Amazing Race 15 - Episodes 1 & 2 (Season Premiere)

Meet the Teams (and my nicknames):

Meghan/Cheyne: This team from San Diego have been dating for 5 years...typical blonde, blue-eyed athletic types. Let's see if they live up to their nickname. ;) ("Blondes")

Maria/Tiffany: These mid-20's friends from LA are Professional Poker Players...this should be interesting. ("Poker chicks")

Marcy/Ron: The token "Senior" couple from SF (who met online) have been dating for one year. Let's go SF!! ("Seniors")

Lance/Keri: Engaged couple from Massachusetts. Something tells me he's going to be the guy everyone hates. He kind of looks like a meathead and he's a lawyer...nothing good can come of this. ("Lawyah Team")

Herbert and Nathaniel: Globetrotters!! Wow! Are the Globetrotters still around?? Apparently. Let's see how these guys do. ("Globes")

Gary/Matt: The Father/Son farmer couple from Montana. SWEET! Matt has pink hair...they are going to be awesome! ("Farmers")

Garrett/Jessica: The On/Off couple. They're from SF/Santa Cruz and have been dating on/off for SEVEN YEARS. I smell DRAMA. ("Drama")

Brian/Ericka: First interracial married couple from Tennessee. She was Miss America 2004 and he's kind of boring. Hmmm. ("Team USA")

Eric/Lisa: Married yoga instructors from Encino. Yeah....I don't know. ("Team Zen"??) I'll think of something better.

Sam/Dan: Hot gay brothers!! It feels offensive to call them the "gay team" so I think I'll just call them "Rainbow".

Zev/Justin: Best Friends from LA. Zev has Asperger's Syndrome so we'll see how he'll get along with all the teams. ("Besties")

Mika/Canaan: The virgin, Christian, newly dating couple from Tennessee. Oh lord...here we go! ("Clueless")

Those are the teams. Let's get the first episode started!!!

Phil tells us that it's early morning in downtown Los Angeles. The starting line is at the Los Angeles River, which one may recall from a certain drag race in GREASE!!! Welcome teams!! Phil tells the teams that their first clue is on their bags. Ready, set, GO!!!! Errr...or NOT. There's an instant surprise...the first challenge is at the start line! NO.

"For the first time ever...one team won't even make it past the start line". YIKES. GO! Everyone runs to the clue. Ok, the teams will be flying to Tokyo, but FIRST the teams must search the wall of nearly 1,000 license plates for the one (of only ELEVEN - get it? Twelve teams!) from the Shinagawa district of Tokyo, their first destination. The teams who find the correct license plate will receive a ticket to Tokyo. The team who does not...will be ELIMINATED. GASP!!!

Smart teams will notice a Japanese symbol at the top of their clue and look for the license plate with that symbol. Needless to say, no one picks up on that...for awhile. All teams frantically search for...well, they have no idea what they're looking for so they are randomly picking license plates. All the license plates have some sort of Japanese symbol, but since this group isn't so bright, they don't know which symbol they're looking for. I find myself trying to refrain from yelling at the television for the teams to LOOK AT THE CLUE! I totally would have caught that. I should be on the amazing race. ;) FINALLY, Justin - of the Besties - notices the Japanese symbol on the clue. Other teams pick up on it as well and the Poker Chicks are in the lead heading to LAX, followed by the Seniors and the Blondes. I'm thinking of changing the Blondes to the Athletes, but I'm not sure yet. For Episode 1, they will remain the Blondes. OK, the rest of the teams follow and we're left with Team Zen and Lawyah Team (who I will now rename "Lawyahs". I know Keri is not a lawyah, but she hasn't said a word yet and Lance keeps talking about his lawyah skills helping him in this race...hmmm). These four scholars finally look at the clue again and see the symbol. Now it's a race to find the remaining license plate. And the plane ticket goes to ... Lawyahs!!! The first team eliminated is Team Zen and, as expected, they are very "zen" about it. Being first means they took the shame and the pain from the other teams and "set them free". F'ing hippies.

As the Lawyahs are heading to the airport, Lance rants that he can't believe they almost got eliminated then quickly blames Keri, "You were the one who was supposed to read the clue." D-bag. Meanwhile, at the airport, the Poker Chicks are off to a shady start. They are telling everyone they work for an organization that deals with homeless kids in LA. SHADY!!! They think that the others won't help them if they know they make "a lot of money" playing poker. Bad karma.

