Last time on Real Housewives was the Girls Weekend which turned into Girls - and some of their insecure controlling husbands/boyfriends - Weekend.
"Love and War"
VICKI
Vicki and Donn are walking on the beach together. Vicki thanks Donn for allowing her to have her space and not coming to Florida. She tells him she appreciates him for not being clingy. They sit down and she reads a letter that she wrote to Donn. It's a very sweet letter about how they have overcome so many obstacles and they are still together after 15 years. Donn gets teary. Vicki says that she planned a surprise vacation for just the two of them. He kisses her and they are both teary. It's really sweet. I'm so glad that things are better between them. Vicki is so much better than in past seasons.
ALEXIS
Alexis is outside blowing bubbles with her kids and, of course, the nanny. Seriously? You can't even blow bubbles with your kids in the morning for a little while without the nanny?? Jeez. Alexis tells them they have to stop now and get ready for church. Here we go. The girls are getting ready for church. Alexis tells us how church is very important to her and she remembers begging her mom to take her to church when she was 7 years old. Really? Ugh. Jim says that it's important for him and his family to pray everyday. He says every morning he lays his hand on each of his kids and Alexis so they can be blessed and protected for the day. WTF? They all walk out of the house and this makes me so sad...Jim is holding one of the girls and she's crying and reaching for - the Nanny. Jim gives up and gives her to the nanny. So sad. If I have a nanny, I hope my kids don't prefer her over me. That would totally make me sad.
I have no problem with people having God in their life and being religious. I really don't. In fact, I have my own personal relationship with God. The thing that bugs me about these people is that it's all for show. They are such HYPOCRITES!! If they practiced what they preach, I'd have no problem with it. But they say God is the most important thing and then parade around like Hugh Hefner with one of his bunnies.
TAMRA
Tamra asks the kids if they want her and Simon to take them away for the weekend. Sofia says that she doesn't want to go to the beach because she's sick of it...too much. I would LOVE to be sick of going to the beach right now. My fingers are freezing as I'm typing this. Tamra tells Simon that Vicki knows he hates her. He says that Vicki was rude to him in Florida and that she needs to mind her own business. He says that if Vicki had a healthy marriage, she could give any advice she wants, but she doesn't. Well...? Simon says that Vicki wants Tamra to treat him like shit and that's not acceptable. Tamra says that Vicki can't make her to do anything. Then Simon says that Vicki would like it if he and Tamra didn't get along and he's been telling Tamra that for 2 years now. Tamra interviews that Simon has a problem with strong women which is why he has a problem with Vicki and that Vicki is her friend and if he doesn't like that, it's his problem. Simon tells Tamra that their marriage is fine and that Vicki and Don's is not fine. Simon tells Tamra that they - Simon and Tamra - have a very even relationship. He says that it works and they wouldn't be this happy and married this long if it didn't. Tamra doesn't agree and looks uncomfortable but she just nods and says "uh-huh".
Then, Tamra asks Simon how he would feel if she made amends with Gretchen. Simon would NOT be happy with that. He tells Tamra if she wants to be friends with Gretchen, then Tamra is not the person he knows. Simon says that he feels sorry for her but he doesn't want her around him or his wife or his family. Simon tells Tamra not to be a hypocrite and she gets upset. She says that she is NOT a hypocrite. She will forgive Gretchen but she won't ever forget what she did. Tamra also says that she doesn't hold grudges because doing that only hurts your insides. She's right. Simon says that someone who does what Gretchen did will do it again and he doesn't want that in his life.
Tamra says that Simon just writes people off so fast and that he never likes any of her friends. Simon says he just likes to surround himself with good people. I feel like I'm a lot like Simon, but in the opposite direction. He likes to be around pretty, dumb women who have no backbone and no opinions. I like to surround myself with smart, intelligent, motivated women who are strong and direct. Simon tells Tamra that he's protective of his wife and family and doesn't want people like Gretchen around them. Tamra gives him an "are you kidding me?" look and then Simon says that he's going to "put [his] foot down on this" and Tamra just looks away and says "ok" as in "whatever".
The thing is Simon IS CONTROLLING. Yes, that's obvious and absolutely a fact. BUT, Tamra knew that and, I think, liked it before they were married and after they were married until she got involved with the Real Housewives. I think she saw that not everyone lives like she does and that she doesn't like being controlled. She was also probably embarrassed watching her marriage on TV and receiving nasty comments about being controlled. I can understand that, but I also understand why Simon is frustrated. She knew what she was getting into when she married him.
