"All Girls Weekend"
GRETCHEN
She's packing for Florida and Slade asks if he can fit in her suitcase. Gretchen tells him that she "kind of" wishes he was going. Then she tells him that Simon is going because he follows Tamra wherever she goes. Slade says that Simon is going because he is the 6th housewife. Gretchen tells Slade that had that reputation for awhile and Slade says he passed the baton. They hug and say they wish Slade could come and she pouts that she's going to have to deal with the "crazies" by herself. Then she says that Vicki told them to bring long pants and a long-sleeved shirt and shoes she can get wet so Gretchen thinks they are doing something in the Everglades. Then she says something about having issues if there are animals she doesn't like and Slade makes a comment about the women all being animals. dumb.
LYNNE
Lynne is lying in bed with some pillows under her head. It's been a week and her face is still a little swollen and she's really great ... and so much more clueless than usual. She's whining that she feels bloated and Frank says that her face is bloated so she puts ice on it. Then she asks Frank if the anti-biotics make her loopy and he says no. I guess she's just loopy.
VICKI
Vicki arrives at the W in Fort Lauderdale. Her suite is amazing. I wanna go. I promise not to bring a boy. The rest of the girls - and Simon - arrive sans Alexis (she's coming tomorrow with her hubby). They check in and Tamra interviews that she hopes Vicki won't be pissed that she and Alexis brought their husbands. Um...of course she's going to be pissed. Vicki INVITED the girls for a "girls weekend" and planned the whole trip. It's totally rude to bring your husband...he wasn't invited. If you're not allowed to travel without your husband, then don't go!
Vicki is waiting for all of them in the bar and welcomes them. Vicki is impressed that Lynne is there only 10 days after her surgery. I agree with Vicki -- she looks great and HEAVILY medicated. :) As if things couldn't get any worse with Simon there...SLADE shows up to surprise Gretchen. Are you f-ing kidding me?? It's a girls weekend. Why does no one else recognize this but me and Vicki. I mean, my friends and I have girls nights all the time and no one's spouse or boyfriend shows up. WTF? These girls are so co-dependent and with the douchiest guys. Pathetic. The guys, too. What guy wants to hang out with his wife/girlfriend and all of her friends? Dumb. Vicki is 100% right - this is a trip that SHE planned and none of the husbands even asked her if they could join.
ALEXIS
This woman is ridiculous. She's going to Florida for a WEEKEND and she has a luggage dedicated to hair/make up, a luggage dedicated to shoes and then one (or more) for all of her outfits. Is she serious? I'm so glad I'm not high maintenance. It's just way too much work and so obnoxious.
THE GIRLS
Vicki planned a tour through the Everglades. The girls take off in a helicopter and Vicki yells the whole time...so annoying. Stop screaming. They arrive in the Everglades and their tour guide, Bubba, greets them. Gretchen is dressed like Camouflage Barbie. She's got on camouflage capris, a black sports bra, and a camouflage bandana. All the women look like their at a photo shoot, not a safari adventure in the Everglades. They freak out the whole time at the boars and alligators and crocs. I feel like these women have never been to a zoo.
Vicki, Tamra and Gretchen go on an air boat for the final leg of the tour. Lynne stayed on land and took a magic pill and a nap at the visitor's center. That air boat looks like such a blast.
The girls come back to the visitor's center to pick up a heavily sedated Lynne.
The girls all head to dinner and Alexis joins them. Alexis is pretty, but must she always have that Jennifer Garner pout?? Relax the upper lip, Alexis. Oh wait, maybe she can't. It might be part of her botox regimen. Ugh. The conversation quickly turns to how sweet Slade is for surprising Gretchen. Alexis says that she heard Slade put flower petals all over the room and surprised Gretchen. Vicki rolls her eyes and says that Slade is all about the "Wow". She has a point and, while I agree with Vicki, I don't think she should have pursued this conversation. It's really none of her business what Gretchen does and who she does it with. Gretchen says that she thinks she and Slade will get married. Vicki interviews that she has seen this before with Jo. Vicki gives Gretchen shit for "taking" Jo's man. Gretchen gets defensive and then admits that Jo is pissed off at her and Slade.
Tamra says that they are all going to the club next door after dinner and meet up with the guys. Vicki says she's not going. She has no desire to be with all the girls and their spouses. Vicki says she feels uncomfortable being there. They all give her crap for not going and call her a party pooper which is SO LAME. Those girls ruined the party, so they should just leave Vicki to do her thing. Lynne isn't going either because she needs to recover and rest. Gretchen, Tamra and Alexis order shots and their boys all show up. Simon asks where Vicki is for no other reason than to start a Vicki bashing session. Gretchen tells him that Vicki went to her room to cry. At first, Tamra looks uncomfortable with the conversation but then she totally joins in throwing her bff under the bus. Alexis is the only one who actually defends Vicki and tries to tell the other girls to back off. Jim pipes up and asks why Vicki is upset and Tamra says that it's a girls weekend. Jim asks what the problem is since the guys "let" the girls have their day/dinner. Then Tamra has to say that Vicki wanted to control the situation and Jim says that it's a control thing. Shut up, Jim. That guy is such a troll. Vicki is irritated that her girlfriends are stepford wives and can't go anywhere without their uber controlling husbands.
