot of it. And she says that no one wants to hear about Vienna and Jake's intimate moments. Jake tells us that he's disappointed and surprised that Vienna did that. You shouldn't be, Jake. Jake's realizing that Vienna is the controversial person in the house.
Back at the house, Gia tells Vienna that no one wants drama here and everyone wants to have a good time and find love. Gia tells her that there's unnecessary drama going on and people think that Vienna's the cause. Ella and Vanishia chime in and tell her that she just gets in everyone's face and that the girls get along better when she's not around. Gia tells her that if Vienna is here for Jake, he will sense that and know it. Vienna says that she doesn't care what all the girls think of her. She only cares about Jake. Gia says that she is the ONLY person who is there for Vienna and Vienna is losing her. Vienna says she's done with the conversation because all three of the girls are FAKE as can be. Gia tells Vienna that she's the only person who has stuck up for Vienna and Vienna is calling HER OUT! Vienna says she's done and that every girl in the house is fake and she storms out of the room. Drama. Vienna goes upstairs and writes Jake a letter. She's nutty, too.
Jake pulls Ali away for some alone time. Jake apologizes because he felt that they had this amazing date, but then hasn't really spent much time with her since the date. Ali says she is really happy to hear him say that. He kisses her and it's sweet. She tells him that it has been really hard and that she almost cried when Vienna came home with the rose because Vienna is so fundamentally different from Ali.
The girls all toast Corrie for being brave and honest during her stand up routine. Michelle does not "cheers" and they ask her why she isn't toasting. Michelle just says that the time she spends one on one with Jake is going to be about her and Jake. Um...what? That wasn't the question. She tells the girls that she's here to find love and get married. She tells us that she feels a connection with Jake and she's ready to get married and give her mom another grandbaby. She claims that she's not desperate, but that's all I hear and see when she's on screen.
Ali tells Michelle that she hopes Michelle opens up to everyone because Jake wants someone who can do that and who is able to do that. Michelle gets real defensive and tells Ali that Ali got mad when he kissed other girls and Michelle tells her that she is only here to marry Jake. Ali says that she's not attacking Michelle. Michelle says that she felt attacked and that she's only here for love and marriage. Ali says that she was only trying to help and Michelle says that she doesn't need help from anyone. So Ali says she won't say anything to her anymore. Jeez...that Michelle is a ticking time bomb. Jessie tells us that you have to walk on eggshells around Michelle because she gets so defensive about EVERYTHING. She and Vienna should be quarantined together.
Elizabeth tells Michelle that the way she's reacting is like no one else is there for love but everyone is there to find love. Michelle just repeats that she's there for love and marriage. Ali tells her that she doesn't have to be mean about it and Michelle yells that she's never been mean and to tell her a situation where she's been mean. Ali tells her that she's being mean right now. So Michelle gets up and walks away. WOW. Elizabeth tells us that what Michelle needs is a therapist not a husband. SO TRUE!!
Michelle FINALLY gets her alone time with Jake. She starts by telling Jake that she's not overly emotional or dramatic or anything. YEAH RIGHT. Then she tells him that she's honestly here for love. She starts to break down and says that she feels she's the only person who's here for that reason. OMG. Please, Jake, please see the craziness before you and send it home. Then she tells Jake that she really, really, really wants a husband and Jake tells her that he believes her. HA! She tells him that when she packed her bags last time she was honestly thinking that she doesn't know if she can continue this process without knowing if he feels the same way she does. SAY YOU DON'T, JAKE!! Then, Michelle asks him if it would be awkward if she were to ask if she could kiss him. WTF?? She says she wants to see if she feels something. So she kisses him and tells him that he needs to give her something more than that. WHAT??? SEND HER HOME!!! What is wrong with her? Jake is looking down and Michelle asks him why. He says that he's ready for this night to be over so he can go home and digest everything. Michelle says she understands how he's feeling and that she can't stay. She says that she wants to stay, but to spend this alone time with him and not really be able to kiss him hurts her. WHAT? They totally kissed. She's crazy. Tell her not to let the door hit her on her ass on the way out!!
She tells Jake that if he wants her to stay she will. Jake says "Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave." YAY!!! GO JAKE!! WOOT!! She can't believe he said that and she's pissed because she didn't think that's how things would turn out. She thought he would beg her to stay. But I guess he can smell crazy - it takes him awhile, but when he gets it, he gets it. See ya! She tells the girls she's leaving and they are surprised. Jake walks Michelle out to get a cab and sends her on her way.
HAHA. She interviews that certain people felt that she was the one for Jake but he kicked her to the curb. She had no clue. Well, she's right about that. She has NO CLUE!!!
Jake tells the other girls that he sent Michelle home. He says that the moment he knows that a girl is not the one for him, he will ask them to go. No one wants to waste their time. He thanks them for being such good sports, but it's been a crazy night and he's not giving anyone a rose tonight.
Next day is Ella's solo date and she's excited. Jake takes her outside to a helicopter landing in front of the house for the two of them.
Back at the house, Vienna goes downstairs and talks to the girls. She apologizes to all the girls and says that she will respect all of them. Vienna tells Ali that she understood why Ali was upset now that she's had a solo date with Jake. Ali tells Vienna that she was upset - not because someone else got a solo date - but because the solo date was with Vienna and Vienna came back. Then Ali says that Vienna talks badly about everyone in the house so she's skeptical. Vienna starts crying and tells the girls that she's being sincere with her apology. Ashleigh tells us that Vienna wanted a quick fix. Anyone can apologize, but that doesn't mean it was sincere. Vienna is in a lose-lose situation right now. Her only hope is to appeal to some of the more gullible girls in the house and have them say something good about her to Jake.
Jake and Ella are in the helicopter flying around LA. He tells her he's taking her to Sea World for her birthday!! She's so excited about the dolphins and whales. He thanks her for being here and for taking time away from her family. And then, he gives her a huge surprise: ETHAN, her son comes running up to her with a picture he drew for her. Ella is so happy and crying and kissing him. I'm totally crying. These reunions KILL ME. The three of them spend the day at Sea World. Jake gave Ethan another toy plane since Ella gave Jake Ethan's favorite toy plane. Ethan is cute. He's talking about his planes with Jake. Jake admits that he was nervous about meeting Ethan and tells Ella that he was worried she would think it was too soon. I actually think it is too soon. Especially since we all know Ella doesn't win. It really sucks to put a 7 year old boy in the middle of things.
Ella and Jake talk and she says what Jake wants to hear. Ella and Ethan say good-bye. Jake and Ella go to dinner and he gives her a rose. UGH. Don't get me wrong. Ella is a wonderful mother and great woman, but he's not ready for her. She's a mom and seems so much older and more mature than 29. They just seem oddly matched.
It's cocktail party time. Jake takes Elizabeth outside to talk. Elizabeth tells us that last time she told Jake not to kiss her so Jake needs to stay true to his convictions and not try to kiss her. UGH. This is so annoying. Then stop coming onto him and trying to get him to kiss you, Elizabeth! They sit down together and Elizabeth asks Jake if he's good at back rubs. Here we go. He says yes. Jake tells us that he thinks he sitting with the queen of mixed signals. I think you're right, Jake! It's calling "playing games". He tells us that he's not supposed to kiss her but physically she's all over him. Yup. That's how the game is played. Jake tells Elizabeth that he feels like she's playing games with him. Because she says not to kiss him, but then she admits that she wants to kiss him. Jake says that he knows some couples don't kiss for spiritual reasons and he doesn't think that's the reason with Elizabeth. She tells him it's not. Then Jake tells her that if she's using not kissing to tease him, that's wrong. Elizabeth gets defensive and says she's not teasing him - but she totally is - and says that her problem with Jake is that he's kissing every other girl. Jake says that kissing is how he shows affection and Elizabeth tells him that she does, too. Jake tells her that's fine, but then he tells her not to tease him. HA! Elizabeth tells Jake that she's not teasing him!! She tells him that maybe she'll let him kiss her. ANNOYING.
Jake tells us that Elizabeth is really confusing. Jake tells us that she wants him to kiss her, but she won't let him kiss her, but she's going to tease him about how much she wants to kiss him. Dumb. She's out - send her ass home. Vienna comes up to them and Elizabeth tells her to wait because they aren't ready yet. Vienna just says I'm sorry and takes Jake away. That's how it's done. Sorry. Elizabeth is mad because Vienna has a rose and doesn't need the alone time. So Elizabeth goes and talks to the other girls and tells them that Jake wanted her to kiss him but feels that Elizabeth is sending him mixed signals. Elizabeth tells the girls that Jake thinks she's a tease. Elizabeth doesn't understand. Ok, well, he thinks you're playing games because YOU ARE PLAYING GAMES. He thinks you're a tease because YOU ARE A TEASE! I hope that helps.
Vienna is crying to Jake that it's hard for her to be at the house. Vienna tells Jake that she knows the girls have told him that she talks about them and says things. But Vienna tells Jake that she's not a bad person. She's just honest and the girls are all taking it the wrong way. Jake tells her to stay focused and true to herself. Is he serious? Dumbass.
Vienna walks back inside and tells the girls that she interrupted Elizabeth and Jake. Ali asked Vienna if she knew that there were other people who hadn't had alone time with Jake. Vienna says that she wanted to explain some things to him. Corrie tells us that she thinks it was messed up that Vienna interrupted Jake and Elizabeth. I have to say that the girls are just pissed because it was Vienna. If it had been Ella, they wouldn't have said a word, but because it's Vienna, they are mad. I don't like Vienna so it doesn't bother me that the girls all jump on her for this. :)
Elizabeth is crying to the other girls outside because she felt like she needed to talk to Jake longer. So, Elizabeth goes inside and goes to the bathroom. Ali tells Vienna that it wasn't right for her to take alone time. Vienna kind of blows Ali off and Ali just tells her that she wants her to be aware of what she did. Elizabeth tells us that she could get a date any day of the week, but she wants more. She wants to find love. Then she tells us that Jake needs to remember that she needs to pick him, too. Not just Jake picking her. Hmmm.
So Elizabeth goes back in and steals some more alone time with Jake. Elizabeth tells Jake that she's upset and hurt because she feels that he needs to kiss her in order to know whether or not to keep her. Jake says that's not it at all. He says that, during the fireworks, he felt like she was using a kiss like dangling a carrot. Jake tells us that he doesn't think Elizabeth has herself figured out and that she felt like she needed to control the situation.
Rose Ceremony. The girls who get roses are:
Vienna - on the date
Ella - on the date
Gia - hmmm. She's cute.
Corrie - boring, but funny this episode.
Tenley - Yay!
Ali - WOOT!!!
Jessie - cute, but no chemistry.
Kathryn - cute, but also no chemistry.
Final Rose goes to: Ashleigh!!
Elizabeth and Vanishia are going home. Oh damn. Vanishia says that she put her "homemaker" life on hold to find love. And it didn't work out and ... she cries. Elizabeth asks Jake what happened and she tells him she should have kissed him and he says it's not that. Elizabeth says that she's upset because she thought they had a connection and it hurt her feelings. I think Elizabeth tried to play a game and she lost.
See you next week!!
This week: 2 one on one dates and one group date.
Chris brings a date card. Gia reads it: "Vienna, let's fall head over heels together. Jake." Michelle is nuts and thinks she should have gotten the date.
Vienna and Jake take off on Jake's motorcycle. Jake says that Vienna is intense, fun and a little out of his comfort zone. They are hanging out and a helicopter flies down to pick them up. Vienna says she's never been in a helicopter before but she's excited. I don't why she bugs me so much. I really cannot stand her.
Back at the house, the girls are all saying that they don't understand why Jake chose her.
Jake doesn't tell Vienna where they're going. They come around a bend and Jake is nervous because he knows he's taking her bungee jumping. When she realizes that's what it is, she totally freaks out. Apparently Jake is afraid of heights, too. So they are both conquering their fears. They are both freaking out about how high they are. Jake says he's not sure if he can do this and Vienna is comforting him and encouraging him. Jake says that Vienna has a natural way of calming him down. They jump and scream and hold onto each other. FUN!!! As they are hanging upside down, he kisses her. Ugh. He's really into her. Weird.
They go back to his place and sit in front of the fireplace and eat. He asks her what she's looking for in a guy. She says what anyone would say in that position: a best friend, someone who you can talk to, someone you can have fun with, someone you can share your life with. It's a generic question with a generic answer. What's she going to say? I want a fling? No. She wants to win. So dumb.
Back at the house, the girls get the group date card. Corrie reads the names of the girls going on the group date:
Corrie - boring
Elizabeth - nanny and a bitch
Ashleigh - tripper
Tenley - sweet. Second fave
Ali - FAVE
Michelle - crazy
Kathryn - Brittany Snow/Carrie Underwood and quiet as a mouse.
Jessie - Cute
Michelle is a PIECE OF WORK. First she's pissed because she didn't get a date with Jake - any date; group date or solo date. Now she's pissed because she got a group date instead of a solo date. UGH. She needs to go.
