12 girls remain!! Let's get this drama started...
This week: 2 one on one dates and one group date.
Chris brings a date card. Gia reads it: "Vienna, let's fall head over heels together. Jake." Michelle is nuts and thinks she should have gotten the date.
Vienna and Jake take off on Jake's motorcycle. Jake says that Vienna is intense, fun and a little out of his comfort zone. They are hanging out and a helicopter flies down to pick them up. Vienna says she's never been in a helicopter before but she's excited. I don't why she bugs me so much. I really cannot stand her.
Back at the house, the girls are all saying that they don't understand why Jake chose her.
Jake doesn't tell Vienna where they're going. They come around a bend and Jake is nervous because he knows he's taking her bungee jumping. When she realizes that's what it is, she totally freaks out. Apparently Jake is afraid of heights, too. So they are both conquering their fears. They are both freaking out about how high they are. Jake says he's not sure if he can do this and Vienna is comforting him and encouraging him. Jake says that Vienna has a natural way of calming him down. They jump and scream and hold onto each other. FUN!!! As they are hanging upside down, he kisses her. Ugh. He's really into her. Weird.
They go back to his place and sit in front of the fireplace and eat. He asks her what she's looking for in a guy. She says what anyone would say in that position: a best friend, someone who you can talk to, someone you can have fun with, someone you can share your life with. It's a generic question with a generic answer. What's she going to say? I want a fling? No. She wants to win. So dumb.
Back at the house, the girls get the group date card. Corrie reads the names of the girls going on the group date:
Corrie - boring
Elizabeth - nanny and a bitch
Ashleigh - tripper
Tenley - sweet. Second fave
Ali - FAVE
Michelle - crazy
Kathryn - Brittany Snow/Carrie Underwood and quiet as a mouse.
Jessie - Cute
Michelle is a PIECE OF WORK. First she's pissed because she didn't get a date with Jake - any date; group date or solo date. Now she's pissed because she got a group date instead of a solo date. UGH. She needs to go.
Everyone says that they will be surprised if Vienna comes back, but they just don't realize what a sucker Jake is. He's looking for someone so badly that he will find a reason for EVERY girl to fit what he wants.
Vienna and Jake are in the jacuzzi and Jake brings out the rose. UGH! Another week of Vienna. He's so gullible. He sees what he wants to see.
Vienna walks into the mansion with her rose and everyone is in shock. She starts off telling everyone that they were in tears together. She tells them about the bungee jump. Ashleigh tells us that she'd rather watch paint dry than hear Vienna talk about her date and it baffles her that Vienna is still here. It would baffle me, too, if I didn't know Jake was such a desperate man. Vienna keeps talking and then Ali asks how many kisses there were in a joking way and Vienna gets all "too cool for school" and says that she doesn't want to tell and gets up and goes upstairs. UGH. I really do NOT like Vienna. So obnoxious. Ali is totally confused and doesn't understand how Vienna got a rose and even came back. Jake is a cheeseball and will believe ANYTHING he hears because he DESPERATELY wants one of you ladies to be THE ONE.
Group Date!!
The girls on the date meet Jake at Universal City at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club. They all hug Jake. Jon Lovitz comes out to greet the girls. He tells them that they are going to BE the show.
Back at the house, the girls find out who gets a solo date. Vienna reads it: Ella gets the date!! WOOT! Vienna goes off about how amazing it is to have a solo date with Jake. UGH.
Jon Lovitz goes table to table to help the girls come up with their routines. Ashleigh starts crying because she's very nervous to go on stage. Jake comes over to her and Corrie. Ashleigh is just breaking down. It's nice to see her be real. Jon Lovitz tells the girls they have to perform for Jake and ... a live audience!! They are even more terrified.
Jon Lovitz comes out to the audience to introduce the girls. First up is ALI!! She tells everyone a joke that's "very elementary": Does anyone know why Tiger was looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!! Ha! Jessie is next and she asks if everyone has seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and says that her family will be in the sequel "My Family is So Fat You Can't Even Tell They're Greek." Heh.
Tenley is next and she does some weird contortionist move on the ground and puts her legs behind her head. Elizabeth does a totally raunchy routine. It's funny, but Jake is confused...because he's kind of an idiot. He says that Elizabeth went from no kissing to totally raunchy. No she didn't, Jake. She was always raunchy. She just totally played you and manipulated you into thinking that she didn't want to be kissed. Why are guys so dumb?
