"Sun, Sand & Psychosis"
RAMONA
The ladies are rehashing the previous night's events on the Hooter's boat. Apparently, Ramona walked up to a Hooter's girl and told her that she needed to go to college. HA! The conversation moves to Bethenny and Kelly's argument and Kelly calls Bethenny a "cook" again and says that she's not a "chef." Bethenny asks Kelly to define a "chef" for her. Kelly says that a chef works in a restaurant or is hired as one - like those on the yacht. Bethenny says that she's been hired as a chef and Kelly says she has no idea what Bethenny does. So Bethenny, rightly so, tells her not to say anything if she doesn't know what the F*** she is talking about! Kelly still keeps talking and Bethenny finally tells her to stop. Everyone at the table sees that Kelly is the one who started the attack and tells her to stop. Kelly doesn't know what's going on (as usual) and Bethenny tells Kelly that no one understands what she's saying. Kelly: "Ok. Satchels of gold." WTF? Just then Alex breaks the awkwardness and tells Bethenny that Simon is making chocolate waffles for the boys and asks Bethenny's advice about adding more cocoa. Kelly mocks "Great timing" and Bethenny gets up and walks over to the couch. She's had it. It's too much stress and drama for her.
Ramona is super excited to show the girls their next stop. They are leaving the yacht and staying in a huge home on the island. It's absolutely breathtaking. The house is amazing.
Bethenny put together "gift bags" for everyone with their initials on the bag and a bunch of beach stuff in it. It was a thoughtful gesture. Of course, Kelly thinks it's creepy and doesn't understand why Bethenny would give her this bag. Kelly bitches that it's impersonal because the bag is a Skinny Girl bag and has some of Bethenny's products in it. Jeez. It's a free gift bag. Just be grateful and STFU! Kelly starts to break down. She cries and calls Jill and tells her it "creeps her out" that Bethenny's dad died and she's on the trip. And, she says that she's been having nightmares that Bethenny is trying to kill her. OMG. DRAMA. Kelly is seriously losing her mind. Wow. Mental break. Even Jill is wondering what is going on because she can't understand Kelly.
The next morning, Bethenny is cooking some breakfast. Kelly comes into the kitchen and brings a pad of paper. She tells them that it's better to write down complaints rather than talk about them. Good Lord. Kelly announces that she wants to take everyone's picture on the beach and do a mini photo shoot. Kelly is into photography now - even though she doesn't know how to use a camera. Bethenny decides to hang back and relax by herself. I'd don't blame her. These bitches are WHACK!
THE PHOTO SHOOT ON THE BEACH
Kelly is taking pictures and she is all about criticizing Alex. Although, in Kelly's defense, Alex does look a little weird. She's so serious. This whole thing is weird. And Kelly yelling "Johann face, Alex. Baby face." was a little much.
JILL
Jill is in a skating dress and she's practicing ice skating with Johnny Weir. One of the coaches starts yelling at Jill because there are professional ice skaters trying to practice and she's got her amateur ass all over the ice. HAHA!!
Jill and Luann have lunch and Jill tells her about Kelly calling her like a crazy woman. They both warned her not to go. Jill says that she would never go somewhere she wasn't welcome. Famous last words. She tells Luann that she found out that the girls are coming back from their trip on Tuesday and she's going to St. Bart's on Monday. So she's thinking of surprising Ramona on Monday before heading to St. Bart's. Luann thinks it's a bad idea since they aren't expecting her. Jill isn't hearing it and decides to go for it. BAD IDEA. Luann says she won't go rescue Jill if she needs it! :)
BETHENNY
Bethenny's gift to Ramona is a dinner for everyone. She's busy cooking in the kitchen while the ladies are outside enjoying cocktails. Kelly gets a call from her daughters and is yapping in front of everyone. Ramona asks her to talk in the house and move away from the group. Kelly takes it as an attack on her daughters and goes batshit again. Wow.
They have cocktails and appetizers. Bethenny goes into the kitchen to prepare the food and tells her staff that it's more fun in the kitchen that out there with Krazy! Krazy says she doesn't want to sit across from Bethenny and she overhears and tells Krazy that she doesn't need to do anything she doesn't want to do. Sonja tells Krazy not to be paranoid.
Bethenny brings out salad with crabcakes. Of course, Krazy doesn't like the crabcakes and says that Bethenny's food is not really that good. BUT she likes the salad dressing and tells us that Bethenny could be like Paul Newman and make dressing. OY VEY! Ramona doesn't want Bethenny to know that someone didn't eat her food, so Sonja eats Krazy's crabcake. Steak comes out next and Kelly's has a string in it. So, Bethenny takes it back to the kitchen and gets her another piece of steak. They sit and eat and Sonja compliments Bethenny on the 5 star meal. She says that she knows food because she used to have a 5 star chef on her boat. Krazy leans over and says "we know about your past." WTF?? Krazy took some serious crazy pills before dinner. She is on fire.