ALEXIS
OMG!!! Alexis and Jim don't just go to church. They go to the "Free Chapel". It's one of those corporate churches with a Christian Rock band playing and a "pastor" who is more of a motivational speaker than an actual religious preacher. Tamra interviews that she didn't see Jim and Alexis as church going folks. And, quite frankly, they aren't. They go to those huge corporate building-like "churches" that cater to wealthy individuals to make them feel ok about being rich and superficial and to collect big "offerings". The "pastor" was basically telling them that it's ok to be successful and if others are whining about not being successful, tell them to "get over it." I see his point, but I'm pretty sure that's not what Jesus or God would say. This "church" just wants their money. If Alexis and Jim are dumb enough to give it to them, good for the church. SUCKERS! These guys are like the "born agains". Tamra interviews, when Alexis and Jim say that to keep their marriage strong, they need to keep the devil out, she thinks the Devil would want to honk "700 cc's" referring to Alexis's fake boobs! HAHA!! Gretchen says "700 cc's?? Gimme some of that Christian." HAHA!
GRETCHEN
Gretchen decides to play the therapist and wants to take Alexa out to "shop" and talk about what Alexa is feeling. Gretchen says that the last couple of times she's been around Alexa, she's heard her say that she's depressed and Lynne just blows her off. Gretchen is concerned because she remembers being a teenager and not feeling heard and wants to be someone that Alexa can talk to. Maybe after her chat with Alexa, Gretchen says she may be able to give Lynne some advice.
This will not end well. Lynne is completely clueless, but no one - no matter how loopy they are - want to be told how to raise their kids by someone who has no kids and has no experience with kids.
Gretchen calls Lynne to ask if she can take Alexa shopping. And she tells Lynne that she wants to maybe get Alexa to talk to her. Lynne says it sounds great.
VICKI
Vicki and Donn are packing for their trip. Vicki wants to keep it a surprise but Donn wants to know. Vicki tells Donn that they are going to Turks & Caicos. OMG! Donn is super excited. I would be, too. I totally want to go to Turks & Caicos. They arrive to a champagne reception. They also have a personal concierge who takes them to their pimped out suite. It's beautiful. I want to be married to Vicki. Donn totally hit the jackpot! It's fantastic. What a fabulous vacation. Vicki: "See, someone who says 'money doesn't matter' is...poor." I kind of agree. Having money and going to those awesome places where celebs go and get awesome service would be fabulous.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen and Alexa are shopping. Gretchen tells Alexa that she called her because she heard Alexa say lately that she's depressed. Gretchen says that when she was a teenager, she felt like no one heard her. She tells Alexa that she cares and has been hearing her say that she's depressed and sad. Alexa is taken off guard, but then tells Gretchen that no one listens to her and starts crying a little. Gretchen hugs her and lets her know that she's there to listen. Then, she quickly says "let's shop". Alexa interviews that she went to meet Gretchen to have fun and shop and didn't want to talk about being depressed. Awkward.
VICKI
Vicki and Donn are on the beach drinking some rum punch at a Conch and Rum Shack. The manager, J.D., asks if they want to see how they take the Conch out of the shell. Vicki is grossed out but it's kind of cool. J.D. tells them it's a mussel. It looks like it has the same consistency. J.D. pulls out the "pistol" which is the part that make you horny if you eat it. The pistol is the island viagra. Hmmm. Donn eats a couple of pistols. Vicki tells J.D. to load Donn up. Ew.
TAMRA
Tamra is house hunting with Realtor Marcos because Simon didn't want to come. Marcos asks her if she's familiar with the area and she says that's where her first house was and where she was much happier. She's looking at houses to rent. She walks through one that's $5000/mo. Tamra says that Simon would be a fool not to notice that she's not happy in the marriage.
VICKI
It's sunset in Turks and Caicos and Vicki and Donn are having dinner. They are being so sweet to each other. Vicki talks to Donn about how things were 15 years ago and how far they've come. She had their concierge bring their wedding album to the table with a picture of Vicki and Donn and Briana and Michael on their wedding day. Donn is totally crying and so sweet. I'm totally tearing up. Vicki asks if Donn would marry her again. Donn says "absolutely, yes." So Vicki tells him that tomorrow they are going to renew their wedding vows. Vicki asks if he's ok with that and Donn says that he is "so in." Vicki says that this is the grandest gesture she's ever done for Donn and that he deserves it and is a good man. Donn is a good man. He's totally overwhelmed. It's cute. I love Donn and Vicki. She's a little over the top, but she's got a good heart and Donn is such a practical, down to earth guy.