First plane to Tokyo: Poker Chicks, Seniors, Blondes, Farmers, Globes, and Besties. The second flight: Rainbow, Clueless, Drama, Team USA and Lawyahs.

Once the teams arrive in Tokyo, they must take a taxi to a radio station at the base of the Tokyo Tower.

TOKYO, JAPAN

First plane arrives and frantic running to the shuttle ensues. The first 5 teams make it to the shuttle leaving the Poker Chicks behind to argue about nothing. The second plane arrives (30 minutes early!!) The teams are all racing to get taxis and head to the Tokyo Tower. The Poker Chicks don't have their gaydar on because they are eager to flirt with the "hot guys" aka Team Rainbow. All the teams are in taxis and for Christians, team Clueless is blaspheming all over my television!

NO WAY!! The teams arrive at the Tokyo Tower and run into a studio where a Japanese game show is being filmed in front of a studio audience. RAD! The audience is cheering like crazy and wearing visors. Clueless arrives first, followed closely by Rainbow and the Blondes. Ok, I just caught the name of the game show. SUSHI ROULETTE. This is going to be awesome. The Seniors and the Farmers come next and now teams are jumping up and down and cheering. Now come Team USA and the Globes and Drama and the Poker Chicks. This looks like a bunching challenge. (For those new to the Amazing Race, sometimes the challenges are set up to allow all the teams to "bunch" and start equally again.) The Besties come next and last, but not least, are the Lawyahs. All the teams are standing around a circular table with big pieces of fake sushi in the center.

Roadblock. One of the team members must compete in a game of Sushi Roulette. The host will spin the "wheel" ...er, table containing 9 sushi rolls and 2 wasabi rolls (basically-rolls filled with wasabi). Each person will have to eat what is in front of them and continue playing until they receive a wasabi roll. When they receive a wasabi roll, they have 2 minutes to eat the whole thing in order to receive their next clue. I would HATE this challenge.

The first round goes to Cheyenne of the Blondes and Ron of Seniors. OMG. The audience is out of control. They are chanting and making faces. It's awesome. A cartoon of a fire-breathing dragon runs across the screen. I love Japanese game shows. Insanity. Ok, so the guys finished in 2 minutes so the Blondes and Seniors got their clues.

Next Clue. Teams are given a colored flag and must take the 20 audience members wearing the same colored visors as their flag. Then, they must lead these 20 "tourists" through the "infamously overcrowded Shibuya Scramble Crossing" to the pit stop at the Konno Hachimangu Shrine. This is clearly one of those challenges where no one speaks English and the teams have no idea where the shrine is. The Blondes lead followed by the Seniors.

Back at Sushi Roulette. Next up for wasabi are Garrett of Drama and Justin of Besties.

Shibuya Scramble Crossing. The Blondes' strategy is to ask every Japanese person in the Shibuya Scramble Crossing where the shrine is until someone understands what they are saying and points them in the right direction. I want to say that it's a dumb strategy, but really, what else are they supposed to do? Right? Marcy of the Seniors is going crazy with the megaphone. She turned into a cheerleader all of a sudden and has the tourists shouting "Blue Blue Blue" in Japanese. Oh good Lord, who gave this woman a harmonica?! I have no idea if they know where they're going, but Marcy has them skipping and chanting. wow.

Justin finishes first and the Besties are off and Drama follows. With only 7 teams left, Maria is the only one who gets the next wasabi roll.

The Blondes find a random Japanese tourist (? - I don't really know for sure, but she had a camera) who speaks English to accompany their to the shrine. The Seniors locate a map, but seem to have trouble using it to help them find the shrine. Meanwhile, Besties have no trouble at all finding an American who sends them on track to the shrine.

OH NO! Maria didn't finish the wasabi roll in 2 minutes, so she has to keep playing and eat another wasabi roll. That sucks. The roulette wheel spins and the wasabi roll lands on ... MARIA!! HOLY CRAP. She looks at Tiffany and says she can't do it again...

The Blondes are still looking with their "tourist". The Seniors finally catch on and start asking people for help. And the Besties continue to lead their team while soaking in the scene. Zev seems fixated on one of the team members who has an issue with her shoe. She continues to wave and smile at the camera, so I'm guessing it's bugging Zev more than it's bugging her.

