Last time: Gretchen tried to be Alexa's mom, Vicki and Donn renewed their vows and Tamra doesn't think her marriage is as great as Simon does.
LYNNE
Lynne and her dog go for a walk with Gretchen and her dogs. Who takes their dog for a walk in high heeled flip flops? Lynne, apparently. Lynne confronts Gretchen about the talk with Alexa. Lynne says that Alexa told her that Gretchen was scared for Alexa's life. Alexa + Lynne = Drama. Gretchen tells Lynne that the last couple of times she's seen her, Alexa has mentioned being depressed. Lynne tells Gretchen that it's a hormonal thing and that Alexa even said to her that Gretchen thought Alexa was going to hurt herself. Gretchen tells Lynne that it was nothing like that, but she was concerned because she knows too many kids who get involved in drugs or end up pregnant or they do something stupid because they want someone to pay attention to them. First of all, who are all these "kids" Gretchen knows who are druggies and pregnant?
Lynne tells us that she wants to know why Gretchen has taken a sudden interest in her daughter. It's clear that Lynne feels defensive and a little taken aback that this woman wants to be her daughter's new best friend. Lynne tells us - as she stares blankly into the camera - "What [Gretchen]? Do you think you're really a great role model for my daughter that you think you can give advice? I don't." Gretchen tells Lynne that she just doesn't want Alexa to do anything for attention. Lynne tells Gretchen "until you're a parent, you really don't know what you're in for." Lynne tells us that she did not like Gretchen swooping in trying to parent her daughter. Gretchen tells Lynne that Alexa didn't take offense to Gretchen meeting with her, in fact, Alexa started crying and telling Gretchen that her parents don't pay attention to her. Why, Gretchen? Why did you have to go there? Lynne jokes that she should be cuffed and taken away for being a bad parent. Gretchen tells Lynne that she told Alexa that her parents love her, but Gretchen is there to listen anytime. Lynne just tells Gretchen that she can't wait until Gretchen has kids.
Lynne asks Gretchen what kind of teenager she was. Gretchen says that she was a tough kid and hard to deal with. Lynne tells Gretchen that she's STILL a kid and still getting into trouble. Gretchen asks how she's getting into trouble and Lynne brings up Tamra's party where Gretchen got completely DRUNK off her ass. Gretchen says that she wasn't getting into trouble. Lynne just tells Gretchen that she tries to do her best. She tries to be a good parent and talk to her daughter.
Ok, I'm Team Lynne on this one. I don't have kids and I have - more than once - given unsolicited advice to a parent about how to raise their child. I used to be a nanny, I studied child development in college, I worked at an infant development center, so sometimes I think I can give advice. But I shouldn't. It's none of my business. They are not my children and I need to BUTT OUT. Just like Gretchen should. I think that Gretchen's heart is in the right place and I see that she's reaching out to Alexa. But, if you want to SINCERELY reach out, don't do it on national television. That's just embarrassing to Alexa and Lynne. Even though I do not have kids, I can understand Lynne's perspective. I know that being a parent changes everything.
TAMRA
Tamra and Vicki are talking on the phone and Vicki apologizes for overreacting in Florida. Don't apologize, the girls should be apologizing to YOU. Vicki tells Tamra about her plans to have all the girls over for a sleepover. Tamra's in!!
GRETCHEN
Gretchen whines to Slade about her walk with Lynne. Gretchen is upset about the meeting with Lynne. She tells Slade that Lynne said that Gretchen doesn't know anything because she doesn't have kids. Well, Gretchen, Lynne kind of has a point. I know you've been a teenager but that was 13 years ago. It doesn't matter that you still act like one, you don't know what it's like to have one of your own. Then she tells Slade that Lynne said that she can't wait until Gretchen has kids as if she's hoping Gretchen has a bad situation. Ok, that's not true. I think Lynne said that because when you have kids, you understand what it feels like to have someone else butt in and try and tell you how to raise them. Slade - useless as usual - says that he's starting to feel like the doctor pulled Lynne's face a little too tight. Gretchen cackles and says "that's mean." Slade says that he doesn't understand why Lynne always plays the role of the babbling ding dong. He says that Lynne gets in these random digs at people and then laughs it off like she doesn't know what she's talking about. That's SO NOT TRUE. Lynne never takes digs at people. And, I don't think she was trying to take digs at Gretchen. I think Lynne was hurt and offended and was sticking up for herself. Gretchen tells Slade that she was really hurt by Lynne. So Slimy Slade tells Gretchen that she really needs to re-evaluate her relationships and friendships with the ladies.
