Last time on Real Housewives, Jeanna left the show and Alexis joined.
VICKI
The son of Vicki's insurance colleague is coming to the OC from Indianapolis to stay with her for the weekend. It appears Vicki set this up so the son, Chris, could meet Briana. This is not going to be good. I'm so glad I have a mother who stays out of my personal life and would NEVER do this to me. Vicki says that Briana needs this because she's sad and didn't expect her life with Colby would end. Briana is outside washing the car and tells us that she was with Colby for 6 years and expected to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him. All of a sudden, this 17 year old girl comes out of nowhere and Colby dumps Briana. Ouch. That sucks. I like Briana. She seems like a really good kid.
Briana interviews that her mom has always been very controlling. What? Vicki?? No way. Briana says that Vicki has been trying to set Briana up for over a year - ever since she and Colby broke up. This is the first guy that Briana has agreed to meet so it should be interesting. I'll say. Briana says that her mom gave her Chris's number when Vicki met him to encourage the two of them to communicate before he came out to visit. So Briana and Chris have been texting each other for a little while.
Vicki and Chris walk in and he looks a lot like Colby. He's cute. He walks up to Briana and starts to shake her hand and she calls him out on trying to shake hands and gives him a hug. Ahhh. So cute. He was nervous and didn't want to seem too forward. [Sidenote - My boyfriend did the same thing on our first date. We had been emailing and talking for a month. I went in for a hug and he held out his hand. Awkward. I love teasing him about it. He gets so embarrassed.]
Wow. Briana has on a bikini and a "cover up" but the sisters are on display. She's nervous and introduces Chris to her dog. Briana shows him to his room which Vicki tells us is nowhere near Briana's room. Vicki wants them to like each other and get together, but NO SEX. Chris is sweet. He got Briana a COLTS T-Shirt. Briana goes to show Vicki and Vicki yells "WOOHOO". I think Vicki and Mary Murphy (from So You Think You Can Dance) are related.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen goes to Michigan to see Jeff's kids. They found a place to spread Jeff's ashes and it's really important to her to be there. She hasn't seen the kids since Jeff's funeral, so she's headed out to see them. She wants to keep a relationship with the kids since they are her only connection to Jeff. Gretchen is in Michigan with the kids and they are having a BBQ. Gretchen says that she's stayed in constant contact with the kids but hasn't been able to spend physical time with them. The kids have gotten into some trouble since their dad passed away. Jake has a restricted driver's license for too many tickets and Jill's on probation for a DUI. Gretchen tells us that it's normal for them to act out and that Tamra's accusations have really upset them. Sure, Gretchen, blame it on TAMRA! Jill says that the negative press about Gretchen has upset her because it not only insults Gretchen, but it insults her dad as well. Jake shows off his new tattoo. It's a tattoo on his left shoulder blade of his father's face and says "in loving memory of Jeff Paul Beitrel". Gretchen says being around the kids and keeping in contact with them keeps Jeff alive in her heart.
VICKI
Vicki is having a BBQ for Chris. Tamra and her family, some of Vicki's colleagues, and some of Michael's friends are all coming to the BBQ. Vicki tells Tamra that she thinks it's going well with Chris and Briana. Vicki agrees that Chris kind of looks like Colby a little bit. Weird. I think that's creepy. My current boyfriend looks NOTHING like my exes and I look NOTHING like my boyfriend's exes. I think that would creep me out. Briana says that he just got there and it's only been a few hours, but he's great and he gets along well with her family. Tamra says that it's a little awkward to fly someone out from another state just to meet your daughter, but if it works out, that's great! HAHA.
Apparently Ryan, Tamra's son, and Simon, Tamra's husband, have not spoken in 6 months. 6 months ago, Simon and Tamra went to LA for the weekend and Ryan used Tamra's car and doesn't have a driver's license. Ryan should not have been driving Tamra's car, but Simon went ballistic and totally overreacted. Ryan shows up at the BBQ and Tamra tells Vicki that Simon didn't know Ryan was coming. Tamra goes outside to say hi to Ryan. Simon explains that the cars are in his name and if Ryan had gotten into an accident with a suspended license, Simon could get sued. Simon would like an apology.
