Thursday, October 1, 2009

RW/RR Challenge: The Ruins, Episode 1

Right off the bat, we get up to speed.

Dunbar and Kim tried to give it a go after he went home and broke up with his girlfriend. It didn't work - no chemistry. Doesn't mean that they won't be hooking up again this season, tho.

Ok, now for the confusion. Danny catches us up: Wes and Johanna were engaged and broke up. They are BOTH on this challenge, as are Cohutta, KellyAnne and Kenny. Why do we care? Well, we might not...BUT, Wes is now dating KellyAnne (who used to date Cohutta) and Kenny hooked up with Johanna on the last challenge. Interesting. Bottom line, I hope Cohutta has moved on because he is way better than this crew.

And, it sounds like he has. He likes Wes and thinks he's better suited for KellyAnne than he ever was. "She eats tree bark and I eat fried chicken. It's pretty much a closed case for me." 'Nuf said.

Out comes TJ and the crowd cheers. He welcomes everyone to Phuket, Thailand and reminds everyone that he's a BMX rider (so we don't think all he does is host these things...but we do anyway). The teams have been divided into the CHAMPIONS and the CHALLENGERS. There are 7 girls/7 guys on each team. If you want to know who is on which team, I've updated my "Meet the Players" post and indicated what team each person is on. I'll also let you know throughout this post.

The rules: Each of the nine challenges is worth $20K. If your team wins, the money is divided evenly between the remaining players and put into their individual bank accounts. At the end, the prize is $120K and it will be divided among the winning team members. One way to get more money for yourself is to challenge someone into the Ruins who has a big bank account. If you win, you get their money and send them home broke! Before each challenge, 3 guy/3 girls are going to be nominated to be eligible to go into the ruins. The 6 people from the winning team - at the end of the challenge - get to select which guy and which girl from each team are going to battle it out in the Ruins. SWEET. OK, seriously, who the hell is Ibis?? She's a Champion? WTF? How come I have no recollection of her?

The house. 4 stories of awesomeness. The rooms are pre-assigned. Challenger girls in one room, Challenger boys in one room, and ALL the Champions in one room. Nice. (Apparently, Ibis is from Road Rules X-Treme. Never saw it. )

Holy Crap. Katie is ENGAGED. I'm DYING to know who is marrying her. She seems calmer so maybe engagement has tamed her wild ways. Only time will tell.

Wes is intimidated by Kenny, Evan and Bananas. They're really good friends outside of the challenges which doesn't bode well for Wes.

Pool time. This oughtta be good. :) Derrick has a newborn at home but he's back because he loves the challenges (hmmm. He better bring home some bacon or else...). Casey is already whining that she wishes they could all just stay in the house all day and not have to compete - WHY IS SHE THERE? Oh dear...drunk Tonya says she can't get in the water because she doesn't have a swimsuit on (while caressing her boobs). Solution: Get naked and swim drunk. HOLY DRUNK-MESS. Tonya falls as she's walking down the stairs in the house. KATIE, is trying to control her (because Katie is now the voice of reason. Amazing what a ring will do). Susie sums it up "Let's face it. Tonya's the mayor of Crazytown." I LOVE IT. I'm going to start referring to Tonya as the Mayor. Ev and Derrick put her to bed and Ev holds a container while the Mayor throws up in it. Ev is a GOOD friend.

Wes goes outside to talk to Johanna. It appears that they are on friendly terms. Awkward. Johanna says that she doesn't want to fight with Wes and she doesn't want Wes fighting with Evan and Kenny because of things she did on the island (i.e. have sex repeatedly with Kenny). Wes admits that he was hurt and then calls Evan outside. The plot thickens. Apparently, Wes told everyone that he wasn't coming to the challenge, particularly his "friend" Evan. So Evan is pissed that Wes lied and made Evan look like the asshole. Evan calls Wes out and of course, Wes interprets this as fear. He claims that everyone is "scared to death" of him because he's "stronger and smarter" than everyone there. First of all, considering the group, it's not harder to be the smartest and second, that's so not true. He might be the strongest, but he's not the smartest by a long shot. Look up "meathead" in the dictionary and there are pictures of most of the guys in these challenges INCLUDING Wes.

Wes wants to talk to Kenny, but as soon as he looks at him, he sees the person who ruined any chance of a friendship with Johanna. Apparently, the fact that Johanna risked her friendship with Wes for a random hook-up with "someone like Kenny" was "extremely hurtful." Why? Because Kenny and Wes are different kinds of "meathead"? So Kenny tells Wes that they just need to get past the bullshit because they're both there to compete. Wes's response: "That is the ugliest hat I've ever seen. What the F*ck is that thing?" WTF? Kenny responds: "And you have your mother's shirt on." I will never understand males. Wes is pissed that Kenny didn't apologize and admit he made a mistake. What? Kenny banged your EX-girlfriend and you're back with a NEW girlfriend. MOVE ON, Wes.