TAMRA
Tamra brings Ryan Chinese food at her mom's house. Ryan is staying with her mother until he gets a job. Ryan tells Tamra about a job he is trying to get at Sylabs (?). Then he tells her that he's going to do community service instead of doing the jail time. I think he realized as he is going through the job searching process, jail time does not look so hot on the applications. Tamra brings up making amends with Simon. Ryan refuses to apologize. A few months ago, Tamra and Simon were away for the weekend and Ryan took Tamra's (really, Simon's) mercedes out for a drive with a suspended driver's license. Simon is pissed because the car is in his name and, if something happened, Simon would be responsible. Ryan won't apologize because, if he does, Simon will have the upper hand. I see Ryan's point...and Tamra's. Tamra just wants peace between her son and her husband. BUT, her husband is a controlling a**hole and Ryan sees that very clearly. So Simon has demanded an apology, which Ryan "should" give him, but because Simon DEMANDS it, Ryan doesn't want to give in. I get it, but Ryan just needs to suck it up. If for no other reason, to make his mom's life easier since she's the one who has to live with the Ed Hardy T-Shirt wearing D-bag.
LYNNE
Lynne starts to tell Frank about their walk. She starts to tell Frank that she was just being honest with Gretchen ... and the phone rings. It's Gretchen. Frank excuses himself and secretly thanks Gretchen for saving him from having to hear the recap of the park conversation. Gretchen tells Lynne that she felt like Lynne was aggressive with her on the walk and that it was hard for her. Um, aggressive? Really? Maybe they didn't film that part. WTF? Lynne tells Gretchen that she'll understand when she's a parent and she's not a parent yet, so she doesn't understand. Lynne tells her that it's hard to see Gretchen giving her daughter advice when she sees things in Gretchen's life not going perfectly. Zing! Lynne asks why Gretchen feels like she can give her daughter advice. Gretchen tells Lynne that she didn't give Alexa advice, she just told her that if she needed someone to talk to Gretchen was there to listen. I see Gretchen's point here - I think Lynne might be a little too defensive. Lynne tells Gretchen that her daughter is great and she's doing great and she's not doing things she's not supposed to be doing...."she's not on the internet." Zing! Again! Lynne is on a roll. Gretchen calls Lynne out and says that was one of those little digs. (ok, maybe she does give little digs. But this is the first time I've seen Lynne do this.) Gretchen starts getting defensive and says that she didn't put herself all over the internet. Some guy posted all those pictures. Yes, Gretchen, but you POSED for those pictures. If you POSE for pictures in pornographic positions and NAKED and someone takes pictures of you in those positions, that's almost like putting them on the internet yourself. Especially since, this is the guy she keeps claiming wasn't her boyfriend - he was just "some guy". Why would you let "some guy" take compromising photos of you NAKED?? But, I digress.
Lynne says that Gretchen is saying she's not a good parent and Gretchen interrupts and says that she's not saying that nor has she ever said that. Gretchen tells Lynne that if she feels that way, it's Lynne's issue. It's not something Gretchen is saying. I actually think that Gretchen is right on this one. Like I said, if Gretchen approached Alexa privately, away from the cameras, then I would be on Team Gretchen because Gretchen is really just offering to be a listener for Alexa and I would think that Lynne is overreacting. However, since it's on TV, I'm on Team Lynne because she feels disrespected for doing this PUBLICLY to Alexa and making her feel like a bad mom.
Lynne says that she wished Gretchen would have confronted her first before talking to Alexa. Yeah...she did. Gretchen tells Lynne that she told her she was concerned and she even asked if she could take Alexa shopping to talk to her about it!!! She's right. Lynne didn't get offended or upset until Alexa got upset about it. Whatever. Gretchen invites Frank and Lynne over for dinner at her house. Lynne agrees and Frank wishes he could not do this show anymore. Frank doesn't want to talk about it. He tells Lynne that they are making way too much out of this. AGREED.
