"Overboard"
RAMONA
Ramona arrives at Sonja's house to pick her up for her Bachelorette "fun party" in St. John's. Sonja tells Ramona how much she appreciates their friendship and how happy she is that they've remained friends for so long. She's honest and also says that she loves luxury and knows Ramona planned an amazing trip for them. Ramona says that it means a lot that Sonja is there and that she's disappointed Jill didn't come. But, she knows that Jill didn't come because Jill wasn't going to be the center of attention. Jill didn't plan it, she didn't get to make the guest list, so Jill wants no part of it. Sonja says that this trip isn't about Jill. It's about Ramona and supporting her and her upcoming vow renewal with Mario. Exactly.
Ramona interviews that she's kind of glad Jill isn't coming. She says that Jill and her sidekick, Luann are the "buzzkills." HA.
LUANN
Luann goes to see Chris Young, her producer, at the recording studio. Luann says that she loves to sing and has always loved it since she was a child. I've heard her "song" and I'm so not impressed. It's so heavily produced with all the auto-tune magic. Although it has to be with that baritone voice of hers.
Chris is laying on the flattery pretty thick. She tells him that they've known each other long enough and he can call her "Luann" now. He refuses and says that she will always be the Countess to him. UGH. Luann interviews that Chris asked her what kind of song she wanted to record and she started reading him lines from her book. They brainstormed and came up with "Money Can't Buy You Class."
Chris Young tells us that the Countess has a great voice, reminiscent of Madonna and Fergie. WTF? She sounds like a MAN. The Countess says that she's not a "great singer" and Chris agrees. He says that she's a "star!" and that's where her strength comes in. Chris Young sees a cash cow and wants to milk it. Luann tells us that she is recording and all she has to do is sing the song and then Chris does all the work to make it sound decent. Well, not that last part, but you get the idea. She says it's not much of a time commitment for her. Of course it's not. Chris is spending all the time to make your voice sound bearable. "Elegance is lear-r-r-R-RNED!" OY!
RAMONA
The girls - Bethenny, Alex, Sonja, Kelly and Ramona - all arrive in the US Virgin Islands for their trip. I could so use a vacation right now. It looks beautiful there. Bethenny tells us that she just buried her father and she's feeling pregnant and emotional. But, she thinks the sun and relaxation is just what she needs to get back on track. They are all in an SUV on their way and Bethenny asks for more pretzels. Kelly announces that she doesn't eat things with corn syrup or processed foods and then says that she loves Gummi Bears and Jelly Beans. Um, what? Kelly = DUMB. Bethenny tells Kelly that Gummi Bears ARE corn syrup. Kelly's response: "They're fun candy, though. It's fun." Bethenny interviews: "Gummi Bears don't come from the vine. Those aren't the bears that you see at the Bronx Zoo." HAHA.
They arrive at a dock and the OLGA yacht is parked there waiting for them. Apparently, it's super luxury and Kelly is STOKED about it. That's where they are staying for 5 days and it's really cool. They tour the yacht and pick rooms. It's amazing.
Ramona pulls out all of her swimsuits and, I shit you not, the woman has about 10 suits that she intends on wearing on this 5 day trip. The ladies are laying out in their bikinis and Ramona rings the bell for lunch. Ramona is concerned about Bethenny because of her father's death. She hugs Bethenny and tells her she knows it's hard but she's there for her.
A few minutes later, Ramona announces that she had an altercation with Jill when she told her that Bethenny's father had passed away. Ramona says that Jill attacked her and called her a bad friend. Kelly interrupts and says that she was there and Jill did not attack Ramona. Kelly says that Jill was just jealous that she couldn't be there for Bethenny. Ramona tells Kelly that this was her point that night and she told Kelly that Jill was misplacing her anger but Kelly didn't get it then. She's glad Kelly finally gets it.
Kelly is getting way too defensive about everything. Alex mentions that Jill texted her with "Did you hear that Bethenny's dad died?" and she took it as Jill being a gossip. Kelly defends Jill and says that the ladies are all over-analyzing everything. And, she's sure Jill didn't mean it in a gossipy or disrespectful way. Kelly says that she doesn't care but they are all making "lemons into lemonade." Bethenny corrects her and tells her that the expression she used means making something good out of something bad. Kelly says "not necessarily." Sonja tells Kelly that the expression she's looking for is "making a mountain out of a molehill." HAHA.