LYNNE
Lynne and Alexa are working out together. Lynne complains about how out of shape she is since she hasn't been able to work out in 4 weeks because of her face lift. I think it would be annoying to have a mom like that. Lynne is TINY and she's complaining to her daughter (who is taller and beautiful, but also a little bigger than Lynne) about being fat. SO LAME. This is how young girls get eating disorders! Anyhow, Lynne keeps asking Alexa if her face is still ok. Dumb. They are in the weight room and Lynne asks Alexa how shopping with Gretchen went. Alexa says that she thought Gretchen took her shopping to have fun and chill out but then Gretchen says that she hears Alexa is depressed. Lynne acts totally surprised - even though she knew this was why Gretchen asked her daughter to shop - and says "OMG. It's like an ambush. She was ambushing you." Alexa says that Gretchen was trying to take the pressure off of herself and attack Alexa because Alexa is an easy target. Lynne interviews that Gretchen is not a mom and doesn't have a teenage daughter so she doesn't understand how they are. Lynne says that they are like yo-yos and change from day-to-day. One day they are depressed and the next day they're happy. Lynne tells Alexa that, as a parent, she's insulted because it makes her feel like she's not doing a good job. Alexa says that it was just wrong the way it came out and it was almost like Gretchen was targeting Alexa to make herself feel better. Lynne interviews that it's insulting to her that Gretchen thinks she would have better advice for her daughter than she would. Alexa says that Gretchen is like 40 and Lynne says that she's not 40 - but see what I'm saying?? Gretchen totally looks older than 33!!! Lynne says it's confusing to her why Gretchen wanted to take Alexa shopping and makes her wonder how much she can trust Gretchen.
Ok, I think Lynne was cool with the whole Gretchen thing until Alexa complained about it. Then Lynne thought about it more and realized that maybe she should be insulted by the gesture. I agree that Gretchen may have overstepped a little and confronting Alexa in a boutique was a little random and weird. However, Gretchen's motives seemed genuine. I don't think she's trying to tell Lynne what to do or say that Lynne is a bad mom. I think Gretchen probably feels like she can relate to what Alexa is going through and wants her to know that she understands. I think Alexa was probably a little embarrassed by the confrontation and that's why she's so defensive about it to her mom. I think her mom could have been more supportive and talked about the subject instead of going after Gretchen. What this whole issue says to me is that Gretchen should just retreat and butt out and Lynne should get Alexa a trained mental health professional that she can talk to on a regular basis. And, probably some family counseling would be good for them.
VICKI
Vicki and Donn are getting ready for their renewal ceremony. It's absolutely gorgeous on the beach. Donn is nervous and it's so cute. Vicki looks very pretty - although, the huge cross necklace was a little much. They are sweet to each other and Donn says his vows which are so amazing. They are both crying a little. Then Vicki says hers and gives him his last surprise: the ring. I feel uncomfortable for them in this moment. Vicki hands him the ring and tells him it's one and a half carats, princess cut diamonds and tells him to look at it. It was a weird moment. Donn is super grateful and thanks her for the ring and says it's amazing. I just found it a little tacky for Vicki to tell him all the particulars in the middle of the ceremony. Just awkward. They kiss and walk off onto the beach. Donn interviews that it felt better than the first time around. He says that they are in such a better place. They are so cute.
TAMRA
Tamra is having lunch with her mom. She tells her mom about her meeting with Gretchen and her mom just tells her to be careful. They chat a little about Gretchen dating "Jo's Slade" and Tamra knows this is hard for her mom because her dad left her for one of her friends. Then she asks if her friend was out of the picture, would her mom get back together with her dad. Her mom says no because she's not in love with him anymore. Then she says that love and marriage takes work and that you have to work to make a marriage work. Tamra asks what that means and her mom says that it means that things aren't going to be perfect all the time, but you have to stick with it. Tamra starts to cry and puts her face in her hands. Her mom says that Tamra has to work at her relationship. Tamra says she doesn't know what to do because there's so much built up resentment. She says she tries to be a good wife and a good mother and she doesn't think she's the person Simon wants her to be. She says that Simon treats her like he doesn't trust her and like she's property. She doesn't want to be with someone who tells her she's doing something wrong 24 hours a day. Tamra asks her mom what Simon wants and she tells Tamra that he wants a housewife and Tamra isn't just a housewife. Tamra says that if it was just her and Simon, she would leave...no question. Then her mom cries and says that Tamra has 3 babies to take care of (4, 9, 11). Tamra says that the last thing she wants is to be 42, with 3 kids, living in a condo and trying to take care of herself and her kids, but she doesn't know if she has anymore fight in her. She says that there's part of her that thinks Simon will never change. Yeah, I could have told you that. Of course he's not going to change. People don't change...you need to accept him for who he is or move on.
UPDATE: Simon filed for divorce from Tamra saying that she verbally abused him and was unfaithful. He's also requesting that she not receive any spousal support. HAHA!!! Oh, Simon. You are so naive and have a bad lawyer. First, CA is a NO FAULT DIVORCE state so it doesn't matter if Tamra cheated or not. It's irrelevant. Second, you've been married for 12 years. That's a "long term marriage" under CA law which means she could receive spousal support for the rest of her life or until she remarries. Even if they were married less than 10 years, she could receive Spousal Support for AT LEAST half the length of the marriage. Spousal support is discretionary and up to the court, but given that she doesn't have a steady job because Simon wouldn't let her have one, it will be difficult for him to argue that she can support herself.
See you next week!!
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