"Water Under the Table"
JACQUELINE
The first footage of Jacqueline and her hubby is from her own home video of her going to the hospital to give birth to her second son. Last season she told us she had 4 miscarriages in a row, but after the show ended we learned that she was pregnant. She had a baby boy, Nicholas, and he weighed exactly what I did: 8lbs. 8oz. She has such a cute family!! OMG. The baby is SO CUTE. Caroline is there and tells us that she and Jacqueline are much closer now that they are drama-free.
DINA
Dina still has that disgusting hairless cat, Grandma Wrinkles. OMG. There's a new one: Ladybug. She's white and most of her body is shaved except for her paws and her head and the tip of her tail! Dear LORD. She's trying to surround herself with positive energy. She is willing to give Danielle a second chance since Danielle is broken and troubled. Zing!
DANIELLE
Danielle has found GOD. She meets with Father Richard. Although, on the way to church, she says that God better help all those who have done her wrong. Nice. Oh, I get it. She's playing the victim with Father Richard. She tells him that these women dug up her past to humiliate her and make her feel bad for things for which she has already paid. She's very defensive and says that she KNOWS she's not all the things they called her. Father Richard correctly asks her why she cares what other people are saying about her. She says she doesn't care - LIAR. Her purpose for seeing Father Richard is that she doesn't want these women in her life anymore and wants to know how to pray for them. WTF? Seriously?
When the hell did Danielle become a "devout Catholic?" In jail? Father Richard says that she may not forget, but she needs to forgive so that she can move on with her life. A-MEN!
TERESA
Teresa, her mother and her girls are making red sauce. They're washing the tomatoes and she tells them to make sure they get rid of any rott-EN parts. They are making about 180 jars of tomato sauce to last them the year! Teresa wants to pass this tradition onto her kids. Very cute. Her dad is adorable. Teresa is due in two weeks, so she trying not to over-exert herself. She tells us that Jacqueline, Dina and Caroline are very excited for the new baby because "unlike Danielle, I have friends." Wow.
OMG. Teresa's friend is there helping them make red sauce and Teresa asks her if it's "her time of the month." Weird. Apparently, old school Italians believe that you cannot make red sauce when you are menstruating because "they say" that you can spoil the tomatoes. Random. Luckily, she's not.
Joe's mom is helping out, too. She tells Gia that she has to marry an Italian man. Gia says that her mom tells her not to and that she should marry a Jewish guy. Teresa explains that Jewish men cater to their wives. Gia whines that she doesn't want to marry a Jewish guy because they make you wear your hair all weird. I'm guessing she's talking about the Orthodox Jews with the curly sideburns. Teresa tells her not to say that. Joe tells Gia that she's 8 years old and doesn't have to worry about getting married. HA.
CAROLINE
Albert and Caroline are at Barneys buying a new suit for Albert. He's lost 70 lbs in the last year and he looks and feels great. He had a health scare and basically was told that he would have a heart attack soon. So he lost a ton of weight and looks great. Al comes out modeling a new suit and Caroline is gushing over how great he looks and starts to get a little teary. Al asks her if she's on crack. Oh, Al, you're so modest. Jacqueline spills the beans. Apparently Al had a little "help" losing all that weight. Something about a "rubber band." Interesting. I think it's a surgical procedure but not quite as dangerous as gastric bypass. Although, I could be wrong. Maybe it IS gastric bypass. HOLY CRAP!! The ONE suit, shirt, tie combo will cost $8,000 - $9,000.
JACQUELINE
Chris, her husband, sits with her and tells her he wants to talk to her about Danielle. He says that he doesn't know her well and ... he doesn't want to know her well. I actually think he's sincere during this conversation. He is a reasonable person and tells Jacqueline that every time Danielle is around there is drama and he doesn't want the drama or the bullshit in his life. He tells her that Danielle is NOT welcome in their house. And, he points out that Danielle is not even Jacqueline's "friend" - she didn't call, text, send flowers or a card, nothing when little Nicholas was born. I get that. Jacqueline says she's not going to just cut her out of her life just because he says so. I understand, but why would you even want Danielle in your life?? Chris is totally giving her an "out". She can just tell Danielle that her husband doesn't want her hanging out with Danielle. Danielle may think she's weak for doing what her husband wants, but who cares what Danielle thinks??