Kathryn is next and summons Jake to the stage and kisses him. She says there's no punchline she just wanted to see how his lips taste. Clever. Michelle is GLARING at the stage. This is like a horror film where the killer gets all angry right before they cut someone. All the other girls think Kathryn was funny and they are having a good time. Michelle looks homicidal.
Michelle is up next. She says that she noticed that the palm trees don't have coconuts on them and she wonders where they are. Then she taps her FLAT CHEST with the microphone and no one is laughing. Then she says that she says she's never been golfing, but notices she's on the green. She says she's just waiting for that "hole" to get her one on one. The audience thinks she's being totally crass and yell "BOOOOO" and don't laugh. Ali tells us that Michelle is a little "off" and there's something not quite right with her. Ya think?
Jon Lovitz announces Ashleigh's name and she says she's not ready to come down. So Corrie comes down instead. Corrie's routine is to impersonate the other girls in the house. She does Tenley and Kathryn. Then she does Vienna. She talks about how she only cares about herself and goes around topless and talks shit about everyone else in the house. Jake's smile disappears. He says that Corrie was funny but she spent the bulk of her performance "doing" Vienna and all the girls are laughing and cheering her on. Jake says that the girls are seeing a different side of Vienna and that worries him a little. It should worry you A LOT!
Ashleigh finally comes down. She does a series of Blonde jokes. They were funny!! I have a new found respect for Ashleigh. I think she's way too put together and too smart for Jake.
The girls are all on the roof of the Roosevelt Hotel. Hey! I've been there!! So cool. They are having champagne and Jake is being cheesy as usual. Tenley and Jake go somewhere to talk and she wants to talk to him about her past. Tenley tells him that she was a virgin until her wedding night and she had saved herself for and given herself to her ex-husband. He cheated on her and left her. She says that she wants to find love again and wants to love someone again. She's crying and she's sort of cheesy and sweet which is why I think she and Jake would be great together. Jake kisses her and it's super sweet and cute.
Ashleigh takes him away to talk to him. She tells us that she's worried that he wasted a rose on Vienna and she says that if Vienna is what he likes, then he won't like Ashleigh. Ashleigh tells Jake that when she returned from her date, the girls were livid and all said that if Jake likes Vienna then he won't like me. Jake asks her what is it about Vienna that he's not seeing. So Ashleigh tells him that the skit Corrie did brought up a lot of it. And she says that no one wants to hear about Vienna and Jake's intimate moments. Jake tells us that he's disappointed and surprised that Vienna did that. You shouldn't be, Jake. Jake's realizing that Vienna is the controversial person in the house.
Back at the house, Gia tells Vienna that no one wants drama here and everyone wants to have a good time and find love. Gia tells her that there's unnecessary drama going on and people think that Vienna's the cause. Ella and Vanishia chime in and tell her that she just gets in everyone's face and that the girls get along better when she's not around. Gia tells her that if Vienna is here for Jake, he will sense that and know it. Vienna says that she doesn't care what all the girls think of her. She only cares about Jake. Gia says that she is the ONLY person who is there for Vienna and Vienna is losing her. Vienna says she's done with the conversation because all three of the girls are FAKE as can be. Gia tells Vienna that she's the only person who has stuck up for Vienna and Vienna is calling HER OUT! Vienna says she's done and that every girl in the house is fake and she storms out of the room. Drama. Vienna goes upstairs and writes Jake a letter. She's nutty, too.
Jake pulls Ali away for some alone time. Jake apologizes because he felt that they had this amazing date, but then hasn't really spent much time with her since the date. Ali says she is really happy to hear him say that. He kisses her and it's sweet. She tells him that it has been really hard and that she almost cried when Vienna came home with the rose because Vienna is so fundamentally different from Ali.
The girls all toast Corrie for being brave and honest during her stand up routine. Michelle does not "cheers" and they ask her why she isn't toasting. Michelle just says that the time she spends one on one with Jake is going to be about her and Jake. Um...what? That wasn't the question. She tells the girls that she's here to find love and get married. She tells us that she feels a connection with Jake and she's ready to get married and give her mom another grandbaby. She claims that she's not desperate, but that's all I hear and see when she's on screen.
Ali tells Michelle that she hopes Michelle opens up to everyone because Jake wants someone who can do that and who is able to do that. Michelle gets real defensive and tells Ali that Ali got mad when he kissed other girls and Michelle tells her that she is only here to marry Jake. Ali says that she's not attacking Michelle. Michelle says that she felt attacked and that she's only here for love and marriage. Ali says that she was only trying to help and Michelle says that she doesn't need help from anyone. So Ali says she won't say anything to her anymore. Jeez...that Michelle is a ticking time bomb. Jessie tells us that you have to walk on eggshells around Michelle because she gets so defensive about EVERYTHING. She and Vienna should be quarantined together.
