Last Season:
Vicki - Her "love tank" was empty and Donn wasn't doing it for her anymore. She totally humiliated him by calling him Mr. Vicki Gulvanson in front of friends.
Jeanna - She was a little lonely and had just started dating at the end of the season.
Lynn - She was the "airhead" who joined the case last season. She's SUPER laid back and "friends" with her kids. She also has a jewelry line.
Gretchen - Her sugar-daddy fiance, Jeff, passed away at the end of the season after a long battle with cancer. She bounced back and went wild.
Tamra - She's kind of the "mean girl" of the group. She got Gretchen "naked drunk" at her dinner party and then pawned her off on her over-excited son. At the reunion show, she accused Gretchen of cheating on her ailing fiance.
Now we're back!! Let's see what the ladies are up to this season.
VICKI
Vicki's kids are taking her SKY DIVING!!! Awesome. I would LOVE to do this with my mom. I just went for the first time over the summer and I think everyone should try it at least once. SO FUN!! Vicki tells us that she and her kids are doing great. They are finished with school and doing well for themselves and she's very proud. She should be. They are great kids. Michael can be a little too Frat Boy for me, but they're both good kids. Vicki is totally freaking out. She's such a drama queen. She's terrified. But, she did it. Awesome.
JEANNA
Jeanna is really suffering from the recession. The real estate market is BAD. Her income is WAY down and she's hurting for money. I guess she doesn't have any savings. She's talking to Colton and he's reprimanding her about her spending habits. She's selling her house for $5.5 million, but she's not sure it will sell.
TAMRA
Tamra is having a red carpet party for her daughter, Sydney's theater class. She's got a red carpet laid out and the other parents are paparazzi and people are screaming for them. Tamra's friend, Ricki, is there and they are joking around and they both mention "T-bagging" which is an "adult" word. Simon gets upset and tells them that they are being inappropriate. He has a point. Not ok for a kid's party. Simon continues to be a wet blanket the entire party. Wow...serious tension between Simon and Tamra. She hugs him and tells him to relax and he tells her not to tell him to relax. Everything she does irritates him. Not a good sign.
GRETCHEN
Gretchen is now dating Slade Smiley. You may remember him as Jo's ex-fiance from Season 1 and the guy who was banging ... er, I mean, dating Laurie in Season 2. Who names their kid "Slade". His name just sounds slimy. Gretchen says that she and Slade have been friends for 8 years. Then, one day, they asked themselves why they weren't dating, so they decided to date. Gretchen believes that Jeff - her late fiance - brought her Slade. Is she serious?? It's really hard to understand the "love" Gretchen had for Jeff. He was SO much older than she is and he got sick almost immediately after they started to date. I believe that she brought him joy at a time when he really needed it. She's fun, beautiful, young, outgoing. It probably made him happy to shower her with expensive gifts. But, I think she cared for him like a dad. I find it hard to believe that they were "intimate" that much since he got sick right away. I do believed she cared for him and loved him as a close friend or father figure. I just cannot believe she loved him like a real fiance. It's easy to profess your eternal love for someone who showers you with $$ and diamonds AND who you know is terminally ill. Hello?? Anna Nicole Smith?? I digress.
Slade and Gretchen are cleaning out the closet at Jeff's place. She has a crapload of stuff all in the garage and his kids probably told her to get rid of it! Slade calls it all junk and suggests they leave the garage door open and leave for a few hours. Heh. Gretchen interviews that she knows people will have an opinion about her dating so soon after Jeff's death, but she met Slade and they just fell in love. Um...I thought you "met" him 8 years ago, Gretchen. Details. She's hoping that this thing with Slade will last forever. Well, if she watched Season 1, she would know that Slade is looking for a step mother for his kids and he wants his wife AT HOME, cooking, cleaning and child rearing. If Gretchen is willing to do all of that AND look hot for Slade, I think it'll last.