TERESA
It's Milania's first day of school. She and Gabriella are going to the same school and Gabriella does not look pleased. OK. I just need to comment on the amount of crap Teresa has in her pantry. Seriously. Milania is "packing" herself a snack and she's pulling chips, ho-ho's, cupcakes, etc. from boxes in the pantry. Teresa has a CRAPLOAD of money at her disposal and can afford to get healthy snacks for her kids and yet, she buys junk food? Gia is never going to be a "model" with that kind of diet. Gross. Teresa tells us that she doesn't have a nanny, so she does everything. Three kids is a lot to deal with on your own. However, she makes her life more complicated than it needs to be. She's so consumed with the superficial aspect, that she completely disregards her kids' health. There's no need to BLOW DRY your 5 year old's hair. C'mon! She's also making sure they have their "purses". Really?
OMG. They are little whining nightmares. I would not be able to deal with those girls.
DANIELLE
Danielle goes to see her friend, Kim "D," who owns Posche boutique to look for clothes for Jillian and Christine - her daughters. Um, Christine is 15 now and looks really skinny. I hope all this reality drama hasn't caused an eating disorder. I worry about Danielle's kids - the crazy will eventually affect them. Danielle sits down to talk to Kim "D" in front of her kids. She tells Kim that she tried to reach out to Jacqueline and she told her Chris wasn't comfortable with their friendship. Kim tells her to take the high road. I think it's funny because Danielle says that friends show up with pasta when their friend is in the hospital - or their friend's mom is in the hospital. Where was Jacqueline's pasta when she gave birth?
JACQUELINE
Ashley is 18 now and visiting her mom with her new boyfriend, Derek (23). They bring his dog, which Jacqueline is not happy about. Chris doesn't like dogs in the house - neither does Lisa, by the way. So they put the dog in the bathroom and come into the kitchen. Jacqueline tells us that Ashley didn't like the rules, so she moved out. BUT she graduated from high school, so YAY!!!
Jacqueline wants to know what Ashley's plans are. Ashley tells her that she's taking a semester off. I love Chris. He says "what are you taking a break FROM?" HAHA. Then he asks why the dog is at the house. Ashley says that she didn't know where to leave it. Chris tells her that it's Derek's dog, so he can leave it at his house. I really love Chris. He's a man after my own heart. He tells Ashley she needs to learn some responsibility and pay her own bills and get a checking account. Ashley says she would love to get a checking account, but she doesn't know how. OMG. Lazy. They need to cut her off so she knows what it means to actually earn money.
Jacqueline is not comfortable with Ashley's relationship with Derek and asks her if they are being safe. Then she mortifies Ashley by asking if she's on birth control. Really, Jacqueline? This isn't a conversation you could have had with your daughter ALONE? You had to have it in front of her boyfriend and your husband?? Jeez. Derek assures her that they are being safe. OMG. Chris is cutting a green pepper and Derek asks if he can help with anything. Chris says he's good and then proceeds to sharpen a knife while giving Derek a not-so-nice look. HAHA. Chris asks what Derek "does" and Derek tells him that he's still working at Blockbuster. Chris tells him that Ashley is a huge responsibility and she's not ready to be a grown up so he better be careful.
TERESA
She's at the OB/GYN for a check-up and she brought Gia with her. Teresa is concerned because she knows that intercourse can bring on labor and she and Joe have a "very active sex life". GROSS. She and Joe decided that they don't want to know the sex of the baby - despite Gia's begging - because it's their last one and they want to be surprised.
CAROLINE
Al and Caroline are hosting a "Sheriff's Dinner" at their home and they enlist Chris and Albie to help clean the backyard. Specifically, Al wants them to make sure there isn't any dog shit ANYWHERE. He tells them if it isn't done right, "I'm gonna kick your ass." HA.
Vito is Albie's roommate from college and his BEST FRIEND. Vito is also Lauren's boyfriend. HAHA. Gotta love it. Vito is helping Albie and Chris look for dog shit. Caroline tells us that Albie is having this love/hate relationship with Vito due to this new conflict (sister's boyfriend/best friend). Never a good idea to date your brother's best friend OR your best friend's sister. Never ends well.