Everyone says that they will be surprised if Vienna comes back, but they just don't realize what a sucker Jake is. He's looking for someone so badly that he will find a reason for EVERY girl to fit what he wants.
Vienna and Jake are in the jacuzzi and Jake brings out the rose. UGH! Another week of Vienna. He's so gullible. He sees what he wants to see.
Vienna walks into the mansion with her rose and everyone is in shock. She starts off telling everyone that they were in tears together. She tells them about the bungee jump. Ashleigh tells us that she'd rather watch paint dry than hear Vienna talk about her date and it baffles her that Vienna is still here. It would baffle me, too, if I didn't know Jake was such a desperate man. Vienna keeps talking and then Ali asks how many kisses there were in a joking way and Vienna gets all "too cool for school" and says that she doesn't want to tell and gets up and goes upstairs. UGH. I really do NOT like Vienna. So obnoxious. Ali is totally confused and doesn't understand how Vienna got a rose and even came back. Jake is a cheeseball and will believe ANYTHING he hears because he DESPERATELY wants one of you ladies to be THE ONE.
Group Date!!
The girls on the date meet Jake at Universal City at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club. They all hug Jake. Jon Lovitz comes out to greet the girls. He tells them that they are going to BE the show.
Back at the house, the girls find out who gets a solo date. Vienna reads it: Ella gets the date!! WOOT! Vienna goes off about how amazing it is to have a solo date with Jake. UGH.
Jon Lovitz goes table to table to help the girls come up with their routines. Ashleigh starts crying because she's very nervous to go on stage. Jake comes over to her and Corrie. Ashleigh is just breaking down. It's nice to see her be real. Jon Lovitz tells the girls they have to perform for Jake and ... a live audience!! They are even more terrified.
Jon Lovitz comes out to the audience to introduce the girls. First up is ALI!! She tells everyone a joke that's "very elementary": Does anyone know why Tiger was looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!! Ha! Jessie is next and she asks if everyone has seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and says that her family will be in the sequel "My Family is So Fat You Can't Even Tell They're Greek." Heh.
Tenley is next and she does some weird contortionist move on the ground and puts her legs behind her head. Elizabeth does a totally raunchy routine. It's funny, but Jake is confused...because he's kind of an idiot. He says that Elizabeth went from no kissing to totally raunchy. No she didn't, Jake. She was always raunchy. She just totally played you and manipulated you into thinking that she didn't want to be kissed. Why are guys so dumb?
Kathryn is next and summons Jake to the stage and kisses him. She says there's no punchline she just wanted to see how his lips taste. Clever. Michelle is GLARING at the stage. This is like a horror film where the killer gets all angry right before they cut someone. All the other girls think Kathryn was funny and they are having a good time. Michelle looks homicidal.
Michelle is up next. She says that she noticed that the palm trees don't have coconuts on them and she wonders where they are. Then she taps her FLAT CHEST with the microphone and no one is laughing. Then she says that she says she's never been golfing, but notices she's on the green. She says she's just waiting for that "hole" to get her one on one. The audience thinks she's being totally crass and yell "BOOOOO" and don't laugh. Ali tells us that Michelle is a little "off" and there's something not quite right with her. Ya think?
Jon Lovitz announces Ashleigh's name and she says she's not ready to come down. So Corrie comes down instead. Corrie's routine is to impersonate the other girls in the house. She does Tenley and Kathryn. Then she does Vienna. She talks about how she only cares about herself and goes around topless and talks shit about everyone else in the house. Jake's smile disappears. He says that Corrie was funny but she spent the bulk of her performance "doing" Vienna and all the girls are laughing and cheering her on. Jake says that the girls are seeing a different side of Vienna and that worries him a little. It should worry you A LOT!
Ashleigh finally comes down. She does a series of Blonde jokes. They were funny!! I have a new found respect for Ashleigh. I think she's way too put together and too smart for Jake.
The girls are all on the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel. Hey! I've been there!! So cool. They are having champagne and Jake is being cheesy as usual. Tenley and Jake go somewhere to talk and she wants to talk to him about her past. Tenley tells him that she was a virgin until her wedding night and she had saved herself for and given herself to her ex-husband. He cheated on her and left her. She says that she wants to find love again and wants to love someone again. She's crying and she's sort of cheesy and sweet which is why I think she and Jake would be great together. Jake kisses her and it's super sweet and cute.
Ashleigh takes him away to talk to him. She tells us that she's worried that he wasted a rose on Vienna and she says that if Vienna is what he likes, then he won't like Ashleigh. Ashleigh tells Jake that when she returned from her date, the girls were livid and all said that if Jake likes Vienna then he won't like me. Jake asks her what is it about Vienna that he's not seeing. So Ashleigh tells him that the skit Corrie did brought up a lot of it. And she says that no one wants to hear about Vienna and Jake's intimate moments. Jake tells us that he's disappointed and surprised that Vienna did that. You shouldn't be, Jake. Jake's realizing that Vienna is the controversial person in the house.
Back at the house, Gia tells Vienna that no one wants drama here and everyone wants to have a good time and find love. Gia tells her that there's unnecessary drama going on and people think that Vienna's the cause. Ella and Vanishia chime in and tell her that she just gets in everyone's face and that the girls get along better when she's not around. Gia tells her that if Vienna is here for Jake, he will sense that and know it. Vienna says that she doesn't care what all the girls think of her. She only cares about Jake. Gia says that she is the ONLY person who is there for Vienna and Vienna is losing her. Vienna says she's done with the conversation because all three of the girls are FAKE as can be. Gia tells Vienna that she's the only person who has stuck up for Vienna and Vienna is calling HER OUT! Vienna says she's done and that every girl in the house is fake and she storms out of the room. Drama. Vienna goes upstairs and writes Jake a letter. She's nutty, too.
Jake pulls Ali away for some alone time. Jake apologizes because he felt that they had this amazing date, but then hasn't really spent much time with her since the date. Ali says she is really happy to hear him say that. He kisses her and it's sweet. She tells him that it has been really hard and that she almost cried when Vienna came home with the rose because Vienna is so fundamentally different from Ali.
The girls all toast Corrie for being brave and honest during her stand up routine. Michelle does not "cheers" and they ask her why she isn't toasting. Michelle just says that the time she spends one on one with Jake is going to be about her and Jake. Um...what? That wasn't the question. She tells the girls that she's here to find love and get married. She tells us that she feels a connection with Jake and she's ready to get married and give her mom another grandbaby. She claims that she's not desperate, but that's all I hear and see when she's on screen.
Ali tells Michelle that she hopes Michelle opens up to everyone because Jake wants someone who can do that and who is able to do that. Michelle gets real defensive and tells Ali that Ali got mad when he kissed other girls and Michelle tells her that she is only here to marry Jake. Ali says that she's not attacking Michelle. Michelle says that she felt attacked and that she's only here for love and marriage. Ali says that she was only trying to help and Michelle says that she doesn't need help from anyone. So Ali says she won't say anything to her anymore. Jeez...that Michelle is a ticking time bomb. Jessie tells us that you have to walk on eggshells around Michelle because she gets so defensive about EVERYTHING. She and Vienna should be quarantined together.
Elizabeth tells Michelle that the way she's reacting is like no one else is there for love but everyone is there to find love. Michelle just repeats that she's there for love and marriage. Ali tells her that she doesn't have to be mean about it and Michelle yells that she's never been mean and to tell her a situation where she's been mean. Ali tells her that she's being mean right now. So Michelle gets up and walks away. WOW. Elizabeth tells us that what Michelle needs is a therapist not a husband. SO TRUE!!
Michelle FINALLY gets her alone time with Jake. She starts by telling Jake that she's not overly emotional or dramatic or anything. YEAH RIGHT. Then she tells him that she's honestly here for love. She starts to break down and says that she feels she's the only person who's here for that reason. OMG. Please, Jake, please see the craziness before you and send it home. Then she tells Jake that she really, really, really wants a husband and Jake tells her that he believes her. HA! She tells him that when she packed her bags last time she was honestly thinking that she doesn't know if she can continue this process without knowing if he feels the same way she does. SAY YOU DON'T, JAKE!! Then, Michelle asks him if it would be awkward if she were to ask if she could kiss him. WTF?? She says she wants to see if she feels something. So she kisses him and tells him that he needs to give her something more than that. WHAT??? SEND HER HOME!!! What is wrong with her? Jake is looking down and Michelle asks him why. He says that he's ready for this night to be over so he can go home and digest everything. Michelle says she understands how he's feeling and that she can't stay. She says that she wants to stay, but to spend this alone time with him and not really be able to kiss him hurts her. WHAT? They totally kissed. She's crazy. Tell her not to let the door hit her on her ass on the way out!!
She tells Jake that if he wants her to stay she will. Jake says "Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave." YAY!!! GO JAKE!! WOOT!! She can't believe he said that and she's pissed because she didn't think that's how things would turn out. She thought he would beg her to stay. But I guess he can smell crazy - it takes him awhile, but when he gets it, he gets it. See ya! She tells the girls she's leaving and they are surprised. Jake walks Michelle out to get a cab and sends her on her way.
HAHA. She interviews that certain people felt that she was the one for Jake but he kicked her to the curb. She had no clue. Well, she's right about that. She has NO CLUE!!!
Jake tells the other girls that he sent Michelle home. He says that the moment he knows that a girl is not the one for him, he will ask them to go. No one wants to waste their time. He thanks them for being such good sports, but it's been a crazy night and he's not giving anyone a rose tonight.
Next day is Ella's solo date and she's excited. Jake takes her outside to a helicopter landing in front of the house for the two of them.
Back at the house, Vienna goes downstairs and talks to the girls. She apologizes to all the girls and says that she will respect all of them. Vienna tells Ali that she understood why Ali was upset now that she's had a solo date with Jake. Ali tells Vienna that she was upset - not because someone else got a solo date - but because the solo date was with Vienna and Vienna came back. Then Ali says that Vienna talks badly about everyone in the house so she's skeptical. Vienna starts crying and tells the girls that she's being sincere with her apology. Ashleigh tells us that Vienna wanted a quick fix. Anyone can apologize, but that doesn't mean it was sincere. Vienna is in a lose-lose situation right now. Her only hope is to appeal to some of the more gullible girls in the house and have them say something good about her to Jake.
Jake and Ella are in the helicopter flying around LA. He tells her he's taking her to Sea World for her birthday!! She's so excited about the dolphins and whales. He thanks her for being here and for taking time away from her family. And then, he gives her a huge surprise: ETHAN, her son comes running up to her with a picture he drew for her. Ella is so happy and crying and kissing him. I'm totally crying. These reunions KILL ME. The three of them spend the day at Sea World. Jake gave Ethan another toy plane since Ella gave Jake Ethan's favorite toy plane. Ethan is cute. He's talking about his planes with Jake. Jake admits that he was nervous about meeting Ethan and tells Ella that he was worried she would think it was too soon. I actually think it is too soon. Especially since we all know Ella doesn't win. It really sucks to put a 7 year old boy in the middle of things.
Ella and Jake talk and she says what Jake wants to hear. Ella and Ethan say good-bye. Jake and Ella go to dinner and he gives her a rose. UGH. Don't get me wrong. Ella is a wonderful mother and great woman, but he's not ready for her. She's a mom and seems so much older and more mature than 29. They just seem oddly matched.
It's cocktail party time. Jake takes Elizabeth outside to talk. Elizabeth tells us that last time she told Jake not to kiss her so Jake needs to stay true to his convictions and not try to kiss her. UGH. This is so annoying. Then stop coming onto him and trying to get him to kiss you, Elizabeth! They sit down together and Elizabeth asks Jake if he's good at back rubs. Here we go. He says yes. Jake tells us that he thinks he sitting with the queen of mixed signals. I think you're right, Jake! It's calling "playing games". He tells us that he's not supposed to kiss her but physically she's all over him. Yup. That's how the game is played. Jake tells Elizabeth that he feels like she's playing games with him. Because she says not to kiss him, but then she admits that she wants to kiss him. Jake says that he knows some couples don't kiss for spiritual reasons and he doesn't think that's the reason with Elizabeth. She tells him it's not. Then Jake tells her that if she's using not kissing to tease him, that's wrong. Elizabeth gets defensive and says she's not teasing him - but she totally is - and says that her problem with Jake is that he's kissing every other girl. Jake says that kissing is how he shows affection and Elizabeth tells him that she does, too. Jake tells her that's fine, but then he tells her not to tease him. HA! Elizabeth tells Jake that she's not teasing him!! She tells him that maybe she'll let him kiss her. ANNOYING.
