The HIlls, Season 6, Episode 2

"Rumor Has It"

KRISTIN

Kristin goes to Ceiling Eyes' house to talk to her because apparently they're friends now. Weird. Kristin says she's throwing a party and Ceiling Eyes asks if she can bring her lame, fame-whore boyfriend, Ryan Cabrera, to the party. Kristin gets into the real reason she came by. She wants to know if Ceiling Eyes knows who started the drug rumors about her. Ceiling Eyes doesn't know if it was Lo or She-Pratt or anyone else. Kristin says she needs to confront She-Pratt.

SHE-PRATT/LO

She-Pratt and Lo are driving in She-Pratt's BMW X5 talking shit about Kristin. Lo says she just got a message that Kristin has been doing drugs and partied all night in Miami. Lo asks She-Pratt if she thinks someone who uses drugs recreationally - but A LOT - has a problem. She-Pratt says ABSOLUTELY. I guess Lo and She-Pratt got invited to Kristin's party and they are excited to see Real Doll. Right now, I'm not sure who is talking to the press about Kristin. I'm pretty confident that Kristin is using drugs and I think (maybe) She-Pratt has been talking to the press. But maybe it's not her. The bottom line is that Kristin has a problem and needs help.

THE PRATTS

Sponge Bob and Real Doll are having lunch. Real Doll is excited to go to the party and show off her 3.0 body. Dumb. They aren't going to be jealous, Real Doll. They will feel sorry for you like the rest of the world does. Sponge Bob doesn't know what he's going to do if She-Pratt is there. He hasn't spoken to her since her DUI because that was the "last straw". Seriously, Sponge Bob? You know what they say about people who live in glass houses. And your house is ALL GLASS, Sponge Bob. Real Doll thinks he should make amends with She-Pratt because she thinks that at least one of them should have some relationship with their family. Sad.

THE DIME

This is the bar where "Stacie the Bartender" works. OMG. She's been promoted. She's now "Kristin's friend." HAHA. Sorry, she'll always be Stacie the Bartender to me. Kristin comes to visit and tells her "friend" that she has a gut feeling that She-Pratt is the one spreading all the rumors. Stacie the Bartender says that it wasn't Lo because she's too "scared" to say anything. Or maybe Lo just minds her own business. Jeez. Way to bag on the girl who is NOT talking shit because she's "too scared" to talk shit. Dumb. They are way pissed that She-Pratt may be spreading the rumors. I don't know. I'm getting that "thou doth protest too much" feeling about Kristin. She's so angry about the rumors, but maybe it's because they are true. I feel like if they weren't true, she'd just deny it and say "that's stupid. Of course I'm not on drugs." But she's not saying that. It's almost like she's pissed her business is out there...not a "rumor."

BRODY

Frankie and Brody shoot some hoops and catch up. Brody tells him that he's going to Kristin's party. Frankie asks if he's excited to see Ceiling Eyes and what he'll do if she brings her bf, "Ryan Cabrera". Brody says that it's great that they're together because they can share clothes (specifically, jeans) and hair gel. Ha. Frankie tells Brody that he heard some rumors about Kristin and her drug problem. Brody gets pissed and says that She-Pratt is spreading the rumors. Then they speculate on whether Real Doll with be there with "the twins." They agree that she better look damn good after 10 surgeries. HAHA.

KRISTIN'S PARTY

Everyone gathers for Kristin's party. Brody shows up and Ryan Cabrera walks up to him to say hello and Brody just disses him. I guess the two have a history. I'm not sure why. If anyone knows why, put it in the comments below. I'm dying to know what this "feud" is about. The Pratts enter and everyone is kind of snickering. It's a backyard, casual party and Real Doll is wearing the tightest peachy-orange strapless dress she could squeeze her melons into. Ridiculous. Sponge Bob gives Kristin the world's largest crystal as a housewarming gift. Weird. Ceiling Eyes asks Real Doll if she's done with surgery. Real Doll says that she wants bigger boobs because she ultimately wants them to be size "H" for "Heidi". Are people really this stupid? I don't think I'm even acquainted with anyone as stupid as this girl.

Sponge Bob is wearing all of his crystals and a shitload of bracelets and rings. WTF is going on with these people? Kristin tells Real Doll about all the drug rumors and Real Doll can't believe anyone would spread that stuff. Real Doll: "That's like, dirty." Oh, you mean like spreading a rumor that your best friend has a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend? You mean, dirty like that? Oh. Ok.

She-Pratt and Lo show up and Brody tells Sponge Bob that his sister has arrived. She-Pratt and Lo go sit with Stacie the Bartender. Kristin walks up and asks them if they've said anything that's NOT TRUE about her to the press. Lo and She-Pratt deny it and Kristin is clearly just focused on She-Pratt. She lies and says that people are telling her it's She-Pratt who is spreading the rumors. She-Pratt says that she never saw Kristin partying because she wasn't with her and that Kristin should ask the people with whom she was partying if they said anything. Kristin says that she doesn't believe She-Pratt and walks away. Awkward.