DANIELLE
Danielle tells us that she's been going to Nischa Nails for 15 years. When she first met Dina, she was stocking shelves and doing nails there. "But I'm not here to judge." Um, Dina is also way younger than you, Danielle. Who cares what she used to do 15 years ago. "Rosa" has been doing Danielle's nails for years and always has the gossip. Rosa tells Danielle that everyone has been coming in and getting ready for this party at Caroline's house. Danielle says that she's been struggling to pay bills, so she'd like to think that's the reason they didn't invite her, but she knows it's not. Why the HELL would they invite YOU?? Really? It's a party to raise campaign funds and support the sheriffs. It's for business people. Danielle is dumb.
Danielle feels owed an apology from Caroline. Dina has moved on and occasionally sends Danielle texts to help keep her positive. I don't think Danielle should hold her breath waiting for an apology from Caroline.
CAROLINE
It's the night of the Sheriff's Fundraiser. Jacqueline has no idea why she and Chris are there. She says they just gave her $1000 and showed up. Nice. Albie and Chris are watching Lauren and Vito kiss and hug. Lauren says that she's the happiest she's ever been and wishes that Albie could just see that and be supportive.
DANIELLE
Danielle finishes her pedicure and tells her daughters that they are going for a little ride. Wait, were her daughters standing outside this whole time waiting for Danielle to get a pedicure. WTF? Anyhow, Danielle says that she just learned of Caroline's annual party. PLEASE tell me Danielle is not going over to Caroline's house. PLEASE. Jillian - her 11 year old - wisely tells Danielle that she shouldn't waste any energy on it. Amen, little one. Danielle says she never had a problem with Caroline until she called her GARBAGE.
CAROLINE
Jacqueline tells Caroline that Kim from Posche is at the party with her boyfriend. Caroline is surprised along with Jacqueline, that Kim would come knowing that there's an issue with Danielle and Caroline.
Teresa and Joe sneak in late. Teresa, Caroline, Jacqueline and Dina are all sitting at a round table. Kim (Danielle's bff from Posche) comes and sits with them. Teresa asks Kim if she's friends with Danielle anymore. Kim says that she doesn't even know Danielle well enough to call her a friend. Hmmm. Really??? That's not what you said when Danielle was in your store earlier today. Kim says that she's not her friend, but she's not going to tell her not to come in the store. It's about selling clothes, that's it. YIKES. Wait until Danielle hears this! Michael - Kim's boyfriend - is very clear about not liking Danielle and not wanting her anywhere near Kim. Dina looks really uncomfortable during this whole exchange. It's mostly Caroline, Teresa and Kim talking shit about Danielle. Well, not even talking shit. Michael is talking shit and Teresa and Caroline are just eating it up. Kim is just denying that she's friends with Danielle.
Danielle is upset and Christine is telling her to calm down. Danielle says that if they are thick as thieves why do they have to raise money for the sheriff's department. Huh? I don't get the question. Danielle wants to drive by to see how many people show up at Caroline's house to pay $1000/plate. WHY?? Don't do this to your kids.
Dina says that Kim and her boyfriend were wasted and it was like "Oktoberfest underneath that fuckin' tent." HAHA. They get to the bottom of why Kim doesn't trust Danielle and it comes out that Danielle owes Kim $400. Jacqueline doesn't know why so many people pick on Danielle. Teresa says that Danielle keeps doing the same things over and over again and she was glad Jacqueline was there to hear it. Teresa: "Danielle, you put the 'cunt' in 'cuntradiction'." Oh, Teresa.
Dina says that she was kind of annoyed because Kim is supposed to be Danielle's friend and she was just talking shit about her. Dina doesn't like the "two-faced" thing. Good for Dina.
Danielle is still on her way to drive by Caroline's house. Christine tells her MOM that she's messing herself up right now. My heart just goes out to those girls. I feel so sorry for them that Danielle is their mom. The two girls tell Danielle that she's going to make a jerk out of herself. Ouch. Christine says she's not going to support Danielle in this. Danielle keeps saying over and over that she doesn't care that she wasn't invited, but clearly she does. The girls tell her not to be a creepy stalker and that she should just go home. Danielle interviews that her kids' instincts are spot-on and she listens to them. AND, she says she wouldn't give Caroline the satisfaction of stopping by. WHATEVER. You were about to and were even in the neighborhood, but decided not to because your 15 and 11 year old BEGGED you not to because you were making an ass of yourself. Dumb.
This is going to be a good season!!
No comments:
Post a Comment