Jake tells us that Elizabeth is really confusing. Jake tells us that she wants him to kiss her, but she won't let him kiss her, but she's going to tease him about how much she wants to kiss him. Dumb. She's out - send her ass home. Vienna comes up to them and Elizabeth tells her to wait because they aren't ready yet. Vienna just says I'm sorry and takes Jake away. That's how it's done. Sorry. Elizabeth is mad because Vienna has a rose and doesn't need the alone time. So Elizabeth goes and talks to the other girls and tells them that Jake wanted her to kiss him but feels that Elizabeth is sending him mixed signals. Elizabeth tells the girls that Jake thinks she's a tease. Elizabeth doesn't understand. Ok, well, he thinks you're playing games because YOU ARE PLAYING GAMES. He thinks you're a tease because YOU ARE A TEASE! I hope that helps.
Vienna is crying to Jake that it's hard for her to be at the house. Vienna tells Jake that she knows the girls have told him that she talks about them and says things. But Vienna tells Jake that she's not a bad person. She's just honest and the girls are all taking it the wrong way. Jake tells her to stay focused and true to herself. Is he serious? Dumbass.
Vienna walks back inside and tells the girls that she interrupted Elizabeth and Jake. Ali asked Vienna if she knew that there were other people who hadn't had alone time with Jake. Vienna says that she wanted to explain some things to him. Corrie tells us that she thinks it was messed up that Vienna interrupted Jake and Elizabeth. I have to say that the girls are just pissed because it was Vienna. If it had been Ella, they wouldn't have said a word, but because it's Vienna, they are mad. I don't like Vienna so it doesn't bother me that the girls all jump on her for this. :)
Elizabeth is crying to the other girls outside because she felt like she needed to talk to Jake longer. So, Elizabeth goes inside and goes to the bathroom. Ali tells Vienna that it wasn't right for her to take alone time. Vienna kind of blows Ali off and Ali just tells her that she wants her to be aware of what she did. Elizabeth tells us that she could get a date any day of the week, but she wants more. She wants to find love. Then she tells us that Jake needs to remember that she needs to pick him, too. Not just Jake picking her. Hmmm.
So Elizabeth goes back in and steals some more alone time with Jake. Elizabeth tells Jake that she's upset and hurt because she feels that he needs to kiss her in order to know whether or not to keep her. Jake says that's not it at all. He says that, during the fireworks, he felt like she was using a kiss like dangling a carrot. Jake tells us that he doesn't think Elizabeth has herself figured out and that she felt like she needed to control the situation.
Rose Ceremony. The girls who get roses are:
Vienna - on the date
Ella - on the date
Gia - hmmm. She's cute.
Corrie - boring, but funny this episode.
Tenley - Yay!
Ali - WOOT!!!
Jessie - cute, but no chemistry.
Kathryn - cute, but also no chemistry.
Final Rose goes to: Ashleigh!!
Elizabeth and Vanishia are going home. Oh damn. Vanishia says that she put her "homemaker" life on hold to find love. And it didn't work out and ... she cries. Elizabeth asks Jake what happened and she tells him she should have kissed him and he says it's not that. Elizabeth says that she's upset because she thought they had a connection and it hurt her feelings. I think Elizabeth tried to play a game and she lost.
See you next week!!
Real Housewives OC, Season Five - Episode 8
Last time: Gretchen tried to be Alexa's mom, Vicki and Donn renewed their vows and Tamra doesn't think her marriage is as great as Simon does.
LYNNE
Lynne and her dog go for a walk with Gretchen and her dogs. Who takes their dog for a walk in high heeled flip flops? Lynne, apparently. Lynne confronts Gretchen about the talk with Alexa. Lynne says that Alexa told her that Gretchen was scared for Alexa's life. Alexa + Lynne = Drama. Gretchen tells Lynne that the last couple of times she's seen her, Alexa has mentioned being depressed. Lynne tells Gretchen that it's a hormonal thing and that Alexa even said to her that Gretchen thought Alexa was going to hurt herself. Gretchen tells Lynne that it was nothing like that, but she was concerned because she knows too many kids who get involved in drugs or end up pregnant or they do something stupid because they want someone to pay attention to them. First of all, who are all these "kids" Gretchen knows who are druggies and pregnant?
Lynne tells us that she wants to know why Gretchen has taken a sudden interest in her daughter. It's clear that Lynne feels defensive and a little taken aback that this woman wants to be her daughter's new best friend. Lynne tells us - as she stares blankly into the camera - "What [Gretchen]? Do you think you're really a great role model for my daughter that you think you can give advice? I don't." Gretchen tells Lynne that she just doesn't want Alexa to do anything for attention. Lynne tells Gretchen "until you're a parent, you really don't know what you're in for." Lynne tells us that she did not like Gretchen swooping in trying to parent her daughter. Gretchen tells Lynne that Alexa didn't take offense to Gretchen meeting with her, in fact, Alexa started crying and telling Gretchen that her parents don't pay attention to her. Why, Gretchen? Why did you have to go there? Lynne jokes that she should be cuffed and taken away for being a bad parent. Gretchen tells Lynne that she told Alexa that her parents love her, but Gretchen is there to listen anytime. Lynne just tells Gretchen that she can't wait until Gretchen has kids.
Lynne asks Gretchen what kind of teenager she was. Gretchen says that she was a tough kid and hard to deal with. Lynne tells Gretchen that she's STILL a kid and still getting into trouble. Gretchen asks how she's getting into trouble and Lynne brings up Tamra's party where Gretchen got completely DRUNK off her ass. Gretchen says that she wasn't getting into trouble. Lynne just tells Gretchen that she tries to do her best. She tries to be a good parent and talk to her daughter.
Ok, I'm Team Lynne on this one. I don't have kids and I have - more than once - given unsolicited advice to a parent about how to raise their child. I used to be a nanny, I studied child development in college, I worked at an infant development center, so sometimes I think I can give advice. But I shouldn't. It's none of my business. They are not my children and I need to BUTT OUT. Just like Gretchen should. I think that Gretchen's heart is in the right place and I see that she's reaching out to Alexa. But, if you want to SINCERELY reach out, don't do it on national television. That's just embarrassing to Alexa and Lynne. Even though I do not have kids, I can understand Lynne's perspective. I know that being a parent changes everything.
TAMRA
Tamra and Vicki are talking on the phone and Vicki apologizes for overreacting in Florida. Don't apologize, the girls should be apologizing to YOU. Vicki tells Tamra about her plans to have all the girls over for a sleepover. Tamra's in!!
GRETCHEN
Gretchen whines to Slade about her walk with Lynne. Gretchen is upset about the meeting with Lynne. She tells Slade that Lynne said that Gretchen doesn't know anything because she doesn't have kids. Well, Gretchen, Lynne kind of has a point. I know you've been a teenager but that was 13 years ago. It doesn't matter that you still act like one, you don't know what it's like to have one of your own. Then she tells Slade that Lynne said that she can't wait until Gretchen has kids as if she's hoping Gretchen has a bad situation. Ok, that's not true. I think Lynne said that because when you have kids, you understand what it feels like to have someone else butt in and try and tell you how to raise them. Slade - useless as usual - says that he's starting to feel like the doctor pulled Lynne's face a little too tight. Gretchen cackles and says "that's mean." Slade says that he doesn't understand why Lynne always plays the role of the babbling ding dong. He says that Lynne gets in these random digs at people and then laughs it off like she doesn't know what she's talking about. That's SO NOT TRUE. Lynne never takes digs at people. And, I don't think she was trying to take digs at Gretchen. I think Lynne was hurt and offended and was sticking up for herself. Gretchen tells Slade that she was really hurt by Lynne. So Slimy Slade tells Gretchen that she really needs to re-evaluate her relationships and friendships with the ladies.
TAMRA
Tamra brings Ryan Chinese food at her mom's house. Ryan is staying with her mother until he gets a job. Ryan tells Tamra about a job he is trying to get at Sylabs (?). Then he tells her that he's going to do community service instead of doing the jail time. I think he realized as he is going through the job searching process, jail time does not look so hot on the applications. Tamra brings up making amends with Simon. Ryan refuses to apologize. A few months ago, Tamra and Simon were away for the weekend and Ryan took Tamra's (really, Simon's) mercedes out for a drive with a suspended driver's license. Simon is pissed because the car is in his name and, if something happened, Simon would be responsible. Ryan won't apologize because, if he does, Simon will have the upper hand. I see Ryan's point...and Tamra's. Tamra just wants peace between her son and her husband. BUT, her husband is a controlling a**hole and Ryan sees that very clearly. So Simon has demanded an apology, which Ryan "should" give him, but because Simon DEMANDS it, Ryan doesn't want to give in. I get it, but Ryan just needs to suck it up. If for no other reason, to make his mom's life easier since she's the one who has to live with the Ed Hardy T-Shirt wearing D-bag.
LYNNE
Lynne starts to tell Frank about their walk. She starts to tell Frank that she was just being honest with Gretchen ... and the phone rings. It's Gretchen. Frank excuses himself and secretly thanks Gretchen for saving him from having to hear the recap of the park conversation. Gretchen tells Lynne that she felt like Lynne was aggressive with her on the walk and that it was hard for her. Um, aggressive? Really? Maybe they didn't film that part. WTF? Lynne tells Gretchen that she'll understand when she's a parent and she's not a parent yet, so she doesn't understand. Lynne tells her that it's hard to see Gretchen giving her daughter advice when she sees things in Gretchen's life not going perfectly. Zing! Lynne asks why Gretchen feels like she can give her daughter advice. Gretchen tells Lynne that she didn't give Alexa advice, she just told her that if she needed someone to talk to Gretchen was there to listen. I see Gretchen's point here - I think Lynne might be a little too defensive. Lynne tells Gretchen that her daughter is great and she's doing great and she's not doing things she's not supposed to be doing...."she's not on the internet." Zing! Again! Lynne is on a roll. Gretchen calls Lynne out and says that was one of those little digs. (ok, maybe she does give little digs. But this is the first time I've seen Lynne do this.) Gretchen starts getting defensive and says that she didn't put herself all over the internet. Some guy posted all those pictures. Yes, Gretchen, but you POSED for those pictures. If you POSE for pictures in pornographic positions and NAKED and someone takes pictures of you in those positions, that's almost like putting them on the internet yourself. Especially since, this is the guy she keeps claiming wasn't her boyfriend - he was just "some guy". Why would you let "some guy" take compromising photos of you NAKED?? But, I digress.
Lynne says that Gretchen is saying she's not a good parent and Gretchen interrupts and says that she's not saying that nor has she ever said that. Gretchen tells Lynne that if she feels that way, it's Lynne's issue. It's not something Gretchen is saying. I actually think that Gretchen is right on this one. Like I said, if Gretchen approached Alexa privately, away from the cameras, then I would be on Team Gretchen because Gretchen is really just offering to be a listener for Alexa and I would think that Lynne is overreacting. However, since it's on TV, I'm on Team Lynne because she feels disrespected for doing this PUBLICLY to Alexa and making her feel like a bad mom.
Lynne says that she wished Gretchen would have confronted her first before talking to Alexa. Yeah...she did. Gretchen tells Lynne that she told her she was concerned and she even asked if she could take Alexa shopping to talk to her about it!!! She's right. Lynne didn't get offended or upset until Alexa got upset about it. Whatever. Gretchen invites Frank and Lynne over for dinner at her house. Lynne agrees and Frank wishes he could not do this show anymore. Frank doesn't want to talk about it. He tells Lynne that they are making way too much out of this. AGREED.
VICKI
Michael, Vicki's son, has been playing online poker since he graduated and he's won $40K. Vicki doesn't know what he's doing but Michael hasn't asked her for money, so she's cool with it. Vicki asks Michael when he's going to start working for her. Michael says he'll be there when he runs out of money. Vicki is so controlling, but I love her so much. I just know that's how I'd be as a mother.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen and Slade are making dinner. Gretchen tells Slade that she's nervous because Lynne was really mad. I see her point. It's hard to make Lynne mad. She's always so happy and smiley. Slade tells Gretchen that Lynne's ego is bruised because Gretchen was able to get info out of Lynne's daughter that Lynne couldn't get. Dumb...and not true. Slade is such a sleezy instigator. WHY ARE YOU BACK ON THIS SHOW?? Where are YOUR kids, Slade?? It's not like you're Father of the Year. I can't stand Slade. Gretchen sounds like Simon - she tells us that ever since Lynne has been hanging out with Tamra, Gretchen has noticed a change in Lynne. It totally sounds like Simon having an issue with Tamra and Vicki. HAHA. Gretchen tells Slade to be nice because she still wants to be friends with Lynne.
Lynne and Frank show up. Lynne tells us that she wasn't sure how long they'd be there because Frank told her he would leave if someone says something that pisses him off. Someone better put a muzzle on Slade.
Gretchen starts by telling Lynne and Frank that she was not trying to offend them as parents at all. I believe that. She tells them that when she was a teenager, she could NEVER talk to her parents about anything. Gretchen tells us that she was bulimic as a teenager and never followed the rules and all she was doing was looking out for a kid who sent out the same kind of signals. Lynne tells Gretchen that she and Alexa talk all the time. It should have ended there. Gretchen should have apologized for getting involved and told Lynne it wasn't her place. She only wanted Alexa to know that she's another adult she can talk to. The end. But, it didn't end there. Lynne says that she knows every aspect of Alexa's life and SLADE opens his big fat mouth and says "You know only what she tells you. There's no way that a teenage girl will tell you every aspect of her life." Gretchen tries to interject and tells Slade to hold on. Lynne is PISSED.