Holly, Real Doll's sister, arrives and Real Doll gives her a "surgery hug" which is basically an air-hug because Real Doll is all fragile and shit. Holly refuses to say hi to Sponge Bob and he's glad he didn't have to "waste one breath" on her. What a douche-bag. Seriously. Gross.

Kristin goes into the kitchen with Brody and tells him that she confronted She-Pratt and she denied it. Brody is such an instigator. He tells Kristin that they were jealous in Miami because she was out having fun and they were sitting around in the hotel room. Um, not exactly. Do you seriously think if they wanted to go out, they couldn't have? Shut up, Brody. Brody says that he KNOWS it was She-Pratt. Really? How do you know? I don't like She-Pratt, but I like Kristin even less. I hate that she's making me stick up for She-Pratt right now.

She-Pratt goes over to say hello and good-bye to Sponge Bob and Real Doll and Sponge Bob is a total asshole. She-Pratt starts crying and Sponge Bob just mocks her for crying. She just walks away and Real Doll actually looks embarrassed for the way Sponge Bob is acting. She should be. He's an embarrassment. She-Pratt is crying outside to Ceiling Eyes and Lo and they tell her that Sponge Bob is going crazy and they don't know what's wrong with him. I'm with them. Sponge Bob is seriously mentally unstable. She-Pratt and Sponge Bob are the reason people should not spoil their kids. They grew up totally spoiled and now one is a bulimic with 2 DUI's and the other is a lunatic obsessed with crystals and married to a "Real Doll." Yikes.

Meanwhile, Sponge Bob is screaming about how She-Pratt is not relevant to his life and Kristin, Holly and Brody are looking at him like he's having some sort of seizure.

LO/SHE-PRATT

She-Pratt and Lo talk about how crazy Sponge Bob is. Agreed. Then She-Pratt says that Kristin wants to meet with her and she doesn't understand why she's accusing "them." I think she's just accusing you, She-Pratt. Lo says that there were a million people in Miami that weekend and she shouldn't accuse them just because they had the balls to say it to her face "as a friend." I don't know. She-Pratt looks guilty. Lo just tells her to talk to Kristin and put it to rest.

CHARLIE'S HOUSE

Hmmm. Charlie? OH, Sponge Bob's friend. Sponge Bob comes in taking deep breaths. Charlie asks him what's up and Sponge Bob asks him if he wants to see what's keeping him grounded. Then, Sponge Bob pulls out a feather. I shit you not. A FEATHER. Charlie takes it and makes fun of him. "It's a seagull feather from Pacific Palisades. It's like bird flu, dude." AWESOME. Sponge Bob just goes crazy saying how he was minding his own business and his crazy sister came up and started crying at him. Sponge Bob is freaking out. Charlie tells him to chill out (Charlie is totally stoned by the way). Sponge Bob tells Charlie that he's so chill and doesn't get it and Charlie tells Sponge Bob that he's so crazy and it just makes him angry all the time. Good point...for a stoner. Sponge Bob says that his life is perfect until She-Pratt and Holly show up and ruin everything.

Charlie asks him what he's going to do, just build huge walls around his house so no one can come in? I think Charlie might be the smartest one in the whole group. Sponge Bob responds that he's just trying to keep it in his crystals. Charlie tells him that the crystals aren't working because he's hyperventilating and red-faced. HAHA. Charlie might be my favorite person on this show. Sponge Bob knows they're not working which is why there are hundreds on him right now. Oh good LORD. Sponge Bob has seriously lost his marbles. Charlie tells him to take them all off and look in the mirror. Then he says "You're crazy. You lost it." as Sponge Bob holds a huge crystal to his forehead. I'm not kidding....I might LOVE Charlie.

KRISTIN

Kristin meets She-Pratt for a drink to "talk." She-Pratt sits down and it's awkward for a minute and then she tells Kristin that she doesn't want this whole "Miami" thing to keep dragging on. Kristin tells her she doesn't need an apology, she just wants She-Pratt to stop spreading rumors about her. It blows up into this huge fight. She-Pratt denies spreading any rumors and Kristin basically calls her a drama queen. She-Pratt doesn't understand why Kristin is being a bitch and Kristin says that they don't need to be friends. She-Pratt asks why she can't just have a normal conversation and then she asks if Kristin is drunk. She-Pratt and Kristin go back and forth and finally She-Pratt calls her delusional and storms off.

Hmmm. Now I'm not sure. Maybe She-Pratt didn't spread the rumors. Kristin is SO DEFENSIVE. Weird.

See you next week!