LYNNE
Lynne's jewelry business is taking off. She's so busy that she had to hire a sales rep to help her out. Lynne was really affected by Vicki's comment last season that Lynne didn't really work. So Lynne has stepped it up a notch. She used to have her stuff at local boutiques, but now she's got her stuff at "Fred Segals" (it's actually Fred Segal, no "s". You should probably know the name since they are carrying your merchandise. Just sayin') and she's talking to Bloomingdales and other big department stores who have expressed interest. Lynne tells us that Frank, her husband, has had 2 of the roughest years in his construction business. I'm guessing that the Curtain family is living off of Lynne's "cuffs" and other jewelry. Whatever the reason for her stepping it up, good for her.
I still think Lynne has a few screws loose. She looks sort of "vacant" sometimes and her voice is monotone and she talks sort of slow. BUT, good for her for working hard and making her business work in this economy. (Tangent - I really hate "in this economy". My old boss used to use that as her excuse for cutting EVERYTHING. No more free lunch at mandatory meetings "in this economy". No more chocolate "in this economy". Must work weekends "in this economy". Bill more and I will pay less "in this economy". I can make your life a living hell "in this economy". So, I did the only logical thing...I quit "in this economy" and I'm SO much happier. Rant over.)
VICKI
Donn is cleaning the backyard and asks Vicki for some help. Vicki comes out in a satin, strapless dress and says she's got a nail appointment. Who gets their nails done in a satin strapless dress?? Donn says that last year Vicki was hard on him - which I can agree with. However, Vicki also has a point that Donn wasn't very affectionate with her, either. It's a vicious cycle. Who started it? It's a chicken/egg thing. They look like they are coming out of it. Vicki's tells Donn that they are doing better than last year when her "love tank" was empty. (She's actually scrubbing and cleaning with that damn dress on.) Donn: "I'm so tired of your damn tank." LOL. I love Donn. Vicki asks him if she can be done cleaning so she can get her nails done. To her credit, it did look like she actually did some cleaning. She seems a little more mellow this season. They interview that they took stock of their relationship and decided to make more of an effort. Vicki says that she wants Donn to be her husband for forever, so she's making an effort to be a better wife. :)
TAMRA & VICKI
New BFFs from last season, Tamra and Vicki, are having lunch at Picante's and they are still besties. They don't get to see each other that much, though, because Vicki is a workaholic and Tamra is busy...staying home. Vicki walks in with a 6 carat diamond ring. It's not one huge diamond. It's more like a wide band with diamonds all over it. According to Vicki, Donn got it for her. I guess this season, she's allowing him to take credit for things he buys her with her money. Community property, baby!! Vicki says that she and Donn are doing better and that marriage is a roller coaster and she's just riding the ups and downs. Tamra interviews that not having the money they used to have has created a lot of tension for her and Simon. No kidding. Tamra tells Vicki that she and Simon are having some issues. Vicki interviews that Simon is very controlling and that Tamra can't do anything without Simon knowing about it. Vicki asks Tamra if she's working at all and Tamra tells her the real estate market is just SO BAD. Then they wonder how Jeanna is doing. Vicki tells us she hasn't spoken to Jeanna in 6 weeks. Apparently 2 months ago, Jeanna asked Vicki if she could borrow some money and Vicki said no. Ouch. Maybe they just weren't very good friends. I feel like if one of my closest friends asked to borrow money and I had money to lend, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would know how hard it was to even ask! Vicki clearly has enough cash...the insurance business doesn't seem to be suffering at all from the recession. However, I also understand Vicki's perspective. Mixing friends and money is not always a good idea. PLUS, Vicki had that whole house snafu with Jeanna a couple of seasons ago.
The conversation turns to Gretchen. Both ladies say that they haven't spoken with her because they have nothing in common with her. Then Tamra asks Vicki if she saw all the naked pictures of Gretchen on the internet that came out over the summer. WHAT? Tamra says that there is a picture of Gretchen with a vibrator on a bed with a cord. Then, the best line ever "Holy Mother of Gynecology, who has a vibrator with a cord?" Yes, Tamra, because that's the disturbing part of the photo. Not that Gretchen is naked on the bed with a vibrator, but that the vibrator has a cord. Nice. Now they are talking about Gretchen dating Slade. Tamra calls Slade an opportunist - I mean, he HAS "bagged three housewives." They wonder who will be next on Slade's list and they both say it will never be them. Never say never...