Lynne interviews "Are you kidding me?" She tells us that she's heard rumors that Slade has skipped out on paying child support and that he has NO RIGHT to tell her ANYTHING about being a good parent. "He is a poser." AGREED!! Slade keeps going. He tells her that he's going to be honest with her. He says "Me being your friend, Lynne, means I'm going to be honest. And you might be pissed at me and you might not like what I have to say. But ultimately I have enough respect for you to tell you how it is. Hopefully, you get it and we remain friends." What a d-bag. Seriously. Lynne tells us that she doesn't need people telling her how to raise her kids. Especially people who let OTHER PEOPLE raise their kids. Slade says that he and Gretchen are the type of people that err on the side of caution. SINCE WHEN?? He tells Lynne that he feels better knowing that the concern for Alexa is out there and if Alexa wants to talk to Lynne about it, that's awesome.
Frank finally speaks. He says "This is a bunch of bullshit. Alexa is a normal teenager. She goes through her ups and downs. We try to explain to her that it's normal to feel blue once and awhile." Lynne says that there's no cause for alarm. Gretchen tells them that she disagrees because she dealt with Jeff's teenagers and she put them in check real quick. Ok, but Alexa is not Jeff's teenager. Alexa has two loving parents who are still married and her mom is home! Not the same, Gretch. Lynne tells us that she doesn't think Gretchen is a good role model for her daughter. Frank tells Gretchen that he knows his children and that he wants to be friends with his kids. Gretchen tells him that it's fine to be your kids' friend, but you also have to be there parent. [I disagree. I don't think parents should ever be "friends" with their kids. To quote Vanessa Williams' mother "I'm not your friend. You've got plenty of 'friends'. I am your MOTHER."]
Lynne tells us that she thinks Gretchen and Slade are being very calculated and trying to make themselves look better by making Lynne and Frank look bad. Gretchen tells Lynne and Frank that she's made bad choices and because of those bad choices, she can help kids make good ones. Frank finally says that a defense mechanism goes off when you're a mother. He tells Gretchen that all bets are off when it comes to your kids. Period. And that's really the bottom line and the point here. Gretchen and Slade can try to "reason" with Lynne and Frank all they want, but the bottom line is Alexa is their daughter and they feel attacked. Lynne tells us that she knows how Gretchen is and that she doesn't need to get involved with Alexa...Gretchen can look for other things to do. HAHA!!
ALEXIS
Alexis and her friend are at the day spa and Alexis is wearing her huge ass diamond medallion necklace that is "7.5 carats". Alexis tells us that sometimes she just needs some "me time" at the spa and gets away for a couple of hours. She tells us that she's lucky she can get away because she has "help". It must be very stressful and exhausting for her to shop and lunch with friends and get botox and workout while two other women are raising her children all day. I could see how she needs to "get away". Seriously?? What is she getting away from?
Alexis and her friend are talking about the housewives. She says that she gets along best with Tamra, but doesn't really connect with the other girls. Oh, and Gretchen.
VICKI
Vicki is setting up for her sleepover. Donn helped her get everything together. He tells Vicki he got a hotel for the night so he's taking off. They hug and kiss. Then Vicki says "I don't need to talk to you tonight. Love you. Good night. 'Bye." I LOVE THEM. Gretchen arrives and Vicki tells her about her vacation with Donn and tells her that they fell in love all over again. Vicki is pouring martinis and tells Gretchen that she has a surprise and then they are all going to teepee Jeanna!! HAHA. Tamra and Alexis show up. Tamra tells Vicki that Simon is in the car and asks if he can come in...JUST KIDDING!! Haha!! That was funny, Tamra. They sit at the bar in Vicki's house and Alexis says that Lynne was lost so she's going to call her. Vicki: "She would be lost." HAHA.
The girls are all enjoying drinks and appetizers and Alexis says that she has to leave her phone on because Jim will be calling with lots of questions ("where's the toilet paper?" "Where are the bowls?" "Where are the spoons?") Alexis tells the girls she's totally serious. Tamra asks if Jim changes diapers and Alexis says that he has NEVER changed a diaper. I would criticize, but Alexis has TWO NANNIES. She probably hasn't changed any diapers either. Tamra is in shock - although, if Simon could have afforded it, Tamra would have had two nannies, too. Alexis says that her nanny can't stay overnight, so Alexis needs to go home tonight. Tamra is shocked. She tells us that if a kid poops and a diaper needs to be changed, Alexis has to leave. Ok, now THAT is f'ing ridiculous. If it works for you, great. It would absolutely NOT work for me. HELL NO. If I have to change shitty diapers, my husband will have to change shitty diapers.
Lynne walks in and says that she walked right into the screen door. HAHA. Oh Lynne. I love crazy Lynne. They are all outside having dinner. Vicki tells the girls that a surprise is coming at 10pm. Gretchen and Alexis try to find out what it is when they hear the doorbell, but Vicki locks them out. Vicki's surprise is Dougall, a psychic. I'm not sure if I believe in psychics - and all the ladies claim they don't believe in psychics - but this guy has each of those women pegged!! The girls are all confused by his name and he tells them that it's Scottish. Gretchen says that she doesn't want to do this and all the girls are skeptical if Dougall is really psychic. Here we go:
Gretchen is first: Dougall asks if she's in a new relationship. Gretchen says yes. He asks how long and she says 5 months. Dougall asks if he can be honest and then says that he doesn't love it. Then he asks if the other women think that the guy (Slade) is a good fit for Gretchen. Vicki can't hold back. She says that there's a big world out there and Gretchen is a beautiful girl so she shouldn't get stuck with the first guy who comes by. For Vicki, that was pretty tame. Dougall tells Gretchen that he's not sure this guy is the best choice for her. Gretchen tells him that he's known her for 2 minutes and he already knows this. Dougall says the problem is that when Gretchen is with him, she becomes immersed in his world, but then she forgets about her own needs. Gretchen calls bullshit.
Next up is Tamra: Dougall tells her she's surrounded by blue. He tells her that it's the color of truth and light and that Tamra is very bright. But, he tells her that she has a fear of abandonment. He tells Tamra that she's so beautiful and bright and friendly, but he gets a sense of "don't get too close." Tamra tells him that she doesn't like people touching her. He tells her that she's an adult and no one is ever going to hurt her like that again. He tells her that she has this defense mechanism, but she has so much to offer. And that she's most powerful when she's totally relaxed and not worrying about it at all. He tells her to always speak her truth even if it pisses people off.
Now it's Alexis: Dougall tells Alexis that she has pink around her. Pink is the light of perfection. Alexis tells us that she's a firm Christian and she doesn't believe in those kind of careers, i.e. psychics. What kind of careers do you believe in? What career do you have? OH, that's right. You don't do ANYTHING. You don't even take care of your own children. You have TWO NANNIES to do that for you. Anyhow, Dougall tells Alexis that she's very critical of herself and she's a perfectionist. He tells her that her kids need "slob night" where they can do whatever and not be perfect. He tells her he's afraid of her passing on that perfectionist part of herself onto them.
Vicki: Dougall tells Vicki that she's very auditory, meaning that she needs to hear that she's beautiful, she needs to hear that people are dedicated to her. Vicki tells Dougall that she and Donn just renewed their wedding vows. Dougall congratulates her but says that he feels like he needs more effort and more on an emotional level. He tells Vicki that she likes things done HER WAY. And, in the business world, that works. So it makes sense that she would transfer that to her personal relationships. But Vicki has a tendency to want to fix things herself, her way, when they aren't working.
Finally, Lynne: She is surrounded by emerald green which is the color of communication. Dougall tells her that she needs to work on expressing herself. Dougall says that he thinks she knows how she feels - she's not out of touch with her feelings - but she needs to let those feelings out. Lynne tells us that she expresses her feelings all the time and that he is full of "dougall".
For all those ladies, I think Dougall hit the nail on the head. He closes by telling the ladies that they have been brought together to learn from one another. He tells them that they all balance each other out and they will trigger the crap out of each other which is part of the process. But, at the same time, they are all tremendously powerful women and they wouldn't be there if they weren't. Tamra asks if she can talk to him one on one. Then she tells us that Dougall called her pretty and smart and didn't call any of the other girls pretty and smart: "I love that guy." I like Tamra. She cracks me up.
Tamra gets all serious with Dougall and tells him about her son, Ryan. She fears that he will die young. Dougall says that he won't die young, but he is troubled and he'll find his way. But, he tells Tamra that she needs to back off a little. He also says that he sees Ryan in real estate and Tamra says that SHE's in real estate. ["N!! Newstand!! He works at a Newstand!! Ahh." - name the movie!]
Alexis brought Jell-O shots and they are all having them. I miss Jell-O shots!! They have their shots and put on masks that Tamra brought so they can go outside and teepee Jeanna's house. They all barge into Michael's room to scare him while he's on his laptop in bed. HA. Cut to Michael interviewing that he's planning on getting a place of his own as soon as possible. The girls head outside to teepee Jeanna's house. They all have fun and come back inside.
In the end, all the girls went home to sleep in their own beds.
VICKI
Briana and her friends go bowling and have some sushi and saki bombs. WOOT!
TAMRA
Tamra tells Simon that Ryan is coming over to pick up his mail. Ryan comes by the house to pick up his mail, but tries to come over when Simon is not home. He doesn't realize that Simon will be there. Ryan walks in and it's awkward. The other kids have dyed the white dog's tail and ears hot pink. Ryan is a little surprised to see Simon there. Ryan's phone rings and it's the people at Sylabs - where Ryan interviewed. The guy offers Ryan the job and Ryan is super excited. Ryan will be the branch manager. Good for Ryan. Simon congratulates Ryan and Ryan thanks him. Simon tells Ryan that he has so much potential. Tamra is excited that the boys are talking and asks if the guys have made up. Simon says no because there is one thing that Ryan has to do and Ryan should have done it a long time ago. Ryan apologizes for taking Simon's car and Simon stands up and asks to hear it again, so Ryan repeats it. Simon is such an ass. Simon tells Ryan that owning up to our mistakes is the first step in being a man. UGH. SO ANNOYING. No wonder Ryan didn't apologize sooner. He probably enjoyed not being around Simon. The only great thing is that it made Tamra happy.
As Ryan walks out, he looks at the dog and says "The dog is creepy." HAHA.
See you next time.
LYNNE
Lynne and her dog go for a walk with Gretchen and her dogs. Who takes their dog for a walk in high heeled flip flops? Lynne, apparently. Lynne confronts Gretchen about the talk with Alexa. Lynne says that Alexa told her that Gretchen was scared for Alexa's life. Alexa + Lynne = Drama. Gretchen tells Lynne that the last couple of times she's seen her, Alexa has mentioned being depressed. Lynne tells Gretchen that it's a hormonal thing and that Alexa even said to her that Gretchen thought Alexa was going to hurt herself. Gretchen tells Lynne that it was nothing like that, but she was concerned because she knows too many kids who get involved in drugs or end up pregnant or they do something stupid because they want someone to pay attention to them. First of all, who are all these "kids" Gretchen knows who are druggies and pregnant?
Lynne tells us that she wants to know why Gretchen has taken a sudden interest in her daughter. It's clear that Lynne feels defensive and a little taken aback that this woman wants to be her daughter's new best friend. Lynne tells us - as she stares blankly into the camera - "What [Gretchen]? Do you think you're really a great role model for my daughter that you think you can give advice? I don't." Gretchen tells Lynne that she just doesn't want Alexa to do anything for attention. Lynne tells Gretchen "until you're a parent, you really don't know what you're in for." Lynne tells us that she did not like Gretchen swooping in trying to parent her daughter. Gretchen tells Lynne that Alexa didn't take offense to Gretchen meeting with her, in fact, Alexa started crying and telling Gretchen that her parents don't pay attention to her. Why, Gretchen? Why did you have to go there? Lynne jokes that she should be cuffed and taken away for being a bad parent. Gretchen tells Lynne that she told Alexa that her parents love her, but Gretchen is there to listen anytime. Lynne just tells Gretchen that she can't wait until Gretchen has kids.
Lynne asks Gretchen what kind of teenager she was. Gretchen says that she was a tough kid and hard to deal with. Lynne tells Gretchen that she's STILL a kid and still getting into trouble. Gretchen asks how she's getting into trouble and Lynne brings up Tamra's party where Gretchen got completely DRUNK off her ass. Gretchen says that she wasn't getting into trouble. Lynne just tells Gretchen that she tries to do her best. She tries to be a good parent and talk to her daughter.