All the big kids (including Ryan and Michael) are shotgunning beers. Is that what it's called?? I feel so old right now. You know when you puncture a hole in the bottom of a can of beer and chug the beer? Is that called "shotgunning" it? I don't know. It's like a mini beer bong. Anyhow, Simon gets annoyed and tells them that they shouldn't be drinking around the kids. Sophia, Tamra and Simon's young daughter is in the big pool with all the big kids and Tamra and Simon tell her to get out and move over by the smaller kids. I see their point. It's a little irresponsible to drink in a pool around small kids. Simon is very stubborn. He tells Tamra that all it takes is an apology and he will talk to Ryan again. He's not talking to Ryan until he gets that. Um, who's the adult here? I mean, I get it, but Simon should just ask for an apology. Ryan is a spoiled brat, but still. This is dumb. This is such a power struggle. OMG!! Tamra asks if she brings Ryan over and he apologizes, will this all be over? Simon says not to do it here and that it has to be an apology on FACEBOOK!! OMG. This is getting worse by the second. Tamra looks at him like he's an idiot, which he is. Simon says that all the emails were on FACEBOOK, so that's where he has to apologize. This is all about control. So dumb. Tamra tells us that Ryan wrote "My mother's husband can go F*** himself" on his FB page. This is so ridiculous. YOU ARE ADULTS!!! Simon tells Tamra that no matter what happens, Ryan will always be his son. Tamra says that Simon acts like he doesn't even like Ryan. Simon tells Tamra that she's always bailing Ryan out and making Simon do stuff to smooth things over. Simon says that Ryan would be in a much better place if she would just let Simon take over. I understand that Simon is more of a disciplinarian and tougher. It's just hard when it's a 21 year old stepson. You need to be careful. Ryan is NOT going to love Simon unconditionally because he's not his father.
Tamra is crying. She says that she just wants them to get along. Simon tells Tamra if that's what she wants then she needs to put her foot down with Ryan and stop doing stuff for him. She needs to tell Ryan to stop the bullshit and respect Simon because he's done a lot for Ryan. She needs to tell Ryan to apologize and just put her foot down. I agree with Simon here. I can imagine how frustrating it must be for Simon to do SO MUCH for his wife's ADULT son and constantly get disrespected. Simon let Ryan live with them (as an adult), he moved Ryan into his own apartment, he got him a job. Ryan constantly bashes Simon and is just really immature. Don't get me wrong, Simon has his faults. I think Simon is super controlling and arrogant, but he has a point on this issue.
ALEXIS
Alexis and Jim are having lunch at the Balboa Bay Club & Resort. Alexis tells us that she and Jim have been married for four years and have 3 children. She says that Jim has never changed a diaper in his life. Maybe a wet diaper but NEVER a poopy diaper. She says "It's fine. He's my king. Whatever." So many things to say. That is ridiculous. He's such a creepy, sleezy-looking troll. It's disgusting to me that he thinks it's beneath him to change dirty diapers for HIS kids. That being said, Alexis has TWO NANNIES. I doubt she's changed that many diapers, either.
Alexis tells Jim that Vicki leaves Friday for her trip to Greece for her birthday. Jim tells Alexis that he would never LET Alexis go to Greece by herself. Alexis says she doesn't think Jim would buy her a trip to Greece for her birthday, either. Jim says that he already took Alexis to Greece once. Then he asks her what she did today. She says she went for a run but didn't make it to a class. He says that her schedule is grueling: Workout, nails, hair. She claims that she didn't do anything with hair or nails today OR yesterday. Alexis interviews that she struggles with the balance between taking care of herself and being self absorbed. HAHAHA. She says her hair, face and tan all need maintenance and the rest is all about the kids...oh and working out. This couple is so amusing to me. I guess some women are totally content being completely under their husband's control as long as they have nannies and money for superficial and material "things". I don't understand these women.