Ramona comments that she hasn't heard from Jill this whole trip and Krazy says that all Jill has asked about is Bethenny. Krazy just keeps going and lashing out at everyone. They all get quiet and Ramona says that she and Bethenny had an altercation on the Brooklyn Bridge and she wants to talk to Bethenny about it. Krazy can't keep her trap shut, so she asks if Ramona is going to "make out with tongue" with Bethenny. Seriously, WTF?? Ramona gives Krazy a time out and tells her to shut up. Krazy just keeps saying "You made Bethenny cry" over and over. Ramona takes Bethenny inside and Krazy says "Yeah, you guys go have an intimate moment." She and Spencer Pratt need their own show.
Bethenny feels vindicated for everything she's ever said about Krazy. Sonja and Alex are trying to calm Krazy down and she's just not getting it. They explain that Ramona and Bethenny are just talking about their issues and feelings and Krazy rolls her eyes and says that this is "too 1979" for her because they are talking about feelings again. Krazy tells Alex that she needs to relax more and Alex admits that she was nervous about getting in front of the camera for Krazy earlier that afternoon. Krazy laughs and says that Alex is having nightmares about her while she's having nightmares about Bethenny. Alex tells her to take it down a notch with the drama and that she was NOT having "nightmares" about anyone. She was just a little nervous. OMG. Krazy really goes nuts here and says that she threw up the night before she came because she's been having nightmares about Bethenny killing her because she's tried to kill Krazy so many times before. WTF?? I wish there was something bigger than "all caps" to stress how FUCKING BIZARRE this whole thing is. Alex asks when these attempted murders occurred and Krazy does the sign of the cross and starts to cry a little. OMG. She and Spencer Pratt need straight jackets and FAST!
Bethenny comes back and sits down and asks what's going on and Sonja says that it's hard to follow the conversation and points at Krazy. Krazy says that Alex is possessed and gives the example from Ramona's party when she delivered her "message" to Jill. Then she tells Alex to "zip it" which she's been saying to people all night. So Bethenny gives Krazy her full attention and she describes the situation that night while Ramona stands behind her gesturing at how loco Krazy is. Alex, Bethenny and Ramona go inside and Sonja is upset that she got left outside to deal with Krazy.
Sonja was trying to talk sense into Krazy. It's no use. Krazy goes on a tirade to Sonja about how Bethenny allegedly goes after her EVERY DAY in the press and tries to defame her and her kids. Ok, I read A LOT of celebrity gossip on a daily basis. Just to give you a small indication, after I check my email in the morning, I read perezhilton.com, people.com, eonline.com, thesuperficial.com, gawker.com, and ew.com (entertainment weekly).... to name a few. I also check these sites periodically throughout the day. I have not read things about Kelly on a daily basis and I've never read anything about her children. She's delusional...no one cares about you Krazy!!
Krazy asks Sonja how she can just sit there with Bethenny after she called Sonja a hooker (it was a joke. Sonja said she used to work in a restaurant and Bethenny asked if she was a hooker). Sonja tries to explain to Krazy what a joke is, but Krazy can't follow. The others walk back out to join the lunacy.
Bethenny tells Krazy that she wants to hear the truth from her. Then she mocks "you can't handle the truth" and Krazy doesn't get the reference. Krazy: "Oh my god. AL SHARPTON. AL SHARPTON!!! Put your hair up!! It's Al Sharpton!" No you dingbat - it's Jack Nicholson from A Few Good Men. Who doesn't know that? And what the hell is up with Al Sharpton??? WTF? Now the other girls are getting concerned. It's no longer a joke that Kelly is crazy. They seriously think that she's having some sort of breakdown and that there is something really wrong with her. She's not making any sense and the mood turns from "OMG, she's crazy" to "ok, she's really losing it and I'm worried." Kelly excuses herself from the table. On her way out, she asks why Bethenny attacked her friend, Gwyneth, in the paper. You know, her "friend," Gwyneth Paltrow?? Wow. DELUSIONAL and PARANOID. If I cared, I'd try to diagnose her but I'm content to just call her Krazy for now.
Two minutes later, Krazy walks back out asking if anyone wants a jelly bean or lollipop. Bethenny tells Krazy that they are all worried about her because she's crazy. Krazy just responds that she doesn't like Bethenny and that she thinks it's creepy that Bethenny's dad died and she's on the trip. Kelly tells Bethenny that she threw up because she thinks Bethenny is trying to kill her. So Bethenny yells at her to go to sleep because she's CRAZY. Sonja tells Bethenny not to be mean to her because she actually is crazy and they have to stop picking on her. The situation turns sad and Alex says that they all have to stop because there's a real problem. Everyone backs off. Bethenny actually does a good job of diffusing the situation. She tells Krazy that she doesn't want to ruin her life or talk about her in the press and she's not attacking her. Kelly says thank you and seems to relax for the night. HOLY KRAZY LADY!!!
See you next week.
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