Ok, I'm Team Lynne on this one. I don't have kids and I have - more than once - given unsolicited advice to a parent about how to raise their child. I used to be a nanny, I studied child development in college, I worked at an infant development center, so sometimes I think I can give advice. But I shouldn't. It's none of my business. They are not my children and I need to BUTT OUT. Just like Gretchen should. I think that Gretchen's heart is in the right place and I see that she's reaching out to Alexa. But, if you want to SINCERELY reach out, don't do it on national television. That's just embarrassing to Alexa and Lynne. Even though I do not have kids, I can understand Lynne's perspective. I know that being a parent changes everything.
TAMRA
Tamra and Vicki are talking on the phone and Vicki apologizes for overreacting in Florida. Don't apologize, the girls should be apologizing to YOU. Vicki tells Tamra about her plans to have all the girls over for a sleepover. Tamra's in!!
GRETCHEN
Gretchen whines to Slade about her walk with Lynne. Gretchen is upset about the meeting with Lynne. She tells Slade that Lynne said that Gretchen doesn't know anything because she doesn't have kids. Well, Gretchen, Lynne kind of has a point. I know you've been a teenager but that was 13 years ago. It doesn't matter that you still act like one, you don't know what it's like to have one of your own. Then she tells Slade that Lynne said that she can't wait until Gretchen has kids as if she's hoping Gretchen has a bad situation. Ok, that's not true. I think Lynne said that because when you have kids, you understand what it feels like to have someone else butt in and try and tell you how to raise them. Slade - useless as usual - says that he's starting to feel like the doctor pulled Lynne's face a little too tight. Gretchen cackles and says "that's mean." Slade says that he doesn't understand why Lynne always plays the role of the babbling ding dong. He says that Lynne gets in these random digs at people and then laughs it off like she doesn't know what she's talking about. That's SO NOT TRUE. Lynne never takes digs at people. And, I don't think she was trying to take digs at Gretchen. I think Lynne was hurt and offended and was sticking up for herself. Gretchen tells Slade that she was really hurt by Lynne. So Slimy Slade tells Gretchen that she really needs to re-evaluate her relationships and friendships with the ladies.
TAMRA
Tamra brings Ryan Chinese food at her mom's house. Ryan is staying with her mother until he gets a job. Ryan tells Tamra about a job he is trying to get at Sylabs (?). Then he tells her that he's going to do community service instead of doing the jail time. I think he realized as he is going through the job searching process, jail time does not look so hot on the applications. Tamra brings up making amends with Simon. Ryan refuses to apologize. A few months ago, Tamra and Simon were away for the weekend and Ryan took Tamra's (really, Simon's) mercedes out for a drive with a suspended driver's license. Simon is pissed because the car is in his name and, if something happened, Simon would be responsible. Ryan won't apologize because, if he does, Simon will have the upper hand. I see Ryan's point...and Tamra's. Tamra just wants peace between her son and her husband. BUT, her husband is a controlling a**hole and Ryan sees that very clearly. So Simon has demanded an apology, which Ryan "should" give him, but because Simon DEMANDS it, Ryan doesn't want to give in. I get it, but Ryan just needs to suck it up. If for no other reason, to make his mom's life easier since she's the one who has to live with the Ed Hardy T-Shirt wearing D-bag.
LYNNE
Lynne starts to tell Frank about their walk. She starts to tell Frank that she was just being honest with Gretchen ... and the phone rings. It's Gretchen. Frank excuses himself and secretly thanks Gretchen for saving him from having to hear the recap of the park conversation. Gretchen tells Lynne that she felt like Lynne was aggressive with her on the walk and that it was hard for her. Um, aggressive? Really? Maybe they didn't film that part. WTF? Lynne tells Gretchen that she'll understand when she's a parent and she's not a parent yet, so she doesn't understand. Lynne tells her that it's hard to see Gretchen giving her daughter advice when she sees things in Gretchen's life not going perfectly. Zing! Lynne asks why Gretchen feels like she can give her daughter advice. Gretchen tells Lynne that she didn't give Alexa advice, she just told her that if she needed someone to talk to Gretchen was there to listen. I see Gretchen's point here - I think Lynne might be a little too defensive. Lynne tells Gretchen that her daughter is great and she's doing great and she's not doing things she's not supposed to be doing...."she's not on the internet." Zing! Again! Lynne is on a roll. Gretchen calls Lynne out and says that was one of those little digs. (ok, maybe she does give little digs. But this is the first time I've seen Lynne do this.) Gretchen starts getting defensive and says that she didn't put herself all over the internet. Some guy posted all those pictures. Yes, Gretchen, but you POSED for those pictures. If you POSE for pictures in pornographic positions and NAKED and someone takes pictures of you in those positions, that's almost like putting them on the internet yourself. Especially since, this is the guy she keeps claiming wasn't her boyfriend - he was just "some guy". Why would you let "some guy" take compromising photos of you NAKED?? But, I digress.
Lynne says that Gretchen is saying she's not a good parent and Gretchen interrupts and says that she's not saying that nor has she ever said that. Gretchen tells Lynne that if she feels that way, it's Lynne's issue. It's not something Gretchen is saying. I actually think that Gretchen is right on this one. Like I said, if Gretchen approached Alexa privately, away from the cameras, then I would be on Team Gretchen because Gretchen is really just offering to be a listener for Alexa and I would think that Lynne is overreacting. However, since it's on TV, I'm on Team Lynne because she feels disrespected for doing this PUBLICLY to Alexa and making her feel like a bad mom.
Lynne says that she wished Gretchen would have confronted her first before talking to Alexa. Yeah...she did. Gretchen tells Lynne that she told her she was concerned and she even asked if she could take Alexa shopping to talk to her about it!!! She's right. Lynne didn't get offended or upset until Alexa got upset about it. Whatever. Gretchen invites Frank and Lynne over for dinner at her house. Lynne agrees and Frank wishes he could not do this show anymore. Frank doesn't want to talk about it. He tells Lynne that they are making way too much out of this. AGREED.
VICKI
Michael, Vicki's son, has been playing online poker since he graduated and he's won $40K. Vicki doesn't know what he's doing but Michael hasn't asked her for money, so she's cool with it. Vicki asks Michael when he's going to start working for her. Michael says he'll be there when he runs out of money. Vicki is so controlling, but I love her so much. I just know that's how I'd be as a mother.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen and Slade are making dinner. Gretchen tells Slade that she's nervous because Lynne was really mad. I see her point. It's hard to make Lynne mad. She's always so happy and smiley. Slade tells Gretchen that Lynne's ego is bruised because Gretchen was able to get info out of Lynne's daughter that Lynne couldn't get. Dumb...and not true. Slade is such a sleezy instigator. WHY ARE YOU BACK ON THIS SHOW?? Where are YOUR kids, Slade?? It's not like you're Father of the Year. I can't stand Slade. Gretchen sounds like Simon - she tells us that ever since Lynne has been hanging out with Tamra, Gretchen has noticed a change in Lynne. It totally sounds like Simon having an issue with Tamra and Vicki. HAHA. Gretchen tells Slade to be nice because she still wants to be friends with Lynne.
Lynne and Frank show up. Lynne tells us that she wasn't sure how long they'd be there because Frank told her he would leave if someone says something that pisses him off. Someone better put a muzzle on Slade.
Gretchen starts by telling Lynne and Frank that she was not trying to offend them as parents at all. I believe that. She tells them that when she was a teenager, she could NEVER talk to her parents about anything. Gretchen tells us that she was bulimic as a teenager and never followed the rules and all she was doing was looking out for a kid who sent out the same kind of signals. Lynne tells Gretchen that she and Alexa talk all the time. It should have ended there. Gretchen should have apologized for getting involved and told Lynne it wasn't her place. She only wanted Alexa to know that she's another adult she can talk to. The end. But, it didn't end there. Lynne says that she knows every aspect of Alexa's life and SLADE opens his big fat mouth and says "You know only what she tells you. There's no way that a teenage girl will tell you every aspect of her life." Gretchen tries to interject and tells Slade to hold on. Lynne is PISSED.
Lynne interviews "Are you kidding me?" She tells us that she's heard rumors that Slade has skipped out on paying child support and that he has NO RIGHT to tell her ANYTHING about being a good parent. "He is a poser." AGREED!! Slade keeps going. He tells her that he's going to be honest with her. He says "Me being your friend, Lynne, means I'm going to be honest. And you might be pissed at me and you might not like what I have to say. But ultimately I have enough respect for you to tell you how it is. Hopefully, you get it and we remain friends." What a d-bag. Seriously. Lynne tells us that she doesn't need people telling her how to raise her kids. Especially people who let OTHER PEOPLE raise their kids. Slade says that he and Gretchen are the type of people that err on the side of caution. SINCE WHEN?? He tells Lynne that he feels better knowing that the concern for Alexa is out there and if Alexa wants to talk to Lynne about it, that's awesome.
Frank finally speaks. He says "This is a bunch of bullshit. Alexa is a normal teenager. She goes through her ups and downs. We try to explain to her that it's normal to feel blue once and awhile." Lynne says that there's no cause for alarm. Gretchen tells them that she disagrees because she dealt with Jeff's teenagers and she put them in check real quick. Ok, but Alexa is not Jeff's teenager. Alexa has two loving parents who are still married and her mom is home! Not the same, Gretch. Lynne tells us that she doesn't think Gretchen is a good role model for her daughter. Frank tells Gretchen that he knows his children and that he wants to be friends with his kids. Gretchen tells him that it's fine to be your kids' friend, but you also have to be there parent. [I disagree. I don't think parents should ever be "friends" with their kids. To quote Vanessa Williams' mother "I'm not your friend. You've got plenty of 'friends'. I am your MOTHER."]
Lynne tells us that she thinks Gretchen and Slade are being very calculated and trying to make themselves look better by making Lynne and Frank look bad. Gretchen tells Lynne and Frank that she's made bad choices and because of those bad choices, she can help kids make good ones. Frank finally says that a defense mechanism goes off when you're a mother. He tells Gretchen that all bets are off when it comes to your kids. Period. And that's really the bottom line and the point here. Gretchen and Slade can try to "reason" with Lynne and Frank all they want, but the bottom line is Alexa is their daughter and they feel attacked. Lynne tells us that she knows how Gretchen is and that she doesn't need to get involved with Alexa...Gretchen can look for other things to do. HAHA!!
ALEXIS
Alexis and her friend are at the day spa and Alexis is wearing her huge ass diamond medallion necklace that is "7.5 carats". Alexis tells us that sometimes she just needs some "me time" at the spa and gets away for a couple of hours. She tells us that she's lucky she can get away because she has "help". It must be very stressful and exhausting for her to shop and lunch with friends and get botox and workout while two other women are raising her children all day. I could see how she needs to "get away". Seriously?? What is she getting away from?
Alexis and her friend are talking about the housewives. She says that she gets along best with Tamra, but doesn't really connect with the other girls. Oh, and Gretchen.
VICKI
Vicki is setting up for her sleepover. Donn helped her get everything together. He tells Vicki he got a hotel for the night so he's taking off. They hug and kiss. Then Vicki says "I don't need to talk to you tonight. Love you. Good night. 'Bye." I LOVE THEM. Gretchen arrives and Vicki tells her about her vacation with Donn and tells her that they fell in love all over again. Vicki is pouring martinis and tells Gretchen that she has a surprise and then they are all going to teepee Jeanna!! HAHA. Tamra and Alexis show up. Tamra tells Vicki that Simon is in the car and asks if he can come in...JUST KIDDING!! Haha!! That was funny, Tamra. They sit at the bar in Vicki's house and Alexis says that Lynne was lost so she's going to call her. Vicki: "She would be lost." HAHA.
The girls are all enjoying drinks and appetizers and Alexis says that she has to leave her phone on because Jim will be calling with lots of questions ("where's the toilet paper?" "Where are the bowls?" "Where are the spoons?") Alexis tells the girls she's totally serious. Tamra asks if Jim changes diapers and Alexis says that he has NEVER changed a diaper. I would criticize, but Alexis has TWO NANNIES. She probably hasn't changed any diapers either. Tamra is in shock - although, if Simon could have afforded it, Tamra would have had two nannies, too. Alexis says that her nanny can't stay overnight, so Alexis needs to go home tonight. Tamra is shocked. She tells us that if a kid poops and a diaper needs to be changed, Alexis has to leave. Ok, now THAT is f'ing ridiculous. If it works for you, great. It would absolutely NOT work for me. HELL NO. If I have to change shitty diapers, my husband will have to change shitty diapers.