Alexis is VERY cautious about what she eats because she wants to look her best for Jim. She tells us that infidelity is one of the biggest reasons people get divorced. (Money is the number one reason, fyi) Alexis says that there are a lot of beautiful women out there so she needs to look her best all the time and treat Jim like a king so he doesn't cheat on her. Alexis!! YOU ARE SO DUMB. I have a low tolerance for stupid people.
Jim gave her a 7 carat diamond necklace that is so big and over the top. It has all of the initials of the kids in caligraphy. I get it. It's awesome to get expensive gifts from your husband. But this scene is so ridiculous. He gave it to her to so she would wear it and people would know her husband makes a lot of money. He told her it was 7 carats about 5 times. She is excited to receive it so she can wear it and show people that she's wealthy. No one buys something that obnoxious because it's meaningful and sentimental. They buy it to show off to other people. People like Jim and Alexis make me sad. Mostly for the kids. Thank GOD those kids are being raised by nannies who have a work ethic and real values.
LYNNE
Lynne and her family are now in their new home in Laguna. The home is very contemporary and Lynne is happy that all her things are fitting into the new house. What's not fitting in? Her kids. They are acting out. Lynne and her husband hired a "therapist" to talk to the girls and help improve the family's relationship. Raquel is resisting this therapist. She says that she thinks they already have a great relationship and that she communicates really well.
Vanessa Van Petten tells us she is a "Youthologist" which is code for "24 year old with limited education who likes to talk to teens". Vanessa meets with Lynne and her husband first to get an idea of what's going on. They tell her that the kids aren't being as open with them and they want the kids to feel like they can tell them anything.
Vanessa meets the girls. Vanessa tells the girls that she wrote a book when she was in high school so she likes to talk to teens about being a teenager. Um, what? First up is Raquel who is not really open to this whole thing. She interviews that she thinks it's random that her parents brought this author in to talk to them about being a teenager since she's pretty sure she knows how to be a teenager.
Raquel says that she had a great relationship with her parents until she turned 13 and started experimenting with drugs, alcohol, sneaking out, etc. Her parents get disappointed when she does these things, but she thinks they are normal things that teens do. Vanessa asks Raquel what she would do if money wasn't an issue. Raquel says she loves to draw so Vanessa tells her that next time she comes, she wants to see Raquel's drawings and encourages her to start drawing more.
Next up, Alexa. Alexa tells Vanessa that she feels like she's in a cage. She just gets to watch her older sister go out and have fun and do the things that she wants to be doing. Then she says that her mom is so busy and always on her phone. Alexa feels like she's not being heard. She says that she and her mom used to be close but in the last couple of years, she feels like the person on the side. She can't seem to connect with her mom or talk to her anymore. Alexa really wants to work on bonding with her mom again. Vanessa says that before they meet again, she'd like Alexa and her mom to do something together...just the two of them.
They all go back in a room and Frank tells his daughters that they asked Vanessa here because they care about the girls. They don't want to hurt them or punish them or anything like that. They just want things to be better. He's a good dad. Lynne says that she knows Alexa thinks she's over-protective and Alexa says that when Raquel was her age, she got to do so much more. Maybe that's the problem, Alexa. Raquel had no rules and went out all night and partied and now she's a 19 year old who barely graduated and has no ambition.
VICKI
Briana makes Chris some eggs for breakfast. She tells us that they were talking a lot in the beginning when he first arrived to try and get to know each other, but it's kind of died down a little bit. Briana is watching Chris eat and they are having AWKWARD conversation. Then she asks what he wants to do today. He says he wants to see L.A. and Briana says she HATES L.A. I hear you, Briana. I hate L.A., too, but if I have a guest in town from Indiana, I'd suck it up and show him around. I took my friend, Liz, from Michigan to L.A. for a week because she'd never been and wanted to go. Suck it up! Then he says he likes sushi and Briana says she doesn't eat sushi. Again, SUCK IT UP! They have cooked stuff at sushi restaurants. jeez. So Briana says she'll take him to see her new hospital (she's a nurse) in Newport Beach. Ooooh, fun. Ugh.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen goes to see Jill's newly purchased condo. Gretchen was worried about Jill buying a condo because Jill didn't even know how to do laundry. But now that she's seen it, she's really proud of Jill. Jill likes having Gretchen around because she gives her advice about homeownership - since Jill went into it blindly and with an inheritance check, I'm sure. Gretchen asks if Jill's going to get a job in the summer and Jill says no. She's turning 21 and doesn't want to get a job. Gretchen tells her she should get a job. Hey Gretchen, take your own advice!! Gretchen turns her attention to Jill's boyfriend, David. She tells him that she doesn't know that much about him. David goes to Michigan State and studies Finance. Jill thinks it's "cute" that Gretchen is finding out more about her boyfriend.