KellyAnne ("KA") strokes Wes's ego by telling him that everyone is scared of him which is a complement but it's going to make this hard. Dumb. Then she says that if they can make it through this with both of their serious exes "we're golden". WAIT. "Serious"? Ok, maybe Johanna because she and Wes were engaged at one point. But, Cohutta? Really, KA? Hardly. And if you were serious, he seems to have moved on. Wes is pissed that he has to sleep in a room with the rest of the Champions and not in a solo room with KA. Dude, it's not vacation. Well, Wes decides he can't sleep with those people because he can't stand them, so he creates his own little "apartment" (it appears to be another living room) and sleeps on a couch...which will further isolate him from his team. Stupid.

Next day (?). Champions decide to have a team meeting to decide how they will pick the 3 girls/3 boys who will decide who goes into the Ruins. Evan is leading the meeting. Wes interviews that the fairest way is to pull a name out of a hat. Everyone disagrees.

Sarah and Shauvon are asking Diem who should go into the Ruins. Diem urges them to throw themselves in. Heh. KA is listening in. Sarah drinks the Kool Aid and decides to nominate herself.

Wes is strategizing with KA. He tells her the Champions don't want to pull names out of a hat, so he thinks they'll come after him. If that happens, he'll throw the mission, so it's in the Challenger's hands who goes in the Ruins and they won't pick Wes. Nice...although KA looks totally lost and confused (surprise surprise). Wes: "Once my team relinquishes the power to me, I'll help them win the challenges." Wow. The ego.

Nightfall. Drinking games!! The Champions (minus Wes) are playing a drinking game. The mayor is back in Walla Walla, WA and separated from her "Significant Other". She was married, right? To a guy? Why doesn't she just say husband? Weird. She's gone through some things this past year that have made her "slightly unstable". This past year? Whatever, Tonya. You've been unstable since we met you in 2002 on Real World Chicago. She's hoping she can keep it together. My money's on NOT.

Everyone is drunk and Darrell, Veronica and Ev are saying "Walla Walla Walla" and laughing hysterically. The mayor is NOT smiling. She's taking it very personally. DRAMA! The mayor interviews (later and sober!) that it's extremely "hurtful" to have someone that you're so close to making fun of you. WHAT? Ev is drunk and making fun of the name "Walla Walla". It's actually kind of funny. She says "Walla Walla Wombat" and they all lose it. The mayor walks out and she gets in Ev's face screaming "I don't want to talk to you" "You're a f-ing piece of shit. I thought you were more than that." Ev was trying to get her to calm down but gives up and walks in the house. The mayor pushes Ev in the house, yelling "MOVE. NOW!!" and slams the door behind Ev. Wow. Tonya needs some serious therapy. Rage issues.

Now the mayor is crying to Adam and Syrus that Ev went "below the belt." WTF? Syrus tells her that she needs to grow some thicker skin overnight. Adam is trying to talk her down and give her sane advice. Nice try, Adam. Syrus just interviews that Tonya is always going to be seen, heard and under some kind of influence (heh!)...not the ideal person to have at the end. The mayor seems to think that once the game starts it'll be a distraction. And if you give her a distraction, she'll avoid the booze. RIGHT! Hello??? These challenges are all about the booze. The game is only going on during the day!

Wes tells Ev, Brad and Danny his plan. If they don't pick names out of a hat, he will throw challenges. Ev reports back to Veronica, the mayor, Derrick, Kenny and Evan. Kenny correctly points out that they can win the challenges without Wes. The Challengers have a team meeting led by Brad and he lets everyone know Wes's plan.

THE CHALLENGE. Champions in RED and Challengers in BLUE.

First, the teams pick their 3 girls/3 guys. Oh good LORD. Two of the guys volunteer on the Champions and they ask Wes to volunteer. He says no and tells them to draw a name. If they don't draw a name, he'll throw the challenge. Derrick tells Wes to just man up, do a good job and show the team that he deserves to be here. Wes whines again that he'll throw the challenge. He think they're all scared shitless. Wow. Seriously? They DON'T LIKE YOU, WES. Not because they're scared...because you're a total D-BAG!

Champions: Tonya, Johanna, Susie, Darrell, Kenny, and "self-proclaimed Superstar" Wes. heh.
Challengers: Sarah, Shauvon, Diem, Chet, Cohutta and Nick.