Lynne walks in and says that she walked right into the screen door. HAHA. Oh Lynne. I love crazy Lynne. They are all outside having dinner. Vicki tells the girls that a surprise is coming at 10pm. Gretchen and Alexis try to find out what it is when they hear the doorbell, but Vicki locks them out. Vicki's surprise is Dougall, a psychic. I'm not sure if I believe in psychics - and all the ladies claim they don't believe in psychics - but this guy has each of those women pegged!! The girls are all confused by his name and he tells them that it's Scottish. Gretchen says that she doesn't want to do this and all the girls are skeptical if Dougall is really psychic. Here we go:
Gretchen is first: Dougall asks if she's in a new relationship. Gretchen says yes. He asks how long and she says 5 months. Dougall asks if he can be honest and then says that he doesn't love it. Then he asks if the other women think that the guy (Slade) is a good fit for Gretchen. Vicki can't hold back. She says that there's a big world out there and Gretchen is a beautiful girl so she shouldn't get stuck with the first guy who comes by. For Vicki, that was pretty tame. Dougall tells Gretchen that he's not sure this guy is the best choice for her. Gretchen tells him that he's known her for 2 minutes and he already knows this. Dougall says the problem is that when Gretchen is with him, she becomes immersed in his world, but then she forgets about her own needs. Gretchen calls bullshit.
Next up is Tamra: Dougall tells her she's surrounded by blue. He tells her that it's the color of truth and light and that Tamra is very bright. But, he tells her that she has a fear of abandonment. He tells Tamra that she's so beautiful and bright and friendly, but he gets a sense of "don't get too close." Tamra tells him that she doesn't like people touching her. He tells her that she's an adult and no one is ever going to hurt her like that again. He tells her that she has this defense mechanism, but she has so much to offer. And that she's most powerful when she's totally relaxed and not worrying about it at all. He tells her to always speak her truth even if it pisses people off.
Now it's Alexis: Dougall tells Alexis that she has pink around her. Pink is the light of perfection. Alexis tells us that she's a firm Christian and she doesn't believe in those kind of careers, i.e. psychics. What kind of careers do you believe in? What career do you have? OH, that's right. You don't do ANYTHING. You don't even take care of your own children. You have TWO NANNIES to do that for you. Anyhow, Dougall tells Alexis that she's very critical of herself and she's a perfectionist. He tells her that her kids need "slob night" where they can do whatever and not be perfect. He tells her he's afraid of her passing on that perfectionist part of herself onto them.
Vicki: Dougall tells Vicki that she's very auditory, meaning that she needs to hear that she's beautiful, she needs to hear that people are dedicated to her. Vicki tells Dougall that she and Donn just renewed their wedding vows. Dougall congratulates her but says that he feels like he needs more effort and more on an emotional level. He tells Vicki that she likes things done HER WAY. And, in the business world, that works. So it makes sense that she would transfer that to her personal relationships. But Vicki has a tendency to want to fix things herself, her way, when they aren't working.
Finally, Lynne: She is surrounded by emerald green which is the color of communication. Dougall tells her that she needs to work on expressing herself. Dougall says that he thinks she knows how she feels - she's not out of touch with her feelings - but she needs to let those feelings out. Lynne tells us that she expresses her feelings all the time and that he is full of "dougall".
For all those ladies, I think Dougall hit the nail on the head. He closes by telling the ladies that they have been brought together to learn from one another. He tells them that they all balance each other out and they will trigger the crap out of each other which is part of the process. But, at the same time, they are all tremendously powerful women and they wouldn't be there if they weren't. Tamra asks if she can talk to him one on one. Then she tells us that Dougall called her pretty and smart and didn't call any of the other girls pretty and smart: "I love that guy." I like Tamra. She cracks me up.
Tamra gets all serious with Dougall and tells him about her son, Ryan. She fears that he will die young. Dougall says that he won't die young, but he is troubled and he'll find his way. But, he tells Tamra that she needs to back off a little. He also says that he sees Ryan in real estate and Tamra says that SHE's in real estate. ["N!! Newstand!! He works at a Newstand!! Ahh." - name the movie!]
Alexis brought Jell-O shots and they are all having them. I miss Jell-O shots!! They have their shots and put on masks that Tamra brought so they can go outside and teepee Jeanna's house. They all barge into Michael's room to scare him while he's on his laptop in bed. HA. Cut to Michael interviewing that he's planning on getting a place of his own as soon as possible. The girls head outside to teepee Jeanna's house. They all have fun and come back inside.
In the end, all the girls went home to sleep in their own beds.
VICKI
Briana and her friends go bowling and have some sushi and saki bombs. WOOT!
TAMRA
Tamra tells Simon that Ryan is coming over to pick up his mail. Ryan comes by the house to pick up his mail, but tries to come over when Simon is not home. He doesn't realize that Simon will be there. Ryan walks in and it's awkward. The other kids have dyed the white dog's tail and ears hot pink. Ryan is a little surprised to see Simon there. Ryan's phone rings and it's the people at Sylabs - where Ryan interviewed. The guy offers Ryan the job and Ryan is super excited. Ryan will be the branch manager. Good for Ryan. Simon congratulates Ryan and Ryan thanks him. Simon tells Ryan that he has so much potential. Tamra is excited that the boys are talking and asks if the guys have made up. Simon says no because there is one thing that Ryan has to do and Ryan should have done it a long time ago. Ryan apologizes for taking Simon's car and Simon stands up and asks to hear it again, so Ryan repeats it. Simon is such an ass. Simon tells Ryan that owning up to our mistakes is the first step in being a man. UGH. SO ANNOYING. No wonder Ryan didn't apologize sooner. He probably enjoyed not being around Simon. The only great thing is that it made Tamra happy.
As Ryan walks out, he looks at the dog and says "The dog is creepy." HAHA.
See you next time.
Jersey Shore, Season 1, Episode 8
Last time the gang went to Atlantic City and there was drama.
JWOW got really drunk at the club in Atlantic City and threw up. She went to find someone to walk her upstairs to the room and found The Situation - who was hooking up with a girl. The Situation refused to take her to the room and JWOW got pissed and hit him, so she got kicked out of the club. I'm not really sure why she needed someone to walk her UPSTAIRS to the room. Get in an elevator and take your drunk ass to the room by yourself. Why do you need an escort??
Anyhow, she goes upstairs and tells everyone she's going to punch The Situation in the face as soon as he comes home. So The Situation finally comes home and JWOW just comes right up to him and starts hitting him. Vinny tries to hold her back and she's yelling that The Situation got her kicked out of the club. Vinny thinks she's calm and tell her to go to bed and, as soon as he lets her go, she swings and backhands The Situation right across the mouth. JWOW is satisfied and goes to bed. He starts talking shit to JWOW and she comes back out and starts beating on him again. This time two private security guards come out of - I don't know where - and hold her back. She's like an animal. The Situation yells at JWOW to take some more testosterone and she goes at him again. She finally calms down and goes to bed ... for real this time.
Vinny tells us that he thinks it's funny that The Situation got punched in the face by JWOW. He says that it if were Ronnie or Pauly, he'd feel bad, but since it's Mike, he thinks it's funny. The Situation is shocked that JWOW hit him, so he keeps talking about it with everyone and talking shit about JWOW.
Snickers and JWOW are talking and JWOW is still WASTED. She can barely sit up. She tells Snickers that she's going to call Tom (her bf) and leave. Snickers tells her she's not leaving because there's only one week left. She says that if JWOW leaves, Snickers will "stuff your nose with tampons". Gross.
The next morning, the gang packs up and heads back to the shore. JWOW immediately calls Tom and tells him that she hit The Situation. She tells Tom that she drank too much and he asks her why she drank too much. He tells her that it upsets him when she drinks that much. MY GOD she sounds like a 60 year old smoker. Seriously, she could be one of Marge's sisters on The Simpsons. Yikes. Tom tries to listen, but he's clearly more concerned about JWOW's alcoholism. JWOW doesn't want to hear it and says bye and takes a nap. Yikes.
The Situation is up in his room complaining that Vinny continues to talk shit. The Situation is over it. He decides to retaliate. Sammi tells The Situation that he needs to walk away and get over it. She also tells him not to assume things and that he's better than this drama. Vinny and Pauly D go meet up with three girls that they previously met "creepin'" on the Boardwalk. Pauly D says that they are mad fun and cool girls. They want to go hang out on the boardwalk...BUT Pauly D has plans to hang out that night with Danielle. He doesn't really want to hang out with Danielle because she's kind of lame, so he decides to hang out on the boardwalk with the girls first. Pauly D and Vinny are on the boardwalk with the three girls and...what a coincidence, Danielle shows up. She walks up to Pauly D and kisses him. Vinny sees this and tells us that he's laughing to himself because it's so awkward. Danielle asks Pauly D if he's still hanging out with her tonight and he says that he will call her when he gets home. She kisses him again and walks away.
Snickers runs into Keith - the farmer - on the boardwalk. She asks him if he wants to hang out and do some dancing and he says yes. They head to Beachcombers and they are dancing and rocking out. Keith does a pretty wicked fist pump and he and Snickers are having a good time.
Vinny and Pauly D are playing arcade games with the three girls on the boardwalk. One of the girls decides to get a henna tattoo. They are at the tattoo place and Pauly D hears someone call his name. It's Danielle. He looks up and she's just standing there. Creepy. She throws him a T-Shirt and says "Don't say I never gave you something." WTF? This girl is crazy. The shirt says "I HEART Jewish Girls". Yikes. Pauly D tells us "Hell no I'm wearing that shirt." HAHA. Danielle tells Pauly D "Call me when you get home. You better call me. Don't be an a**hole. Because I'm not calling you." She kisses him and leaves...again. OMG. This girl is psycho. No wonder she's single. He said he would CALL YOU WHEN HE GETS HOME. Let him GET HOME, Crazy. Pauly D: "At this point, I'm starting to think 'Mad weird, that chick.'" Couldn't have said it better myself.
Snickers and Keith are walking on the boardwalk and Snickers asks for a piggyback ride. Snickers tells us that Keith is a romantic, good guy. Then she tells him that her crotch is hanging out so he puts her down. Snickers: "I told him to put me down because I'm not trashy...unless I drink too much."
There's an awesome scary ride on the boardwalk and one of the girls wants to go on it. Pauly D says that he'll go with her. It looks like so much fun. I would totally go on that ride. They go on the ride and when he gets off the ride, DANIELLE IS STANDING THERE. WTF? She walks up to Pauly D and hugs him and asks him when he's going home. Vinny calls her a "stage 5 clinger". HAHA. She tells Pauly D to go home and he says he will in a few minutes. Then Danielle turns jealous and asks which girl Pauly D likes. He doesn't answer and Danielle says that she doesn't want to interrupt his little date so... THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP FOLLOWING and INTERRUPTING HIM??? Pauly D tells her for the THIRD time: "I'll call you when I get home...like I told you!" Seriously, Pauly D talks a lot of shit with The Situation, but he's not an asshole. He's a nice guy. Danielle is just crazy. She finally walks away...AGAIN.
The girls were nervous about Danielle so they left and Vinny and Pauly D go home. As soon as the guys walk in the house, the phone starts quacking. Vinny thinks it might be the girls calling to hang out again, but Pauly D thinks it's Danielle and tells Vinny not to answer it. Vinny thinks it might be the girls so Pauly D tells him to answer and pretend he's The Situation. Vinny answers and Danielle says "Hi Mike, can I talk to Pauly, please." Vinny forgets who he is and says "Mike's not here." and then covers the phone and starts laughing. Pauly runs to the other room laughing. Danielle says "Mike. This is Mike." Vinny - impersonating The Situation - says "Yeah, Pauly's not here...uh...um...he went to da Boardwalk...yeah...da Boardwalk. Yo, who dis?" Danielle: "It's Danielle." Vinny: "Aiight. Yo, Jenny! You know when Pauly's comin' back?" Danielle: "No, it's all good. It's fine. Thank you." Vinny: "Yo Danielle, you want me to take a message?" Danielle "No, it's fine." Vinny: "You sure, you sure?" Danielle: "Yeah, it's all good. bye."
HAHA. Vinny's impression was hysterical. Pauly D tells us that he told her he would call her and she couldn't wait and called him. So now he's not going to call her and when she calls him AGAIN - which she will - he's going to tell her it's over because she's too crazy.
The Situation decides to play a prank on Snickers. He slices up a bunch of pickles and puts them under her bed. I'd be pissed that The Situation WASTED ALL MY PICKLES. Not that he played a joke. Pauly D lays on Snickers and distracts her, while The Situation plants pickles all over her room. That's not enough for him, so he decides to play a joke on Vinny. He makes concoction of mayo, grated cheese, milk, caesar dressing, and pickle juice in a bowl and puts it under Vinny's bed. Gross. He and Pauly D call it Haterade. Gross.
Vinny wakes up and notices that his room smells disgusting. Snickers wakes up and smells pickles. Then she sees them. She knew that it was Pauly D and The Situation. She's not mad about the joke, she's mad about the wasted pickles! Right?! I hear you, Snooks.
JWOW comes into the kitchen and Ronnie and Sammi ask her if Danielle called for Pauly D. JWOW says no and asks what happened. Ronnie tells JWOW "She was stalking his life on the boardwalk." OMG. New favorite phrase: Stalking my life. HAHA.