Kelly thinks she's better than everyone else and says that they are all just making too much out of everything. Kelly: "I'm not that girl. I'm not that sorority, talk about everyone else kind of girl." Kelly is someone who cares A LOT about what people think about her. God only knows why she decided to do a reality show. But, she is constantly saying what type of girl she is NOT. "I'm not the sorority type of girl." "I'm not the type of girl who talks about other people." And later, "I'm not the one-night stand type of girl." She spends a lot of time telling people what she's not. People who are constantly defending themselves, usually have something to hide. I'm just sayin'.
Kelly gets up to leave. Good riddance. Someone throw her off the boat. HAHA. She can't figure out how to open the door to go back inside. Ramona tells her that they will see her later and they didn't mean to upset her. Kelly just yells that they are vile and demented. Rude bitch. I would send her home if I was Ramona.
Bethenny interviews that Kelly went crazy on them and nearly smashed into the glass trying to make a grand exit. HAHA. Sonja interviews that she wasn't interested in the negative Jill talk at all. They all decide to just sit and enjoy their dessert and Sonja asks what they should do about Kelly. Alex says that she just gave herself a "time out" and she'll be back when she cools down. And, that's what happened. Kelly came back out and had some dessert and they were all good.
Bethenny is sitting upstairs on the yacht waiting for the other ladies to get ready. Alex comes up and sits with her and Bethenny talks about her last visit with her dad. The conversation turns to Kelly because Bethenny can't believe she's on a trip with her and Alex asks "what was that?" about the lunch tantrum. Then they both start laughing hysterically. Bethenny: "It was a gift from Jesus to make me laugh. The lemons and lemonade?? What was that?" Then she says "Did [she] go to Columbia, the country? 'Cuz there's no way that broad went to college." HAHA.
LUANN
Luann is on a date with the poor man's Rod Stewart. I don't even remember his name, but he's such a tool. Oh yeah, Cord or maybe it's Cort. I'm not sure. But he's about a foot shorter than Luann and just slimy. Cort/Cord gives Luann a copy of his book. Luann interviews that Cord/Cort is a published author and an intellectual. Um, are you sure? He looks like a total tool. He's being flirty and her voice is so distracting. It's like two trannies on a date. He is so strange. There's something not quite right with him. Maybe he's on drugs or something. Luann tells him that she LOVES his company. Gross.
She asks what he's doing this weekend and he said that he's heading out to the Hamptons to play some tennis. Luann tells him that she plays and they could play together at her house. Some sexual innuendos follow (gag!) and he kisses her on each cheek and tries to get her lips, but she stops him. Oh, NOW you're uncomfortable, Luann? What a tease! I'm not sure what happens, but Luann loses her inhibitions and they kiss several times. They walk over to the bar and she is so much taller that she bends down a little to kiss him. HA!
RAMONA
Alex, Kelly and Ramona are in the water snorkeling. Ramona is upset because there aren't any fish. Sonja interviews that she is glad she didn't ruin her "good hair day" to get in the water with no fish. Oy vey! Ramona cracks me up. She's snorkeling with a noodle because she's not a great swimmer.
It's evening now and the ladies are dressed up for dinner. Ramona announces that she has assigned seats for everyone. Bethenny tells her that she hopes she's on the end because she has to pee so much and not because Ramona felt she needed to separate Kelly and Bethenny. Why? That would seem weird. Bethenny and Kelly weren't even the ones fighting. It was Ramona and Kelly.
After dinner, Ramona went over to the yacht next door. Kelly, Alex, Bethenny and Sonja are relaxing on the couch and Kelly brings out a bunch of shots. Sonja interviews that they are all relaxing and Bethenny opens up about her father passing. Why is Kelly there? All she brings is conflict. She tells Bethenny that she needs to appreciate her dad for what he was to her even if he was terrible. And that some people are just selfish, but it was "his moment." What? Sonja gets upset at Kelly and says how devastating it is. I think Sonja had the right idea. Maybe people are selfish and that sucks, but Bethenny doesn't need a reality check right now. She needs support. She needs people who will listen and empathize, not people who are basically telling her to get over it.