Back at the game. Will Maria eat the second wasabi roll?? YES! Does she finish in time?? YES!! WOOT! The Poker Chicks take their team out to find the shrine.

And...the Blondes are the first to make it to the shrine and the PIT STOP for this leg of the race. They get a trip for two to Aspen AND Vail. Nice.

Next up for wasabi: Lance of the Lawyahs and Big Easy of the Globes. They both make it in 2 minutes. The Globes head out followed by the Lawyahs.

The Besties come in second place on the mat.

Canaan of Clueless is next to take on the wasabi roll. He makes it and Clueless heads out with their team. Next up are Gary of the Farmers and Brian of Team USA. Uh-oh, party foul. Brian can't take it and spits it out after only 20 seconds. THEN, he eats it again...GAG! I seriously might throw up right now. Sick. The Farmers make it and take off with their team. Oh dang! Brian didn't getter done. That sucks. Now he has to wait and do it AGAIN. I'm not sure I can watch. His gagging and spitting up is getting to me. Ooooh...Miss America is PISSED.

The Lawyahs are third to the pit stop.

Dan of Rainbow is up next for the wasabi roll. He swallows it in 40 seconds and Rainbow is off. Brian is last to go for the second time. Miss America is having no sympathy: "I should have done this challenge". Way to be supportive.

The Poker Chicks still have everyone fooled. They team up with Rainbow to find the shrine. Rainbow thinks the girls are cool since they work for a non-profit helping homeless kids. Heh.

Despite time running out, they threw him a bone and Brian was able to finish and Team USA is off.

The Seniors are fourth to the pit stop and the Globes are fifth.

Drama hits a snag. One of their tourists needs to go potty, so they have to take a break.

Team USA caught a lucky break (i.e. found someone to take them to the shrine) and are sixth to the pit stop. The Farmers follow closely and are seventh to the pit stop.

Meanwhile, the Poker Chicks lose two of their tourists. Immediately, Maria blames Tiffany for not keeping track. I think this is a pattern for Maria. She's kind of a pain in the ass and moody as hell.

Despite the potty break, Drama is team number eight. Rainbow comes in at number nine. OH SHAP! Clueless shows up...BUT, they are missing one tourist. They go out and FIND HER. Poor thing is exhausted so Canaan carries her to the mat. Tenth.

The Poker Chicks give up on finding the 2 missing tourists and head to the pit stop. Phil informs them that they will incur a 2 hour penalty for not completing the challenge BUT this is a NON ELIMINATION LEG so they are not eliminated. Lucky break. Bad news that there will be a speed bump somewhere in the next leg that only the Poker Chicks will have to complete. No biggie, they're still in.

EPISODE 2

The Blondes are the first to depart at 12:19am. The teams must now fly to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. When they land, they will need to take a shuttle for 2 hours to the rural village of Cai Be. From there, they will search for a boat dock to receive their next clue.

All the teams are heading to the airport and looking for the internet to book their tickets. Ok, least favorite team right now...the Lawyahs. She's not so bad, he's a total asshat. He's so condescending to his fiance. I hope he makes a shit ton of money, Keri...otherwise, dump his ass. I'm just sayin'. "We're here to win this competition, not to find ourselves. Here, look here's my arm. I just found myself." Dumbass.

Rainbow decides that they will keep their sexual orientation a secret so that they can continue to flirt with all the girls to gain their trust. Hmmm. Clueless explains how important their virginity is and that they like each other "for the right reasons". Hmmm. Again, the Poker Chicks comment on how they will keep their profession a secret because no one will want to help the "rich, successful poker chicks". Rich? Really? I'm outta the poker loop.

Everyone is trying to get tickets to the earliest flight out. "As a lawyah, I'm cutthroat." UGH! Least.Favorite.Team. Everyone appears annoyed the Poker Chicks were just given a speed bump in this leg rather than getting sent home. (btw - all of the airport workers are wearing masks. I can only assume it's to prevent swine flu? UGH.) Everyone manages to get on the flight. BUSTED! Two randoms in the airport RECOGNIZE the Poker Chicks and call them out. What? They're famous? Wow, I really am out of the loop. So now they are like the social lepers of the race. Everyone is pissed that they lied about their profession and no one likes them....everyone, that is, except team Rainbow. The Poker Chicks have a feeling that the Rainbow boys are gay, but they neither confirm nor deny so the girls continue to flirt.