Phone rings. The Situation answers and it's Danielle and asks for Pauly D. Pauly D tells us that he just met the girl and she's already "stalking my whole life". HAHA. I love it. He gets on the phone and Danielle tells Pauly D that she doesn't know what's going on but she doesn't like to be played. She says that she feels stupid. She says she kissed him at the club and on the boardwalk and then he's with three girls and then she walks by and sees him at home with three girls. Pauly D waits for an opening and asks if it's his turn to talk yet. Danielle screams "WAIT!" She tells him that he shouldn't say he's going to call if he's not going to call. As she's going on and on, Pauly D keeps asking if it's his turn yet in a totally calm voice over and over.
Danielle finally screams: "WAIT!! I don't need this. If you're that guy, then let's not do this. Go do your thing....Now it's your turn."
So Pauly D says: "OK. So you stalked my whole life on the boardwalk. And then, when I got home, I had every intention of calling you but you had already called and you said you wasn't gonna call. So you stalked my whole life on the boardwalk...
Danielle tries to interrupt.
Pauly D: "It's my turn to talk - you stalked my whole entire life, right, and I don't like that. I do nothing wrong and you know how I feel about...
Danielle tries to interrupt again.
Pauly D: "Hey, I'm talking now. You know how I felt about you. You just have no trust whatsoeva, so you thought I was creepin' with those chicks which I wasn't. I went on one ride. God bless me, it's f-in' summa. Yes, I was upstairs on the roof with three chicks and three dudes. Did I do anything? NO. All we did was have a conversation, that's it. All those girls have boyfriends. IF you weren't such a stalker, I would have called you when I got home. Instead..."
Danielle: "I am not a stalker!!"
Pauly D:"Yes you are. It's crazy. I can't deal with that."
Danielle: "I am not a stalker and I am not crazy. I don't want to look stupid." Too late.
Pauly D: "You don't want to look stupid? Don't you think that makes you look stupid? You say you're not callin' and then you call like 100 times?"
Danielle: "I didn't call 100 times."
Pauly D: "How many times did you call? We took the phone off the hook last night. All I wanted to do was call you when I got home so we could hang out. You wouldn't let that happen. You were so worried about how you're gonna look because people see me walkin' with three girls. 'blah blah blah, I don't want to look stupid.' Well, now look how stupid you look." CLICK. Danielle is still yelling and Pauly D just hangs up on her ass. Done and done.
Pauly D says that he hopes Danielle got the hint since he hung up on her. He tells us that Danielle is not looking for a hook up, she's looking for a husband. And Pauly D is not ready for that.
Sammi and The Situation are working at the T-Shirt shop and talking. The Situation tells Sammi that she looks really cute in her sweatshirt. Sammi says "thaank yaou." I can't phonetically spell it correctly, but it sounds like baby girl talk. Annoying. She bugs me so much. The Situation tells us that it's "obvious" that Sammi has a crush on him and it goes back to "prehistoric kindergarten". WTF? I don't know. The Situation tells Sammi that Vinny bothers him because Vinny hates on The Situation behind his back. So he tells Sammi about the Haterade he put under Vinny's bed.
Later that night, they all go out. Vinny gets in a car with Sammi and Ronnie and Sammi tells Vinny about the Haterade, but tells him not to say anything. They are bowling!! Fun. JWOW feels tension with The Situation after Atlantic City. So she takes The Situation outside so they can talk. The Situation tries to get JWOW to see how wrong she was to hit him. JWOW says that The Situation was wrong for not walking her to the room so it's his fault. Dumb. I have to side with The Situation on this one. The Situation changes the tone of the conversation and smiles and says that he understands that JWOW sees him as a "father figure" in the house. They both laugh and then The Situation hugs her and they make up. The gang leaves bowling and goes back to the house.
Vinny gets the Haterade out of his room. The Situation decides to come clean and Vinny shows that there's nothing under his bed. AAAAHHHHH. Vinny says that The Situation's prank didn't work. The Situation says that his room stunk so it did work.
Vinny tells The Situation that some of the stuff he does is a little embarrassing, like his swagger and the way he talks to girls. Vinny says that's the only reason he has tension toward The Situation - because Vinny can't bring girls back to the house because The Situation is so embarrassing. The Situation tells Vinny that he really doesn't give a f*** what people say about him and if people don't like him, they can go f*** themselves. Vinny tells The Situation that he's just letting him know why he has beef with him and he's telling him to his face, not behind his back. Ronnie pipes up and says that the person he met in the beginning is not the same person he knows now. Ronnie: "You just started changin' bro." Sammi is laying in bed with all the guys talking in the room. She says "Agree" to Ronnie. The Situation is feeling attacked by both Vinny and Ronnie. Ronnie keeps telling The Situation to be himself, bro.
The Situation tells Ronnie that he doesn't even know him. Then he points to Vinny and says "Neither does he know me neither." HAHA. The Situation reminds the guys that they've only known each other for 27 days. The Situation says he's been the same guy for the last 27 days.
The Situation: "Have I got girls? Yeah. Have they all been pretty? Some days no, some days yes." HAHA.
Pauly D tells us that, like it or not, The Situation is who he is. That's how he's been the whole time. You don't have to like him. He doesn't have to be your boy. Who's anyone to judge anyway.
The Sitch: (to Ronnie) "But you'll never get a girl over me, son, 'cuz I'll always get 'em first."
Ronnie: "No,'cuz I've got the best f-in 10 you've ever seen and you're still bringing home 3s, 4s and 5s. You still have not brung home a girl better looking than Sam." Oh jeez. No wonder Sammi acts like such an entitled diva. TOO MUCH POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.
The Sitch: "I hooked up with Sam first, so wassup?"
Ronnie: "That's why you're still creepin' on her."
The Sitch: "I ain't creepin' on her."
Sammi wakes up to say "Yes you are." STFU Sammi. UGH. She's so annoying.
Ronnie interviews that he got Sammi a long time ago. "I already got that title a long time ago, bro. I already got the title for that closing. You know what I mean? Like, c'mon bro." I love it.
They all argue about the girls The Situation brought home and how they weren't cute and Ronnie wants to beat up The Situation and The Situation made out with Sam first... yada, yada, yada. Sammi tells them all "Who the f*** cares, GO TO BED." And...scene.
Next night, the gang goes out and Snookie decides to go all out. She's wearing a corset dress with her boobs hanging out. Vinny says that she looks like a birthday cake. They go to KARMA, of course. There's a lot of fist pumping and dancing. What a coincidence...Danielle is there. She walks up to Pauly D and tells him that he embarrassed her and he tells her that she embarrassed him.
Danielle: "I never stalked a guy in my f*****'life ... and I don't need to start. I don't look f****** that bad that I need to f******' stalk, okay?"
Pauly D: "You wanna dance?"
Danielle: "Nobody f******' disses me, okay?"
Pauly D: "You wanna dance?"
Danielle: "No, I don't wanna f****** dance. I f****** hate you!"
Pauly D: "I didn't do anything, bro."
Danielle: "Don't call me bro."
The Situation walks up and saves him.
Meanwhile, Snookie is making out with some guy on a couch at KARMA. Two girls come up and tell Snookie that he has a girlfriend who has been watching from across the bar. The guy denies having a girlfriend and Snickers takes off. She's pissed. She starts bitching to a new "friend", Dimitrios.
Danielle and Pauly D are still arguing. He just has a smirk on his face the whole time. It's like he's teasing her and she is pissed. He's amused and they eventually leave the club together hand in hand. HAHA. She's going to be the loser in this. She already is. He's got nothing to lose by continuing to hook up with her and she's just letting it happen.
Back at KARMA, there's some serious fist pumping and beating up the beat going on. Lots of Ed Hardy in the house. Dimitrios is telling Snickers that's he a good guy and Snickers tells us that she finally found the guy that she wants...except he doesn't have muscles and he's not tan, but whatever, girl needs to get laid.
They all leave KARMA and some girls are yelling "Get out of Seaside Heights" and "Get out of Seaside with your tramp outfit, tramp!" So, I think they are actually yelling at about Snickers because she's basically in lingerie. But, since Sammi thinks the world revolves around her, she gets involved thinking that they are talking about her. Sammi keeps talking back and the girls tell her that she's dressed like a whore and then ask why Snickers is in her Halloween costume. HAHA. There's a guy with the girls who are yelling and they are just arguing back and forth. This is where my mother's wisdom would come in handy: Just walk away. That's it. Walk away.
There's pushing and shoving and finally security comes out and pushes the guy away. So the roommates start walking home again. The Situation was leading the pack and Ronnie was in the back. The guy gets away from security and starts mouthing off again...yelling! Not hitting, not pushing, not shoving. Yelling. He was obviously far back enough that Ronnie got pissed and RAN to him and hit him so hard, he knocked him out. Ronnie walks back to his friends and yells "that's one shot. That's one shot. That's one shot" all proud about knocking this guy out. Dumb. The cops show up and talk to Ronnie. God he looks ridiculous in that sparkly shirt. The cops tell Ronnie that he's getting arrested because he knocked him out cold. Doesn't matter that it was self defense because the guy didn't hit him and he knocked him out cold. The police take Ronnie away and Sammi dramatically walks home with Snickers.
See you next week.
JWOW got really drunk at the club in Atlantic City and threw up. She went to find someone to walk her upstairs to the room and found The Situation - who was hooking up with a girl. The Situation refused to take her to the room and JWOW got pissed and hit him, so she got kicked out of the club. I'm not really sure why she needed someone to walk her UPSTAIRS to the room. Get in an elevator and take your drunk ass to the room by yourself. Why do you need an escort??
Anyhow, she goes upstairs and tells everyone she's going to punch The Situation in the face as soon as he comes home. So The Situation finally comes home and JWOW just comes right up to him and starts hitting him. Vinny tries to hold her back and she's yelling that The Situation got her kicked out of the club. Vinny thinks she's calm and tell her to go to bed and, as soon as he lets her go, she swings and backhands The Situation right across the mouth. JWOW is satisfied and goes to bed. He starts talking shit to JWOW and she comes back out and starts beating on him again. This time two private security guards come out of - I don't know where - and hold her back. She's like an animal. The Situation yells at JWOW to take some more testosterone and she goes at him again. She finally calms down and goes to bed ... for real this time.
Vinny tells us that he thinks it's funny that The Situation got punched in the face by JWOW. He says that it if were Ronnie or Pauly, he'd feel bad, but since it's Mike, he thinks it's funny. The Situation is shocked that JWOW hit him, so he keeps talking about it with everyone and talking shit about JWOW.
Snickers and JWOW are talking and JWOW is still WASTED. She can barely sit up. She tells Snickers that she's going to call Tom (her bf) and leave. Snickers tells her she's not leaving because there's only one week left. She says that if JWOW leaves, Snickers will "stuff your nose with tampons". Gross.
The next morning, the gang packs up and heads back to the shore. JWOW immediately calls Tom and tells him that she hit The Situation. She tells Tom that she drank too much and he asks her why she drank too much. He tells her that it upsets him when she drinks that much. MY GOD she sounds like a 60 year old smoker. Seriously, she could be one of Marge's sisters on The Simpsons. Yikes. Tom tries to listen, but he's clearly more concerned about JWOW's alcoholism. JWOW doesn't want to hear it and says bye and takes a nap. Yikes.
The Situation is up in his room complaining that Vinny continues to talk shit. The Situation is over it. He decides to retaliate. Sammi tells The Situation that he needs to walk away and get over it. She also tells him not to assume things and that he's better than this drama. Vinny and Pauly D go meet up with three girls that they previously met "creepin'" on the Boardwalk. Pauly D says that they are mad fun and cool girls. They want to go hang out on the boardwalk...BUT Pauly D has plans to hang out that night with Danielle. He doesn't really want to hang out with Danielle because she's kind of lame, so he decides to hang out on the boardwalk with the girls first. Pauly D and Vinny are on the boardwalk with the three girls and...what a coincidence, Danielle shows up. She walks up to Pauly D and kisses him. Vinny sees this and tells us that he's laughing to himself because it's so awkward. Danielle asks Pauly D if he's still hanging out with her tonight and he says that he will call her when he gets home. She kisses him again and walks away.
Snickers runs into Keith - the farmer - on the boardwalk. She asks him if he wants to hang out and do some dancing and he says yes. They head to Beachcombers and they are dancing and rocking out. Keith does a pretty wicked fist pump and he and Snickers are having a good time.
Vinny and Pauly D are playing arcade games with the three girls on the boardwalk. One of the girls decides to get a henna tattoo. They are at the tattoo place and Pauly D hears someone call his name. It's Danielle. He looks up and she's just standing there. Creepy. She throws him a T-Shirt and says "Don't say I never gave you something." WTF? This girl is crazy. The shirt says "I HEART Jewish Girls". Yikes. Pauly D tells us "Hell no I'm wearing that shirt." HAHA. Danielle tells Pauly D "Call me when you get home. You better call me. Don't be an a**hole. Because I'm not calling you." She kisses him and leaves...again. OMG. This girl is psycho. No wonder she's single. He said he would CALL YOU WHEN HE GETS HOME. Let him GET HOME, Crazy. Pauly D: "At this point, I'm starting to think 'Mad weird, that chick.'" Couldn't have said it better myself.