Ramona comes back and diffuses the situation. She tells them that she met the owner of Hooters and invites the girls to go to the Hooters Yacht. Ramona is crazy. She wants to go yacht hopping. She takes Alex and leaves Sonja, Bethenny and Kelly to argue about one-night stands. Sonja tells Kelly she needs to get laid because she's too uptight. Ha! Kelly tells Sonja that she's not a one-night stand type of person because she doesn't have "unprotected sex" and doesn't want to sleep with "everyone all over America." So, I don't agree that Kelly should go out an have a one-night stand - although gettin' some might not be such a bad idea. BUT, I think Kelly is a little ignorant about the one-night stand. All it means is that you hook up with a guy one night and that's it. No relationship, no phone calls, no awkwardness. Just one night and that's it. You can use protection, in fact, it's encouraged. And you can do it once and not do it with everyone all over America.
Sonja interviews: "Who wants to die tomorrow and say 'I've never had a one night stand?'" Kelly grandstands about how she's "not like Bethenny" because Sonja said that Bethenny has had one-night stands in the past. Kelly is all high and mighty and says that if Sonja looked like her then she wouldn't give it up so easily. Bitch. Sonja is drunk and starts crying about how much her self esteem took a hit after her divorce. Bethenny hugs her and tells her that she looks amazing.
Sonja says that she doesn't like to play the victim and Bethenny tells her it's about being emotional, not a victim. Kelly asks why everything has to have a label: Survivor, Victim, etc. She says the whole "feelings" thing is "so 1979." What? Kelly needs to just leave. She's so argumentative. Jeez. Sonja compliments Bethenny and says that what she loves about her is that she never plays the victim. Instead of letting it go, Kelly says that sometimes Bethenny plays the victim. Then Kelly continues that Bethenny likes to make people feel bad to make herself feel better "which is not a good quality." Wow. Kelly is just picking fights tonight.
Kelly brings up a fight that she and Bethenny had OVER A YEAR AGO. Bethenny tells Kelly that she needs to let that go already. Seriously! Then Kelly accuses Bethenny of not letting it go by talking to the press about her and her kids. Bethenny doesn't know what Kelly is talking about. Kelly just keeps going and calls Bethenny "vindictive" and mean. Kelly says that Bethenny is "creepy" and she gets "creeped out" by her. So, Bethenny says "Then get away from me." Done and done. Exactly. Why does Kelly keep putting herself in situations with Bethenny?
Bethenny interviews that Kelly must have gotten her wires crossed today. Because every second something is triggering her and it's like the wires in her head short out and buzz. Kelly goes on and calls Bethenny a "cook" not a "chef." Bethenny says "I went to culinary school you moron!" Then Sonja asks why Kelly would say that she's a cook and not a chef. Kelly says it's because she doesn't know what she is. So Sonja asks why she would say that if she doesn't know. Bethenny tells Kelly that she speaks without thinking and is the "most unintelligent" person she knows. It goes back and forth and Sonja brings the fight back to "sex." Kelly calls Bethenny a "ho-bag" and interviews that it's because Bethenny said she "sleeps around with America." But, what Bethenny actually said was that she has had a one-night stand before. It's not the same thing. Kelly is really an idiot. If she left the show, no one would miss her. Bethenny decides to leave the "lunatic" and goes over to the Hooters boat with the "sane people." HAHA.
Ramona is DRUNK. She's talking to one of the guys on the boat...the "owner"? I'm not so sure though, because I just saw an episode of Undercover Boss with the CEO of Hooters and it wasn't that guy. Anyhow, Ramona tells the guy that she's still HOT for her husband after 17 years of marriage. Bethenny shows up and tella Alex and Ramona what just went down on the crazy boat next door. Then Kelly and Sonja show up.
Sonja interviews that she feels like she's always the one left with Kelly...which is fine, but she wanted to calm Kelly down and be with the normal girls for awhile. Sonja tells the rest of the girls that Kelly's arguments and feud with Bethenny have no merit and that Kelly is just "a dog with a bone." Ramona slurs that she's going to shut Kelly down when she walks over to them. Ramona tells Kelly to be peaceful or not be there. Kelly says that everything is fine and she didn't have any altercations with anyone. OMG. Kelly is seriously the stupidest person on that show. And that is really saying A LOT because none of those women are particularly bright. Kelly starts to get "embarrassed" that Ramona is yelling at her and tells her to calm down. The entire time Ramona and Kelly are talking, Sonja is yelling "I would like to see Hooters Girls" over and over. HAHA.
They finally get off the Hooters Yacht and head to a local bar on St. John's. Alex, Bethenny and Ramona are dancing while Kelly and Sonja are back on the yacht going to sleep. Sonja says that it smells like cat piss and the other girls are dancing to the beat of their own drums.
See you next week!
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