VICKI
Michael, Vicki's son, has been playing online poker since he graduated and he's won $40K. Vicki doesn't know what he's doing but Michael hasn't asked her for money, so she's cool with it. Vicki asks Michael when he's going to start working for her. Michael says he'll be there when he runs out of money. Vicki is so controlling, but I love her so much. I just know that's how I'd be as a mother.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen and Slade are making dinner. Gretchen tells Slade that she's nervous because Lynne was really mad. I see her point. It's hard to make Lynne mad. She's always so happy and smiley. Slade tells Gretchen that Lynne's ego is bruised because Gretchen was able to get info out of Lynne's daughter that Lynne couldn't get. Dumb...and not true. Slade is such a sleezy instigator. WHY ARE YOU BACK ON THIS SHOW?? Where are YOUR kids, Slade?? It's not like you're Father of the Year. I can't stand Slade. Gretchen sounds like Simon - she tells us that ever since Lynne has been hanging out with Tamra, Gretchen has noticed a change in Lynne. It totally sounds like Simon having an issue with Tamra and Vicki. HAHA. Gretchen tells Slade to be nice because she still wants to be friends with Lynne.
Lynne and Frank show up. Lynne tells us that she wasn't sure how long they'd be there because Frank told her he would leave if someone says something that pisses him off. Someone better put a muzzle on Slade.
Gretchen starts by telling Lynne and Frank that she was not trying to offend them as parents at all. I believe that. She tells them that when she was a teenager, she could NEVER talk to her parents about anything. Gretchen tells us that she was bulimic as a teenager and never followed the rules and all she was doing was looking out for a kid who sent out the same kind of signals. Lynne tells Gretchen that she and Alexa talk all the time. It should have ended there. Gretchen should have apologized for getting involved and told Lynne it wasn't her place. She only wanted Alexa to know that she's another adult she can talk to. The end. But, it didn't end there. Lynne says that she knows every aspect of Alexa's life and SLADE opens his big fat mouth and says "You know only what she tells you. There's no way that a teenage girl will tell you every aspect of her life." Gretchen tries to interject and tells Slade to hold on. Lynne is PISSED.
Lynne interviews "Are you kidding me?" She tells us that she's heard rumors that Slade has skipped out on paying child support and that he has NO RIGHT to tell her ANYTHING about being a good parent. "He is a poser." AGREED!! Slade keeps going. He tells her that he's going to be honest with her. He says "Me being your friend, Lynne, means I'm going to be honest. And you might be pissed at me and you might not like what I have to say. But ultimately I have enough respect for you to tell you how it is. Hopefully, you get it and we remain friends." What a d-bag. Seriously. Lynne tells us that she doesn't need people telling her how to raise her kids. Especially people who let OTHER PEOPLE raise their kids. Slade says that he and Gretchen are the type of people that err on the side of caution. SINCE WHEN?? He tells Lynne that he feels better knowing that the concern for Alexa is out there and if Alexa wants to talk to Lynne about it, that's awesome.
Frank finally speaks. He says "This is a bunch of bullshit. Alexa is a normal teenager. She goes through her ups and downs. We try to explain to her that it's normal to feel blue once and awhile." Lynne says that there's no cause for alarm. Gretchen tells them that she disagrees because she dealt with Jeff's teenagers and she put them in check real quick. Ok, but Alexa is not Jeff's teenager. Alexa has two loving parents who are still married and her mom is home! Not the same, Gretch. Lynne tells us that she doesn't think Gretchen is a good role model for her daughter. Frank tells Gretchen that he knows his children and that he wants to be friends with his kids. Gretchen tells him that it's fine to be your kids' friend, but you also have to be there parent. [I disagree. I don't think parents should ever be "friends" with their kids. To quote Vanessa Williams' mother "I'm not your friend. You've got plenty of 'friends'. I am your MOTHER."]
Lynne tells us that she thinks Gretchen and Slade are being very calculated and trying to make themselves look better by making Lynne and Frank look bad. Gretchen tells Lynne and Frank that she's made bad choices and because of those bad choices, she can help kids make good ones. Frank finally says that a defense mechanism goes off when you're a mother. He tells Gretchen that all bets are off when it comes to your kids. Period. And that's really the bottom line and the point here. Gretchen and Slade can try to "reason" with Lynne and Frank all they want, but the bottom line is Alexa is their daughter and they feel attacked. Lynne tells us that she knows how Gretchen is and that she doesn't need to get involved with Alexa...Gretchen can look for other things to do. HAHA!!