Snickers and Keith are walking on the boardwalk and Snickers asks for a piggyback ride. Snickers tells us that Keith is a romantic, good guy. Then she tells him that her crotch is hanging out so he puts her down. Snickers: "I told him to put me down because I'm not trashy...unless I drink too much."
There's an awesome scary ride on the boardwalk and one of the girls wants to go on it. Pauly D says that he'll go with her. It looks like so much fun. I would totally go on that ride. They go on the ride and when he gets off the ride, DANIELLE IS STANDING THERE. WTF? She walks up to Pauly D and hugs him and asks him when he's going home. Vinny calls her a "stage 5 clinger". HAHA. She tells Pauly D to go home and he says he will in a few minutes. Then Danielle turns jealous and asks which girl Pauly D likes. He doesn't answer and Danielle says that she doesn't want to interrupt his little date so... THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP FOLLOWING and INTERRUPTING HIM??? Pauly D tells her for the THIRD time: "I'll call you when I get home...like I told you!" Seriously, Pauly D talks a lot of shit with The Situation, but he's not an asshole. He's a nice guy. Danielle is just crazy. She finally walks away...AGAIN.
The girls were nervous about Danielle so they left and Vinny and Pauly D go home. As soon as the guys walk in the house, the phone starts quacking. Vinny thinks it might be the girls calling to hang out again, but Pauly D thinks it's Danielle and tells Vinny not to answer it. Vinny thinks it might be the girls so Pauly D tells him to answer and pretend he's The Situation. Vinny answers and Danielle says "Hi Mike, can I talk to Pauly, please." Vinny forgets who he is and says "Mike's not here." and then covers the phone and starts laughing. Pauly runs to the other room laughing. Danielle says "Mike. This is Mike." Vinny - impersonating The Situation - says "Yeah, Pauly's not here...uh...um...he went to da Boardwalk...yeah...da Boardwalk. Yo, who dis?" Danielle: "It's Danielle." Vinny: "Aiight. Yo, Jenny! You know when Pauly's comin' back?" Danielle: "No, it's all good. It's fine. Thank you." Vinny: "Yo Danielle, you want me to take a message?" Danielle "No, it's fine." Vinny: "You sure, you sure?" Danielle: "Yeah, it's all good. bye."
HAHA. Vinny's impression was hysterical. Pauly D tells us that he told her he would call her and she couldn't wait and called him. So now he's not going to call her and when she calls him AGAIN - which she will - he's going to tell her it's over because she's too crazy.
The Situation decides to play a prank on Snickers. He slices up a bunch of pickles and puts them under her bed. I'd be pissed that The Situation WASTED ALL MY PICKLES. Not that he played a joke. Pauly D lays on Snickers and distracts her, while The Situation plants pickles all over her room. That's not enough for him, so he decides to play a joke on Vinny. He makes concoction of mayo, grated cheese, milk, caesar dressing, and pickle juice in a bowl and puts it under Vinny's bed. Gross. He and Pauly D call it Haterade. Gross.
Vinny wakes up and notices that his room smells disgusting. Snickers wakes up and smells pickles. Then she sees them. She knew that it was Pauly D and The Situation. She's not mad about the joke, she's mad about the wasted pickles! Right?! I hear you, Snooks.
JWOW comes into the kitchen and Ronnie and Sammi ask her if Danielle called for Pauly D. JWOW says no and asks what happened. Ronnie tells JWOW "She was stalking his life on the boardwalk." OMG. New favorite phrase: Stalking my life. HAHA.
Phone rings. The Situation answers and it's Danielle and asks for Pauly D. Pauly D tells us that he just met the girl and she's already "stalking my whole life". HAHA. I love it. He gets on the phone and Danielle tells Pauly D that she doesn't know what's going on but she doesn't like to be played. She says that she feels stupid. She says she kissed him at the club and on the boardwalk and then he's with three girls and then she walks by and sees him at home with three girls. Pauly D waits for an opening and asks if it's his turn to talk yet. Danielle screams "WAIT!" She tells him that he shouldn't say he's going to call if he's not going to call. As she's going on and on, Pauly D keeps asking if it's his turn yet in a totally calm voice over and over.
Danielle finally screams: "WAIT!! I don't need this. If you're that guy, then let's not do this. Go do your thing....Now it's your turn."
So Pauly D says: "OK. So you stalked my whole life on the boardwalk. And then, when I got home, I had every intention of calling you but you had already called and you said you wasn't gonna call. So you stalked my whole life on the boardwalk...
Danielle tries to interrupt.
Pauly D: "It's my turn to talk - you stalked my whole entire life, right, and I don't like that. I do nothing wrong and you know how I feel about...
Danielle tries to interrupt again.
Pauly D: "Hey, I'm talking now. You know how I felt about you. You just have no trust whatsoeva, so you thought I was creepin' with those chicks which I wasn't. I went on one ride. God bless me, it's f-in' summa. Yes, I was upstairs on the roof with three chicks and three dudes. Did I do anything? NO. All we did was have a conversation, that's it. All those girls have boyfriends. IF you weren't such a stalker, I would have called you when I got home. Instead..."
Danielle: "I am not a stalker!!"
Pauly D:"Yes you are. It's crazy. I can't deal with that."
Danielle: "I am not a stalker and I am not crazy. I don't want to look stupid." Too late.
Pauly D: "You don't want to look stupid? Don't you think that makes you look stupid? You say you're not callin' and then you call like 100 times?"
Danielle: "I didn't call 100 times."
Pauly D: "How many times did you call? We took the phone off the hook last night. All I wanted to do was call you when I got home so we could hang out. You wouldn't let that happen. You were so worried about how you're gonna look because people see me walkin' with three girls. 'blah blah blah, I don't want to look stupid.' Well, now look how stupid you look." CLICK. Danielle is still yelling and Pauly D just hangs up on her ass. Done and done.
Pauly D says that he hopes Danielle got the hint since he hung up on her. He tells us that Danielle is not looking for a hook up, she's looking for a husband. And Pauly D is not ready for that.
Sammi and The Situation are working at the T-Shirt shop and talking. The Situation tells Sammi that she looks really cute in her sweatshirt. Sammi says "thaank yaou." I can't phonetically spell it correctly, but it sounds like baby girl talk. Annoying. She bugs me so much. The Situation tells us that it's "obvious" that Sammi has a crush on him and it goes back to "prehistoric kindergarten". WTF? I don't know. The Situation tells Sammi that Vinny bothers him because Vinny hates on The Situation behind his back. So he tells Sammi about the Haterade he put under Vinny's bed.
Later that night, they all go out. Vinny gets in a car with Sammi and Ronnie and Sammi tells Vinny about the Haterade, but tells him not to say anything. They are bowling!! Fun. JWOW feels tension with The Situation after Atlantic City. So she takes The Situation outside so they can talk. The Situation tries to get JWOW to see how wrong she was to hit him. JWOW says that The Situation was wrong for not walking her to the room so it's his fault. Dumb. I have to side with The Situation on this one. The Situation changes the tone of the conversation and smiles and says that he understands that JWOW sees him as a "father figure" in the house. They both laugh and then The Situation hugs her and they make up. The gang leaves bowling and goes back to the house.
Vinny gets the Haterade out of his room. The Situation decides to come clean and Vinny shows that there's nothing under his bed. AAAAHHHHH. Vinny says that The Situation's prank didn't work. The Situation says that his room stunk so it did work.
Vinny tells The Situation that some of the stuff he does is a little embarrassing, like his swagger and the way he talks to girls. Vinny says that's the only reason he has tension toward The Situation - because Vinny can't bring girls back to the house because The Situation is so embarrassing. The Situation tells Vinny that he really doesn't give a f*** what people say about him and if people don't like him, they can go f*** themselves. Vinny tells The Situation that he's just letting him know why he has beef with him and he's telling him to his face, not behind his back. Ronnie pipes up and says that the person he met in the beginning is not the same person he knows now. Ronnie: "You just started changin' bro." Sammi is laying in bed with all the guys talking in the room. She says "Agree" to Ronnie. The Situation is feeling attacked by both Vinny and Ronnie. Ronnie keeps telling The Situation to be himself, bro.
The Situation tells Ronnie that he doesn't even know him. Then he points to Vinny and says "Neither does he know me neither." HAHA. The Situation reminds the guys that they've only known each other for 27 days. The Situation says he's been the same guy for the last 27 days.
The Situation: "Have I got girls? Yeah. Have they all been pretty? Some days no, some days yes." HAHA.
Pauly D tells us that, like it or not, The Situation is who he is. That's how he's been the whole time. You don't have to like him. He doesn't have to be your boy. Who's anyone to judge anyway.
The Sitch: (to Ronnie) "But you'll never get a girl over me, son, 'cuz I'll always get 'em first."
Ronnie: "No,'cuz I've got the best f-in 10 you've ever seen and you're still bringing home 3s, 4s and 5s. You still have not brung home a girl better looking than Sam." Oh jeez. No wonder Sammi acts like such an entitled diva. TOO MUCH POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.
The Sitch: "I hooked up with Sam first, so wassup?"
Ronnie: "That's why you're still creepin' on her."
The Sitch: "I ain't creepin' on her."
Sammi wakes up to say "Yes you are." STFU Sammi. UGH. She's so annoying.
Ronnie interviews that he got Sammi a long time ago. "I already got that title a long time ago, bro. I already got the title for that closing. You know what I mean? Like, c'mon bro." I love it.
They all argue about the girls The Situation brought home and how they weren't cute and Ronnie wants to beat up The Situation and The Situation made out with Sam first... yada, yada, yada. Sammi tells them all "Who the f*** cares, GO TO BED." And...scene.
Next night, the gang goes out and Snookie decides to go all out. She's wearing a corset dress with her boobs hanging out. Vinny says that she looks like a birthday cake. They go to KARMA, of course. There's a lot of fist pumping and dancing. What a coincidence...Danielle is there. She walks up to Pauly D and tells him that he embarrassed her and he tells her that she embarrassed him.
Danielle: "I never stalked a guy in my f*****'life ... and I don't need to start. I don't look f****** that bad that I need to f******' stalk, okay?"
Pauly D: "You wanna dance?"
Danielle: "Nobody f******' disses me, okay?"
Pauly D: "You wanna dance?"
Danielle: "No, I don't wanna f****** dance. I f****** hate you!"
Pauly D: "I didn't do anything, bro."
Danielle: "Don't call me bro."
The Situation walks up and saves him.
Meanwhile, Snookie is making out with some guy on a couch at KARMA. Two girls come up and tell Snookie that he has a girlfriend who has been watching from across the bar. The guy denies having a girlfriend and Snickers takes off. She's pissed. She starts bitching to a new "friend", Dimitrios.
Danielle and Pauly D are still arguing. He just has a smirk on his face the whole time. It's like he's teasing her and she is pissed. He's amused and they eventually leave the club together hand in hand. HAHA. She's going to be the loser in this. She already is. He's got nothing to lose by continuing to hook up with her and she's just letting it happen.
Back at KARMA, there's some serious fist pumping and beating up the beat going on. Lots of Ed Hardy in the house. Dimitrios is telling Snickers that's he a good guy and Snickers tells us that she finally found the guy that she wants...except he doesn't have muscles and he's not tan, but whatever, girl needs to get laid.
They all leave KARMA and some girls are yelling "Get out of Seaside Heights" and "Get out of Seaside with your tramp outfit, tramp!" So, I think they are actually yelling at about Snickers because she's basically in lingerie. But, since Sammi thinks the world revolves around her, she gets involved thinking that they are talking about her. Sammi keeps talking back and the girls tell her that she's dressed like a whore and then ask why Snickers is in her Halloween costume. HAHA. There's a guy with the girls who are yelling and they are just arguing back and forth. This is where my mother's wisdom would come in handy: Just walk away. That's it. Walk away.
There's pushing and shoving and finally security comes out and pushes the guy away. So the roommates start walking home again. The Situation was leading the pack and Ronnie was in the back. The guy gets away from security and starts mouthing off again...yelling! Not hitting, not pushing, not shoving. Yelling. He was obviously far back enough that Ronnie got pissed and RAN to him and hit him so hard, he knocked him out. Ronnie walks back to his friends and yells "that's one shot. That's one shot. That's one shot" all proud about knocking this guy out. Dumb. The cops show up and talk to Ronnie. God he looks ridiculous in that sparkly shirt. The cops tell Ronnie that he's getting arrested because he knocked him out cold. Doesn't matter that it was self defense because the guy didn't hit him and he knocked him out cold. The police take Ronnie away and Sammi dramatically walks home with Snickers.
See you next week.
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