Elizabeth tells Michelle that the way she's reacting is like no one else is there for love but everyone is there to find love. Michelle just repeats that she's there for love and marriage. Ali tells her that she doesn't have to be mean about it and Michelle yells that she's never been mean and to tell her a situation where she's been mean. Ali tells her that she's being mean right now. So Michelle gets up and walks away. WOW. Elizabeth tells us that what Michelle needs is a therapist not a husband. SO TRUE!!
Michelle FINALLY gets her alone time with Jake. She starts by telling Jake that she's not overly emotional or dramatic or anything. YEAH RIGHT. Then she tells him that she's honestly here for love. She starts to break down and says that she feels she's the only person who's here for that reason. OMG. Please, Jake, please see the craziness before you and send it home. Then she tells Jake that she really, really, really wants a husband and Jake tells her that he believes her. HA! She tells him that when she packed her bags last time she was honestly thinking that she doesn't know if she can continue this process without knowing if he feels the same way she does. SAY YOU DON'T, JAKE!! Then, Michelle asks him if it would be awkward if she were to ask if she could kiss him. WTF?? She says she wants to see if she feels something. So she kisses him and tells him that he needs to give her something more than that. WHAT??? SEND HER HOME!!! What is wrong with her? Jake is looking down and Michelle asks him why. He says that he's ready for this night to be over so he can go home and digest everything. Michelle says she understands how he's feeling and that she can't stay. She says that she wants to stay, but to spend this alone time with him and not really be able to kiss him hurts her. WHAT? They totally kissed. She's crazy. Tell her not to let the door hit her on her ass on the way out!!
She tells Jake that if he wants her to stay she will. Jake says "Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave." YAY!!! GO JAKE!! WOOT!! She can't believe he said that and she's pissed because she didn't think that's how things would turn out. She thought he would beg her to stay. But I guess he can smell crazy - it takes him awhile, but when he gets it, he gets it. See ya! She tells the girls she's leaving and they are surprised. Jake walks Michelle out to get a cab and sends her on her way.
HAHA. She interviews that certain people felt that she was the one for Jake but he kicked her to the curb. She had no clue. Well, she's right about that. She has NO CLUE!!!
Jake tells the other girls that he sent Michelle home. He says that the moment he knows that a girl is not the one for him, he will ask them to go. No one wants to waste their time. He thanks them for being such good sports, but it's been a crazy night and he's not giving anyone a rose tonight.
Next day is Ella's solo date and she's excited. Jake takes her outside to a helicopter landing in front of the house for the two of them.
Back at the house, Vienna goes downstairs and talks to the girls. She apologizes to all the girls and says that she will respect all of them. Vienna tells Ali that she understood why Ali was upset now that she's had a solo date with Jake. Ali tells Vienna that she was upset - not because someone else got a solo date - but because the solo date was with Vienna and Vienna came back. Then Ali says that Vienna talks badly about everyone in the house so she's skeptical. Vienna starts crying and tells the girls that she's being sincere with her apology. Ashleigh tells us that Vienna wanted a quick fix. Anyone can apologize, but that doesn't mean it was sincere. Vienna is in a lose-lose situation right now. Her only hope is to appeal to some of the more gullible girls in the house and have them say something good about her to Jake.
Jake and Ella are in the helicopter flying around LA. He tells her he's taking her to Sea World for her birthday!! She's so excited about the dolphins and whales. He thanks her for being here and for taking time away from her family. And then, he gives her a huge surprise: ETHAN, her son comes running up to her with a picture he drew for her. Ella is so happy and crying and kissing him. I'm totally crying. These reunions KILL ME. The three of them spend the day at Sea World. Jake gave Ethan another toy plane since Ella gave Jake Ethan's favorite toy plane. Ethan is cute. He's talking about his planes with Jake. Jake admits that he was nervous about meeting Ethan and tells Ella that he was worried she would think it was too soon. I actually think it is too soon. Especially since we all know Ella doesn't win. It really sucks to put a 7 year old boy in the middle of things.
Ella and Jake talk and she says what Jake wants to hear. Ella and Ethan say good-bye. Jake and Ella go to dinner and he gives her a rose. UGH. Don't get me wrong. Ella is a wonderful mother and great woman, but he's not ready for her. She's a mom and seems so much older and more mature than 29. They just seem oddly matched.