Simon says that Vicki has always been jealous of his marriage with Tamra. Tamra tells him not to say that, but Simon says it's true. Then Simon interviews that he doesn't like Tamra's relationship with Vicki because he's seen changes in Tamra in the last couple of years that he doesn't like. I think Simon is realizing that Tamra's ignorance was bliss, but now that she's not so ignorant, he doesn't like it. He's such a douche-bag. Tamra realizes her part in the Vicki bashing session and immediately regrets contributing and not standing up for Vicki. Well, she should.
TAMRA & VICKI
Tamra and Vicki are having a manicure together because Tamra is feeling guilty about the night before. Vicki tells Tamra that she called some friends last night because she needed some support. She also acknowledges that she may have been hyper sensitive. She tells Tamra that she needs friends who are supportive and have her back and she doesn't always feel like Tamra is that friend. AGREED. See footage of last night. Vicki is upset and says that she's already cried twice this trip and she doesn't want to be sad. Vicki says that she doesn't feel like people understand her and that makes her sad and that when Simon looks at her he's filled with hate for her. Tamra disagrees and says that Simon and Vicki are a lot alike. I agree...they are both strong, independent and controlling people. Tamra doesn't want to be put in the middle. Vicki tells Tamra that she needs to know she can count on her and Tamra says that she will always have Vicki's back...except last night.
THE GUYS
Slade, Jim and Simon are golfing and having lunch. These guys are such chicks. Jim tells Slade that he heard that Vicki doesn't like Slade because she thinks he doesn't really like Gretchen and that he's just taking advantage of a situation. The situation being that Gretchen just got several million from Jeff's estate AND she's making $$ on the show and Slade is a loser who has no $$. Slade denies that this is true and he says that he and Vicki will have a serious problem if that's really what she thinks. Slade says that the real issue is that Vicki likes attention and likes to be in the lead and in front. Simon pipes in and says that Vicki doesn't like him either. Jim says that if all that is true then Vicki is going to be pissed tonight. I guess Vicki rented a boat for all the girls to do a sunset cruise and now the guys have invited themselves on the boat. How incredibly rude. Seriously...this whole show is so infuriating. Vicki plans this whole weekend for the girls and these controlling assholes just invite themselves to join in. RUDE.
CRUISE
Tamra comes to Vicki's door to ask her if she's ready to go on the cruise. Vicki interviews that she was really excited about the cruise - that she planned and probably paid for - until she found out the ladies invited the men on the cruise and that's not ok with her. So Vicki tells Tamra that she's not going. Tamra tries to convince her to go - out of guilt for being one of the people who brought her husband along. Tamra keeps saying that it's not going to be all couples. Vicki says she doesn't want to be there. Vicki tells Tamra to respect her and not talk about her. Vicki says she doesn't want Tamra to go down there and tell everyone that she's in her room crying. Tamra says she won't. Then she goes into the limo and says she has drama and that Vicki isn't coming and then proceeds to talk about her all the way to the boat. Stupid. Tamra says that Vicki doesn't want to feel like odd man out and then everyone looks at Lynne and she's just smiling cluelessly and then fake cries. Simon tells Lynne that the reason she's ok with this is because she's a secure, unselfish woman. Shut up, Simon. Lynne doesn't even know where she is. Besides, they probably couldn't afford to pay for Frank to come anyway.
They all arrive at the boat and Alexis is seriously wearing the shortest dress ever. I'm sure God would be so proud. Jim is irritated about her short dress. Gretchen pulls out the padding in her bra to show everyone that she's wearing fake boobs tonight to fit in with the rest of the women. Apparently, Gretchen's display is offensive to Alexis. HAHAHA!! I just have to laugh at the hypocrisy of this woman. Let me get this straight: Gretchen is offensive for pulling out the padding in her bra in front of her 6 friends, but Alexis is not offensive proudly displaying her huge ass FAKE BOOBS and wearing a "dress" that looks more like a shirt that barely covers her ass in front of the whole world. Ok. What an idiot.
All the couples are kissing and being all lovey dovey so Lynne starts feeling left out. She's kind of loopy so she makes up this imaginary husband. Then she interviews that she understands Vicki's point. She says that the essence of the trip was supposed to be this great get-away for the girls but it didn't turn out that way. Simon walks out to Tamra and asks her how she doing about the whole Vicki thing and Tamra says that she feels really bad. Simon, being the douche-bag he is, says that all the guys who came are nice and "this is how she shows her appreciation?" Um, appreciation for what? Ruining the girls trip that SHE planned and probably paid for??? Tamra tells Simon not to get defensive and mad. She says that she feels bad for Vicki. Simon changes the subject and tells Tamra to look at a hotel to distract her. Jeez. She's not 4.
Until next time...
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