VICKI
Briana and Chris are getting frozen yogurt. Briana asks if they have places like his in Indianapolis and Chris says no. Then...silence. Awkward. Briana interviews that she would ask him questions and he wouldn't reciprocate so it was weird. She says that awkward first dates end after a few hours, but their date lasted three days...awkward. This whole scene is just uncomfortable. Chris interviews that things are going really well. Of course he does.
GRETCHEN
Jake, Jill and Gretchen are at Jeff's grave. There are tears, but the three of them got some closure. Jill tells us that she has talked to Gretchen about Slade and that her dad would want Gretchen to move on. What's she supposed to say? It's all very weird.
VICKI
Vicki, Donn, Michael, Briana and Chris are all at dinner at Picante since it's Chris's last night in the OC. Briana says that the situation is now uncomfortable. She says she needs an instant spark or connection with someone she's dating and she just doesn't feel that with Chris. Briana says that she'll never let her mom do this again. Maybe a dinner date, but not a weekend date. It's really too much.
TAMRA
Tamra is getting ready to host a "WIGGED" out housewife Bonko party. I've never played Bonko, but I always hear about groups of women playing it. Is it fun? Tamra has a purple wig on. Tammy (ex housewife from Season 2?) arrives in a white wig. Quinn from Season 3 (??) arrives in a white wig also. Alexis and Lynne show up in blonde wigs. Tamra starts to go over the rules of the game and, it's either super complicated or Tamra can't explain it properly because it makes NO SENSE. No one is really following her...I couldn't even follow her (of course, it could be all the wine I've had, but I doubt it). Oh, I see, it's drinking Bonko or "Dronko". HA! Alexis is being really competitive and Lynne is feeling a intimidated and sits quietly looking clueless. All the ladies had fun and got drunk and crazy!
Next day, Tamra and Ryan meet for lunch. Ryan orders a shot of patron and a beer with his lunch. Tamra is concerned that he's drinking too much and Ryan says he's not drinking that much at all. Yeah, because who doesn't take a shot when they're having lunch with their mother? Apparently, he recently broke his foot in three places while jumping off a tour bus when he was drunk. Eek. He's receiving disability but only until the end of the month. Tamra tells him to start looking for a job. Ryan is currently living with Tamra's mother. Tamra interviews that Simon will not allow Ryan to enter their house until Ryan apologizes. She says it's really hard because they have family events and Ryan won't come.
When Ryan got his license suspended, the judge offered 5 days in jail OR community service. Ryan opted for community service. BUT, it has turned out to be quite the pain in the ass, so he changed it to 5 days in jail. Tamra is stunned and clearly upset. Ryan says it's not prison or anything; he'll just show up, hang out and leave. Ryan tells Tamra not to make it a big deal about it, because it's not. Tamra says that it IS a big deal. Ryan says it's not prison and he's not going to jail for killing someone or drugs or anything. He tells Tamra to look at the positive side of it. Tamra says that there's nothing positive about to going to jail. I agree with Tamra. Who wants their kid to go to jail?? Even if it's only for 5 days?! Ryan is dumb.
Ryan tells her to relax and Tamra says that she's more concerned that this is where Ryan is in his life. She needs to know that he's done with this. I think she means the screwing around and getting into trouble. She tells him that the one thing she always said about Ryan was "he's never been to jail." Can't say that anymore, Tamra. He keeps smiling and drinking his beer and Tamra looks so disappointed and still a little stunned. I feel bad for her. Ryan is such a little shit. Tamra interviews that she feels guilty and she just wants to see him succeed.
See you next week!!
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