LYNNE & TAMRA
Lynne and Tamra are at the Renaissance Club Sport to work out. Tamra tells us that she didn't really know Lynne at all last season but over the last 6 months, she's gotten to know her. She says that Lynne is quirky, funny and a little absentminded. Heh. Lynne says that she and Tamra have A LOT in common, you know, because they both like to work out and they are both moms. Huh? Anyhow, they've developed a friendship and work out together. Lynne and Tamra are with a trainer and they are using some machine-thingy. The whole time Tamra is whining that it's too hard and she's over it. Um, maybe you have a little less in common than you thought, Lynne.
They finish their workout and go outside to share some smoothies. Lynne tells Tamra that she has an appointment with a plastic surgeon because she doesn't like the non-existent jiggly thing under her neck. Can you say Anorexia Nervosa?? Seriously, I just learned about this. The excessive working out + the distorted body image = Anorexia Nervosa!! I don't exactly think Lynne is a pretty woman, but she's in great shape and looks great for her age. Considering she's the only one bringing home the bacon these days, I'm not sure she should be spending money on surgery she doesn't need. Lynne makes Tamra swear not to tell anyone...Um, Lynne, you're on TV. I'm pretty sure everyone is going to find out. The cameras aren't just for show...they work and they are rolling.
Lynne tells Tamra that she's inviting all the housewives to the St. Regis to do a trunk show and show off her bikinis, cuffs, belts, etc. Tamra says she'll go and that she doesn't have any issues with the housewives. Oh wait! Except Gretchen? Hello? Tamra interviews that she didn't have a problem with Gretchen. She believes Gretchen cheated on Jeff while he was ill, but if that's what Gretchen wanted to do it's her business not Tamra's. Tamra says that if Gretchen doesn't want Tamra involved in her life, then Gretchen shouldn't involve her. She's got a point. The only reason Tamra is a part of it is because Gretchen's other boyfriend CALLED Tamra!!
GRETCHEN
Gretchen is still living in Jeff's house. Maybe he gave it to her in his will. She tells us that after Jeff died, she was in a really dark place. It was her "Britney Spears shaved her head" moment. She was hanging with the wrong people...who apparently took really embarrassing and private pictures of her and posted them on the internet. [OK, I'm not a dog person, but do people really have car seats for their dogs?!?!?! She has two in the back seat! Am I crazy to think that is the most ridiculous waste of money?] Ok, now Gretchen is saying that when you lose the person you love, that you thought you would be with forever and have kids with, you kind of feel lost. I understand the sentiment, however, I fail to see how it applies to her. She and Jeff got engaged after he got sick and, as I understand it, he got sick only a couple of months after they got together. Plus, he was like 30 years older than she was. She could not have thought they were going to be together forever and have kids. Whatever. She just wants to make excuses for her going wild. I don't know why I'm so hard on her, I just think she's shady...with the cheating and the naked pictures. It's hard to feel sorry for her. I know it's hard to lose someone you care about and I'm sure she cared about Jeff, but I just don't buy that he was the love of her life. I might be wrong...but I doubt it.
Gretchen is now sitting on the beach with her dogs and crying about Jeff. She tells us that she has half of his ashes and his kids share the other half. She has them in an urn on a shelf that she's made into a mini-shrine to Jeff with pictures of the two of them. She's crying that she misses him and that he's the one person who she believed really loved her. I believe her. It's all very sad, but I think some of it is a little drama for the cameras. Sorry, I'm Team Tamra.
GRETCHEN & LYNNE
Gretchen and Lynne are meeting at some fancy pants place in the OC. Lynne tells Gretchen about her dinner party at the St. Regis and invites her. She tells her that Jeanna is coming, but she's not sure if Tamra is coming. LIAR! Tamra totally said she would be there. Gretchen asks Lynne if she's inviting Tamra to everything now and if Lynne and Tamra totally made up. Um, are these "ladies" in high school? Jeez. Lynne avoids the question and tells Gretchen that she and Tamra just go to the same gym. Lynne: "Let's just give her one more chance. Everybody deserves another chance." Gretchen is "frustrated" that Lynne is ok with Tamra. Then, Gretchen rehashes the drama of last season's reunion show where Tamra accused Gretchen of cheating on Jeff while he was sick. WHO CARES? Admit it and move on, Gretchen. Seriously!! No one believes you were in love with Jeff anyway. No one would be surprise. People would respect you more if you just admit it and move on. Then we see the clip of Tamra at the reunion show saying that some guy called her and told her that he was Gretchen's boyfriend. And he told her that Jeff was basically paying Gretchen to take care of him. That actually makes sense.