CHAIN GANG. There's a rope going up from the water to a platform suspended in the air. There are two gongs on the platform. The goal is to climb up the rope, get on the platform and hit the gong. To complicate matters, the teammates will all be on the rope, so the bottom person must go up the rope, climbing over their teammates and get on the platform to the gong. The gong will signal the next person to go. If you release yourself from the rope before it's your turn, everyone below you will be disqualified. Only one person can climb at a time. The team with the most people at the top will win. If there's a tie, the shortest time wins.

Challengers. Casey is first but there's a huge gap from Dunbar to the platform and she falls. Next up Cohutta and he makes it. KA makes it. Chet makes it. Brianna makes it. Adam makes it. Kim makes it. Nick makes it. Diem makes it. Brad makes it. Sarah makes it. Danny makes it. Shauvon is up next and she only has to make it past Dunbar. She wasn't having any luck, so Dunbar just drops her. (Chet interviews that Dunbar did what he had to...he can't just lift Shauvon. "We need all 6 of our dudes to do that." HA!) Dunbar makes it. OK, 12/14 for the Challengers.

Champions. They decide to put Wes at the bottom and Ibis just above him. So they will have Ibis unhook before Wes so that she and Wes will be disqualified. That means that everyone else will need to make it. Wes thinks it will be easy to throw it by shaking the rope and pushing everyone off. Hmmm. Let's see who has the better strategy. Wes starts shaking the rope from the bottom. Ibis unhooks and they both go down. Wes didn't see that coming. Nick makes it. The mayor makes it. Derrick makes it. Susie makes it. Bananas makes it. Veronica makes it. Kenny makes it. Johanna makes it. Ev makes it. Evan makes it. Now, it's Katie...and she's terrified. Hasn't she been on a million of these? WTF? The guys on the platform pull her up and she makes it. Syrus makes it. 12/14. Tie game.

The winner is: CHAMPIONS. They win $20K to be divided into their individual bank accounts. AND, a DJ mixer for their iPods.

Back at the house, Darrell starts talking a lot of crap about KA. He says "Let's be honest. Everybody in the household f***** KellyAnne." WHAT? Ok, I think Darrell is trying to get Wes to hit him so he gets sent home. Yikes. So KA gets in Darrell's face about her F-ing everyone. Wes is onto Darrell's strategy. Darrell challenges Wes and tells him to go outside with him. Wes's ego won't let him just walk away so he decides to go out front and fight Darrell. Evan: "Everyone's having fun at the dance, til someone takes a big turd in the punchbowl." LOVE IT. Now Wes is pissed. He's trying to go outside and he's yelling "Darrell wants to fight me. Let's go!" Johanna interviews that Wes is going mental because Darrell said "You're not going to turn a ho into a housewife". Oh Dang! KA is stupid because she's encouraging the fight. Johanna goes up to Wes and tries to talk him down reminding him about what he wanted to work on while he was at the challenge. (I'm assuming it's not fighting). KA looks on pathetically as Johanna diffuses the situation. Darrell goes in the back yard and Wes goes in the house.

Next day. Who's going into the Ruins? The mayor nominates herself and wants to compete against Diem. Wes volunteers but the rest of his teammates want to make it clear that he'd be going in even if he didn't volunteer. Then Wes says that he promised KA he wouldn't pick Cohutta...because it would be shitty of him since he stole his girlfriend...WHAT?? Were Cohutta and KA even together? EVER? EGO! Wes picks Chet because he thinks he can beat him. Johanna thinks they should pick Nick. The rest of the team picks Chet.

OMG. The mayor seriously looks like a TRAINWRECK! She's drunk, AGAIN. Her hair is WILD. Evan says she's an easy target because she doesn't know where she is, who she is or what's going on at any given moment. Kenny comes in and tells her Shauvon is talking shit and the mayor starts whacking at Kenny and then walks out. She runs into Chet on the stairs and he talks to her. She's drunk so she probably won't remember, but he seems to genuinely want to see her succeed.

RUINS DAY.

Wes is getting ready. KA interviews that she wants Wes to win because she wants him with her. On the other hand, if he leaves, she might have more friends. Heh. Chet has decided to be the "bowtie killer" and he's now wearing a purple bowtie. I hope it works. The Challengers are all wearing purple to support Chet.

The Game: Chutes and Ladders. Each person must build a ladder with bamboo sticks. Once complete, they climb it and ring the gong. First person to ring the gong wins.

First up: Wes/Chet. Complicating matters is that they both have harnesses so that they don't get hurt if they fall off the ladders. Annoying. They're pretty much neck and neck putting on the rungs of the ladder. Wes wins. BOO!

Next up: Diem/The Mayor. The Mayor wins.

Peace out Diem and Chet.

This season on The Ruins: Shauvon pops one of her implants, Tonya slaps someone (Veronica!) across the face, and someone gets knocked out cold (it looks like Brad, Danny or Derrick). WOOT!








No comments:

Post a Comment