ALEXIS
Alexis and her friend are at the day spa and Alexis is wearing her huge ass diamond medallion necklace that is "7.5 carats". Alexis tells us that sometimes she just needs some "me time" at the spa and gets away for a couple of hours. She tells us that she's lucky she can get away because she has "help". It must be very stressful and exhausting for her to shop and lunch with friends and get botox and workout while two other women are raising her children all day. I could see how she needs to "get away". Seriously?? What is she getting away from?
Alexis and her friend are talking about the housewives. She says that she gets along best with Tamra, but doesn't really connect with the other girls. Oh, and Gretchen.
VICKI
Vicki is setting up for her sleepover. Donn helped her get everything together. He tells Vicki he got a hotel for the night so he's taking off. They hug and kiss. Then Vicki says "I don't need to talk to you tonight. Love you. Good night. 'Bye." I LOVE THEM. Gretchen arrives and Vicki tells her about her vacation with Donn and tells her that they fell in love all over again. Vicki is pouring martinis and tells Gretchen that she has a surprise and then they are all going to teepee Jeanna!! HAHA. Tamra and Alexis show up. Tamra tells Vicki that Simon is in the car and asks if he can come in...JUST KIDDING!! Haha!! That was funny, Tamra. They sit at the bar in Vicki's house and Alexis says that Lynne was lost so she's going to call her. Vicki: "She would be lost." HAHA.
The girls are all enjoying drinks and appetizers and Alexis says that she has to leave her phone on because Jim will be calling with lots of questions ("where's the toilet paper?" "Where are the bowls?" "Where are the spoons?") Alexis tells the girls she's totally serious. Tamra asks if Jim changes diapers and Alexis says that he has NEVER changed a diaper. I would criticize, but Alexis has TWO NANNIES. She probably hasn't changed any diapers either. Tamra is in shock - although, if Simon could have afforded it, Tamra would have had two nannies, too. Alexis says that her nanny can't stay overnight, so Alexis needs to go home tonight. Tamra is shocked. She tells us that if a kid poops and a diaper needs to be changed, Alexis has to leave. Ok, now THAT is f'ing ridiculous. If it works for you, great. It would absolutely NOT work for me. HELL NO. If I have to change shitty diapers, my husband will have to change shitty diapers.
Lynne walks in and says that she walked right into the screen door. HAHA. Oh Lynne. I love crazy Lynne. They are all outside having dinner. Vicki tells the girls that a surprise is coming at 10pm. Gretchen and Alexis try to find out what it is when they hear the doorbell, but Vicki locks them out. Vicki's surprise is Dougall, a psychic. I'm not sure if I believe in psychics - and all the ladies claim they don't believe in psychics - but this guy has each of those women pegged!! The girls are all confused by his name and he tells them that it's Scottish. Gretchen says that she doesn't want to do this and all the girls are skeptical if Dougall is really psychic. Here we go:
Gretchen is first: Dougall asks if she's in a new relationship. Gretchen says yes. He asks how long and she says 5 months. Dougall asks if he can be honest and then says that he doesn't love it. Then he asks if the other women think that the guy (Slade) is a good fit for Gretchen. Vicki can't hold back. She says that there's a big world out there and Gretchen is a beautiful girl so she shouldn't get stuck with the first guy who comes by. For Vicki, that was pretty tame. Dougall tells Gretchen that he's not sure this guy is the best choice for her. Gretchen tells him that he's known her for 2 minutes and he already knows this. Dougall says the problem is that when Gretchen is with him, she becomes immersed in his world, but then she forgets about her own needs. Gretchen calls bullshit.
Next up is Tamra: Dougall tells her she's surrounded by blue. He tells her that it's the color of truth and light and that Tamra is very bright. But, he tells her that she has a fear of abandonment. He tells Tamra that she's so beautiful and bright and friendly, but he gets a sense of "don't get too close." Tamra tells him that she doesn't like people touching her. He tells her that she's an adult and no one is ever going to hurt her like that again. He tells her that she has this defense mechanism, but she has so much to offer. And that she's most powerful when she's totally relaxed and not worrying about it at all. He tells her to always speak her truth even if it pisses people off.