It's cocktail party time. Jake takes Elizabeth outside to talk. Elizabeth tells us that last time she told Jake not to kiss her so Jake needs to stay true to his convictions and not try to kiss her. UGH. This is so annoying. Then stop coming onto him and trying to get him to kiss you, Elizabeth! They sit down together and Elizabeth asks Jake if he's good at back rubs. Here we go. He says yes. Jake tells us that he thinks he sitting with the queen of mixed signals. I think you're right, Jake! It's calling "playing games". He tells us that he's not supposed to kiss her but physically she's all over him. Yup. That's how the game is played. Jake tells Elizabeth that he feels like she's playing games with him. Because she says not to kiss him, but then she admits that she wants to kiss him. Jake says that he knows some couples don't kiss for spiritual reasons and he doesn't think that's the reason with Elizabeth. She tells him it's not. Then Jake tells her that if she's using not kissing to tease him, that's wrong. Elizabeth gets defensive and says she's not teasing him - but she totally is - and says that her problem with Jake is that he's kissing every other girl. Jake says that kissing is how he shows affection and Elizabeth tells him that she does, too. Jake tells her that's fine, but then he tells her not to tease him. HA! Elizabeth tells Jake that she's not teasing him!! She tells him that maybe she'll let him kiss her. ANNOYING.
Jake tells us that Elizabeth is really confusing. Jake tells us that she wants him to kiss her, but she won't let him kiss her, but she's going to tease him about how much she wants to kiss him. Dumb. She's out - send her ass home. Vienna comes up to them and Elizabeth tells her to wait because they aren't ready yet. Vienna just says I'm sorry and takes Jake away. That's how it's done. Sorry. Elizabeth is mad because Vienna has a rose and doesn't need the alone time. So Elizabeth goes and talks to the other girls and tells them that Jake wanted her to kiss him but feels that Elizabeth is sending him mixed signals. Elizabeth tells the girls that Jake thinks she's a tease. Elizabeth doesn't understand. Ok, well, he thinks you're playing games because YOU ARE PLAYING GAMES. He thinks you're a tease because YOU ARE A TEASE! I hope that helps.
Vienna is crying to Jake that it's hard for her to be at the house. Vienna tells Jake that she knows the girls have told him that she talks about them and says things. But Vienna tells Jake that she's not a bad person. She's just honest and the girls are all taking it the wrong way. Jake tells her to stay focused and true to herself. Is he serious? Dumbass.
Vienna walks back inside and tells the girls that she interrupted Elizabeth and Jake. Ali asked Vienna if she knew that there were other people who hadn't had alone time with Jake. Vienna says that she wanted to explain some things to him. Corrie tells us that she thinks it was messed up that Vienna interrupted Jake and Elizabeth. I have to say that the girls are just pissed because it was Vienna. If it had been Ella, they wouldn't have said a word, but because it's Vienna, they are mad. I don't like Vienna so it doesn't bother me that the girls all jump on her for this. :)
Elizabeth is crying to the other girls outside because she felt like she needed to talk to Jake longer. So, Elizabeth goes inside and goes to the bathroom. Ali tells Vienna that it wasn't right for her to take alone time. Vienna kind of blows Ali off and Ali just tells her that she wants her to be aware of what she did. Elizabeth tells us that she could get a date any day of the week, but she wants more. She wants to find love. Then she tells us that Jake needs to remember that she needs to pick him, too. Not just Jake picking her. Hmmm.
So Elizabeth goes back in and steals some more alone time with Jake. Elizabeth tells Jake that she's upset and hurt because she feels that he needs to kiss her in order to know whether or not to keep her. Jake says that's not it at all. He says that, during the fireworks, he felt like she was using a kiss like dangling a carrot. Jake tells us that he doesn't think Elizabeth has herself figured out and that she felt like she needed to control the situation.
Rose Ceremony. The girls who get roses are:
Vienna - on the date
Ella - on the date
Gia - hmmm. She's cute.
Corrie - boring, but funny this episode.
Tenley - Yay!
Ali - WOOT!!!
Jessie - cute, but no chemistry.
Kathryn - cute, but also no chemistry.
Final Rose goes to: Ashleigh!!
Elizabeth and Vanishia are going home. Oh damn. Vanishia says that she put her "homemaker" life on hold to find love. And it didn't work out and ... she cries. Elizabeth asks Jake what happened and she tells him she should have kissed him and he says it's not that. Elizabeth says that she's upset because she thought they had a connection and it hurt her feelings. I think Elizabeth tried to play a game and she lost.
See you next week!!
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