Back to present day, Lynne tells Gretchen she needs to be careful who she hangs out with because Gretchen makes bad choices. Yikes. Gretchen agrees. Ok. Lynne tells Gretchen that she made a really bad choice, but what really matters is how Gretchen feels about herself. Who cares what the others all think? She's got a point. Just live your life and ignore all the crap. Gretchen is determined to get Lynne on her side so she brings up how Tamra wrote that Gretchen and Lynne make her skin crawl. Lynne says she doesn't believe Tamra said that. She thinks it was someone else. I actually believe that Tamra would TOTALLY say something like that, but who the F cares??? Again, high school drama!! Gretchen says that she doesn't think it's right to be friends with someone who "has been so trashy to" your other friend. OMG. I feel like I'm watching the CW. Don't get me wrong, I love the CW, but on this show, it's kind of annoying. Gretchen agrees to come to the dinner that Lynne is throwing, but she'll leave if anything happens.
LYNNE
Alexa - Lynne's younger, high school daughter - has been modeling Lynne's bikini line. Is it just me or is it weird that Alexa walks out in the bikini and Lynne is like "That's going to look hot. Oh YEAH"? That's weird, right? I mean, she's her MOTHER. She could say "that's cute" or "that's flattering", but "that's gonna look hot"? Not appropriate. Then, Alexa goes out in front of the shop in her bikini ONLY and starts shaking her ass and encouraging people to come into the store. What? Lynne doesn't believe Alexa is doing it, but yet, doesn't got out there an pull her by her ear back into the store and demand she put some f-ing clothes on. No, instead, Lynne tells her she's paying her $10/hour. People in the OC are weird. Then Alexa says that for 2 hours, she gets $20 and Lynne says "that's right!!" and high fives her daughter. Really??? She's in HIGH SCHOOL! My GOD, who are these people?
THE ST. REGIS DINNER PARTY (WOOT!)
Lynne is setting up all of her flair.
Tamra is getting ready and excited to see all the housewives. She tries on a bunch of outfits. Simon tells Tamra her outfit is nice, not too much cleavage which he likes. Very conservative. Tamra tells him she'll call him if anything happens. Simon tells her to keep it classy.
Gretchen is getting ready at Jeff's...er, I mean, her house. Gretchen says she doesn't want to see Tamra but she's going to support Lynne. She will be a classy lady per usual (except for all the naked pics) until there's an issue.
Tamra shows up followed by Jeanna. Vicki comes next and Jeanna says she hasn't seen Vicki in a while. Then Jeanna tell us "When times get tough you really know who you're friends are." I guess that means if they don't give you money, they aren't your friend. Of course, Jeanna's interpretation is that Vicki saw that Jeanna was struggling and decided to focus on another friend. Actually, I usually like Jeanna a lot. But, I'm not sure I agree. I think Vicki had a lot of shizz going on with her marriage and just didn't have time to deal with Jeanna's mismanagement of funds issue.
But, Vicki is irritating, too. Don't get me wrong. When Lynne asks Vicki to wear one of her cuffs during the dinner party and Vicki says she prefers diamonds and the cuffs aren't really her style, I thought that was totally classless and rude. Then Vicki interviews that she doesn't really like "biker wear". Whatever. The "cuffs" aren't really my style either, but I'd wear one for a friend and I don't think they are biker wear. Then, Gretchen walks in. AWKWARD.
Gretchen and Tamra are not talking and it gets weird. It's Vicki and Tamra on one couch and Jeanna, Gretchen and Lynne on the other one. Vicki says to Tamra that it's weird that they haven't even acknowledged each other so Tamra waves and says hi. Gretchen responds the same way and now it's even more awkward. HIGH SCHOOL. Gretchen finally tells Lynne to show them her stuff and show them around. FINALLY. They are all trying stuff on and this is the exchange with Vicki and Tamra:
Tamra: (re Gretchen) She looks so pretty. Eww.