All the teams fly to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. At the airport, the Poker Chicks climb into Rainbow's cab/van and ask to share a ride to the bus station. Rainbow totally calls them out: "Poker. Poker. Poker. Poker." The girls just laugh and say "you are so cute." Dumb. Ok, the teams are now frantically trying to get bus tickets and take off to the next destination. On the first bus: Poker Chicks, Rainbow, Clueless, Seniors, and Globes. One the second bus: Team USA, Besties, Drama, Farmers and the Blondes. The first bus takes off and the teams on the second bus get together and pay the driver of the second bus to take off sooner (originally, they were to leave 1 hour later). The second bus takes off and Zev of the Besties notices that the bus driver doesn't have a jacket and it's pouring rain outside. So, Zev gives him his jacket. Ok, new favorite team: Besties.

BUNCHING!! The first bus arrives at the dock and it's closed until the next day. I bet the people on the second bus are feeling pretty stupid that they paid all that money to leave early just to get to the dock and...wait. HAH!

The Poker Chicks interview that they don't like the Besties because they aren't giving off the "warmest vibe". Whatever. I love the Besties. HELLO?? Zev has Asperger's ... he's not going to run up and give you a hug. Stupid. The Besties didn't get the memo that the girls are poker players, but have observed that the girls don't seem like they work at a homeless shelter. They already picked up that the girls are "shady". Nice work, Besties.

OK, I don't like the Poker Chicks, but the fact that they don't fully believe Lance is a lawyah because he's a "meathead", makes me dislike them a little less.

Next day. Teams must now get on a boat at the dock and head to the mud pits. There, they will need to scoop mud from the mud pit and pack it around a tree up to the red line on the trunk. When they've completed the task, they will be given their next clue.

SPEED BUMP: Before the Poker Chicks can head out on their boat, they need to complete another task. They will need to learn to make pho from a woman selling soup, take the ingredients with them to the dock and prepare the pho for the dock master to his liking. Once completed, they may continue on. They do it. It's great. Onto the boat...

Everyone is scooping mud and packing it on the roots of the trees. Some hilarity ensues when the teams get stuck in the mud. And the locals laughing their asses off at the Americans slipping in the mud is hysterical.

The Blondes finish first and get the next clue. Teams must now travel to the Cai Be Field where they find their next clue. Drama is second, followed by Team USA, the Farmers, the Globes, Rainbow, Seniors, Lawyahs, Besties and Clueless. The Poker Chicks are the only ones left. Getting on the boat, Justin (Besties) falls into the water. After climbing in and heading back to the dock, neither Justin nor Zev can find the clue. They turn around and go back. They find it right away and head to the docks - just as the Poker Chicks finish.

The Blondes make it to Cai Be where a festival is in progress. In Vietnam, farmers use hungry ducks to rid their rice patties of nasty insects. ROAD BLOCK. Teams must learn how to get and keep "all their ducks in a row" ... literally. One team member will join the festivities and, using only flags as their guides, lead a flock of 150 ducks from their pen, across a bridge and back again and return them to their pen...in 10 minutes!! If they don't make it in time, they give up their spot and will have to wait to try again.

Blondes are up first and Meghan will be doing the task. She starts by saying "come on, monkeys". No, Meghan, they are DUCKS. Drama comes next and Jessica will be doing the task. Her supportive on/off bf, Garrett whining "hurry up, come on, jessie" before she even starts. That doesn't not bode well for team Drama. Team USA comes up third and Miss America will be duck herding for her team. The Farmers (Matt), Globes (Flight Time) and Rainbow (Sam) come next. [Ok, I don't mean to sound culturally insensitive, but the music/singing from the Vietnamese band sounds horrible...no harmony, no melody, just bad.] These roadblocks are the best. The team members who are NOT participating in the task think it looks so easy and they all just yell out directions. Herding a flock of 150 ducks does not look easy at all. These guys need to CHILL OUT. Meghan and Jessie are having a rough time keeping their flocks together. It seems all that time on the farm in Montana has served Matt well as his task appears to be going smoothly. Rainbow is doing well also. Next come Seniors (Marcy) and Clueless (Mika).