Now it's Alexis: Dougall tells Alexis that she has pink around her. Pink is the light of perfection. Alexis tells us that she's a firm Christian and she doesn't believe in those kind of careers, i.e. psychics. What kind of careers do you believe in? What career do you have? OH, that's right. You don't do ANYTHING. You don't even take care of your own children. You have TWO NANNIES to do that for you. Anyhow, Dougall tells Alexis that she's very critical of herself and she's a perfectionist. He tells her that her kids need "slob night" where they can do whatever and not be perfect. He tells her he's afraid of her passing on that perfectionist part of herself onto them.
Vicki: Dougall tells Vicki that she's very auditory, meaning that she needs to hear that she's beautiful, she needs to hear that people are dedicated to her. Vicki tells Dougall that she and Donn just renewed their wedding vows. Dougall congratulates her but says that he feels like he needs more effort and more on an emotional level. He tells Vicki that she likes things done HER WAY. And, in the business world, that works. So it makes sense that she would transfer that to her personal relationships. But Vicki has a tendency to want to fix things herself, her way, when they aren't working.
Finally, Lynne: She is surrounded by emerald green which is the color of communication. Dougall tells her that she needs to work on expressing herself. Dougall says that he thinks she knows how she feels - she's not out of touch with her feelings - but she needs to let those feelings out. Lynne tells us that she expresses her feelings all the time and that he is full of "dougall".
For all those ladies, I think Dougall hit the nail on the head. He closes by telling the ladies that they have been brought together to learn from one another. He tells them that they all balance each other out and they will trigger the crap out of each other which is part of the process. But, at the same time, they are all tremendously powerful women and they wouldn't be there if they weren't. Tamra asks if she can talk to him one on one. Then she tells us that Dougall called her pretty and smart and didn't call any of the other girls pretty and smart: "I love that guy." I like Tamra. She cracks me up.
Tamra gets all serious with Dougall and tells him about her son, Ryan. She fears that he will die young. Dougall says that he won't die young, but he is troubled and he'll find his way. But, he tells Tamra that she needs to back off a little. He also says that he sees Ryan in real estate and Tamra says that SHE's in real estate. ["N!! Newstand!! He works at a Newstand!! Ahh." - name the movie!]
Alexis brought Jell-O shots and they are all having them. I miss Jell-O shots!! They have their shots and put on masks that Tamra brought so they can go outside and teepee Jeanna's house. They all barge into Michael's room to scare him while he's on his laptop in bed. HA. Cut to Michael interviewing that he's planning on getting a place of his own as soon as possible. The girls head outside to teepee Jeanna's house. They all have fun and come back inside.
In the end, all the girls went home to sleep in their own beds.
VICKI
Briana and her friends go bowling and have some sushi and saki bombs. WOOT!
TAMRA
Tamra tells Simon that Ryan is coming over to pick up his mail. Ryan comes by the house to pick up his mail, but tries to come over when Simon is not home. He doesn't realize that Simon will be there. Ryan walks in and it's awkward. The other kids have dyed the white dog's tail and ears hot pink. Ryan is a little surprised to see Simon there. Ryan's phone rings and it's the people at Sylabs - where Ryan interviewed. The guy offers Ryan the job and Ryan is super excited. Ryan will be the branch manager. Good for Ryan. Simon congratulates Ryan and Ryan thanks him. Simon tells Ryan that he has so much potential. Tamra is excited that the boys are talking and asks if the guys have made up. Simon says no because there is one thing that Ryan has to do and Ryan should have done it a long time ago. Ryan apologizes for taking Simon's car and Simon stands up and asks to hear it again, so Ryan repeats it. Simon is such an ass. Simon tells Ryan that owning up to our mistakes is the first step in being a man. UGH. SO ANNOYING. No wonder Ryan didn't apologize sooner. He probably enjoyed not being around Simon. The only great thing is that it made Tamra happy.
As Ryan walks out, he looks at the dog and says "The dog is creepy." HAHA.
See you next time.
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