Vicki: To me she looks drop dead gorgeous. You don't think?
Tamra: NO.
Then they look at more cuffs and Vicki says they are growing on her. Vicki interviews that personally she doesn't like them but she's not going to say mean things because she (Lynne) is trying really hard. I just see Miss Piggy every time I look at Vicki.
Dinner time.
Jeanna tries to break the ice and says how nice it is that the hardest decision she has to make is what kind of wax job to get. WTF? Is Jeanna on drugs? They are all saying that you don't have to like one another you just need to respect one another...and not hurt each other. Gretchen says that always happens. So, Jeanna says that apologies help with that. And Gretchen says that she doesn't think some people at this table don't know how to apologize. OH GOOD LORD. That's it. Game on. Tamra says she would apologize if she felt she had something to apologize for. Then Lynne asks who at this table feels that someone owes them an apology. Gretchen says that they all owe each other an apology for how they treated each other. Now, it would have been great if they could each have acted like classy ladies and apologized to one another and enjoyed a lovely dinner. BUT, that didn't happen.
OK, here we go. Lynne says that it was all about this guy who called Tamra. Lynne again says that it was Gretchen's poor choice in men that got them there. And, Gretchen quickly says it was her poor choice of having that guy as her "friend". Gretchen says that if it's about the guy then Tamra should be mad at the guy not her. What? Vicki interviews that she and Tamra are tired of Gretchen having this good girl image when there's a lot of bad stuff about Gretchen that people don't know. LIKE WHAT??? TELL US!!! Tamra says that this guy did make her doubt everything and that everytime there's an apology, something goes wrong. Gretchen: (to Tamra) "Are you kidding? Every single time that you say you want a truce or you want to be friends and work it out, you go to the press and say something about me." Tamra insists she doesn't talk to the press, she just stays inside her house and takes care of her kids. They go back and forth and then nutball Lynne quiets everyone and says that she wants to know if Tamra said that Gretchen and Lynne makes her skin crawl. WTF?? Seriously, Lynne? NOW? Tamra denies it and says that Gretchen makes her skin crawl NOT Lynne. Ha! Lynne, satisfied, quietly continues to eat her dinner. Meanwhile, Tamra is yelling to Gretchen "You and SLADE make my skin crawl." Gretchen says that the way she read it, it said Lynne and Gretchen. Tamra says that's a lie. So, Gretchen says "Oh, so I'm a liar?" and Tamra says "Reputation, baby."
Jeanna interrupts Gretchen to tell her to pass along the maccaroni if she's going to eat it and Gretchen gives it to her. WTF? Lynne and Jeanna crack me up. They are just eating.
Tamra: (to Gretchen) All I have to do is look at the computer and everything is on there.
Gretchen: So you believe everything they say about y ...
Tamra: Well, when you're putting vibrators up your vajayjay and screaming and licking girls nipples...
Gretchen: OH PLEASE. So when everyone writes that you're a whore and you're losing your house, should I just believe it?
Vicki interjects and says that Gretchen is being mean. Then Tamra says: "You've got a bad reputation. You have a horrible, horrible, horrible reputaion." Gretchen asks her why she cares and Tamra says "Oh my God. The Hooker of Orange County. I don't want to be your friend." Jeanna stops eating for a minute and tells Tamra that what she said was hurtful.
Jeanna tells Tamra that she isn't being productive and Tamra asks for what. Tamra asks Jeanna if she's buying Gretchen's bullshit. Tamra gets upset that Jeanna is defending Gretchen. Gretchen tells Tamra to tell her to her face if she has a problem with her. Tamra says that she doesn't have a problem with her, she just doesn't like her and wants Gretchen to leave her alone. Then Gretchen asks why she keeps talking shit about her in the press. Tamra denies it and they go back and forth. Jeanna goes back to her dinner and eats. Tamra says that Gretchen is all over the internet with vibrators up her "hoohoo" and Jeanna says "So what? She's single. She's allowed." Then Tamra says "So what? She preys on old men." Oh dang! Gretchen tells Tamra that she is making shit up. Tamra says that Gretchen is always playing the victim. Gretchen says that this is her not playing the victim, this is her telling Tamra to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Snap.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I can't wait!! See you next week.
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