Meghan and Jessie's time has expired and now they each have to wait for an available course. Rainbow completes the task first!! Teams must now race on foot to Cho Cai Be and find the Bassac III Riverboat, the next PIT STOP!! Rainbow takes off.

The Farmers are next to leave for the pit stop. Miss America's time has expired. Besties and the Poker Chicks (Tiffany - who apparently had ducks as a child. Weird.) finally arrive. At some point the Lawyahs arrived and Keri is doing the herding (Lance is already disappointed in her performance. D-bag). Well, she comes through despite her lame partner. The Globes are next and the Lawyahs follow. Zev is awesome. He sees all the teammates screaming and freaking out. He is doing the herding, but Justin quietly looks on. Apparently Zev's calm nature earns him the nickname, "Duck Whisperer". Cheesy, but since I like this team, I'm going to let it go. Meghan is back at it for her second attempt at herding the ducks. The Blondes seem to have taken notes from the Besties and are taking it "Nice and Calm". It appears to be working for them. Jessie (Drama) and Miss America are also on their second attempt. Garrett (Drama) is backing off and not yelling at Jessie, while Brian of Team USA is still trying to micro-manage Miss America (not that she'd listen to him...it's clear she wears the pants in that marriage. Ain't no way she's taking directions from him).

Mika's (Clueless) time expired and she's about ready to cry. Canaan's motivational speech: "We could get eliminated. You can do this. You need to try harder!!! You're not even running!" Very motivating.

Meanwhile on the way to the pit stop, Rainbow is having some team conflict. Both brothers want to be the leader and they are getting lost in the process. The Farmers seem to found their way...just as the Globes and Rainbow find theirs. Team number one is...

THE FARMERS are the first to the pitstop. (ok, I totally teared up. Here's this simple farmer dad going on the Amazing Race with his pierced, tatooed, pink-haired son. And they make it FIRST to the pit stop and they jump around hugging each other. SO AWESOME. The dad just loves his son. They might be tied for my favorite team with the Besties.) They have each won a kayak and the son says that they're going fishing together! OMG. LOVE.

Rainbow comes in second and the Globes are third. Damn. The Lawyahs are fourth. I guess they can be my least faves for another week (along with the Poker Chicks...I don't know why I don't like them, they just bug).

Zev finishes herding and Besties (!) head out to the pit stop. Apparently having ducks as a child helped Tiffany out and the Poker Chicks are off to find the pit stop. Meghan finally makes it on the second attempt and the Blondes are heading out. Canaan is still screaming at Mika, but despite his yells, she finishes and Clueless heads out. Marcy finishes up for the Seniors and they head out. (I totally forgot about the Seniors. They must have been boring because they have not been filmed since they left the mud pits!) So the only teams left herding the ducks are Team USA and DRAMA. I'm secretly - or not so secretly - rooting for Drama. Team USA is boring and predictable. He's pretty weak and she's going to dominate his ass this whole time. I feel like Drama will have more interesting stuff going on. Let's find out...

Time expires for Jessie on her second attempt. Brian is yelling at Miss America and she yells back "This is not easy, Brian. Don't you DARE get disappointed in me!" You tell him! Hee hee. OK, maybe I want Team USA to stay now. I love how Brian tries to assert himself and Miss America just cuts him off. HA. Time expires for Miss America. Jessie and Miss America try for their third attempt.

The Besties (!) are next to the pit stop coming in fifth. The Blondes finally come in sixth followed closely by the Poker Chicks (boo) in seventh. Clueless is eighth and the Seniors are ninth (GO SF!!).

Now we're just waiting to see who will come in last and who may go home. Jessie and Miss America are still herding away. Miss America finally finishes with a "I'm eating duck for dinner." Nice. And Team USA is off to the pit stop. Jessie finishes right after and it's a race for last place. And the winner is....

Team USA comes in tenth. Jessica and Garrett (DRAMA) get eliminated. Garrett is totally pissed and Jessica kind of looks relieved. Hmmm, I wonder why they are always on/off. They seem so 'together'.

Update: Jessica and Garrett got engaged. I should give them my card! :)

Stay tuned next week for wooden giraffes and smashing of electronics (maybe it's an homage to Office Space. WOOT!)